As a parent, you want to do your best. You focus on your child, ensuring they're emotionally safe, properly socialized, and academically challenged — anything to set them up for success.

It's hard to fathom a dark outcome: that your child would grow up to assassinate someone, or be accused of doing so.

That's what Luigi Mangione's parents experienced last week, as the 26-year-old accused killer of UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson was charged with murder as an act of terrorism. And the parents of 15-year-old Natalie Rupnow, who killed two and injured six others at a Wisconsin school before dying of a self-inflicted gunshot, according to police.

Working with parents who've watched their kids sink into dangerous behavior, family therapist Rachel Goldberg said it's very hard for them to heal. She said parents must strive to find self-compassion and "separate their identity from their child's actions," no matter how challenging.

Parents of shooters experience remorse and confusion

In her 2016 memoir, "A Mother's Reckoning," Sue Klebold, the mother of Columbine shooter Dylan Klebold, wrote about struggling to call her son a "monster" after he killed 13 people in 1999. "When I hear about terrorists in the news, I think, 'That's somebody's kid,'" she wrote in the book.

Peter Rodger, the father of Isla Vista killer Elliot Rodger, wrestled with similar confusion and guilt. He remembers sitting in horror, watching his son's retribution video, which he posted on YouTube before stabbing, shooting, and using a car to hit bystanders in 2014. "Elliot was far from evil," Rodger told ABC that year. "Something happened to him. He was the most beautiful, kind, sweetheart of a boy."

Such an event "forces us as parents to contend with our worst fears," Annie Wright, another family therapist, told Business Insider. "The lack of control, at some level, over who they become."

Mangione's family is wealthy and well-known in their community as the owners of a golf club and philanthropists. He attended the Gilman School, a prestigious private school in Baltimore, where he graduated as valedictorian and was described by his peers as "very social" and "very into sports."

Goldberg said that a parent's imagined worst-case scenario is usually that their child would become a lonely, unemployed adult living in their basement. If a child does the unthinkable, recovering as a parent can feel impossible.

Limits to a parent's control

Kids don't need to be out of the house to be mysteries to their parents. In the wake of the Wisconsin shooting, authorities are combing through Rupnow's online activity in search of a motive, finding a version of her life seemingly concealed from others, like her fascination with the Columbine shooters.

Once a child is over 18 and financially independent, parents' control over their lives becomes even more tenuous. In the Mangiones' case, their son stopped responding to messages for months before he was arrested.

For parents watching their adult kids slip into alarming behavior, their options are legally limited, Goldberg said. Often, their best defense is talking to their kid, but "it really depends how much their adult child is willing to let them in."

Wright said that involving third parties can help. Parents can try family therapy or find licensed professionals who can help manage their child's physical or emotional pain. Parents can also call their local authorities in extreme cases, such as when their child is in immediate danger or endangering someone else.

Goldberg said the best thing parents can do is know their child as well as possible and act when something feels off. "Don't wait until it gets really bad if you can possibly intervene earlier," she said.

Even then, sometimes, intervention falls short.

Rodgers, the Isla Vista shooter, was in therapy from the age of 9. Peter Lanza, the father of Sandy Hook shooter Adam Lanza, said his son had been assessed by mental health professionals multiple times.

Pain a parent can't fix

Loneliness and isolation can often be red flags when analyzing a child's behavior. Still, Mangione, who started a gaming club in college and was part of a fraternity, appeared surrounded by people.

This made it harder for him to disappear fully: In July 2024, when he cut off contact with his family, cousins and friends reached out on social media. In November, his mother filed a missing person's report in San Francisco, where Mangione has some relatives.

Despite his seemingly solid network of friends and family, Mangione had spondylolisthesis, a painful spinal condition. He frequented Reddit communities related to back pain, describing his symptoms as "absolutely brutal" and "life-halting." That can be isolating, Goldberg said.

"It is a very lonely place to be in pain all the time because you can't really be present with people," he added.

In 2022, when Mangione lived in a Hawaiian surf community, he experienced sciatica, debilitating nerve pain, in his leg. R.J. Martin, who owned the co-living space, told The New York Times that Mangione "knew that dating and being physically intimate with his back condition wasn't possible."

While parents can do a lot to relate to a child's pain, such as listening and doing their best to understand the nuances of what their child is going through, "empathy alone can't bridge every gap," Wright said.

Parents can still protect themselves

Goldberg's clients, particularly parents of kids with substance abuse issues, struggle to move past their guilt. Acceptance can take a lifetime.

"They live in fear of getting a phone call from the police or hospital; they question everything they have done," she said. "They often feel incredibly helpless and stuck."

Wright said the resulting grief from something like this can be "extraordinarily complex" and "often includes sorrow, not only for the victims and their families but for the loss of the child they thought they knew."

She suggested therapy and, for those with religious affiliations, seeking spiritual leaders they trust. Parents can feel so many conflicting emotions, and it's important to "allow these emotions to coexist without rushing to tidy them up," she said.

This is especially hard for the parents who felt they tried their best.

Upon learning of Mangione's arrest, his family released a statement contrary to the manifesto found with their son during his arrest. "We offer our prayers to the family of Brian Thompson, and we ask people to pray for all involved," they said. "We are devastated by this news."

Some parents try to find meaning in the tragedy. Klebold wrote her memoir and participated in press interviews. Chin Rodger, mother of Elliot, started speaking at threat assessment trainings. She hopes that people will get better at identifying the red flags of someone going through a mental crisis.

Still, some just wish it never happened. Adam Lanza's father blames himself for overlooking the warning signs. "You can't get any more evil," Lanza told the New Yorker in 2014. "How much do I beat up on myself about the fact that he's my son? A lot."

• In a personal essay, Lilly Jay, Ethan Slater's ex-wife, opened up about their divorce.
• In 2023, news broke that Slater was dating his "Wicked" costar, Ariana Grande.
• Jay said the movie's recent premiere reminds her of the saddest time of her life.

Lilly Jay, a perinatal psychologist and ex-wife of Wicked star Ethan Slater, has spoken for the first time about their break-up and being thrust into the spotlight.

In July 2023, rumors circulated that Slater was dating Ariana Grande, his "Wicked" costar, leading to Jay and Slater separating (though one source told People that Jay and Slater were already separated when the relationship began).

Jay published an essay in The Cut on Thursday, describing her experience in the aftermath of their divorce, which became official in September. She wonders whether it impacted her career, after she was passed over for a job and canceled on by a client.

Jay and Slater, who met in high school and started dating as college sophomores in 2012, had a son in August 2022. After the news broke of Slater and Grande's relationship, Jay told Page Six that Grande is "not a girl's girl" and that her family was "collateral damage." Since then, she refrained from divulging many details, including in her recent essay.

In her new essay, Jay did not speak directly about the details of Slater and Grande's relationship, including the exact timeline. Instead, she broke down how their very public divorce affected her, and the peace she's had to make with her life being less private since.

Grande and Slater did not immediately respond to Business Insider's request for comments.

She moved to the UK for Slater's career

Because "Wicked" was shot in the UK, Jay said that she moved to London with Slater when their son was two months old.

She said that she knew all about how vulnerable marriages are in the early stages of parenthood but still "confidently" moved for Slater's career.

"Consumed by the magic and mundanity of new motherhood, I didn't understand the growing distance between us," Jay wrote.

She feared experiencing postpartum depression and a general loss of control. Then "one day in London, I looked up and found that they had both arrived," she said, brought on by the "sudden public downfall" of her marriage.

The "Wicked" premiere was tough to deal with

The success of "Wicked," which premiered in November, makes it hard to avoid, Jay said. As does the extensive press around it, including a long list of brand collaborations.

Jay said that she still struggles with the reminders. "Days with my son are sunny," she said. "Days when I can't escape the promotion of a movie associated with the saddest days of my life are darker."

Grande has also spoken out about the relationship, referencing Slater in her last album. "It definitely doesn't get any easier," Grande told Vanity Fair in reference to dealing with tabloid rumors. Kristin Chenoweth, who originated Grande's "Wicked" role on Broadway and appeared in the film, also defended Grande. "Nobody ever knows what's going on for real," Chenoweth said.

She said Slater is a present father

Jay and Slater are now co-parenting their son, something Slater described as "an interesting thing to navigate."

Jay said they are both fully committed to being there for their child. "While our partnership has changed, our parenthood has not," she said. "Both of us fiercely love our son 100 percent of the time, regardless of how our parenting time is divided."

Despite her unique challenges in early motherhood, Jay said she is optimistic about her future with her son. "Slowly but surely, I have come to believe that in the absence of the life I planned with my high-school sweetheart, a lifetime of sweetness is waiting for me and my child," she said.

• Durelle and Samantha Bailey reframed how they set their New Year's resolutions.
• They hold an annual end-of-year meeting to workshop their goals together.
• They add them to a spreadsheet with deadlines and check in every week.

