• I let my son plan a trip for the two of us to California for his 17th birthday.
• Throughout our trip, I was thankful for the time I've spent building our relationship.
• My son is passionate about his interests, and they're part of what makes him who he is.

When my son was younger, there were times I wondered whether he'd ever stop talking about his interests. From detailed stories of his latest "Minecraft" session to chattering about his favorite Marvel superheroes, it seemed there weren't enough hours in the day for him to tell me things. But whoever said "the days are long but the years are short" was right, and in a blink I found myself facing my son's 17th birthday — his last before technically becoming an adult.

My son and I still talk quite a bit, whether discussing horror movies or analyzing his dating life, but between his first part-time job and getting his driver's license, I see and hear from him less these days. For his birthday, I let him plan the itinerary for a trip to California — just him and me.

For nearly a week, we hit the Universal and Disneyland theme parks, saw movies in historic theaters, and ate lots of cheeseburgers. It was pretty incredible, both to spend dedicated time with him and to see him embrace the things that interest him most.

Embracing his interests over the years helped shape the trip

I've learned the best way to stay close to my kids is to embrace what interests them. My son is very interested in film, so when he told me he wanted to "go to the restaurant David Lynch always went to" while we were in Los Angeles, I turned to Google. "Do you mean the Bob's Big Boy in Burbank?" I asked.

Lynch, the director behind "Twin Peaks" who died earlier this year, was known to visit the iconic restaurant for a coffee and a chocolate milkshake most afternoons, so we did, too. It was a seemingly silly stop, but one that will be a core memory for both of us.

We've always enjoyed going to theme parks together

When my kids were younger, we visited Central Florida theme parks nearly every weekend. Now, they have their own lives and social schedules, so we go less frequently. Still, when we talked about a trip to California, my son said, "Can we go to Disneyland and Universal Studios Hollywood?"

It was a reminder that when you build memories with your kids when they're small, those things stick. We had a great time on rides at Disneyland and doing a movie studio backlot tour at Universal, things we may not have added to our itinerary had we not gone when he was younger.

He's developed his own interests, too

My son's biggest request on our trip was to visit as many historic theaters in California as possible. While staying at Disneyland, we took a drive to Santa Ana to visit an arthouse movie theater he discovered while planning the trip. In Los Angeles, we saw "Sinners" at Universal CityWalk in 70 mm Imax, a filming style my film-enthusiast son said "was the way it was meant to be seen" and something definitely not offered in our small Florida town.

Film is my son's passion, so I was content to tag along. Part of growing up is learning what makes you happiest, and seeing my kid delight in visiting historic theaters and seeing a movie every single day of our trip made me happy, even if my vacation preferences are more along the lines of lounging poolside and trying distinctive restaurants.

I'm proud I've raised such an interesting human being

Our trip wasn't just movie theaters and theme parks. My son also requested we visit the Academy Museum of Motion Pictures in Los Angeles and begged to visit stores that sold "physical media" (the film-nerd term for hard copies of movies) so he could add to his 4K Blu-ray collection. He ate 10 cheeseburgers over our weeklong trip, including two visits to In-N-Out Burger, a chain we love but do not have on the East Coast. Though I let him have the reins throughout the trip, I ended up having an amazing time, too.

Our routine has changed over the years, from storytime snuggles and Lego-building contests to college planning and navigating the teenage years. I'm so thankful I took the time to listen when he waxed poetic about video games and comic books for hours on end. Without those moments, he'd probably not include me in his interests today, and his interests are pretty cool, in my opinion.

• Denise Richards says she and her ex-husband, Charlie Sheen, approach parenting very differently.
• "I parent my way. He parents his way, and there was no co-parenting," Richards said.
• Despite that, she always wanted Sheen to have a constant presence in their two daughters' lives.

Denise Richards says that she and her ex, Charlie Sheen, each have their own methods of raising their two daughters.

On Tuesday's episode of the "Whine Down with Jana Kramer" podcast, Richards spoke about the dynamics of her relationship with Sheen.

"Truthfully, it wasn't co-parenting. I parent my way. He parents his way, and there was no co-parenting," the "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" star told podcast host Jana Kramer.

Richards shares two daughters — Sami and Lola, both grown up now — with Sheen, whom she was married to from 2002 to 2006.

