• I'm used to being in relationships where my partner is the breadwinner.
• However, when my partner and I moved back to Canada, I became the sole earner in our relationship.
• Being the breadwinner made me proud of myself, even though it came with a few challenges.

For most of my adult life, I've been in heteronormative relationships where my partner was the breadwinner. My career path has been somewhat unconventional, as I worked in various fashion sales and merchandising roles before getting into freelance writing. I've worked full-time, part-time, and a blend of both alongside freelancing — meaning my income hasn't always experienced linear growth.

My husband, on the other hand, spent most of his 20s and early 30s climbing the corporate ladder. He had a higher and more stable salary than I did for the first five years of our relationship — until we decided to move back to Canada last year, and the roles were reversed.

I became the breadwinner when we moved

We originally met in Canada, where he took a brief pause from his corporate management job to travel the country on a working-holiday visa. Upon returning to the UK, his homeland, he went back to his job, and I eventually joined him on my own working-holiday visa. We spent four years living in the UK together but ultimately decided we wanted to live in Canada.

The immigration route we took meant he would have to leave his job, and that he wouldn't be able to work for up to a year while we waited for his permanent residency to come through. It was up to me to be the sole breadwinner for the first time in our relationship. As a Canadian citizen, I was able to work from the get-go. It wasn't a decision we made lightly, but we had a safety net of savings and calculated that my freelance income would be enough to cover our bases and live comfortably.

I felt proud, but there were challenges, too

Being the breadwinner was simultaneously challenging and empowering. On the one hand, I felt proud knowing I could support my family all on my own after years of always being the one who earned less. But living on a single income isn't easy in this economy. We weren't saving much, and though we didn't have to make too many sacrifices in our daily lives, we held back on bigger-ticket non-essential items that we normally love, like travel and concerts.

It also gave me a new perspective about finances and ultimately brought us closer together. We always used to split our finances, but after the move, we created a shared account — my husband couldn't create his own while he was in immigration limbo. I used to be hesitant about joint accounts. I worried about having petty arguments over purchases we didn't agree on, and maintaining a sense of independence was important to me.

Fortunately, we've found having one account keeps us both accountable for our spending habits. My husband has admitted he's reined in on casual purchases compared to when we had separate accounts, and I'm also more careful about what I buy. Plus, it's nice to see all our earnings in one place. It makes me feel like we're more unified.

We now earn about the same amount again

My husband has since received his permanent residency and found a new job here in Canada. We're now earning a similar amount and still share an account. I'll be honest — it's a relief not to be the sole earner anymore. Still, I'm grateful for everything I learned during my time as the breadwinner.

I feel more confident in my own earning capabilities, and I feel that my husband and I have become more equal as partners since we've both had the opportunity to step up and provide. We went through a period that often makes or breaks a couple, and I'm thrilled to say it only made us stronger.

The offers and details on this page may have updated or changed since the time of publication. See our article on Business Insider for current information.

• Esther Perel says couples should talk about money, know their finances, and see value beyond income.
• The psychotherapist said wealth is a fundamental aspect of every relationship.
• Earning an income is just one of many ways to contribute to a relationship, Perel says.

Couples should talk openly about money, regularly review their finances, and recognize that earning an income is just one of many ways to contribute to a relationship, Esther Perel says.

The famed psychotherapist is known for speaking nine languages, hosting the "Where Should We Begin" podcast, and writing "Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence."

She spoke to Emily Luk, the cofounder and CEO of Plenty, a financial management platform for couples, in an episode of the "Love & other assets" podcast released Thursday.

Perel laid out how money shapes everything from people's values and identities to the power dynamics in their relationships. It can be "one of the biggest stressors" in any relationship, she said, but couples who manage financial issues well can escape that pain.

Here are the three big takeaways from her conversation.

1. Talk things over

Couples should openly discuss money matters from the outset, Perel said.

"Money is an inherent piece of what the making of a relationship will involve," she said. "It's important, but it doesn't have to be precious, hidden, taboo, queasy. Like any other topic, if you start from the beginning, then it's integrated in the system."

Perel underscored that relationships are both romantic and practical, encompassing love and trust as well as partnership and economic support. Money is a core part of that and financial decisions are inevitable, she said.

"This is about the present, the past, the future, the legacy, what people left behind, what they never left behind, what they had, what they lost," she said. "It's not just how much do you make and what do you want to do with it. "

Money can shape the power dynamic in a couple, but Perel said that's "not a dirty word for me" as all relationships have one. Couples with a healthy attitude toward money can "bring it up and talk about it" without becoming defensive and throwing blame around, she said.

Just as you might ask a prospective partner if they want kids, you should ask them about their feelings around money too, the relationship guru said.

She recommended asking them how important it is to them to earn money, what the money culture was in their family, how much money they ultimately want to make, and how they've navigated any major financial shifts in their lives.