Durelle and Samantha Bailey used to struggle with accomplishing their New Year's resolutions.

Durelle, 30, told Business Insider that the married couple's goals felt too broad and left room for procrastination. Plus, having separate goals sometimes meant they weren't on the same page. While Durelle identifies as a saver, Samantha prioritizes spending money on travel.

Their careers inspired them to rethink how they set goals. Durelle, who is in the US Air Force, and Samantha, 30, who works as a recruitment marketing manager, saw how bigger organizations planned ahead with consistent cross-team meetings.

They realized that just like a corporation has multiple departments, their lives were also divided into categories like finance, travel, home, and professional advancement.

They held their first annual meeting in 2019, and have been hosting them every December since.

Durelle described it as a "game-changer." This year, they were able to hit their financial goal of collectively saving six figures. They also traveled more than they originally budgeted for, taking their dream trips to Greece, Switzerland, Italy, Nova Scotia, and Mexico while squeezing in smaller vacations.

They credit their end-of-year meetings. "Over the years, we've learned how to do them better," Durelle said.

They book a meeting room

The Baileys, who live in Washington, DC, always book a meeting room in a coworking space. It helps them get away from distractions at home, like their dogs. "It really locks us into what we're doing," Durelle said.

They each think of their goals a few weeks prior to the meeting. "We'll both take time to individually reflect on, 'Ok, what held us back this year? Were there some goals we didn't accomplish, and why?'" Samantha said.

Then they use the whiteboard to "brain dump everything we want out of the year ahead," she said, splitting the board into columns for different themes like "home" and "finance."

They bounce ideas off each other

As they share their ideas, they discuss them with each other before committing to real goals. Some goals need to be more specific, and others might not be feasible for the year ahead.

Because they know each other so well, they can tell when the other person is setting a benchmark that's too high. Samantha gave the example of Durelle aspiring to read three times as many books as he had the past year. "We've learned to be realistic so that you don't set yourself up to be discouraged," she said.

It also helps them work through goals that might clash, like simultaneously saving money and spending it on travel.

Sitting down and looking at the bigger picture helps them prioritize where their money goes, allowing them to strike a balance.

Once they've decided on their goals, they transfer them to a shared spreadsheet with deadlines (such as a month or within a quarter) per goal. They also include drop-down options for status updates, like "in progress" and "completed." It helps them stay accountable.

The couple blocks off dates and locations they want to travel to in advance, so they can budget and properly schedule time off for vacations.

"Being more specific about it has helped make them a reality," Durelle said.

They check in throughout the year

In addition to the spreadsheet, the couple hosts "life meetings" every week in their home to check in on their progress. They use the time to update the spreadsheet and talk through any obstacles. They also hold larger monthly meetings "just to kind of continue strategizing and making sure we're on track," Samantha said.

While it requires effort and consistency, the couple enjoys the sessions. "Just have fun with it — it's not meant to be stressful," Durelle said. The point is to find more direction for the year.

The couple says the routine meetings have helped them grow in their marriage. The Baileys were married at 22 and lived "paycheck to paycheck," Samantha said.

"This has really taught us to be intentional about our lives," she said. "When you have a plan and you're realistic about your goals, you can achieve them."

• Like regular body language, digital body language refers to what's unspoken in texts.
• It includes how often a person texts as well as how even a conversation feels.
• A dating expert shared the digital body language signs someone is interested in you.

Conversations on dating apps can be tricky to navigate.

Is it a red flag if a new connection takes three days to respond? Is a text paragraph vulnerable, or self-centered? Does replying with a lone "k" really mean someone hates you?

Logan Ury, the director of relationship science at Hinge, told Business Insider that this is what's known as digital body language (DBL), and it isn't much different from in-person body language, conveying what is unsaid.

Ury said DBL includes "how long somebody waits to respond, whether or not they double-text, what punctuation they use, and if they use emojis."

From her internal research at Hinge, she's learned that users — particularly Gen Zers — rely heavily on DBL to quickly gauge a match's interest in them. Among those daters, there are some widely agreed-upon indicators that a person isn't actually into you, even if they technically always respond to your texts.

To prevent wasting your time on a confusing situationship, "you want to be good at deciphering somebody's DBL," Ury said. She added that it's important to be aware of how you come off when you do like someone, so that they're "not misinterpreting how you feel about them."

She shared some digital body language signs that someone's not really interested in you.

They always respond, but never consistently

Healthy relationships are built on trust and communication. Naturally, daters look for signs of it from the very first message.

According to a 2024 Hinge report surveying 15,000 Gen Z users, Ury said users have a 44% higher chance of getting responses when they answer messages within 24 hours. Their matches sense more seriousness.

This goes beyond the first few messages. She said 76% of users also look for message consistency. Someone who texts for hours one day but then is MIA for three is widely considered as disinterested.

Because of that, she discourages matches from "playing it cool" or delaying responses when they really like someone. "It's much better to just not play games and respond quickly because those people are more likely to get onto dates and into relationships," she said.

Your text bubbles are imbalanced

Deep relationships require reciprocity and a sense of evenness. Beyond timing, Ury said the flow of conversation is a big sign of how interested someone is in you.

But it's about more than just taking turns hitting each other up, Ury said. "For iPhone users, there needs to be that mix between blue and gray" text bubbles, she said. That includes the match "leading with a question and then offering answers that build conversation," she said.

If they write you walls of text without asking anything back, it doesn't indicate that they're interested in knowing who you are. Ury has a term for these people: "ZQ," or "zero questions." ZQs indicate a lack of genuine curiosity to learn more about you, she said.

They're 'bad' at texting, but don't connect in other ways

Not everyone loves texting a lot — plenty of people prefer calls or simply can't be on their phones during the work day.

Ury said that if they're interested, they should be communicating with you about how they want to stay in touch. If they're offline during the workday, they should be transparent about that — and find other ways to share that they're thinking of you, such sending voice notes, memes, or photos of their day.

But if they don't make an effort to be clear about liking you, it comes off like they're not that interested in you.

It's why Ury emphasizes meeting in real life quickly if you hit it off with someone: digital body language isn't a science, and sometimes it's worth having conversations around communication differences.

Plus, the better way to confirm if someone likes you is to meet them in person.

"You need to get to the date as soon as possible," she said. "You don't know if somebody's in-person vibes will match their digital body language."

• When Victoria Lamson's son was 10 months old, she took him on a trip to Ireland, the UK, and France.
• She and her husband planned ahead, investing in a sturdy stroller and calling hotels in advance.
• For the most part, they felt Europe was more child-friendly than the US.

When my husband and I first announced that we were bringing our 10-month-old son with us on a two-week European vacation, we got very mixed reviews.

Some friends and family said our timing was perfect: Deacon wasn't walking or talking yet, so it'd be easier to travel with him. Others thought it was a big mistake. Lugging around a stroller and dealing with tantrums — all while navigating unfamiliar cities — seemed miserable to them. Plus, they told us, Deacon would be too young to remember any of it. What was the point?

But even before I became pregnant, Mike and I agreed that we didn't want to isolate ourselves like so many newborn parents do. While we didn't know what to expect with our first child, we wanted to include him in our normal travel plans rather than living a strictly child-focused lifestyle.

We started small. One of our first excursions was a road trip from our home in San Francisco to visit family in LA when Deacon was two months old. As he got a little older, we saw that Deacon is a very chill individual. He rarely fussed and easily napped in his stroller.

So in 2019, we planned a trip to Ireland, the UK, and France. While it required a little more planning and was slower-paced than vacations before parenthood, it became one of our favorite ones.

A little prep made the trip smoother

When we went on our LA road trip, we invested in a Babyzen Yoyo stroller, made by a French brand. While it cost around $450, which is on the pricey end, it was worth it: it smoothly rolls over cobblestone streets and easily fits into an overhead bin. Six years later, we still use it with our second baby.

To set us up for success, I called some services in advance. Most long-haul flights offer limited bassinets for babies in rows with extra space, but those seats usually need to be reserved ahead of time. I also reached out to our hotels to make sure they had cribs they could bring out, and a car service in Dublin — our first destination — provided us with a car seat suitable for an infant.

The only unexpected snag was using my breast pump abroad. Because Deacon was older and already eating solid foods, my milk supply was lower and I didn't really need the pump as much. Still, as a first-time mom, I brought it because it's recommended by pediatricians to continue pumping for a full year and I wanted to do everything right.

I had a European outlet adapter, but I forgot about the wattage differences. When I plugged the pump in, it got completely fried. Luckily, I had Deacon with me for those few weeks and could make more stops to breastfeed him.

Europe was more child-friendly than home

Overall, Europe was very kid-friendly. London was easy to stroll through and full of parks we could stop at with Deacon.