Richards said that while there is "no discord" between her and her ex-husband, they are not exactly close.

"I have kids with him, and I'm not really — I'm friendly with Charlie, but I wish we were friends and that we could talk all the time and be able to be there really for each other with our girls," she said. "But that's just not the relationship we have. Maybe one day."

Despite that, it was always important to her that Sheen maintained a constant presence in her daughters' lives.

"I was always an advocate of wanting everything to be great and be friends and blend the family because he had two boys with his wife after me," Richards said.

"I just didn't want the girls to feel like they had to choose sides. I've always wanted him to be there for all the birthday parties and holidays, and I always invited him and sometimes he would come. And I think it's good for the kids to see that too," she continued.

Richards also said she "never talked bad about him in front of the kids," which was sometimes "hard to do."

She recalled how Sheen didn't give her a heads-up that he was going public with his HIV diagnosis so she could speak to their daughters first. Richards added that she picked her kids up from school earlier that day so they wouldn't learn about the news from their friends.

"I had to have a conversation about that," she said. "And it was kind of hard to explain to them what it was. That was the only time I can remember. There's been a few things that I've had to have conversations with. But for the most part, I really try to shelter them from a lot of stuff."

Richards isn't the only famous figure who has spoken about her experience raising kids with her ex.

"The Hills" actor Kristin Cavallari told Business Insider in 2020 that she takes her emotions out of the situation while co-parenting with her ex-husband, former NFL player Jay Cutler.

Cavallari said that her focus is on their three kids: "And so I'm removing any of my emotions or feelings and just thinking about them and putting them first."

In 2020, Khloé Kardashian said she and her ex, Tristan Thompson, quarantined together during the pandemic in order to spend time with their daughter, True.

Angela Marie Christian, a life coach who advises single moms, previously told BI that she learned three tips from co-parenting with her ex-partners. These include setting aside time to discuss their child's well-being, planning schedules out clearly so the child knows how they'll spend their weekends or holidays, and being respectful to each other.

Representatives for Richards and Sheen did not immediately respond to requests for comment sent by BI outside regular hours.

• I don't want my young daughter to grow up to be a "Sephora kid" who is obsessed with makeup.
• I'm teaching her young about the dangers of the beauty industry and how she can damage her skin.
• I'm also teaching her that beauty isn't tied to makeup, and filters make people look perfect.

I love skincare. I love how it makes me feel in the morning before I start my day or in the evening as a special treat. I love it so much that I co-founded a beauty brand once sold at Target and Nordstrom.

But when my daughter, now in pre-k, becomes a tween and asks me to buy her skincare or makeup products, I will refuse until she gets older.

"Sephora kids" is a name for Gen Z and Gen Alpha kids who are so obsessed with skincare that big beauty retailers are complaining about kids causing havoc at their stores, and summer camps are banning tweens from sneaking skincare inside.

Many moms set rules about the skincare products their kids can buy, but I don't think kids should use makeup or skincare at all until they are older. Here's why.

I want my daughter to understand makeup doesn't equate to beauty

My young daughter has started telling me that she wants to wear my makeup to look beautiful. I tell her that makeup is meant to make you look fancy, not prettier. I try to emphasize that she is already beautiful.

It's great to like makeup, but I don't want her to grow up thinking that she is not good enough and that some product is magically going to "improve" her.

We have social media to blame for this belief. Young kids are engaging with social media filters and AI edits — all of which can easily make skin look flawless.

Studies are now showing that increased social media use is connected to higher rates of anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem in teenagers.

I hope to avoid some of that as my daughter grows into a teen, so I'm teaching her now.

I'm teaching my daughter how to tell if what she sees on a screen is real or fake. When we watch content together we talk about what filters were probably used and how to tell that a video is all or part AI.

I hope this becomes so ingrained in her that whenever she sees a beauty influencer on social media, she'll wonder if they've used filters or AI to make themselves look perfect.

She'll be too young to wear a lot of the products

When she's a tween, my daughter won't need collagen-boosting ingredients  Since young people's skin is already collagen-heavy, oxidative damage will arrive much later.

If she asks what brand of exfoliator I recommend, I will say, "Skip it," because scrubbing will damage her skin barrier, leading to irritation and peeling.