2. Check in regularly

Even when one partner trusts the other to manage their money, that partner should still occasionally check in on their joint finances, Perel said.

Once a year, they should "sit down and have a sense of what's what," she said. "I've met too many people who, when things became problematic, didn't have a clue and it didn't bode well for them. Don't put yourself in that kind of vulnerable position."

Many couples divide roles, but "it's good to not be completely ignorant on some things that have such a direct effect on you," she added.

The psychotherapist and author gave another reason for an annual check-in: a couple's financial situation changes over time, whether a costly health issue crops up, inheritance is paid out, or shares in a company vest.

"Money is not a static thing, and the relationship needs to be flexible around that," Perel said, adding that "the conversation around money needs to evolve as the relationship evolves."

Just as a couple might plan home improvements and vacations, "once a year you should sit with your finances and say, 'Where are we at?" Perel said. "And not, 'what do we have?' but, 'how are we managing relationally? What would you like to change in the way we've been managing the money?' Why, just asking that question to your partner will go a long way."

3. Recognize value in all forms

Perel told Luk about the moment her thinking completely changed around what it means to provide and contribute to a relationship.

An artist told her they'd renovated their home by themselves, raising the property's value and the couple's quality of life by improving the room layout. It would have cost a year's salary to get the project completed externally, Perel said.

The episode made her appreciate the myriad ways that members of a couple can generate value in a relationship besides a paycheck, ranging from DIY to raising children.

"Money is not a thing around which people talk with subtlety," she said about opening client's eyes to non-monetary contributions. "So I had to find other ways to suddenly shift and say, 'Have you ever looked at it this way,' and do a whole reframe."

"So this idea that there's a single household provider — that whole language I began to dismantle so that we could really talk about the power dynamic and the money and what they can afford and who decides and who is really bringing in and providing is a totally different story than just income bracket."

• The biggest hedge funds are battling it out to attract and retain top talent and outperform peers.
• Business Insider has talked to elite hedge funds to get a peek into their recruiting processes.
• From internships to how they hire for tech, here's what we know about getting a job at a hedge fund.

The war for the best hedge fund talent cuts across all levels and positions. Firms like Citadel, Point72, D.E. Shaw, and Bridgewater are in constant competition for the best and brightest to help them gain an edge in the cutthroat industry. 

These behemoth funds are now putting serious time and resources into recruiting for internship and training programs to create a steady employee pipeline.

Eye-popping pay, prestige, challenging work environments, and the promise of working with some of the best investors in the industry means there's a lot of competition for a spot at one of these firms. 

The money is top-shelf, even for financial services jobs.

These funds, which have grown into behemoths, are now contributing serious time and resources to recruit for internship and training programs that could better guarantee them a steady employee pipeline.

Eye-popping pay, prestige, challenging work environments, and the promise of working with some of the best investors in the industry means they have a pretty attractive proposition to offer.

Internships at quant fund D.E. Shaw can pay up to $22,000. Entry-level analysts and software engineers get paid above 6 figures a year. Portfolio managers with winning strategies can take home millions. 

Business Insider has talked to some of the biggest hedge fund managers about how they attract talent, as well as ways to join their ranks and be successful at their firms. Here's everything we know. 

Internships and fellowships

The opaque and secretive world of hedge funds might not necessarily be an obvious choice for many college graduates. Massive money managers are launching new programs to change that and attract young, diverse wunderkinder at earlier stages than before. 

• Inside Balyasny's ATLAS Program for High School Students
• Why Balyasny, Bridgewater, and Point72 are engaging students from underrepresented backgrounds about hedge funds
• Bridgewater's chief diversity officer explains how the hedge fund is using its new fellowship program to create a pipeline of diverse talent in finance 

• Here's how to land a spot at Citadel's elite summer internship 
• A D.E. Shaw internship could land a dream gig at the secretive hedge fund. Here's what it takes. 
• What it takes to stand out as an intern at Steve Cohen's Point72 and land a job offer, according to 2 portfolio managers and its program director 
• Citadel's Ken Griffin's advice to interns: Hustle during your 20s and be aggressive when asking for a promotion

Analyst and investment training programs

Typically, hedge funds acquire their investment talent after a few years of working at an investment bank. Increasingly though, the industry's top players are paying graduates to train through intensive programs that can lead to joining investment teams straight after college. 

• How to get accepted into Point72's ultra-elite analyst training program, whose acceptance rate is less than 1%  
• This Citadel training program is harder to get into than Harvard and can lead to a six-figure salary with the elite hedge fund after graduation 

Even the way up-and-coming portfolio managers cut their teeth has evolved.

