• Business Insider asked etiquette experts about the mistakes to avoid when hosting for the holidays.
• It's important to make sure everyone feels welcomed — even unexpected guests.
• Hosts should also ensure there is enough seating for everyone at the party.

Although hosting friends and family for the holidays can be fun, there's no denying that doing so also comes with its fair share of stress. Without proper planning, things can even get chaotic.

To avoid making etiquette mistakes in the process, Business Insider asked two experts to share the top mistakes they see people make when hosting. Here's what they said.

Don't chastise guests for bringing an unexpected plus-one

Diane Gottsman, a national etiquette expert and the owner of the Protocol School of Texas, told BI that hosts should never reprimand a guest for bringing an unexpected plus-one.

If this happens, she said to address the issue later — not in front of others.

"You don't want to reprimand the guest or the guest's guest in front of anyone. Later on, you can say, 'Sally, I wasn't expecting a plus one because it kind of put me in an awkward position with other people.' But you can say that privately at another time, not that night," Gottsman said.

Make sure there is enough seating for all guests

When it comes to seating, it's important to double check your head count and ensure everyone has a place to sit. Gottsman said this should also be done for more casual events like cocktail or dinner parties.

"You want to have enough seating for people," Gottsman said.

Avoid creating a chaotic environment

Etiquette and hosting expert Carla Shellis said another common mistake hosts make is not considering how they want their event or home to feel.

By yelling and scrambling to get things done at the last second, the host can unintentionally leave the space feeling more chaotic than welcoming.

Gottsman shared similar thoughts, telling BI, "When the doorbell rings with your first guest, you should not still be in your hair rollers, or lighting candles, or racing around talking about how busy you are."

To combat a chaotic situation, Shellis likes to play music, light candles, and clean the space before her guests arrive. She also gives herself plenty of time to get everything done so she doesn't have to rush.

Be cautious when serving alcohol

Shellis told BI that serving too much alcohol is an easy way to create unnecessary issues at a party. That's why it's important to ensure everyone is enjoying themselves in moderation.

For instance, Shellis said when people ask her if she has any more wine, she'll say no and redirect them by offering other beverages like iced tea or soda.

"For 30 years, I've been hosting parties, and I'm going to tell you there's nothing that will kill a beautiful environment quicker than somebody that's hammered and acting foolish," Shellis told BI.

• Job seekers may face 'love-bombing' from hiring managers during interviews.
• Love-bombing involves excessive praise to keep candidates interested without real intent.
• Experts advise setting expectations and keeping options open to avoid being manipulated.

If a hiring manager is excessively complimenting you and telling you you're the top candidate during an interview, you may be being "love-bombed."

The term originated as a way to describe the manipulative tactics some toxic people employ in romantic relationships to hook in their victims, showering them with affection, gifts, and promises for the future, only to later flip the script and show their real selves.

But the same pattern may apply to the workplace, too. Many job seekers complain of inconsistent behavior from hiring managers, CNBC reported, being flattered and praised one minute and ghosted the next.

"Love-bombing during job interviews happens all too often when recruiters or hiring managers want to keep you interested in them while they figure things out behind the scenes," Renee Barber, the global director of recruiting for TYR Talent Solutions who has over 20 years of experience in the recruitment industry, told Business Insider.

"They may overhype your chances to keep you interested," Barber said. "Especially if they're not ready to make a decision or they need to buy time without being direct about the actual situation."

Janine Chidlow, the managing director of EMEA at the global talent firm Wilson, told BI that love-bombing not only disrupts a candidate's career expectations "but also raises questions about organizational integrity and employer branding."

"This phenomenon isn't new," she said. "But its frequency and impact have surged."

How to recognize love-bombing

It's looking like the job market may see a boost next year. But white-collar hiring is still in a slump, with tech jobs being hit the hardest.

Love-bombing may serve as a "morale-booster" for both candidates and interviewers, Chidlow said.

Amanda Fischer, an executive leadership and career coach who is the founder of AMF Coaching & Consulting, said that some recruiters and hiring managers want everyone they are interviewing to feel optimistic about the role so they don't lose out on the best candidates.

They may also want to create a strong connection so the candidate to make them less likely to negotiate further.

"In this particular instance, that is a highly manipulative move," Fischer said.

It may not always be a scheme, though, and some recruiters and hiring managers may be love-bombing without realizing it.

"They could genuinely be excited about a candidate and might not see how the excessive compliments could backfire," Barber said.

There are plenty of ways to recognize love-bombing during the interview stages.

According to Barber, some signs are excessive compliments, like being told you're exactly what the company is looking for, or that you're the best candidate being interviewed, or being given unrealistic promises, such as if they talk about you "being a great fit for the team" or "starting soon" before they've actually made a decision.

Fischer told BI that pressure for a quick decision is also "a huge red flag."

"From my perspective, there are very few circumstances where you should accept a role the moment it's offered," Fischer said.

Barber agreed, adding that if there is a long delay or no communication after the interview, "it's a sign that the praise might have just been a way to keep you interested before they made their decision."

What to do about it

Love-bombing during the interview process is symptomatic of deeper issues in recruitment, Chidlow said.

"While it may yield short-term gains in market perception, the long-term costs — disillusioned candidates, damaged reputations, and high turnover — far outweigh the benefits," she said.

"By prioritizing transparency and respect, organizations can foster genuine connections with candidates, ensuring a healthier, more productive recruitment process."

If you think the person on the other end of the interview desk is love-bombing you, it's good to set expectations early, Barber said.

"Before you wrap up the interview, feel free to ask when you can expect to hear back and what the next steps are," she said. "This can help you keep track of the process and avoid getting strung along."

Barber also recommended following up after the interview, sending a thank-you email, and asking for feedback.