When she sees a viral skincare trend, I want her to ask, "Is this right for me?"

Currently, clinical products meant for aging skin — like retinol, peptides, and vitamin C — are trending. But these products could do more harm than good to youthful skin.

Beauty overconsumption is a real issue she needs to avoid

I am guilty of overconsumption, but I'm trying to teach my daughter better shopping hygiene. She'll learn she doesn't need four morning cleansers and seven mascaras in her bathroom cabinet.

I want her to avoid chasing the dopamine rush of shopping or falling for "RFOMO" (retail fear of missing out).

Makeup and skincare products are also incredibly wasteful. When she sees a skincare product, I hope she'll see the individual parts that must be thrown out and take up space in a landfill: the plastic bottle and cap, the dropper, and the pump.

Before you think I'm an outlier in the beauty industry, even the CEO of Sephora agrees with me, saying teens only really need three products.

I'm not against skincare or beauty; I just want my daughter's first beauty counter experience to be age-appropriate — guided by knowledge, power, and confidence. In doing so, I hope she never calls herself a "Sephora kid."

• When my three kids were young, I had no problem teaching them life rules.
• Now that they're teens, I have no idea how to parent them.
• I'm trying to stay out of their way in hopes they can learn independence.

When my kids were younger, I felt like I knew what I was doing. I knew what I had to teach them, how to discipline them, and how to keep them safe.

Those little kids have grown into three teenagers, and now I'm at a loss. As a single mother, I don't know how to properly parent teenagers; it's something I've clearly never done before.

I sometimes want to tell them: I've got no clue about trigonometry, why Jessica isn't talking to you today, or how to improve your "Snapstreak."

While I continue to make it up as I go along and hopefully not cause any permanent damage along the way, there are a few things I've learned from trial and error.

I'm trying to be more like a coach and less like a manager

When my kids were younger, I took the rules-based approach to parenting. I taught my kids how they must treat other people, how they must engage with their education, and how they must contribute to our family and community. These were easy rules to model and teach.

But the rule-based parenting that helped me run a tight ship when they were small children and pre-teens doesn't cut it any longer.

I've realized that micromanaging their lives to ensure they follow the rules is futile. These days, I'm taking a more back-seat role.

My oldest is in his last year of high school. He is adamant that he is studying and that his education is under control. I've made it clear that I am here for assistance whenever he wants, but I'm not checking to ensure he's getting all his schoolwork done. Maybe he's in his room gaming rather than revising his essays. But if I hover over him now, then what happens when he's off at college next year or when he's at work and something doesn't go right?

Being independent and learning how to ask for help are among the most important skills kids need to learn. Giving them space is the only way I know how to teach them that.

I definitely don't have all the answers, but I hope that by listening, enabling my kids to talk things through, and providing my opinion, they'll make the choices that are right for them.

A good coach watches the play and has a couple of tricks up their sleeve from past experience, but at the end of the day, they can't take the field.

Sometimes, I feel like an extra in the story of their lives

After all the cooking, cleaning, driving around, coordinating schedules, and completing my own job, some days, I feel like nothing more than an extra in the drama that is a teenager's life.

Apparently, the difficulties and injustices they face are beyond my understanding, and I "just don't get it!"

On these days, I remind myself to step back and let the drama unfold. Sitting on the sidelines is bittersweet. I am growing increasingly aware that all too soon, they won't need me anymore, but I also get to witness how they're growing and maturing.

Soon, they'll move out and become adults

I'm sure when my youngest is 17, I'll be better equipped to navigate the dramas and emotions of teenagers — annoyingly, becoming an expert once the skill is unnecessary.

Still, I remind myself now is the time for me to lay the foundations for adult relationships with my kids because no matter what age they are, they will always need me in some way.

Perhaps more important than that, I need to think about my own life and make plans for the time and freedom from responsibility that awaits me. As a single parent, my nest will be well and truly empty, so what am I going to fill it with?

We are far from perfect, but my teenagers and I are doing OK, and, most importantly, we're continuing to learn from each other.

• It was really hard to teach my little kids to do chores like cooking or cleaning up.
• But I'm glad they learned young because now that they're teens, they can take care of themselves.
• Now, I also have more freedom, and so do they.