• How Dmitry Balyasny's $21 billion hedge fund is looking to get ahead in the war for investment talent
• Inside Point72's boot camp for developing all-star portfolio managers, where Steve Cohen is known to grill up-and-comers who think they're ready for the big time

Tech jobs and training programs

Hedge funds have long been competing with the finance industry and top tech companies for top technologists. Engineers and algorithm developers are key to helping researchers, data scientists, and traders develop cutting-edge investment strategies and platforms. Quant shop D.E. Shaw also has a unique approach to finding talent.

• Why quant giant D.E. Shaw seeks out academics, doctors, and veterans to work at the $60 billion hedge fund
• Inside Citadel's exclusive engineering program that's helped the $47 billion hedge fund snap up talent from Google and Goldman Sachs
•  Here's how to get a job at Billionaire Izzy Englander's Millennium, from the programing language to know to the interview questions to prep for
• Millennium is on the hunt for engineers in Miami. A top tech exec for the $58 billion hedge fund details the firm's new training program.
• Inside Man Group's popular training program for non-tech employees that teaches them skills to automate tasks and reduce errors in their work

Other resources, including recruiter insight and how to dominate a 5-hour interview

• Inside the hedge-fund talent war: How elite funds are battling for star portfolio managers
• The talent brokers of quant trading: The headhunters at the forefront of Wall Street's systematic-trading and data-science hiring frenzy
• Try our searchable database of more than 350 Wall Street headhunters to find your dream job in private equity, investment banking, or hedge funds 
• Meet the Gatekeepers: The top private equity, hedge fund recruiting firms to get a buy-side job
• Inside the 5-hour psychological interview that can make or break your career at Citadel, Blackstone, and other finance titans 

• Many Gen Xers are caring for both their children and parents, and it's hurting retirement savings.
• 56% of Gen X investors were financially supporting either their parents or their kids, Nationwide found.
• The financial burden of supporting two groups has some Gen Xers doubting if they'll retire at all.

Steve Mullen, 54, is being pulled three ways.

On the one hand, he and his wife are caregivers for each of their mothers, which has required them to pitch in up to 40 hours of caregiving a week and tens of thousands of dollars over the course of decades. On the other hand, they are still supporting their college-age son, who needs help with housing and $25,000 for tuition every year. All the while, he runs his own PR business, in which making more money is a "constant" concern.

At times, he said, the burden is extraordinary.

"It's incredibly stressful," he told Business Insider, adding that money was always a back-of-mind worry, despite being relatively financially stable. "I just pray we don't go into another one of these periods where my mother's in the hospital."

His situation is becoming increasingly common among Gen Xers — a generation sandwiched between their retiring parents and still-dependent children — and, more frequently, needing to support both groups at once. It is a dilemma that has put Gen X further behind in saving for retirement compared to other groups, financial planning experts told BI.

There are signs that the dual burden of needing to support kids and parents is becoming more common. A 2020 study from the AARP and the National Alliance for Caregiving found that among Gen Xers who are taking care of a parent, around 50% also have a child under the age of 18. A study conducted by Nationwide showed that 56% are financially supporting either their parents or their kids.

Gen Xers in caretaking roles are more likely to show signs of financial strain. Of those who were taking care of a child or a parent, 21% said they had taken out significant amounts of debt, and 20% said they were unable to save for retirement, per the Nationwide study.

According to a separate survey of 35- to 60-year-olds conducted by Carewell, 75% of those taking care of both a parent and a child said they struggled to save for retirement, while 63% said they lived paycheck to paycheck.

Gen Xers speaking with BI said they doubted if they would ever retire, mostly because they were set back by financial obligations related to caregiving.

40% of Gen Xers also expect to work part-time after they retire, a Prudential Financial survey found.

Julie, a woman in her fifties based in Ohio, said she had spent over $100,000 taking care of her mother over the course of 15 years. She has less than $70,000 saved for retirement, well below what's recommended by financial advisors, who say you should have around six times your annual salary saved by the time you hit 50.

"I'm exhausted financially, and, frankly, I didn't consider growing up I'd be the financial rock of my family," she said.

The sandwiched generation

By some measures, Gen Xers are even more ill-prepared for retirement than baby boomers. According to surveys conducted by Prudential Financial, the median retirement savings for 55-year-olds is just under $48,000, with 18% having saved nothing at all as of last year.

Meanwhile, two-thirds of 55-year-olds said they were afraid of outliving their savings. That's the highest level among any age group of Prudential's 2024 survey, with 59% of 65-year-olds saying they worried they would outlive their savings.

Joe Wadford, a Bank of America economist, thinks Gen Xers are uniquely burdened by taking care of their parents and children at the same time, largely because more children are living at home than in previous generations.

Around 57% of men and 55% of women between the ages of 18 and 24 lived at home with their parents in 2022, according to US Census data published this year. That compares to 52% of men and 35% of women in that age range who were living with their parents in 1960.

Satayan Mahajan, the CEO of the financial advisory firm Datalign Advisory, said that caring for parents and children simultaneously was one reason his Gen X clients commonly cited for falling behind in preparing for retirement.