We also didn't feel out of place bringing a baby to an Irish pub, even on St. Patrick's Day. Culturally, it's more of a norm to bring kids to bars and other "adult" spaces in Europe than it is in the US.

Out of everywhere we went, Paris was the hardest place to navigate; due to the city's style of architecture, we had to climb spiral staircases in bistros and brasseries when changing diapers. Still, the culture made us feel welcome. Our hotel surprised us with a beautiful crib and a teddy bear for Deacon.

It was such a stark difference from San Francisco. More often than not, there isn't a changing table in the bathroom. And when you can find one, it's only in the women's restroom, as if it's not also a father's responsibility to care for his child.

In contrast, we went to a very old restaurant in a small Irish seaside town. When I walked into the tiny bathroom, I was surprised to find fold-away changing tables in all the stalls.

Europe's positive attitude toward children and families is such a big draw. Even slight accommodations make such a huge difference when we travel.

We did everything we wanted

The experience taught us that we don't have to put our lives on hold with kids. When Deacon got sleepy on the trip, we just bundled him up in his stroller and used the opportunity to relax at a cafe.

After Europe, we went to a family timeshare in Tulum, Mexico at the end of 2019 — another wonderful vacation. In 2022, we took Deacon with us on a road trip around Atlanta, Savannah, and Charleston.

While it's tougher to travel with two kids now — our 17-month-old daughter is less easygoing than Deacon was at that age — we still take staycations and go out with our children.

Looking back, going to Europe was more fun because Deacon was with us, not in spite of it. It felt so special to have him with us, and we'll always hold on to those memories of early parenthood very fondly.

• Luigi Mangione, charged with killing the CEO of UnitedHealthcare, had a lower back condition.
• Spondylolisthesis occurs when one vertebra in your spine slips out of alignment.
• Mangione seemingly frequented a subreddit for the condition and wrote about symptoms.

Luigi Mangione, the 26-year-old man charged with killing UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson, suffered from a spinal condition.

Mangione's social media accounts included several references to back pain. On X, Mangione's banner included an X-ray image of a spine after a spinal fusion.

On his Reddit account, he posted in a subreddit for spondylolisthesis, a lower back condition most often caused by joint deterioration. Mangione also mentioned he had spondylolisthesis in handwritten notes from 2019 reviewed by Business Insider.

Spondylolisthesis can cause pain and stiffness

According to Cleveland Clinic, spondylolisthesis is usually caused by aging (as the discs holding the vertebrae weaken) or injuries.

It is a condition when one of the bones in the spine falls out of alignment and "presses down" on the vertebra below it. That pressure on nearby nerves can cause lower back pain.

Other symptoms include sciatica (nerve pain that runs down from the lower back to the legs), back stiffness, numbness, and difficulty walking.

Not everyone needs spinal fusion surgery to realign their vertebrae; depending on the severity of the symptoms, rest, physical therapy, and wearing a brace can help reduce pain, as can taking over-the-counter medications when symptoms flare up.

Mangione had sciatica, a common symptom

In 2022, Mangione moved to a co-living space in Honolulu called Surfbreak. According to a Reddit post, he experienced sciatica, nerve pain that runs down from the lower back to the legs, for the first time after a surf session. "A few weeks later I slipped on a piece of paper and my right glute locked and right leg shut down for a week," he wrote in 2022. "Couldn't support any weight on it."

Prior to his back surgery in 2023, Mangione also described having "near-constant burning/twitching in both ankles/calves" and "back and genital pain" on Reddit — symptoms of sciatica.

R.J. Martin, who owns Surfbreak, told the New York Times that shortly after moving in, Mangione experienced such debilitating pain from a group surfing lesson that he needed Martin to switch out his mattress.

Mangione also told Martin that his condition prevented him from being in a romantic relationship.

"He knew that dating and being physically intimate with his back condition wasn't possible," Martin said. "I remember him telling me that, and my heart just breaks."

At first, the back surgery seemed to improve Mangione's symptoms — he posted in 2023 that it was a "success." But by June 2024, he started criticizing doctors online and eventually lost touch with friends and family.

According to Mayo Clinic, spinal fusion surgeries for spondylolisthesis "can have very good outcomes when performed well and for the right reasons."

• Lindsey C. Gibson, a psychologist, coined the term "emotionally immature parents."
• She said there are 4 types, from reactive and critical to passive and emotionally absent.
• Most parents fall into one type, and all types can negatively impact kids in the long term.

Relationships with parents or caregivers can be strained for many reasons. If you feel like you can't connect with your parent or like you're walking on eggshells around them, it's possible they're emotionally immature.

Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson, a clinical psychologist, coined the term in her bestselling book, "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents."

While these parents are sometimes labeled as "narcissists," Gibson previously told Business Insider that she finds the label too broad and unhelpful.

Instead, she told BI that emotionally immature parents generally "show problems with being egocentric" and deal with conflict by "denying, dismissing, or distorting anything they find unpleasant." They also struggle with self-reflection and empathy, which makes it hard for them to really bond with their kids.

These relationships can be confusing because these parents are often not all bad, she said. They can meet your physical needs, such as taking care of you when you're sick or offering lots of financial support. But emotionally, they fall short.

Gibson said there are four types of emotionally immature parents. While a parent can be more than one type, she said that most tend to fall into one category. She defines each type by the parent's "unique methods of coping with emotion and stress."

She shared the four types as well as the effects emotionally immature parents have on their kids.

1. Reactive parents

Reactive parents struggle to regulate their emotions. They can appear volatile and erratic, getting angry or upset over issues you wouldn't expect them to. Gibson refers to reactive parents as "emotional parents" because they behave like they're ruled by their feelings.

"They make life so unpleasant when they get upset that people start involuntarily automatically thinking twice before they speak or do something," Gibson said.

Kids of parents like these often grow up to be people-pleasers, always on the lookout for potential conflict that they might need to stamp out. They may also have a hard time setting boundaries or even disentangling their feelings from their parents'.

2. Highly critical parents

Highly critical parents are perfectionists who nitpick at everything their child does. Gibson also calls them "driven" parents, because "they're always going after something."

In childhood, they may pick apart your grades or gymnastics performance. In adulthood, it can evolve into judging your job, lifestyle, or appearance.

"They can be very pushy and very controlling," Gibson said, not caring about the impact their words have on you. "It's coming from a belief that in order to be anybody or accomplish anything, you've got to really have that drive and keep on trying to be perfect, otherwise you're likely to be a total failure."

Kids of these parents can end up burning out or choosing careers they don't like, simply because their parents would disapprove of their passions.

3. Passive parents

Passive parents are often the more "fun" parents. In fact, they tend to be the most emotionally present out of all four types, Gibson said. They're at their best when they're playing a game with you or taking you to an amusement park.

"The problem is that they are just kind of passive in their role as a parent," Gibson said. When faced with more challenging aspects of parenthood, like pushing back if their spouse screams at their child, they step back. They might literally leave the room as abuse happens.

"They don't seem to feel that protective need to step in to help the child," Gibson said.

When their child exhibits any uncomfortable emotions, such as anger or fear, the passive parent doesn't comfort or even acknowledge them. They might even deny a child's abuse allegations because it would complicate the family dynamic to confront the other parent or another relative.

It makes it hard for their kids to have healthy relationships later in life. They learn to hide their feelings and receive no guidance on how to resolve conflict effectively, Gibson said.

4. Emotionally absent parents

Emotionally absent parents act like their child doesn't exist. Gibson calls them "rejecting" parents because they're unable to respond to their child's emotional needs or bids for attention.

"That child feels not important enough to command the parent's attention," she said. It can cause issues in a child's self-esteem.

Because these children are so frequently ignored, she said they can later date narcissistic people who finally give them the focus they've always craved. They're so used to accepting the bare minimum from people that they might not have high standards for their partners or friends.

Dealing with emotionally immature parents

If you recognize your parent in any of these, there are a few things you can do to become less enmeshed.

You can set boundaries with a parent by slowing down your speech and calmly restating your needs. If you have the kind of parent who always criticizes you, you can practice the "gray rock method," giving unemotional, neutral responses to keep drama at bay.

If those tactics are too challenging or you feel unsafe around your parent, you can consider lowering your contact or completely cutting ties.

Even if it's tough at first, it's always possible to break the cycle by standing your ground and focusing on healthier relationships in your life.

• In 2000, Tommy Caldwell and three other climbers were kidnapped in Kyrgyzstan.
• They escaped after Caldwell pushed a guard off a cliff.
• Caldwell said that his long climbing career prepared him for high-stress situations.

In "The Devil's Climb," a National Geographic documentary, famed rock climbers Tommy Caldwell and Alex Honnold ("Free Solo") break a world record by climbing a treacherous Alaskan mountain in under 12 hours. At one point in the film, Caldwell talked about how dealing with past adversity helped him persevere through an Achilles injury.