My husband and I went out to dinner last weekend, and as I was getting ready I realized I made no plans for my teens to eat. As we were headed out the door, I yelled, "We're leaving! Find something in the fridge to make for dinner!"

And they did.

It's a huge jump from when I had four little kids running around the house, and it felt like I didn't sit down once during the day. There was constant laundry to be washed and folded, meals to be made, and messes to be cleaned up. My husband and I were the ones doing all those things all the time for six people.

Similarly, last month, the family went on a ski trip together here in Colorado. Everyone got sick of hearing me say, "This is so easy now!" But it was. In past years, my husband and I had to pack food, normal clothes, winter clothes, and other gear for all of us to head to the mountains. We were tired before we even hit the road.

This year, I told the family we were leaving at 2 p.m., and everyone was just … ready, packed, and in the car. No one even forgot a jacket.

It took years to teach them everything, but now my teens can take care of themselves.

It can be hard to teach little kids how to cook and clean

Of course, we didn't wake up one day with the kids knowing how to do all these things. It's been years of practicing, starting with small tasks and expecting them to do more over time.

That teaching doesn't always come easily or naturally, either. It's hard to make time to teach kids to do things. Cooking takes longer. The bathroom doesn't get as clean at first. Clothes aren't folded very neatly.

I think a lot of kids who grow up not knowing how to cook or do laundry aren't coddled by parents who insist on doing everything for their precious babies. We're all just so busy. When you get home from work and sports and after-school care at 6 p.m., everyone wants to eat dinner. You can't spend an extra half an hour teaching hangry kids how to chop a cucumber. If the bathroom has reached toxic levels, it's faster to clean it myself, and I know it will be done the way I want it.

I didn't enjoy having to show younger children how to do everything, especially when I knew I'd be faster. And, of course, sometimes the kids just didn't want to do these things.

But learning these skills gave my kids confidence — and gave me confidence that they'd be able to take care of themselves in the future.

All of the tasks I taught them were something the kids had to practice and improve on. Each time they packed their bags for a trip, they got better at it.

All that effort paid off, and I now have less to do

Over winter break a few years ago, I told my middle schooler he had to make dinner. I took him to the grocery store and let him loose to get his ingredients while I sat in the café and read a book. When we got home, he made a delicious dinner. I think I cried.

My other son has made some awesome breakfasts for us while we were camping — much more elaborate than I would have cooked. I don't double-check anyone's packing for trips anymore. On Thanksgiving, every person in the family makes a dish, so no one has to do all the cooking. When my oldest went to college, he taught a few friends how to do their laundry at the beginning of the school year.

Teaching the kids to do things for themselves has not only given my husband and me more freedom, but it has also given the kids freedom.

If they want a certain shirt clean, they don't have to wait for me. If they don't like what's for dinner, they can make their own.

I'm not going to pretend that we don't all still squabble over chores. Just because my family can do these tasks doesn't mean everyone in this house does them when I want. But I feel pretty confident that as they venture out into the world in the next few years, they'll be able to fend for themselves.

I just hope they come back to visit and cook for me sometimes.

• I didn't have the best relationship with my parents as a teenager, but now I have a great one.
• I wanted to do things differently with my teen and I'm giving her the relationship I wished I had.
• I listen to what she has to say and try to say yes as much as I can.

I have a great relationship with my parents now that I'm an adult. But as a teenager, I longed for a Lorilei and Rory, Gilmore Girls type of connection — particularly with my mom.

When I had my first daughter, I knew I wanted things to be different as she grew into a teenager. I've been purposeful about how I show up in our relationship to create the type of connection I had always hoped for when I was a teenager.

My approach is to say yes as much as I can and always listen to what she has to say.

I always listen to what she has to say

I strive to actively listen to whatever she wants to talk about, especially in the car. Recently, she was devastated that her boyfriend cut his hair into a mullet right before a school dance. While I know this is a short-lived issue that wouldn't matter in days' time, she was ridiculously upset. Even though his mullet matters 0% to me, listening to her — no matter the topic — builds our trust.

On many evenings, I find myself sitting on the end of her bed, talking for hours. Conversations that start with a funny reel on Instagram inevitably lead to more serious topics. We laugh and cry, talking about everything under the sun. I've learned that if I listen to her conversations where she's talking about which of her friends is crushing on whom during the week, she trusts me when she has bigger questions about sex, relationships, and substance use — the stuff that actually counts.