Market crashes during formative times in their career, such as during the early 2000s and the Great Financial Crisis, are another reason why many have less saved up.

"This sandwiched portion of Gen Xers are really in a lot of trouble. I mean, I have to say — and I don't want to sound so negative — but I think they're in a tough spot and they have a bunch of things that hit them pretty hard," Mahajan said.

And the outlook remains uncertain for Gen X. While boomers are estimated to pass on around $80 trillion in wealth, most of that money looks primed to head to millennials, not Gen X, Mahajan said.

"They're kind of in an awkward spot," he added. "And so there's a large swath of Gen Xers who may be in a bit of a lurch."

Uncertainty is also swirling around the availability of government retirement funds. Social Security could be depleted as soon as 2033, according to estimates from the Congressional Budget Office, when most Gen Xers are already retired or in their final decade of work.

Brandon Goldstein, a financial planner at Prudential, said many Gen Xers still have time to catch up on their retirement savings, though he believes many will have to work longer than may want to.

More older Americans are already deciding to postpone their retirement. 19% of adults 65 and over were still employed in 2023, according to a Pew Research analysis.

"For someone to be completely in a spot where they don't need to work again or they feel very comfortable, they're probably going to still have to work a little bit," Goldstein said.

• Sheri Atwood became a millionaire in her 20s, and again in her 40s.
• After reassessing what she was spending on, she decided to prioritize her daughter's education.
• She gave her daughter an allowance to teach her about money and had her pay for her own things.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Sheri Atwood, the founder and CEO of SupportPay. It has been edited for length and clarity.

The first time I became a millionaire, I was 24. I was a vice president in corporate cyber security, making $450,000 a year — more money than I ever could have imagined growing up poor.

Despite my wealth, I wasn't happy. I was married and had a 4,000-square-foot house near the California vineyards. When I was poor, I always thought money and material wealth would make me happy, but I was absolutely miserable.

Soon after my daughter Janicya was born, I got divorced. I was a single mom, like my own mother had been, but I was in a very different financial situation. I wanted to be smart with my money, investing to create a solid financial foundation for my daughter.

I spent $43,000 a year on private school

With that in mind, I started to reassess what I was spending my money on. My big house was stressing me out, and I realized I'd rather live in a townhouse with less maintenance. I didn't buy new clothes or cars. Even now, I drive a Lexus, but it's 17 years old.

Instead, I spent on my daughter's education. I only escaped poverty because of my master's degree and knew I would never regret investing in Janicya. I put her in an expensive and wonderful private school, paying $43,000 a year in elementary school tuition and even more than that as she got older. Because that was my choice alone, my ex didn't contribute to tuition.

Teaching my daughter financial literacy was critical

When Janicya was 7, she had emergency brain surgery. My job required tons of travel, so I quit my corporate role to start my own company. It was self-funded, and although I was financially stable, I wasn't a millionaire anymore. I reached that status again about four years ago, in my early 40s.

I was always of two minds about my daughter and money. I wanted her to understand the value of money, and I also wanted to give her access to everything I never had.

Teaching Janicya financial literacy was a way to do both. I never learned about credit, or interest, or how to leverage other people's money (via loans and investment) to build your wealth. My mom declared bankruptcy, and my sister had multiple bankruptcies. I wanted Janicya to have access to the same financial knowledge as her private school peers who had generational wealth.

I gave her allowance to teach her the value of money

I also wanted Janicya to learn day-to-day money skills. I gave her an allowance that's meant to pay for incidentals, like Starbucks or fancy new cups. I taught her we can't always keep up with others — especially those at her private school. When she wanted an expensive purse, I showed her I didn't even have one.

Sometimes, however, I bent the rules. As a single mom running a business, it was sometimes easier to give her money to go out with her friends because I just needed some downtime. Once, she had a chance to travel to Puerto Rico with a friend's family. I paid for that because it was an opportunity I would have loved as a teen.

Today, my daughter works hard and tells me when to scale back

Still, I tried to make Janicya understand the value of money. When she was 16, she got a job scooping ice cream. Today, she's 20 and a junior in college. My ex and I pay her tuition, but she pays all her other expenses. She's working two jobs while in school, which makes me proud.

Right now, she wants a new car. She's currently driving a 20-year-old Lexus with 180,000 miles — it used to be her grandmother's. I told her I'll match what she saves for a new vehicle. I'll do the same one day when she's ready to buy her first home.

Although I'm a millionaire again, I continue to live like I'll never make another dollar. After growing up poor, I'm terrified of having no money. I like to save and invest, and I never overextend myself with loans and credit cards.

But I've also learned from Janicya. She tells me I work too much. I know from experience that money isn't everything, so I'm trying to spend more time with her — and maybe even take a vacation.