One incident in particular came to mind: the time he and three other climbers were kidnapped in Kyrgyzstan and held hostage for six days.

At age 21, it was his first big international trip as a climber — one cut short when a small war broke out between armed rebels and the Kyrgyz government.

Caldwell said his group went without food or water for the entire time. They also witnessed murder.

Then, he saw an opportunity for escape: the kidnappers split up, with one assigned to guide the four climbers to a new location. Caldwell pushed him off a cliff.

"He fell 20 or 30 feet, bounced off a ledge, and then we just saw him disappear into the blackness," Caldwell said in the film. "I figured in that moment that I just killed someone." (In 2003, Outside reported that the man survived the fall).

The group ran to a nearby military base, where they were rescued and sent home. Caldwell told Business Insider that he "just didn't experience trauma the way that a lot of people would expect" from the kidnapping.

He told BI that he's learned two major things about trauma and high-stress situations since that day 24 years ago.

Climbing prepared him for high-stress situations

Looking back, Caldwell believes his childhood eventually set him up to handle difficult situations like the kidnapping more calmly — specifically by managing his emotions and making quick decisions in high-stress situations.

Caldwell's father, Mike Caldwell, was a bodybuilder, mountain guide, and rock climber. Caldwell said his father took him climbing from a young age, which introduced him to hazardous situations early in life. The experience instilled in Caldwell that "adversity brings out the best in us."

He likened training resilience to building muscles: it requires consistent practice. "You just expose yourself to minorly traumatizing things at a slightly increased dosage over time," he told BI. "That gets you used to it."

Making a hard decision gave him control

Caldwell still wonders why his kidnapping experience hasn't negatively impacted him more. After reading "Waking the Tiger," a 1997 book by psychotherapist Peter Levine, he found one possible explanation.

One of Caldwell's big takeaways was that people who cope with trauma the best are the ones who find ways to regain control in a dangerous situation.

"In Kyrgyzstan, I was the one who made the hard decision," he said. "I was the one that decided to get us out of there by pushing this guy off a cliff."

Even though he believed he killed a person at the time, Caldwell said that making the choice also "psychologically added power."

The experience boosted Caldwell's belief in himself. "Now I know if I'm in a hard situation, I can do the right things to get out of it," he said.

• Hannah Neeleman, known as Ballerina Farm online, recently bought land with her husband.
• The couple got 14 acres in Kamas City, Utah, with plans to turn it into an "educational center."
• They hope to build a farm, garden, creamery, cafe, and event space.

Hannah Neeleman, famously known on social media as Ballerina Farm, has popularized the trad-wife lifestyle by documenting her family of 10 in rural Utah online.

According to the New York Times, she has more than 22 million across social media platforms, surpassing other homemaking personalities like Martha Stewart and Joanna Gaines.

Soon, fans who watch her homesteading ways on their phones will be invited to experience it in real life.

Neeleman and her husband, Daniel Neeleman (the son of JetBlue founder David Neeleman) plan to expand Ballerina Farm — beyond the screen.

The Times reported that the Neelemans bought 14 acres of land in Kamas City, Utah, which they plan to turn into "an educational farm complete with animals, a visitor center, a restaurant, and an event space to attract day-trippers."

Their center will be part of a 129-acre land annexation in Kamas.

The region is hoping to attract more tourists

Located near Park City and Salt Lake City, Kamas City has long been seen as a rural "supply station." According to KPCW, a local news outlet in Park City, the Neeleman proposal "could be the most visible example of 'agricultural tourism' in the valley, where farms generate income with visitors."

The Neelemans plan to include livestock pastures, chicken coops, orchards, gardens, a creamery, a farm store, and an event space. At the center, visitors will be able to buy meat, butter, and ice cream produced on the farm.

As more millennials are drawn to homesteading, the center is expected to attract tourists, particularly those who follow the Neelemans online.

• A study found older couples living apart experienced more mental-health benefits than single people.
• A dating expert said older people tend to be more independent and set in their ways.
• Being open to living apart also widens the dating pool, particularly for older women, she said.

Moving in together is one of the biggest relationship milestones. How well you blend into one unit often precludes other big changes, including getting married or raising kids.

But for older couples, there's another appealing relationship setup: living apart, together — also known as LAT.

A new study found that couples living apart experienced more mental-health benefits than single people. The study examined data gathered on over 15,000 British people between 60 and 85 years old and found that while LAT relationships didn't confer more mental-health benefits than being married, people who exited LAT relationships had fewer negative mental-health consequences than couples who divorced or left a shared home.

Ury, the director of relationship science at Hinge and an on-air expert in Netflix's "The Later Daters," told Business Insider that she's been seeing this trend thrive.

"They're like, 'I have my house set up the way I want. You have your house set up the way you want,'" Ury said. "'Why don't we be in a long-term relationship, but we don't need to live together?'"

It's not just logistical. Ury said living apart, together has a ton of perks — particularly for older daters.

It widens your dating pool

If you're comfortable living in separate homes, it can broaden your dating options. You can manage differences in social lives or hobbies more easily by living independently than by trying to find someone who matches your lifestyle.

Ury said this is appealing to older daters. When you're younger and looking to start a family, "you want someone maybe with the same religion, the same lifestyle, the same education," she said.

But for older daters who aren't looking to raise kids together, ticking off all those boxes is often less important. Living apart allows each person to live in their own world — and that could be a boon for some relationships.

You don't have to compromise as much

LAT gives couples the opportunity to keep living how they want, with the benefit of romantic companionship.

The study's authors concluded older women would likely benefit the most from the arrangement. Women often take on more domestic labor in marriage or cohabitation, so they "may have more to gain than older men from LAT" by having more autonomy, they wrote.

Ury said it makes sense that older women are drawn to LAT. Her research shows older daters typically have a "stronger sense of self" than younger people. She added that older people have reported having more satisfying sex because they know their bodies better and are more capable of asking for what they want.

Knowing yourself also makes it harder to compromise, whether it comes to sharing a bedroom or eating the same meals. "People are stuck in their ways, Ury said. "They're less flexible and they have their ways of doing things."

Ury said younger couples are like startups that grow together, whereas couples are more like mergers. "Mergers are notoriously hard because each one has their own HR department, their own CEO," she said. "It can be hard to blend those things."

• Tommy Caldwell, a world-famous climber, injured his Achilles tendon in 2022.
• It took him two years to fully recover, which involved taking a break from climbing.
• He eventually bounced back and broke another climbing record with climber Alex Honnold.

In 2022, world-famous climber Tommy Caldwell was feeling great on a climb in Yosemite National Park. When he fell and popped his Achilles tendon, he wasn't too worried.

"At first, I didn't understand the severity of the injury," Caldwell, 46, told Business Insider. "I've always been a fast healer."

This wasn't the first setback of Caldwell's career. In his 20s, in 2001, he accidentally sawed off part of his left index finger when building a platform. Still, he rose to fame breaking multiple free climbing records. He told BI the comeback was one of "the more uplifting experiences" of his life.

But this time was different.

It was a longer recovery process, one that took two years to fully heal and involved taking breaks from his usual 12-hours-a-day climbing routine, which impacted his muscle mass.

"I was a little bit worried that I was losing my fitness," Caldwell said.

Within a year, he healed enough to climb again — and break another record. In the National Geographic documentary "The Devil's Climb," Caldwell and "Free Solo" star Alex Honnold were the first climbers to ascend all five peaks of The Devil's Thumb, a hazardous mountain range in Alaska, in one day.

He shared some tips for bouncing back, from doing more cross-training to eating more protein.

He cross-trains with biking and light weights

Due to his age, Caldwell believes "strength training is a little bit more important" to build muscle mass.

Climbing naturally strengthens muscles, such as using hang boards during training. Additionally, Caldwell lifts "relatively light weights" to prevent injury and works with a physical therapist to address issues like lower back pain.

He also loves biking: in "The Devil's Thumb," he and Honnold biked from Colorado to Canada to take a boat to Alaska before the big climb. Caldwell said this was an important part of his recovery process leading up to the endeavor, because "I knew that to make my tendons truly healthy, pumping a lot of blood through my body."

He usually does an hour of cardio (like biking) before his daily climb. He said that frequent movement helps him feel his best, especially when he's outdoors for most of the day.

"That's the main lifestyle habit that seems to keep me feeling youthful and energetic and strong," he said. "Just getting up and doing it."

He eats more protein than he used to

Caldwell used to be a vegetarian but said it "didn't work great" for him in terms of getting enough protein.

"Now I'm in a phase where I'm relatively protein-heavy," he said. He starts mornings off with oatmeal and flax seeds, as well as eggs. Because his kids love meat, he has it for dinner about 3 to 4 times a week. He also eats mostly minimally processed foods, including a lot of vegetables.