I say yes as much as I can

My daughter and her friends are just starting to drive, but up until recently, they needed a chauffeur to get anywhere. I work from home and have a more flexible schedule than most parents. I have made it a goal to say, "Yes!" whenever I can. Everything from needing a ride to the movies to hosting a Halloween party, I say yes if it's at all possible. This often means my car and home are full of several loud teenagers.

Many parents dread the idea of their teen drinking and driving or being in an unsafe situation. I've worked hard to build a relationship where my daughter and her friends know I am someone who will show up for them — no matter what.

This exact situation happened in the fall of 2024. My daughter and some friends were at a football game and didn't feel safe driving home with their planned ride. I was already in bed with pajamas on and a mouthguard in when she called me to ask if I'd pick them up. I was relieved she called me instead of them driving home with someone who was making unsafe choices. I want to be someone my daughter can count on, even when it's inconvenient.

I am honest when she asks hard questions

As a parent, I desperately want to protect my daughter from harm or pain. I would love to pretend I've never made bad or unsafe choices. When my daughter asks me questions, I tell her the cold, hard truth, even when embarrassed. This includes telling her about a time when I was a freshman in college and used my credit card to secretly fly to California to visit a guy I'd met once at a wedding.

Admitting to behavior I'm not proud of has helped me talk to my daughter about making better choices than I did and why I would choose differently if I could go back. This has led to some interesting conversations in the drive-thru at In-N-Out, on our way to Disneyland, and during dinner at our kitchen table. My daughter knows no topic is off the table—ever.

I surprise her with random acts of kindness

Being a teenager is hard. It's easy to forget that as an adult because being a grown-up is really hard, too. I like to surprise my teenager with random acts of kindness to show her I care about her. Sometimes, I clean her bathroom or fold her laundry — chores she is normally expected to do herself to take something off her plate. I also occasionally show up at school during lunchtime with Chic-fil-A or come home with a $7 bougie coffee drink. Sometimes, I'll even bring provisions for her friends, too.

What costs me $20 in coffee has benefitted me tenfold because now she does the same thing back to me. I regularly come home to find the dishes done or a little love note on my desk that says, "I love you, Mom." This back-and-forth exchange of kindness allows us to lift each other up, especially when things feel hard.

People are often scared of having teenagers. The hormones, mood swings, and social drama can be intimidating. However, I have found having a teenager to be one of my favorite parenting stages. My goal is not to have the perfect teenager but simply to be the kind of parent I wished I could've had during one of the most difficult life stages.

• Linda Townsend, 76, is a mom of four from the Gold Coast of Australia.
• She says that though many people dread the teenage years, that's when she was the happiest.
• She and her kids had plenty of fun together, and she enjoyed helping them in school.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Linda Townsend, a 76-year-old mom of four from the Gold Coast, Australia. It has been edited for length and clarity.

Many parents dread the adolescent years when children tend to become moody and aloof as they go through puberty. But for me, my kids' teenage years were the happiest of my life because we had so much fun together.

I became a mom at 23 and had three children — a girl, a boy, and another girl — all within five years before having my fourth child, another girl, at 36. When the three older ones were teenagers, we never had much money because my husband was out of work a lot, but we always had a good time.

My kids and I had plenty of fun together

We've had a lot of parties over the years. There were milestone birthdays to celebrate and dress-up parties galore. All of our kids' friends and their parents would come. We'd dance until the wee hours and have a ball.

I used to have a lot of spontaneous fun with my kids. Sometimes, I'd take my three girls to the local lake, and we'd skinny dip. At certain times of the year, there was this bioluminescence in the water. If we shook our hands, all of these green luminous stars would shimmer and glow. We'd hold hands in the moonlight and float under the stars, talking about our plans and dreams. It was magical.

By the time my youngest became a teenager, we were in a better place financially, and I did a lot of traveling with my daughters. When the youngest was 14 and my older girls were 22 and 26, we roadtripped around Mexico and California while my husband and son stayed home. The following year, when my youngest was 15 and my second youngest was 23, the three of us traveled through the Middle East together. I loved the fun and the adventures we shared.