• A financial guru has criticized strict budgets, advocating for intuitive spending instead.
• Budget culture is seen as restrictive, leading to potential "budget burnout."
• Experts suggest balancing intuitive spending with realistic budgeting for financial health.

Saving money and paying off debts can feel like an endless cycle, which is why financial gurus are so keen on budgeting.

But Dana Miranda, a certified personal finance educator, told CNBC Make It in a recent interview that strict spending plans can be "toxic."

Miranda, who is also the author of "You Don't Need a Budget," told the outlet that budget culture is based on "restriction, shame, and greed," and there's little concrete evidence it works in the long term.

Instead, she recommended "intuitive spending" and thinking about your money "moment by moment." Rather than punishing themselves for overspending, people should reward themselves when they save, Miranda said.

Not all financial pros are in agreement, though.

Katrin Kaurov, the CEO and cofounder of the social financial platform Frich, told Business Insider it's true that "everyone hates budgeting."

But she isn't convinced intuitive spending is a good alternative. For some, it can increase debt and result in purchases they don't need.

To budget or not to budget

Doug Carey, a chartered financial analyst and founder of the retirement and financial planning software WealthTrace, told BI that whether to budget is a question that comes up with many of his clients.

Generally, he said he disagrees that people must have a set budget and stick to it. As long as someone can max out their 401(k) contributions and save enough for emergencies, "they can use their intuition for spending."

For these people, it is pretty obvious when they are spending too much, Carey said, because they'll dip into savings.

Budgets can be too limiting for people who are more flexible in their income, such as freelancers or contractors, for example, because these systems don't often allow for easy changes.

Carey said the "micromanagement" of daily things can also "obscure the bigger picture of your financial health," such as long-term financial goals such as retirement savings or building wealth.

"This can create a negative association with managing money and lead to 'budget burnout,'" Carey said. "Many give up on budgeting when they feel like they cannot live within the strict limits of the budget."

Trial and error

Budgets can be more universally helpful if they make room for flexibility.

Kaurov told BI that budgeting isn't inherently toxic, "but many people create budgets with too much enthusiasm and optimism for how little money they will spend from month to month."

People spend more during the holidays, for example. So using December's budget in January probably won't work.

Kaurov said a budget should be about creating a realistic guideline for spending and saving. If you've set one you can't follow, you should rethink it, she said.

"Budgeting is a tricky — but important — skill for people to learn when they're starting to manage their money," she said. "Trial and error is crucial and will allow people to find what kind of budget works best for them."

The grass isn't always greener

Intuitive spending sounds like a good idea, but it may be a case of "the grass is always greener," Kaurov added.

"For so many, especially younger people who are often on a tighter budget anyway, it's a really poor financial habit to develop," she said.

For those who are partial to impulsively buying trendy items from social media ads, "intuitive spending" can quickly turn into overspending on things you don't need.

Julie Guntrip, the head of financial wellness at Jenius Bank, told BI that rather than following absolute rules about their spending, people give themselves grace when things don't go to plan.

"Budgeting practices many times fail because people can't stick to them — an individual makes one misstep and decides to give it all up," she said.

A better course of action may be somewhere in the middle.

"Factoring splurges into a budget could be a great compromise for someone who may feel like budgeting is too constraining," Guntrip added. "This practice may actually help someone stick with a budget longer."

• As many Americans struggle with a high cost of living, Gen X is in a particularly tight spot.
• Aged 44-59, the generation hasn't experienced millennials' wealth spike or baby boomers' pensions.
• Gen X has the highest income of all, but also the highest debt.

America's generational middle child is feeling the squeeze.

A growing subset of Gen Xers — who were born between 1965 and 1980, and are 44 to 59 years old — are struggling to pay their bills, picking up additional work, and cutting down spending on necessities, a new Philadelphia Fed survey shows.

That doesn't leave much space for discretionary spending, which could be adding to their lagging sentiment.

Meanwhile, the generations on either side are faring well. Millennials have seen a wealth boom in recent years driven by real estate and stock market returns, and baby boomers also have their pensions.

While Gen X saw their own gains from stock and real estate booms, they're also still stuck in an expensive middle-age phase, dealing with their own debts, preparing for retirement, and shouldering the burden of their children and parents.

Gen Xers have the highest income and highest debt as they navigate the 'sandwich' phase of life

Gen Xers are struggling with their personal finances across a variety of measures, a survey of around 5,000 respondents from the Federal Reserve Bank of Philadelphia found.

As of October 2024, a quarter of Americans 46 to 55 were skipping some debts or monthly bills.

For some Gen Xers, that might mean skipping out on spending on some of life's more enjoyable things. Since the Philadelphia Fed's LIFE survey first began, the share of 46 to 55-year-olds cutting back on discretionary spending has grown. As of October 2024, over half of that surveyed age group said they were cutting back on discretionary spending.