He said eating more protein and whole foods has helped with even small climbing issues, like the skin on his fingertips healing faster.

"Nutrition can affect that a lot," he said. "Eating fish oils and leafy greens and just drinking enough water is a pretty big deal."

He said he takes supplements like creatine, which helps build muscle. "I've never been hugely scientific about that stuff, I'm always sort of dabbling," he said. Caldwell also has a partnership with Elo, a personalized nutrition brand. Using blood work and data tracking, he said Elo makes him custom vitamins and protein supplements.

He prioritizes life outside of climbing

Caldwell said that the most important thing he could do for this injury was "to just chill out."

Normally, he would deal with climbing injuries by going to a lot of physical therapy. But in this case, it was counterproductive. An Achilles tendon injury required rest, and "I tried to actively heal it, which led to more ruptures," he said.

To climb well again, he had to put it on hold. "Overall, I was surprised my morale didn't suffer more," he said.

A huge part of his emotional recovery was finding joy outside of climbing, such as spending more time with his family. "It was the first time in my life that I realized that I love climbing, but I don't need it for my happiness," he said.

• The FDA said organic eggs sold in some Costcos are being recalled for Salmonella concerns.
• Handsome Brook Farms found that eggs not intended for distribution were packaged and sold.
• No illnesses have been reported so far. Salmonella can cause hospitalization.

It's time to check your fridge if you picked up organic eggs during your last Costco run.

Due to Salmonella concerns, organic eggs sold at Costco are being recalled in five states.

On Wednesday, the Food and Drug Administration announced that 10,800 retail units of 24-count organic eggs sold under Costco's Kirkland brand are being recalled.

The announcement came after Handsome Brook Farms, based in New York, determined that eggs "not intended for retail distribution" were packaged and sold in 25 Costco stores starting on November 22.

The recall specifically applies to Costco organic eggs with the Julian code 327 and a "Use By" date of Jan 5, 2025. The eggs were recalled from Costcos in Alabama, Georgia, North Carolina, South Carolina, and Tennessee.

So far, the FDA said there are no illness complaints. Salmonella symptoms usually include diarrhea, stomach cramps, and fever and some past Salmonella outbreaks led to hospitalizations.

The FDA said that in rare cases, Salmonella can be fatal in very young children, older people, and those with weakened immune systems.

• Billboard used a clip from Ye's 2016 music video "Famous" to recap Taylor Swift's career.
• The clip featured a nude wax figure of Swift lying in bed with Ye and other celebrities.
• After backlash from fans, Billboard apologized for including it.

Over the past few months, Billboard has revealed its rankings for the best pop artists of the 21st century. On Wednesday, Billboard announced that the No. 2 spot belongs to Taylor Swift and published an Instagram video recapping her career.

While some Swifties were disappointed to see her in second place, the real backlash against Billboard involved a short clip within the video.

Referencing a yearslong feud between Swift, Ye (formerly known as Kanye West), and Kim Kardashian, the clip featured the infamous wax figure of Swift in Ye's 2016 music video "Famous." In it, Swift's figure is nude and lying in bed next to Ye and other celebrities.

The backlash from fans prompted Billboard to remove the clip from its video and apologize to Swift on Wednesday.

The inclusion of the clip, which critics have described as "revenge porn," prompted fierce criticism on social media. On X, Swifties started the hashtag #BillboardIsOverParty, a nod to #TaylorSwiftIsOverParty in 2016 (also connected to "Famous.")

'Famous' ignited Swift and Ye's ongoing feud

In 2016, Ye released "Famous," which featured the lyric, "I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex / Why? I made that bitch famous." The lyric referenced the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards when Ye stormed the stage and said Beyoncé should have won the Best Female Video award instead of Swift. The "Famous" music video included the naked figure of Swift.

After Swift disputed Ye's claim that she approved the lyric, Kardashian (at the time married to Ye) posted short clips of a phone call between Swift and Ye, showing Swift approving of the line "I feel like Taylor Swift might owe me sex."

Swift was called a snake on social media, and the incident partly inspired her 2017 album, "Reputation."

The feud was reignited a few times: first in 2020 when a longer clip of the phone call revealed Swift being opposed to Ye using the word "bitch." The next time was in 2024 when Swift released several tracks about Ye and Kardashian in "The Tortured Poets Department."

Swifties united with other fans

Many Swifties were angered by Billboard using the clip. X user @ryoqko referred to the move as "Just nasty, disrespectful and unprofessional."

Fans of other top artists, such as Ariana Grande, Britney Spears, and Nicki Minaj, also tweeted at and about Billboard.

Swift's fan base has a history of banding together for a cause. When Ye surpassed Swift as Spotify's top global artist, Swifties collectively streamed Beyoncé's "TEXAS HOLD 'EM" to push Ye out of the No. 1 spot.

• Many parents struggle with putting their smartphones down and paying full attention to their kids.
• Glassdoor CEO Christian Sutherland-Wong told CNBC that he stays offline around his children.
• He only works in his home office, going in there for emergency calls or after his kids go to bed.

Teens aren't the only ones who are heavily enticed by smartphones; plenty of parents struggle to put their devices down, too.

A 2024 Pew Research Center report found that 46% of teens said their parents are "at least sometimes distracted by their phone" when they try to talk to them.

That's why Glassdoor CEO Christian Sutherland-Wong has a simple rule at home: he doesn't answer texts or emails in front of his kids.

"I want to lead by not having digital products all around," Sutherland-Wong, 44, said in a CNBC interview. He said he doesn't want to be "distracted by my email and text messages all the time" and gives his kids his undivided attention.

He stays offline when he's around his kids

Smartphones aren't just magnetizing because of work emails and apps like Slack; parents often use phones for everything from scheduling playdates to managing extracurriculars.

To reduce his chances of getting sucked into his phone, Sutherland-Wong gets fully offline when he spends time with his kids. He works remotely from his home office, which makes it easier to pick up on work once the kids are asleep.

Otherwise, he makes it a point "to be there when my kids come home from school, to be able to get offline, spend quality time with them, put them to bed, and then get back online."

He models clear boundaries around work

Not all work emergencies happen between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. To create "space" between his role as a father and as a CEO, Sutherland-Wong returns to his home office when an urgent work task arises.

He feels his kids "pick up on" how he takes work calls. Privately firing off emails not only helps him maintain a work-life balance as a father but also models healthier habits around technology for his kids.

• It's normal to experience ups and downs with a friend.
• But if you often feel tense or anxious around a friend, it's probably a red flag.
• Friends who don't respect boundaries or don't reciprocate care might not be worth keeping.

All long-term friendships come with highs and lows. Navigating conflict together (instead of quiet-quitting) is a necessary part of growing closer.

Sometimes, though, the tension doesn't disappear after the fight. Or, worse: you don't know how to solve fundamental differences, like a friendship feeling too one-sided or a BFF being actively jealous of you.

Miriam Kirmayer, a clinical psychologist, told Business Insider that having strong connections is crucial to your health. Relationships that make you feel invisible or emotionally unsafe do more harm than good.

Still, it can be hard to face the truth, especially if you have history with a friend. "Generally, this is one of those questions that we don't take the time to ask ourselves," Kirmayer said, even though the answer is usually "very telling."

She shared some signs a friend is just not treating you right, whether they disrespect your boundaries or never reciprocate how much you put into the relationship.

1. They take much more than they give back

One of the most important parts of any friendship is feeling balanced, Kirmayer said. You should feel like equals without "scorekeeping or counting the minutes."

Your friend's communication style might be more talkative than yours. But they should also find time to ask you questions, share bids for attention, and be actively interested in your life.

Otherwise, listening to a friend's vents or monologues feels like a draining relationship with an energy vampire.

2. They criticize you under the guise of 'brutal honesty'

Sometimes, a great friend will tell you what you don't want to hear, like that your ex is treating you poorly.

But it's another thing to use "I'm just being honest!" or "it's just a joke!" as a cover for insulting your looks or life choices, Kirmayer said.

"We feel the truest sense of belonging and connection when we feel seen, heard, and appreciated for who we actually are," Kirmayer said. If you constantly get told you're doing something "wrong," "it can end up feeling like that friendship is conditional on our willingness or ability to mold ourselves into who they want us to be."

Whether they're taking jabs out of potential jealousy or sending you long therapy-speak texts about your faults, they're not helping you grow — they're cutting you down.

3. They don't respond well to feedback

If they can dole out lots of feedback but can't take any themselves, that's a sign of an uneven friendship.

One good way to gauge this is by watching how they respond when you bring up an issue, Kirmayer said. "Are they willing to take accountability or just hear you out in a way that allows for constructive conversations?"

If your friend is reactive to feedback no matter how politely and diplomatically you present it, it's a sign that you might be people-pleasing in the relationship to avoid explosive conflict.