I helped them through school and hard times, too

Although my kids were my best friends, I also knew they needed guidance and discipline. As a parent, you're there to teach them boundaries and manners. I loved helping them choose school subjects and getting them on the right academic path for their university degrees.

Being able to learn with them and being involved in their education was a highlight for me. When my youngest did French immersion, I taught her French grammar (which my mother taught me). I would sit in the bedroom with her, and we would translate her homework into English and then back into French. I believe that parent involvement is critical to a child's advancement.

If my kids were ever moody, I understood that it was mostly hormonal and just tried to give them privacy. They'd lock themselves away in their rooms and listen to their music. When the time was right, I'd talk to them, listen to their problems and fears, and do what I could to make sure they were happy. If they confessed to doing something wrong at school, I'd guide them to do the right thing.

It was hard when they moved out, but we're still connected

When the four kids left, I struggled with empty nest syndrome, especially when my youngest moved from where we live in Australia to Canada in 2010. I was heartbroken, but you have to let them fly. My kids were such a big part of my life. They were my reason for existence, and for a long time, I struggled to find purpose in other things, but eventually, I did.

These days, I have seven grandkids, and I enjoy spending time with them, as well as with my friends and my husband. I still need that contact with my children. You never let go of them in your heart. The love is always there. The connection between the mother and child is very strong, and for me, my kids were my best friends and the light of my life.

• I had my youngest daughter when I was 38, and now, I'm a middle-age mom of teens.
• I love having teens in my 50s. It keeps me young.
• I make an effort to speak their language and learn about their interests.

I may be 57, but I'm still 35 in my mind. I had my first child, a son, at age 18. I was naive, unprepared, and mostly clueless in the midst of my own reverse adolescence.

Two decades later, my youngest daughter was born, joining her 2-year-old sister, when I was 38. It didn't occur to me at the time that I would be 51 when my youngest turned 13 and the effect two teenage girls would have on me as a middle-age mom.

I could be mid-hot-flash, suddenly enraged and/or crying over something like them bickering, only to have them dissolve into laughter, directed at me, saying, "It's not that deep, Mom." I didn't have time to wallow in the perimenopausal symptoms that began around the same time they got their periods because they kept me too busy. I had to, as the kids say, "Clock in."

I speak their language

I speak fluent teenager, and am able to translate their often abbreviated language. Keeping up with their lingo keeps my brain young. If I'm messaging either of my now college-age daughters, I don't use punctuation, or they think I'm mad. My oldest daughter recently texted, "Please tell Dad to stop using periods, it's freaking me out."

This may seem silly to some, but to me, it feels like a privilege to catch BTS (behind-the-scenes) glimpses into their world, and it reminds me of my own angsty youth.

The ability to communicate with young people helps me relate to them and, occasionally, even for a brief moment, feel like one of them. When they recognize you speak their language, they're often more open and trusting. I remember wanting to feel 'heard' as a teenager, and I remember the adults who listened. There's a fine line, however, between a parent inserting themselves into kid-world and being invited in.

I make an effort to learn about their hobbies and interests

As my kids grew, I didn't try to force my 80s music on them but instead tried to lean into theirs. These days, their friends are surprised when I know the words to everything from Sabrina Carpenter and Doja Cat to Fisher, Paramore, or Pop Smoke. Music is ageless.

The sports my kids chose as teenagers forced me out of my middle-age comfort zone. At one point, I alternated between driving 93 miles into the traffic hellscape that is New York City twice weekly for fencing and hooking up and loading a gooseneck horse trailer for equestrian eventing activities around the Tri-State area of New Jersey, Delaware, and Pennsylvania.

My youngest daughter keeps me in style. It's like having Heidi Klum standing by to assess with swift certainty if my fashion choice is "in" or "out." Her friends have called me a "baddie." The connotation is flattering — and possibly a stretch — but, admittedly, a nice ego boost during a time when many women my age feel invisible.

My kids also keep me laughing — sometimes until we're crying, which, in my opinion, is the greatest fountain of youth.

In July, my last teenager will turn 20. Being an older mom to teens has had its challenges, but I wouldn't trade any of it. My late grandfather surrounded himself with young people throughout his life, and now I understand why.