"I rarely go out or buy new things or nice things. I usually shop for clothes secondhand, and the expenses that I'm really worried about — and they're just increasing — are my medical expenses," Wendy Graham, a Gen Xer in Philadelphia who works in the nonprofit sector, told BI.

Barbara Lose, a 57-year-old Gen Xer in Florida, said that she is struggling to pay rent; she lost her job over the summer.

"I just want to go through life and have a job where I can make enough money to go out to dinner and have a couple glasses of wine once a week. That's all I want out of life," Lose said. "I want to be able to pay my bills and take myself out to dinner once a week. I don't think that's asking too much, but apparently, it is these days."

Of course, cutting back on discretionary spending may not be all bad. As a Bank of America Institute research note finds, Gen X has seen its discretionary spending drop the most of all generations. The analysis attributes that, in part, to Gen Xers trying to sock away more for retirement and investing more.

Gen Xers do have the highest income of the generations, raking in a mean of $136,776 annually, the Bureau of Labor Statistics Consumer Expenditure Surveys found. They also have, on average, $157,556 in total debt — the highest among the generations.

"I'm still to this day paying off student loans," Graham said.

But as Bank of America notes, Gen X is in the "sandwich" phase of life: Some are juggling supporting adult children and elderly relatives. Their sandwich stage comes as more parents are also supporting their young adult children.

"I know a lot of people that are in this situation that are my age, they're really getting squished between having to take care of their children and having to take care of their parents," Graham said. That could be putting pressure on spending on necessities. Nearly a third of Americans ages 46 to 55 were cutting back on essential spending as of October 2024, the Philadelphia Fed's survey found.

"I had to have some dental care done last year. I owe about $800 for that," Graham said. "So there just isn't enough. There's not enough extra to go around, and healthcare costs are just continuing to increase. I don't see any relief from that in the future."

All of those factors taken together might explain another Gen X phenomenon: taking on more work. While 18- to 35-year-olds were still the most likely to say that they took on an additional job as a form of financial coping, the share of 46- to 55-year-olds doing the same has increased by a little over half since January 2023.

"We're still a very adaptable generation," Lose, who's on the hunt for work, said. "I still have a lot of great ideas and energy and willingness to work in this body of mine."

It's no wonder, then, that Gen X's vibes are not so great. Elder millennials' and Gen Xers' consumer sentiment is the lowest among the different age cohorts captured by the University of Michigan's consumer sentiment survey.

Are you a Gen Xer struggling to make ends meet or feeling forgotten? Contact this reporter at [email protected].

• Aissatou Guisse, who moved to the US as a child, sends $250 to relatives in Senegal each month.
• In the past, she's felt guilty about saying no to additional requests for monetary support.
• After she had a child of her own, Guisse decided to set boundaries around her financial giving.

This as-told-to essay is based on a transcribed conversation with Aissatou Guisse, a 31-year-old Microsoft employee in Atlanta about the pressure to send money home to relatives in Senegal. The following has been edited for length and clarity.

I grew up seeing my parents sending money back home to our relatives.

We're from Senegal, but we moved to the US when I was eight years old. My dad got a green card in the lottery and moved to America in 2000. Once he got here, he saw that educational opportunities were better, so he decided to bring the rest of us along. Our family, including my mom and siblings, moved to the US a year later.

Once we'd moved abroad, family members in Senegal expected my parents to help out financially if needed. I wasn't aware of the details at the time, but I think my parents contributed toward things like medical bills and plane tickets for other relatives.

I was raised in Ohio and went to university there before getting a tech job. In 2019, I moved to Atlanta, and in 2020, I got a job at Microsoft, where I now work in compliance and security.

It wasn't until I started working that the responsibility of sending remittances became more prominent in my life.

Over the years, I've found that pressure and not feeling able to say no to requests for cash has made it hard for me to save and budget. After I had a child of my own, I decided to set boundaries around how much money I send to relatives back home.

I send $250 a month to my family in Senegal in addition to one-off payments

I started financially supporting relatives around 2015. My mom was sending money to my grandma in Senegal every month, even though she had stopped working. When I started working, I had a conversation with my mom, and we decided I'd take that duty off her hands. My company subsidized my housing and travel costs, so I didn't have to change much about my spending at the time.

My grandma has since passed, but I still send roughly $250 a month to that household. I have an aunt, uncle, and some cousins living there. My aunt and uncle don't work. She's older, and he has eyesight issues. They use the money I send to buy groceries.

I also make one-off payments when needs arise, like when someone is sick and needs a prescription or when someone's getting married.

In 2023, 10% of Senegal's GDP came from remittances sent from the diaspora. There are money transfer agencies on every corner in Sengalese neighhorhoods. All the families I know in Senegal with relatives abroad have received money from those family members at some point.

The cost of living has gone up in Senegal, and job opportunities are few and far between.