4. They almost never initiate communication

Sometimes, friends go through big life changes: one might enter a new relationship, get a stressful new job, or have a baby. In those times, how often you communicate might change.

Still, Kirmayer said it's important for close friends to feel like they take turns initiating plans, rather than everything falling to one person.

"That consistency is important for keeping our friendships thriving," she said. Otherwise, it can build resentment and distrust over time if one friend is always the one reaching out.

5. They don't take 'no' for an answer

Friends respect your boundaries, Kirmayer said. If you say no to talking about a vulnerable topic, do they step back or keep prodding? If you don't want to go out on a weeknight, do they listen or start shaming you?

She said someone not respecting the word "no" is a huge red flag in all relationships — and, ironically, can push you away from a friend even more.

6. They gossip to tear people down

Not all gossip is bad, and it doesn't always mean someone who talks about others will talk about you.

"Sometimes, our friends are gossiping as a need to secure support or to set out our perspectives and experiences," Kirmayer said. It can be a way to work through a problem or grow closer via shared values.

But there's a difference between healthy gossip and a friend frequently putting other friends down to make themselves feel better. In general, she said a solid friendship should present other ways of connecting besides what you don't like about other people.

But if you get a pit in your stomach about all the small things your friend rips other people apart over, it might be a sign that they'd speak just as badly about you, too.

7. They're not interested in your growth

If you've known each other for a while, you'll inevitably experience some changes in your careers, interests, relationships, health, or general outlooks on life.

That's why Kirmayer said it's a great sign if your friend wants to keep learning about you. You should welcome new life updates and support each other through big milestones, not "only repeating the same conversations that you've had for years on end."

If a friend is only invested in a past version of you — and actively rejects the newer updates in your life — it can be a sign that you're outgrowing your friendship.

• Holidays are often difficult for people who are estranged from their families.
• A formerly estranged mother and daughter spent holidays fully alone or with their chosen family.
• It took them four years to reconnect, and they struggled because friends and family "took sides."

A few months after Lindsey Glass went no-contact with her mom in 2014, it was Thanksgiving.

Up until that point, the holiday was one they always spent together. Lindsey's mother, Leslie, remembered them fondly.

"It was a party," Leslie, 79, told Business Insider. They would make the traditional turkey and side dishes with their family and watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. "Lindsey's corn pudding was always a favorite," Leslie said. They would then recreate all the same dishes for Christmas, making it feel like a two-part celebration.

That was until Lindsey decided to break ties with her mom, driven by tensions in their shared media business, Reach Out Recovery, a resource for families dealing with addition.

Suddenly, they became part of the growing number of Americans estranged from a family member. By the time Thanksgiving rolled around, their estrangement still felt "very fresh," Lindsey said.

The first year was isolating

The first Thanksgiving apart was the hardest for both the Glasses.

"It was really, really horrible," Lindsey said. She briefly saw her dad and his then-girlfriend, but otherwise didn't celebrate. "I couldn't leave the cave," she said, referring to her New York City apartment.

Leslie was invited to a friend's Thanksgiving celebration, but never showed up. News of their estrangement spread quickly in their social circles, and she couldn't face talking about it over dinner.

"I was so ashamed," Leslie said. She skipped multiple party invites, sometimes losing friends in the process because of how much she withdrew.

Leslie also struggled to process the pain of losing Lindsey. "I was so upset, but I wasn't able to cry," she said. On some holidays and weekends, she turned on Hallmark movies. "Those movies helped me access my tears," she said, especially the ones that involved dead parents because they reminded her of estrangement.

They hosted holidays with chosen family

Their next Thanksgiving apart was very different.

Leslie started hosting Thanksgiving and other holidays at the family home in New York, celebrating with neighbors and friends who didn't have anywhere to go.

"Thanksgiving has been extremely important in our family, going back a couple of generations," Leslie said. They always invited friends, often immigrants, who didn't have family nearby.

By then, Lindsey had moved to Los Angeles, and was living a parallel life to her mom. She hosted Thanksgiving at her home with five friends from her AA group. "We were all not in touch with our families," Lindsey said.

They didn't have a lot of money as a group. "It was like the most lackluster Thanksgiving you've ever seen," Lindsey said. "But it was fun."

They both felt judged by other people

Leslie and Lindsey found ways to enjoy the holidays apart, be it with friends or cousins.

Still, Lindsey dreaded being asked if she was going home for the holidays; when she told people the truth, their reactions would make her uncomfortable.

"People feel sorry for you — I remember a boyfriend going, 'But are you going to be okay? But are you going to be okay?'" Lindsey said. "While these people are always coming from a good place… not helpful."

They also felt judged by friends and family. "People took sides, it was like a divorce," Leslie said.

Others avoided them entirely. Some family members disinvited them both from holiday celebrations. Both Lindsey and Leslie felt deep shame, especially around holidays like Mother's Day, which would remind them of their estrangement even more than Thanksgiving did.

The holidays brought them back together

In the end, the Glasses reconnected because they missed each other.

Even though Leslie got new Christmas decorations and invited people over, Lindsey's absence was a void in her life. "When I lost that feeling of being connected with Lindsey, it was almost like I was lost with my connection with joy," Leslie said.

"My mom always did wonderful holidays, so I definitely missed Christmas," Lindsey said. Holidays especially made her nostalgic for good times with her mom.

They reconciled four years after becoming estranged. Lindsey's brother talked to them individually and helped them reconnect.

"Our story really points to the fact that you can be deeply estranged, deeply ashamed, have all kinds of differences, and be able to find a way to come together in the end," Leslie said.

And if reconciliation still isn't possible (because it takes two to listen to each other and change), Lindsey said the important thing is to take care of yourself.

"Watch the favorite movie, make the favorite food, call the friend," she said. "Do those little things."

• Late YouTube CEO Susan Wojcicki wrote a blog post weeks before her death about her cancer diagnosis.
• She wrote that the most important lesson she learned from the disease was to "enjoy the present."
• Wojcicki was part of the 20% of lung cancer patients with no smoking history.

The late YouTube CEO Susan Wojcicki has published a posthumous blog sharing more details about her lung cancer diagnosis at 56 years old.

Wojcicki, who died in August 2024 after nearly a decade leading the company, wrote the blog a few weeks before her death and planned to publish it herself.

A spokesperson for YouTube told Business Insider that after her death, her family and the company decided to publish it on the YouTube blog in November, which is Lung Cancer Awareness Month. YouTube also worked with Stand Up To Cancer on a microsite with information and resources for lung cancer.

In the blog, Wojcicki shared that she was surprised by the diagnosis, as a non-smoker who ran a few miles a day. She was diagnosed in late 2022, with non-small cell lung cancer, the most common form of lung cancer. Many patients also miss the early signs — about 80% get diagnosed in later stages.

The most important lesson she learned from living with the disease was "to just focus and enjoy the present."

"Life is unpredictable for everyone, with many unknowns, but there is a lot of beauty in everyday life," Wojcicki wrote. "My goals going forward are to enjoy the present as much as possible and fight for better understanding and cures for this disease."

Wojcicki said she was able to live "an almost normal life," with the disease, serving on corporate and nonprofit boards like Salesforce, Waymo, and the Environmental Defense Fund. After she resigned in February 2023 to focus on "family, health, and personal projects," she dedicated most of her time to cancer research, she wrote.

She hoped to rally attention for a disparity in funding.

Prior to her diagnosis, she and her husband, Dennis Troper, had already been active supporters of cancer research and technologies like genetic sequencing.

"After my diagnosis, we stepped up our efforts as we quickly learned lung cancer was under researched and misunderstood," Wojcicki wrote. They donated millions toward research in areas like immunotherapy and early detection.

"I plan to raise awareness and fight for more resources for lung cancer patients overall," Wojcicki wrote.

The early stages often don't have symptoms

Wojcicki, who was Google's 16th employee and rented her garage to Google cofounders Larry Page and Sergey Brin when they built the company, said "life changed dramatically" after her diagnosis.

Dr. Eric Singhi, a thoracic medical oncologist and medical spokesperson for the American Lung Association, told Business Insider that many people don't experience any symptoms of non-small cell lung cancer in its early stages.

By stages three or four, they might have a persistent cough, chest pain, or shortness of breath, which could be confused with everything from asthma to anxiety.

"About 40 to 50% of patients will already be stage four" when they first book an appointment with him, he said.

Non-smokers don't always know they're at risk

Singhi said about 20% of people diagnosed with lung cancer have no smoking history, like Wojcicki.

"The face of lung cancer has changed over the last 15 years and we're learning why," he said, noting that exposure to radon gas, air pollution, asbestos, diesel exhaust, and silica are a few of the potential causes of lung cancer.

Because lung cancer is so heavily associated with tobacco use, he said many people might not get screened. Women, whose highest cause of cancer death is lung cancer (as opposed to breast cancer) might also be unaware of the risk factors.