• I'm the mom of five kids, including teenagers.
• If my kids have no obligations, I let them sleep in as much as they want.
• People have said I'm letting be lazy, but I'm doing it for their health.

Last week, here in Michigan, my children had three "cold days" in a row — with temperatures falling below -20 degrees Fahrenheit, our school district canceled school.

And on those days, as any day that they don't have school or other obligations, I let my teenagers sleep in as long as they wanted.

They have to wake up so early on school days

One teen roused fairly early, around 9 a.m., while the other didn't wake until nearly noon. I wasn't fazed in the slightest. On normal school days, my kids have to get up before 6 a.m., which they do all on their own, but on weekends, off-days, and during the summer months, I do not control my teens' bedtimes or waketimes.

I always encourage them to sleep as much as possible because I believe that sleep is one of the most important things they need, especially at their age.

Some parents might disagree with me and encourage strict wake-ups, even over the summer, but in our family, my teenagers can't possibly get anywhere near the recommended hours of sleep on a regular basis. Between school, sports, work, and family commitments, most nights they are lucky to get six to seven hours, and if I'm being honest, some nights it's even less than that.

I'm aware of the science that says that teens' brains are wired to stay up later and sleep in, but unfortunately, our school district — like many — just can't accommodate a schedule that supports their sleep. We live in a rural area where a lot of kids depend on busing, so the bus schedule dictates the school schedule, which means very early wake-up times.

They are not lazy

There's not a lot I can do to create more hours of sleep for them at night during the school year, but what I do is always encourage them to sleep as much as they want all other days of the year. I've heard people call teens lazy for sleeping in so much, but to me, it's about supporting their health in a very basic way. I want my teens to understand and emphasize the importance of sleep, especially as they grow into adults.

Part of my motivation is also selfish. I am personally someone who has always needed a lot of sleep to function, so just in case they turn out like me, I want them to know it's okay to be someone who needs a lot of sleep. Years of sleep deprivation as a mother severely impacted my physical and mental health, yet I've always felt guilty anytime I needed more sleep or "let" my husband help me at night.

So far, my strategy is working. My teens are responsible, do well in school, work side jobs when they want spending money, and have no problem regulating their own sleep. I do set some boundaries that I also use to support a healthy sleep environment: their phones have auto bedtimes that I control (weekdays have earlier times than weekends), their bedrooms are kept screen-free, and I instituted white noise habits from the time they were babies.

I'm not naive enough to think it's all my strategic parenting or merit that has granted me children who can sleep in or regulate their sleep schedules.

Everyone and every family is different, of course. My goal is not to shame any family whose teens aren't able to sleep in on a whim; my goal is simply to make sure my teens never feel shamed for sleeping in.

• One piece of early advice in my parenting journey has stuck with me.
• Now that my kids are teens, I have two rules for them: no screens or food in their bedrooms.
• The rules give all of us structure.

Out of all the parenting tips I read as a new mom, one piece of advice has stayed with me all these years: "Start as you mean to continue."

It was a helpful reminder for times when I was exhausted, and the path of least resistance was more appealing. Did it really matter if my baby slept on my chest for just one night? Did I really need to teach my toddler to brush his own teeth instead of just doing it for him? Wasn't it easier to just let them stay up later than enforce a bedtime?

You see where I'm going with this. "Start as you mean to continue" requires consistency and determination — but I've found that the results are worth the effort.

Now that they are older, we have two rules we never bend with our kids.

My kids don't have screens in their room

With "start as you mean to continue" in mind, my husband and I established a firm rule of not allowing electronics in our sons' bedrooms from when they were old enough to say "iPad." Phones, laptops, tablets, and even TVs are kept in common areas on the main floor of our house. When the boys were little, the goal was to minimize their screen time in the evening and make sure they were getting an adequate amount of sleep.

But keeping tech in the shared spaces is about more than just managing screen time now — it's also about creating natural opportunities for connection.

When devices are out in the open, I know what games they're playing, which friends they're talking to, and how much time they're really spending online. Sometimes, I can even get a brief conversation out of them, whether it's a quick comment about the game they're playing or talking about what's going on at school as we scroll on our respective devices. These small check-ins have helped bridge the gap as they start to pull away and become more private about their feelings and interests.