I have several friends in the US from Senegal who send money home monthly. One friend finances her brother's education.

The remittances I've sent have sometimes been linked to cultural pressure

Other people don't always understand how remittances factor into my life.

I once talked to a financial advisor about my expenses. I showed him my Excel sheet, which included payments to relatives back home. He told me with my paycheck, I should be able to max out my Roth IRA and created a plan involved saying no to supporting my parents. It's hard to work with advisors when their logic goes against the cultural challenges you're facing.

Another time, I was balancing my Excel budget when my Brazilian friend peeked over my shoulder and asked about the things I paid for. When I explained, he said it was stupid.

I know people in other cultures send money back home, but Senegalese culture is particularly focused on not getting other people's hopes down. I've been able to build the regular monthly payments into my budget, but one-off requests from family members have made me feel guilty about saying no.

It's meant I've lacked disposable income, not met savings goals, and can't properly budget.

Even now, when I want to take a vacation, a voice in the back of my mind says I could use that money to help someone.

I eventually decided I needed to put my own needs first

Having a child of my own inspired me to make some changes.

My daughter is going to be two soon. Raising a child comes with additional expenses, and I started thinking about the future and building wealth in the US.

The $250 I send to relatives in Senegal monthly is about 3% of my monthly salary, so it's not a significant portion, but it becomes a bigger concern when I factor in other expenses now that I no longer work for a company that subsidizes some costs and have a child.

I decided I needed to be a bit selfish, not just for me but for my family, by setting realistic boundaries around what I could give to relatives in Senegal.

I now try to stick to a budget as best I can. My siblings and I also opened a bank account and we each throw $20 in there a month. If someone calls from back home, we can send them money from that account, so no one feels the burden alone.

I still send the monthly money to my grandma's household, but for other things, I do a critical case-by-case analysis of whether the payment is necessary. I once said no to a relative who asked for a $2,500 loan. I want to set the expectation that I don't want to be in the business of just giving out money because I have other responsibilities to take care of. But it isn't easy to set boundaries while maintaining friendly familial ties.

My advice for others in my position, with relatives abroad and goals they want to accomplish, is to not feel guilty for putting yourself or your family first.

Do you have a personal story about financially supporting or depending on family members? Email [email protected]

• Sheri Atwood was proud that she managed to divorce amicably for just $500.
• However, navigating co-parenting expenses with her ex eventually led to animosity.
• Atwood invented a system where she could upload receipts for her ex and keep detailed records.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Sheri Atwood, founder and CEO of SupportPay. It has been edited for length and clarity.

I was five when my parents got divorced, but their separation was so tumultuous that it shaped my whole childhood. The money they spent fighting us could have bought a mansion, but my siblings and I were barely fed and living in a one-bedroom apartment. I lived in 24 different places before I was 18 as they battled for custody.

I was determined not to continue that kind of life. I was the only one of my siblings to go to college. While there, I met a marine in Tijuana and married him at just 19. Our marriage was OK at first, mostly because my job in corporate cyber security meant I traveled constantly.

We had a baby when I was 25, and almost instantly, I realized I wanted a divorce, and my ex was fully on board. Our relationship wasn't healthy, and I didn't want my daughter to grow up with that. I did all the paperwork and paid $500 for the divorce. I felt we had dodged a bullet by having a cheap, amicable divorce despite having significant assets, including multiple homes and a boat. I was proud that we were both focused on what was best for our daughter.

After the divorce, we started fighting about money

After the divorce, I felt like we were constantly discussing — or arguing over — money. He would pay $20 to register our daughter for soccer, and I'd pay $40 for gymnastics, so we were always figuring out who owed whom. I would spend $100 on shoes, and he'd say there was no way shoes cost that much, so I'd have to send him a receipt.

We had the same issue with our shared custody calendar. I'd put my frequent work trips on the calendar, and he would lose the link and ask me to resend it.

I wasted a huge amount of time and energy managing our co-parenting. It was incredibly stressful. Soon, the friendly feelings from my divorce were out the window. My ex and I had a lot of animosity because we had different values around money and challenges communicating about it.

I realized everyone talks about an amicable divorce, but no one talks about what comes after that.

Automating payments allowed me to let go of frustration

When my daughter was seven, she needed emergency brain surgery. That was a wake-up call for me. Until then, I was spending so much time working while nannies took care of her. I realized that if I were going to work that many hours, I wanted to do something more personally meaningful. To me, that meant ensuring my family and others had a better way to manage the mundane tasks of co-parenting, like handling payments and the calendar.

I used my tech background to create a platform to manage payments, schedules, and communication between co-parents. Back then, a text from my ex could distract me from work and disrupt my focus, so I also put communication in the app, which would send me a notification that I could deal with when I was ready.

