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When my toddler has emotional outbursts, I ignore her. The tantrums tend to pass when I'm not paying attention anymore.

Girl stomping on puddles
The author lets her toddler work through her emotions when having a tantrum.

Courtesy of the author

  • Many modern and popular parenting techniques place a high emphasis on attending to our kids' emotions.
  • I give my daughter space when she experiences big emotional outbursts.
  • I want her to learn that emotions are passing sensations.

I could see the emotional monsoon coming from a mile away. That's why, as we approached the house, I gently warned my daughter that we would need to take her rainboots off before going inside. She continued splashing through the puddles in our driveway, either unable or unwilling to hear me. Sure enough, when we entered the garage and sat down to take off our shoes, a torrent of tears erupted.

"No, you're NOT taking my boots off!" she screamed. Days earlier, her daycare teacher informed me that she even refused to remove them during naptime.

I briefly considered allowing her to wear the boots inside just to avoid the fight. But glancing down at our muddy footprints only strengthened my resolve.

I breathed in, took her tear-streaked face in my hands, and explained why the boots needed to stay outside. More shrieks. I slipped off her shoes (narrowly avoiding a kick to the face) and carried her thrashing body into the kitchen, where I placed her on the ground. She curled into a ball, threatening to explode again at any moment.

"I love you," I reassured her, patting her back. "I'm sorry we had to take off the boots. We can put them back on later. Right now, I need to cook dinner. Can I give you a hug?"

"NO!" She spat. "I want my boots!" She scrambled back toward the door, slamming her tiny fists against it. "Give me my boots!" she wailed.

Her outburst continued to escalate, but I started making dinner anyway.

I ignored her and carried on with the evening to-dos

Modern parenting philosophies (like gentle parenting) would advise me not to leave her side. These "big emotions" deserve our utmost attention and investigation, according to gentle parenting experts.

Many millennial parents have fallen into this "pendulum parenting" trap. We were raised to suppress our own emotions, so now we're over-correcting that mistake by giving our kids' emotions all the power.

But here's the mistake I think we're making as parents in this gentle parenting era: we need to go beyond identifying the emotion and teach our kids how toΒ move pastΒ it.

We need to teach our kids how to move past their emotions

Stopping everything to comfort a child for 45 minutes over something like rainboots or rice crackers does not increase their emotional competence. It's communicating that, despite whatever else is going on, their emotions reign supreme. Nothing and no one else matters; plans get lost in the wake.

Oftentimes (especially when it comes to toddlers), emotions do not represent reality. So, instead of validating our kids' emotions, we validate their outsize reactions to trivial matters. Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, a Havard-trained neuroscientist, explains that the physical sensations of emotions pass after 90 seconds. Our feelings persist because we choose to dwell on whatever caused them in the first place. The solution is to acknowledge the emotions and allow them to move through us without continuing to react.

All emotions will pass once I stop giving them my attention

I don't expect my daughter to understand or comprehend what took me years of therapy and practice to figure out. She's only 2, after all. But if I can show her that our emotions don't have all the control, I think it will save her a lot of heartache in the future.

So when a toddler tornado hits, I get out of the way.

After labeling her feelings and offering comfort (if she wants it), I give her time and space to express her emotions in a safe environment. But I don't add fuel to an already-raging fire by giving it more of my own energy and attention. Even the worst storms will eventually pass.

Emotions are a sometimes delightful and sometimes distressing part of the human experience. But they are only oneΒ part β€” there's so much more to life, and the actions that we take in response to our circumstances (and feelings) matter more than anything else.

Read the original article on Business Insider

Influencer marketers put their TikTok ban contingency plans into action

Instagram TikTok
Instagram could be a big winner from a TikTok ban.

Illustration by Avishek Das/SOPA Images/LightRocket via Getty Images

  • TikTok faces a likely US shutdown after the Supreme Court rejected its appeal.
  • Brands and marketers are preparing contingency plans to shift content from TikTok.
  • Managers shared their plans, including new clauses in their campaign contracts.

Creators are finalizing their post-TikTok plans.

TikTok is hurtling toward a US shutdown after the Supreme Court rejected its appeal of a divest-or-ban law. The app may "go dark" entirely on Sunday.

Ahead of a likely ban, TikTok influencers and their teams are offering contingency plans to assure brands and marketers that sponsored posts can move elsewhere if TikTok abruptly closes.

"We haven't seen anybody try to kill a contract, thank goodness," said Jennifer Powell, a talent manager who works with creators like Tezza and Ty French. "The good news is that most of the brands came into this year cautious about putting all their eggs into the TikTok basket, knowing that this judgment was looming."

