• In a personal essay, Lilly Jay, Ethan Slater's ex-wife, opened up about their divorce.
• In 2023, news broke that Slater was dating his "Wicked" costar, Ariana Grande.
• Jay said the movie's recent premiere reminds her of the saddest time of her life.

Lilly Jay, a perinatal psychologist and ex-wife of Wicked star Ethan Slater, has spoken for the first time about their break-up and being thrust into the spotlight.

In July 2023, rumors circulated that Slater was dating Ariana Grande, his "Wicked" costar, leading to Jay and Slater separating (though one source told People that Jay and Slater were already separated when the relationship began).

Jay published an essay in The Cut on Thursday, describing her experience in the aftermath of their divorce, which became official in September. She wonders whether it impacted her career, after she was passed over for a job and canceled on by a client.

Jay and Slater, who met in high school and started dating as college sophomores in 2012, had a son in August 2022. After the news broke of Slater and Grande's relationship, Jay told Page Six that Grande is "not a girl's girl" and that her family was "collateral damage." Since then, she refrained from divulging many details, including in her recent essay.

In her new essay, Jay did not speak directly about the details of Slater and Grande's relationship, including the exact timeline. Instead, she broke down how their very public divorce affected her, and the peace she's had to make with her life being less private since.

Grande and Slater did not immediately respond to Business Insider's request for comments.

She moved to the UK for Slater's career

Because "Wicked" was shot in the UK, Jay said that she moved to London with Slater when their son was two months old.

She said that she knew all about how vulnerable marriages are in the early stages of parenthood but still "confidently" moved for Slater's career.

"Consumed by the magic and mundanity of new motherhood, I didn't understand the growing distance between us," Jay wrote.

She feared experiencing postpartum depression and a general loss of control. Then "one day in London, I looked up and found that they had both arrived," she said, brought on by the "sudden public downfall" of her marriage.

The "Wicked" premiere was tough to deal with

The success of "Wicked," which premiered in November, makes it hard to avoid, Jay said. As does the extensive press around it, including a long list of brand collaborations.

Jay said that she still struggles with the reminders. "Days with my son are sunny," she said. "Days when I can't escape the promotion of a movie associated with the saddest days of my life are darker."

Grande has also spoken out about the relationship, referencing Slater in her last album. "It definitely doesn't get any easier," Grande told Vanity Fair in reference to dealing with tabloid rumors. Kristin Chenoweth, who originated Grande's "Wicked" role on Broadway and appeared in the film, also defended Grande. "Nobody ever knows what's going on for real," Chenoweth said.

She said Slater is a present father

Jay and Slater are now co-parenting their son, something Slater described as "an interesting thing to navigate."

Jay said they are both fully committed to being there for their child. "While our partnership has changed, our parenthood has not," she said. "Both of us fiercely love our son 100 percent of the time, regardless of how our parenting time is divided."

Despite her unique challenges in early motherhood, Jay said she is optimistic about her future with her son. "Slowly but surely, I have come to believe that in the absence of the life I planned with my high-school sweetheart, a lifetime of sweetness is waiting for me and my child," she said.