By the time my daughter was 9, the app was live, and my ex and I began to use it. Having everything in one place allowed me to let go of so much frustration and the time I spent talking to my ex about money. That way, I could focus on what was important: our daughter. My ex even started using it with another ex-partner he also has a child with.

I had let go of my negative feelings, too

Time and time in my life, I've had arguments over money. It's not just with my ex. It also happened with my siblings when we were caring for our mother, and again after she died and we needed to settle her estate.

Having a platform to handle modern family finances takes some of the emotion out of these transactions. Of course, that requires a shift in mindset too. For example, I realized if I wanted to get paid, I had to show my ex receipts for my expenses. He wasn't asking out of spite. He just genuinely didn't realize how much things cost — like those $100 shoes! Being able to upload a receipt kept things cordial and helped me get my money.

Most parents want to support their kids, and they realize kids aren't free. But they don't always understand the costs, and tempers can quickly flare around money. Sharing receipts can be a neutral way to show those costs and avoid emotion.

When you have a child with someone, you're tied to them for life. My daughter is now 22, and my ex and I are still sharing college expenses. I've also had people use the app to split wedding expenses or the cost of taking care of a senior loved one. The last thing anyone wants is to make or receive a phone call asking for money. When you can avoid that, you have more time to focus on what really matters: family.

• I help people package and monetize their skills, and I've helped my kids do the same.
• From when they were young, they've published books, sold baked goods, and more.
• I encourage these pursuits and talk to them about budgeting and saving money.

I realized early on in my work as a personal branding and executive coach that I had a gift for seeing my clients for who they uniquely were. I could quickly pinpoint a clear opportunity they could tap into to tell their story, share their expertise, or make money from a unique skill.

So, back when my two teens were in elementary school, I intentionally set out to teach them how to boldly package their genius once they had demonstrated skills and services I thought could be marketable.

My sons were open to my suggestions

When my then-9-year-old son Connor wrote a hilarious short story as a fourth-grade class assignment, I encouraged him to keep going and make it longer. I told him that if he wrote a little more, I'd help him publish his story as a book on Amazon.

That motivation proved powerful for a fourth grader, and over the winter holiday break that year, he finished his book "Zombie Tag," which became a playground hit. He wrote two more titles in a series, and they're all still available on Amazon. He did a few book talks and book fairs, and all of his book sale money went into a high-yield CD. He still sells a few copies of his book each month, and all new royalties go directly to a liquid high-yield savings account that he watches grow from an app on his phone.

Logan, who is a year older than Connor, helped with the book marketing and got a percentage of the early sales when they did things like set up at book fairs. Since then, the two have also both earned money from their shared skills; for example, they both had a joint podcast audio editing studio a few years ago with a small roster of clients.

Additionally, they pursue their individual passions, which I encourage. Logan has sold digital art portraits, blank coloring pages, and postcards with original art, and Connor has sold his electronic beats, original podcast theme music he produced on GarageBand, and, most recently, homemade cinnamon rolls. Whenever there is a demand for something they do, I make a point of challenging them to package it in a way a customer can buy — if that's something they're open to doing, which they usually are.

I try to teach them about money and how to save and budget

I think it's important to show them they have agency; they may want to buy concert tickets or new sneakers, but they're not at the mercy of my bank account. My goal has always been to show them that opportunities to make money are as unlimited as their own creativity.

As my children began earning money independently, I encouraged them to save 10-50% of what they made. I've also talked with them about what makes a big purchase "affordable." One lesson that seems to have stuck is that if a purchase will take up more than 10% of their cash on hand, it may be too costly and need to be reconsidered.

That said, they still spend like teens and come to me when they want to buy something out of their budget. But I do believe that once they're on their own and fully financially responsible for themselves, they'll have the basic framework to help them make good money decisions.

I want their creativity to give them a sense of freedom

As a coach, I work with adults who find it difficult to give themselves permission to package their expertise and skills in different ways. I see how hard it is to mentally shift from expecting a paycheck to show up automatically every two weeks to getting creative when you need to earn additional money.

There will inevitably be lean times, and you may need to adapt when fortunes change or might be forced to do something different when the job market dips. I've seen how tough it can be for my clients to flip the switch of monetizing their work. But once they unlock that key skill, they also unlock the peace of mind from knowing they always have what it takes to earn more.

I want my kids to have that now so they're never at the mercy of a toxic boss or job that's not the right fit. I want them to be aware of their innate ability to create opportunities so they aren't always waiting for one to be handed to them. As a mother, I want to give them a sense of their personal power early so they don't fall into the trap of overworking to prove their worth — a trap that too often leads to burnout.

As of now, they've made around $10,000 from book sales, bake sales, audio editing, and digital art sales combined. But whether they make a lot of money from their endeavors or not doesn't matter so much to me. I just want them to be aware that they are powerful and they always have the power to shift their financial futures — regardless of what's happening in the economy.