Songfluencer, a platform that facilitates influencer campaigns for music marketers, has a "platform uncertainty" guarantee that promises marketers that creators will automatically repost TikTok content to Instagram or YouTube shorts if TikTok goes down.

"We want to make sure clients are not scared to run campaigns on TikTok," Songfluencer's CEO Johnny Cloherty said. "All of the creators in our network must agree to this new policy during this uncertain season."

Talent-management firm CFG has also been proactive in including clauses in its contracts with brands that ensure campaigns can migrate to a creator's "next highest-engaged" platform.

Powell, similarly, said her team has offered to move content to an "equal value" social platform if a sponsored TikTok post disappears.

Some of these preparations began months ago.

Gregory Littley, a freelance creative director and content producer, has been working with brand partners and clients on campaigns that aren't so tied to TikTok since November, he said.

"The language has shifted," Littley said about campaign deliverables. "It starts to really focus on the content as opposed to where you're posting it."

"Many of our current campaigns in progress that involve TikTok are preparing contingency plans for changing deliverables to different platforms," said Barbara Jones, founder of Outshine Talent.

Read the original article on Business Insider

Not even a Cameron Diaz comeback can save Netflix's utterly banal 'Back In Action'

A still from "Back in Action" showing Cameron Diaz and Jamie Foxx in suits.
Cameron Diaz as Emily and Jamie Foxx as Matt in "Back in Action."

John Wilson / Netflix

  • "Back in Action" is Cameron Diaz's first film role in over a decade.
  • Unfortunately, it's a poor comeback vehicle with rough dialogue and a thin plot.
  • The film works fine as a casual watch, but not much else.

"Back in Action" is Cameron Diaz's first film role in over a decade. She should have made a better choice for a comeback.

The film, directed by Seth Gordon, is capital-F "Fine" at best and mediocre background watching at worst. Given that this is the movie Jamie Foxx miraculously recovered from a stroke to complete, one would hope the end product inspired stronger enthusiasm.

The aptly titled film stars Diaz and Foxx as Emily and Matt, suburban parents who were elite spies before having their first child and pivoting to coaching soccer and selling puzzles on Etsy. "Back in Action" kicks off 15 years in the past during their last mission together to steal an Industrial Control Systems key (don't worry about it) from a Eastern European crime lord. They succeed, but terrorists attack them on the plane back to safety. Presumed dead, Matt and Emily use the plane crash to disappear and raise the child that Emily has just learned she's carrying.

This opening sequence does little to establish Matt and Emily's relationship, or even their individual characters, past a few entertaining punches, quippy one-liners, and saccharine expressions of sincerity. "My favorite person is about to create my new favorite person," Matt tells Emily, despite having to clarify moments before that they were exclusive.

andrew scott as baron in back in action. he's a man with short air wearing a grey overcoat and standing in front of a british police car
Andrew Scott as Baron in "Back in Action."

John Wilson/Netflix

Their extremely normal life only gets blown up because Matt and Emily are caught on tape beating up a few guys ("BOOMERS WRECK DANCE PARTY") while picking their underage daughter Alice (McKenna Roberts) up from the club. With Alice and their son Leo (Rylan Jackson) in tow, they go on a quest to pick up the ICS key from Emily's mother Ginny (Glenn Close β€” why not?) and unite their family through espionage. Andrew Scott and Kyle Chandler are also in this film, for some reason, and are mostly wasted in their roles.

Aside from one tepid but somewhat surprising twist, "Back in Action" is a mΓ©lange of spy tropes, embarrassingly bad and self-explanatory dialogue, and trite familial conflicts. The film's emotional appeal hinges on Emily's relationships with Alice, who rebels against her for standard Teenage Girl Reasons, and her mother Ginny, whom she hates for being absent in her childhood. Simple friction leads to simple payoffs.

The film's fight sequences slightly redeem it, mostly because it's fun to watch Diaz and Foxx beat up some classic goons in tandem. However, the movie insists on soundtracking those fights to classic hits like Nat King Cole's "L.O.V.E." and Etta James' "At Last," seemingly in a bid to create a romantic, nostalgic atmosphere for its leads. To be fair, they have more chemistry in those moments than literally anywhere else in the film.

In the end, "Back in Action" is an unfortunate comeback choice for Diaz, and its script gives her and Foxx little to stand on through the film's nearly two-hour runtime. For audiences, it's a passable enough choice for a Friday night flick or folding laundry, but not much else.

"Back in Action" is streaming now on Netflix.

Read the original article on Business Insider

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