"Anyone with lungs is at risk for lung cancer," Singhi said.

Lung cancer research is underfunded

Singhi said Wojcicki's blog post is an important rallying cry. It's "wild" to him that lung cancer is so under-researched, given that it's also the biggest cause of cancer death worldwide. "That discrepancy just doesn't make sense," he said.

Singhi said that there have been many advancements in precision medicine, which uses genetic sequencing to create personalized treatment. By identifying genetic mutations in the tumor itself, patients are given targeted therapy, as opposed to chemotherapy, which damages cancer cells and healthy body tissue.

"We've really changed how we're treating stage four disease," he said.

You can read the full blog post here.

• Dr. Casey Means and her brother Calley are helping shape RFK Jr's new approach to America's health.
• She left conventional healthcare to advocate for people to take more direct control of their health.
• In a best-selling book "Good Energy," she makes a case that modern diseases are rooted in metabolic health.

A Stanford-trained surgeon who pivoted to build a booming health tech start-up could be a major player in the upcoming campaign to "Make America Healthy Again."

Dr. Casey Means is CEO and cofounder of Levels, which aims to give people more direct control of their health via wearable tech that offers real-time updates on their blood sugar levels, and raised millions of dollars in funding from big-name investors like Marc Andreessen.

"I believe that every single person absolutely can understand the basics of metabolism and of their biomarkers and learn how to be the CEO of their own health," she told Business Insider in May in an interview about Levels. "One of the reasons why I left the conventional healthcare system is because I actually felt it was so infantilizing to patients and made it more complicated than it needed to be."

Wellness is a family affair for Means. Her brother Calley is a former food and pharmaceutical consultant who interned for John McCain's presidential campaign. He helped coordinate the first chats between now President-elect Donald Trump and Robert F. Kennedy Jr., his recent pick to lead the Department of Health and Human Services, the Wall Street Journal reported.

Together, the pair have built a major following on wellness-related topics.

They are co-authors of the best-selling book "Good Energy" and advisors to Kennedy, who has made "Make America Healthy Again" — or, MAHA — his mantra.

The siblings have been featured on high-profile platforms like the Tucker Carlson Show and Joe Rogan's podcast, calling for a shift from the current model of "sick care" by doctors playing the role of middlemen between individuals and their health and offering people actionable steps to take their health into their own hands with nutrition and exercise. Means said on Rogan's podcast that the realization was an "awakening" in her career.

"There's a really unfortunate landscape in our country where individuals are essentially at the mercy of the information that their doctor chooses to give them and how deeply it's explained," Means told BI in May.

The overarching philosophy is that metabolism is the foundation of good health, the key to addressing Americans' overwhelming rates of chronic disease, and that individual healthy habits can help achieve it. Here's what we know about Casey Means' priorities.

Her mantra is that a healthy metabolism can reverse many health conditions

Means' book promotes the pursuit of Good Energy, which she defined as great metabolic health. "It governs the very essence of what (quite literally) makes you tick," she said in the book, "whether your cells have the energy to do their jobs of keeping you nourished, clear-minded, hormonally balanced, immune protected, heart-healthy, structurally sound — and so much more."

According to Means, roughly 93% of US adults have "Bad Energy," or poor metabolic health. She attributes conditions like depression, infertility, heart disease, type 2 diabetes, erectile dysfunction, cancer, and Alzheimer's to habits like eating ultra-processed foods and sleep deprivation. Means argues that inflammation and oxidative stress, unstable molecules that cause cell damage, underpin these modern diseases.

In the scientific community, there's consensus with Means about the importance of maintaining a healthy metabolism, which is often associated with weight loss and can also reduce the risk factors of heart disease, stroke, and type 2 diabetes. Studies also show some links between metabolic health and depression.

However, Means has also been criticized for exaggerating health risks, such as stating in her book that "each additional serving of ultra-processed food we eat" increases early mortality by 18%, referencing a 2019 study conducted in Spain.

"I've easily had 1000 bags of chips in my life," Brad Stulberg, an adjunct professor of health management and policy at the University of Michigan posted on X. "If this is true, it means my mortality risk has increased by 18,000 percent."

Too much emphasis on metabolism also risks oversimplifying health, according to Christy Harrison, a registered dietitian and nutrition writer behind the Substack "Rethinking Wellness."

"I'm automatically suspicious of anyone who claims they've identified the 'one true cause' of all diseases. That's typically just a way of selling you something," she told Business Insider. "The human body and disease processes are far too complex to pin on one single 'root cause,' even though I know from experience that that idea can be so appealing."

Means is critical of the US healthcare system, urging readers to 'trust yourself, not your doctor'

In the book, Means criticizes the healthcare system, drawing from her experience in medical school and work as a surgeon. Calley Means similarly criticizes the pharmaceutical industry after working as a lobbyist.

"Every institution that impacts your health makes more money when you are sick and less when you are healthy — from hospitals to pharma to medical schools, and even insurance companies," she said.

Means, who runs a wearable glucose monitor business, promotes a more individualized approach to health in her book. She recommends wearing a fitness tracker, using continuous glucose monitors, and reading your own lab results rather than depending on a doctor to interpret them for you. The book has a section outlining how to analyze your bloodwork results to make sure you have Good Energy.

While she still says you should see doctors for acute, life-threatening problems and emergencies, she advises against trusting doctors for chronic issues like high cholesterol and PCOS.

She espouses popular advice around diet, exercise, and sleep

Throughout the book, Means promotes widely agreed-upon health advice. She recommends a diet rich in fiber and antioxidant-packed fruits and vegetables while cutting ultra-processed foods. She also encourages eating foods with nutrients like vitamin C, magnesium, and omega-3 fatty acids, hydrating throughout the day, and avoiding plastic packaging.

Additionally, she emphasizes following a consistent sleep schedule (at least seven hours of sleep a night) and reducing screen time before bed. She also suggests getting regular exercise such as walking at least 7,000 steps per day and strength-training a few times a week.

Means also shared common mental health tips, such as seeing a therapist, maintaining a sense of community, and practicing mindfulness via meditation and yoga.

Applying cutting-edge science to everyday life

Many of Means' suggestions for healthy habits are based in developing research on lifestyle strategies that have the potential to help us live longer or better, but are still being studied to work out what the effects might be in larger-scale, real-world scenarios.

She advocates for intermittent fasting, a massively popular nutrition plan that involves limiting meals and snacks to a set window of time, in this case, 14-hours a day. Fasting has emerged as a promising area of study for improving weight loss, managing blood sugar, and potentially even extending lifespan or fighting diseases like cancer.

She also recommends reducing plastic use, filtering water, and eating organic produce and grass-fed meat and dairy to avoid exposure to chemicals ranging from PFAs to pesticides.

Along with routines like cold plunging, these recommendations align with those from popular science podcasters like Andrew Huberman and Dr. Peter Attia. Together they're part of a trend toward optimization, fine-tuning the details of our behaviors based on what we can glean from the latest research studies. Many of the strategies are experimental, often based on small-scale studies or animal models, and the proposed benefits can sometimes go beyond what current data has shown.

Harrison previously wrote that the trend often highlights "early-stage research that isn't ready for prime time" and is meant to provide a path for further research, not actionable advice for lifestyle changes.

"In terms of potential benefits, I suppose some people might find it helpful to follow small, early-stage studies and try out their recommendations to see if anything works. But again, most of those theories won't be borne out in future scientific research," Harrison told BI.

"In my mind, when it comes to scientific research, anything touted as 'cutting edge' is worth an extra dose of skepticism," she said.

Talking points like seed oils and self-testing push back against established advice

Some of Means' advice is in contrast to what mainstream medical experts frequently recommend.

She advises cutting out seed oils like canola oil, a common ingredient in processed foods and restaurant meals. In some online wellness circles, seed oils have been blamed for everything from the obesity epidemic to sunburn, despite a general consensus among dietitians that the oils are safe and even healthy in moderation.

Means also encourages direct-to-consumer medical testing such as a $500 lab panel on metrics like cholesterol levels, hormones, and immune system functions. The concept builds on her work with Levels in giving people the ability to see how their daily choices might be affecting their health by looking at the data for themselves instead of waiting months or longer for doctors' visits.

The shift is appealing because, despite ballooning healthcare costs, life expectancy is stagnating. Frustration with medical providers is on the rise as patients navigate complex bureaucracy and sometimes outright gaslighting in the doctor's office, and wariness about the influence of pharmaceutical companies is spiking, too.

An individualized approach to health with daily routines offers a way to feel in control, but research suggests factors on a much broader societal scale have a much bigger impact, accounting for up to 70% of health outcomes on a population level.

"Metabolic health certainly is important to overall well-being, but so are many other factors, including economic stability, social and community environment, access to and quality of care, and other social determinants of health," Harrison said.