"This allows you to gauge whether the praise was sincere and whether the company is genuinely interested," she said.

"If something feels off, trust your instincts," Barber added. "If it all felt too polished or disconnected from your experience, be cautious."

Keeping your options open is also a good move because being in a stronger position yourself makes you less likely to fall for manipulative tricks.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket," Barber said. "Otherwise, you could be waiting around for a response that might never come."

• Dani and Evan Benton moved to Japan on a startup business visa in 2023.
• They bought an abandoned house for $6,500 and turned it into a guesthouse.
• The couple has also started a homestead with a farm and a beekeeping business.

After six years of running an urban farm and renting an Airbnb in New Orleans, followed by 15 months of travel and house-sitting around Mexico, Dani and Evan Benton were ready for their next adventure.

They knew they wanted to live a simple, rural life but still have access to modern amenities. Ideally, they would also be in an area with a nice climate where they could grow as much of their own food as possible.

Their goal had always been to start a homestead similar to what they had back in the US, and doing this in Japan seemed feasible, especially considering that the country has 8.5 million akiya, or abandoned houses, in rural areas for sale.

It helped that Evan also speaks Japanese, having studied the language in college.

Since they always loved old homes and were keen on the idea of renovating an akiya, they decided to take the plunge.

Applying for the startup business visa

In early 2023, the couple started working toward getting a startup business visa in Japan.

Their visa application required them to submit a proposal detailing their business plans.

In addition to their homestead — which would include honey production and a small-scale farming business — the couple also wanted to open a guesthouse. On the side, Dani, 40, was also planning to offer photography services.

They were drawn to Omishima island, which is over an hour away from Hiroshima airport, partially because it's one of the few areas where the startup business visa is offered.

"What the startup visa does is it encourages foreign people to move to Japan specifically to start small businesses," Dani, a professional photographer, told Business Insider. "You get residency, and you have six months to do things like open your bank account, incorporate your business, get everything funded, and obtain whatever licenses you may need."

One of the main visa requirements is that the couple invest at least 5 million Japanese yen, or around $32,450, into their business bank account or hire a minimum of two employees.

Their proposal was approved after a few revisions, and they were granted their startup business visas by the end of June 2023.

Transforming an akiya into a guesthouse

While they were sorting out their visa applications, the couple also purchased their first akiya, which would be turned into the guesthouse.

Their property-hunting process was smooth because they had been looking at listings even before they left the US. Their eventual plan was to have two akiya — one for the guesthouse and one as their own residence.

"We had a list of houses on Omishima that we wanted to check out in person when we finally made it here," Evan, 41, told BI.

While viewing an akiya — which they would eventually purchase as their residence — their real-estate agent showed them another akiya nearby that hadn't been listed online yet.

The latter was owned by a 75-year-old Japanese man who still lived in the neighborhood. His parents used to live in the house, but they died a decade ago. The house has been untouched ever since, and there were even pieces of furniture left behind.

"That ended up being the guesthouse that we bought," Evan, a former massage therapist, said. "We found our house first, but then we bought the guesthouse first."

They paid 1 million Japanese yen, or about $6,500, for their guesthouse.

"It's like the ultimate recycling project," Dani said. "It's literally saving a whole house and as much of the contents as we could."

Thankfully, the akiya was in pretty good condition, and they were able to live in it during the renovation.

"It was mainly cosmetic, so it was just a lot of things that took so much time to clean," Evan said.

The akiya even had a modern toilet that was already connected to the city sewage system.

"But we didn't have hot water for a long time, so while we were doing the renovation, we would have to go down to the public bath," Dani said.

The couple did the bulk of the work themselves and even documented the renovation process on their YouTube channel.

However, they did hire some contractors for assistance since they had a six-month deadline to get their guesthouse up and running.

"If we had had a whole year to do it, we could have done it ourselves," Dani said.

The couple says they spent about $19,000 on the akiya renovation and $5,000 on furniture, appliances, and other household items.

Guesthouse for rent on Airbnb

Dani and Evan aren't alone in being drawn to these old, vacant homes in the Japanese countryside. Due to the shrinking population and internal migration, Japan has millions of unoccupied houses in rural areas.

However, thanks to the low prices and the lack of restrictions on foreigners purchasing property, more and more foreigners are choosing to buy these old homes and breathe new life into them.

The couple's guesthouse is available for rent on Airbnb from 20,000 Japanese yen a night.

They hosted their first guests in November last year, and when their six-month startup business visa was due the following month, the couple obtained a business manager visa.

Omishima is in the middle of a series of six islands that are connected by a long suspension bridge known as the Shimanami Kaido, a famous biking route and tourist attraction.

There is a grocery store and a few local restaurants nearby, as well as a popular shrine and a samurai museum on the island, Dani said.

Like many places in Japan, Omishima is also very safe, Dani said: "We never lock our doors."

Now that the couple has gotten their guesthouse up and running, they'll be focusing their energy on turning the other akiya they bought — which is two minutes away — into their home.

"It was abandoned for 40 years, so it has a lot of work needed," Dani said.

In addition, they're working to establish their farm and honey production business.

"We enjoyed Mexican food and really missed it in Japan, so essentially, we're focusing on Mexican vegetables, growing tomatoes, tomatillos, and all kinds of hot peppers," Evan said.

As for honey production, the couple just harvested their first batch of honey from their 12 bee colonies, he added.

The couple has been living in Japan for almost two years, and the biggest lifestyle change they've noticed is that they're more connected with their local community than they were back in the US.

Not only do they know more of their neighbors, the couple also has closer relationships with them.

"Everyone lives in the same sort of concentrated area, and then they all go out to their fields and meet each other on the way," Evan said. "So we're always having saying hi to people in the street."

Have you recently relocated to a new country and found your dream home? If you have a story to share, contact this reporter at [email protected].