• A new study found that postpartum depression rates doubled over the past decade.
• Mothers interviewed by Business Insider shared a range of symptoms, including anxiety and OCD.
• Researchers say early intervention is key, but some are scared to share their symptoms.

When Bri Ramos was pregnant with her second child, she was already worried about the symptoms she experienced with her first. The lack of motivation or excitement. The severe anxiety that, up until having her first child, she never dealt with before.

Then, she started having panic attacks in her second pregnancy.

"I was like, 'Oh, here it goes again,'" Ramos, 36, told Business Insider. Her doctor saw Ramos "walking right into some bad postpartum" and took a proactive approach: prescribing Ramos Zoloft shortly after she gave birth.

Ramos is one of the many mothers diagnosed with postpartum depression. A new study from JAMA found that postpartum depression diagnoses have doubled in the last decade.

Dr. Nehaa Khadka, a maternal and child health epidemiologist at Kaiser Permanente Southern California and lead researcher on the study, told Business Insider her team was surprised by how high the rise was.

While it could be partly due to increased awareness and screening, there seems to be more at play.

Rates of depression and loneliness are on the rise, and were turbocharged during the pandemic. Emerging cultural pressures to return to work quickly or to be the perfect parent can play a role too, therapists say.

Behind the research, many mothers with PPD say they still feel misunderstood, left in the dark, and lacking resources.

Working mothers are forced to slow down

Ramos, the founder and creative director of an ad agency, said one of the hardest postpartum adjustments for her was accepting a "new season" of her life.

"So many women go through an identity crisis because it's like, 'I've been this high-achieving career woman, and now I am at home for the next six or 12 months taking care of a child,'" she said. She had to take time to figure out who she was as a mother, separate from her usual work routine.

Not every working mom has the ability to take time off and transition into motherhood. There is no national paid maternity leave in the US; full-time working moms have to rely on their employers' individual policies. This puts mothers in a precarious position: if they can't take more time off to recover, their depressive symptoms can impact their productivity, putting their jobs on the line.

When Stephanie Fornaro had her second child at 33, she had "just an overwhelming feeling of doom and sadness." She also felt resentment toward her husband when he went to work, leaving her fully in charge of their son.

Because her symptoms were physically debilitating, she quit her software sales job for two years. Not working contributed to her depression, too.

"When you're accustomed to a demanding job and 'performing' and then you go to a slower pace, and solitude, it's a major adjustment that I think many underestimate," Fornaro, 39, said.

Plowing ahead, potentially ignoring postpartum depression symptoms, can lead to quicker burnout — and leaving a career entirely.

Justine Sterling Converse runs a women-owned event strategy and management company in Texas. She remembers many of her close friends in the industry jumping back into full-time work after taking three months of maternity leave. They all quit shortly after, unable to balance motherhood with working long hours and weekends.

Once she started having children of her own, Converse realized how hard it was to return to full-time work so soon. "12 weeks is just when you're starting to have a routine with your baby," Converse, 40, and a mother of four, told BI.

It was harder with postpartum symptoms. Converse was diagnosed with postpartum OCD, something she hadn't heard of before. In her office of 10 full-time workers, she said about 75% of them have experienced postpartum depression, anxiety, or OCD.

It's partly why her company policy includes 16 weeks of maternity leave and a 50% "transition" month for mothers to ease back into working full-time. Converse, who recently gave birth, is in a transition month herself and said it's been a huge help.

"I willed myself to not go through postpartum again," Converse said. "And I still did."

Postpartum depression can be hard to identify

Symptoms of postpartum depression range from intense mood swings to thoughts of harming your baby. While it's common to feel "baby blues" when you first give birth, PPD is much more severe and can last for weeks or months.

Still, it's one thing to know about postpartum depression. It's another thing to identify it in yourself when you experience new symptoms.

"As a new mom, you're in survival mode," Fornaro said. She knew something was off, but didn't have the space and time to take stock of it all and see it for what it was. "Now, I can reflect and go, 'Wow, I really was struggling.'"

Fear of judgment has kept some new parents from reporting their PPD, said Dr. Clayton Shuman, who led a 2022 study on how the pandemic influenced a rise in postpartum depression rates. He said patients might hold back on sharing their symptoms like being unable to bond with their baby, "to avoid the stigma and guilt."

Ramos believes more openness around the subject is helping.

Out of her tight-knit friend group, four out of five women have had kids. All of them have had postpartum depression or anxiety, and openly discuss their symptoms. While Ramos experienced a lack of joy, a friend had intrusive thoughts about her newborn's health.

In contrast, when Ramos' older sisters experienced PPD nearly two decades ago, one of them "just sat in her closet and cried." She thought her depressive symptoms were normal and, at the time, told no one.

In other countries, maternity leave is different

Postpartum symptoms can last for years, much longer than the three to four months of maternity leave many US full-time employees get.

In contrast, European countries like Greece and Iceland offer 26 weeks of leave or more. Some, like North Macedonia, allow parents to take additional leave if they need to, without fearing for their job security.

For American mothers without as many federal safety nets, extra help makes all the difference. Fornaro's husband worried about her postpartum depression and offered to pay for a nanny, which she initially refused. "It took a lot of convincing and setting aside my pride," she said.

Looking back, she said hiring extra help was the "best decision" for her family. Her nanny not only made every day more manageable, she offered crucial emotional support and helped Fornaro bounce back.

In Ramos' experience, even the smallest interventions can radically change postpartum symptoms. She said she is grateful her doctor was so quick to diagnose her and prescribe medication; it made for a much smoother experience with her second child.

"I'm just so thankful that I got to enjoy him being a baby and having fun with him," she said, remembering how overwhelmed she was when she had her daughter four years earlier. "I was just in a completely different state of mind."

• Florence Pugh, 28, was diagnosed with PCOS and endometriosis at 27.
• She froze her eggs at 27 because both conditions can impact fertility.
• Pugh said a different doctor dismissed the diagnoses because of her age.

Florence Pugh has opened up about two recent diagnoses that prompted her to freeze her eggs at 27 years old.

Speaking on Dear Media's SHE MD podcast with her Beverly Hills gynecologist, Pugh, now 28, discussed the moment she was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) and endometriosis — conditions that can impact fertility.

The Oscar-nominated actress said it was a "mind-boggling" experience to find out that having kids may not be a straight-forward process for her, and embarking into the world of fertility preservation.

Pugh also said that another doctor back home in London, whom she did not identify, dismissed her diagnoses.

"She shook her head and she said, 'well, that's just not possible,'" Pugh recalled. She said she told the doctor about her egg count and hormone test results done in LA. Pugh said the doctor responded: "No, you're fine. And even if you do have it, you'll be fine to have kids well into your 30s."

Dr. Thais Aliabadi, the gynecologist who diagnosed Pugh, reacted to her story on the podcast: "That is what women go through every single day."

PCOS and endometriosis — the leading causes of infertility — often go undiagnosed

PCOS and endometriosis are some of the most common causes of infertility. PCOS is a condition where ovaries produce excess male sex hormones, or androgens, creating hormonal imbalances. Endometriosis occurs when the lining of the uterus grows outside of the uterus.

Common symptoms of both include irregular and painful periods, as well as bloating or weight gain. PCOS symptoms also include thinning hair, excess hair growth, acne, and darkened skin.

Pugh said she had some of the symptoms, like weight fluctuations, acne, and "hair that shouldn't be in certain places." She attributed them all to work stress and just "part of being a woman."

Pugh said she went to get a checkup after being hit by a "sudden feeling" that something was off with her body. "I'd had a few weird dreams; I think my body was telling me," Pugh said.

At the appointment, Aliabadi asked Pugh if she'd ever had her eggs counted — something Pugh said she never thought of doing because she was young.

After counting her eggs and giving Pugh a hormone test, Aliabadi diagnosed her with both PCOS and endometriosis, encouraging her to freeze her eggs in her 20s.

Pugh said she had heard of the conditions before, but didn't think they were common. 1 in 10 women have PCOS, and roughly 200 million people worldwide have endometriosis.

She also didn't expect to have fertility problems because of her family history. "My family are baby-making machines," she said. Her mother had babies into her 40s, for example. She said she was grateful to get diagnosed and freeze her eggs because she'd been wanting kids since she was a child.

These conditions are often misdiagnosed or ignored

PCOS and endometriosis are commonly underdiagnosed or misdiagnosed entirely.

Pugh said she understands that she has "privilege in areas where others won't," so if her symptoms were dismissed, other patients might take even longer to get proper treatment.

PCOS disproportionately impacts women of color, who are also more likely to be misdiagnosed due to racial bias around symptoms like weight gain.

Pugh said she believes everyone should be educated on PCOS and endometriosis because "it's something that will be the defining factor of whether you can have children or not."