They can't bring food to their rooms

Another house rule that we established as soon as our kids were old enough to be able to get their own snacks from the refrigerator or pantry was that no food or drinks were allowed in their bedrooms.

This expectation pulls double duty, too. Yes, it prevents messes, pests, and the horror of finding a half-eaten ham sandwich under a bed or a glass of spoiled milk on the windowsill, but it's also a guaranteed way to draw them out of their teen caves and into the kitchen.

While they're grabbing a snack on the weekend, a quick chat might not seem like much, but it can be enough to gauge how they're doing or remind them that I'm here if they need me. During the school year, when everyone is busy, sharing family dinners helps us stay connected — even on days when we're butting heads over things like grades, homework, and household chores. It's harder to stay engaged in conflict when passing the spaghetti and meatballs or negotiating over who gets the last piece of garlic bread.

They don't break these rules because they were established early on

Establishing our no-tech/no-food-or-drink rules when they were little — back when their iPads were loaded with educational programming and their favorite snacks were fresh fruit and Cheerios — has made for a more peaceful household now.

I expect them to challenge our rules, and yes, I've heard the phrase "My friends do it" enough to last me a lifetime. But I can count on one hand the number of times we've had to deal with one of them breaking these two rules simply because they have existed for as long as they can remember.

I'll be the first to tell you that "Start as you mean to continue" is a helpful parenting mantra, but it's not magic. Parenting teens has its challenges and frustrations, even when patting myself on the back for setting certain house rules early. We still have weekly discussions about screen time, M-rated video games, and whether a granola bar counts as a balanced breakfast. But as our kids grow older and push for more independence, these established boundaries offer a bit of structure — something to anchor them and us when everything else about our parent-child relationship changes.

They're also a reminder for the future, when we hand over the car keys and set curfews, that some parenting rules, when implemented early and consistently, can stick.

• I bought an insanely big couch that fits our family of six.
• I know I'm supposed to prioritize experiences over possessions, but I love this couch.
• It has brought my children closer to me — both physically and emotionally.

On New Year's Eve, 11 people sprawled across our ridiculously oversize couch, counting down to midnight. It was raucous and beautiful; it was exactly why my husband and I chose this massive piece of furniture.

But I'm sometimes conflicted about the purchase because I'm repeatedly told that we should give our kids experiences instead of things. That advice instinctively seems true to me.

My memories growing up are, for the most part, not of things I owned. They're of trips to New York to see my grandparents and hiking the Grand Canyon with my dad. They're of getting ready for school dances with my friends. I couldn't tell you what any of us wore, but I can tell you exactly what everyone's laugh sounded like.

I want my four kids to have similar, noteworthy experiences. But there have been a few possessions that I treasure as much as our experiences. One of them is my new couch. Yep. Couch.

When we needed a new couch, we went ridiculously big

When we replaced the sad lump that was our old couch, we tried out so many in the showroom. Most of them just wouldn't fit six people, like my large family.

When we finally found the right couch for us, it was obscenely huge. It was a sectional, with a back and two long sides so everyone could stretch their lanky legs. I immediately worried about the size and scale of our furniture. I knew it would throw off the whole scale of our room, but I also knew it could comfortably sit all of us at once.

Since the couch was so big, its price was big, too. We could have spent that money on traveling as a family. That's when I went back to the debate: What's more important experiences or things?

But when I pictured all of us lounging on the couch together, I knew it was the right thing for our family. So we bought the couch.

Now, you can't do anything in our family room except sit on our couch. There's no space for anything else. The couch has swallowed up the entire living room, leaving a tiny, single-file pathway into and out of the room. It's perfect.

My teenagers are connecting with me on a whole new level — thanks to the couch

I knew the couch would bring my family together physically, but I didn't imagine the emotional bond it would create for us.

My teens often flop dramatically on the couch. They throw their bodies down and sprawl out and make pillow nests. They burrow under piles of blankets. They toss their legs across other people, lay on their siblings or friends, and generally take up all the room. And sometimes, they'll even get cozy with me.

These teens bristle when I'm affectionate in public. Hugging is not approved. But when we're having a movie night, someone will slowly lean against me until they're propped against my shoulder or sprawled on my lap. It's like meeting a strange animal: If I don't make sudden movements, they start warming up to me.

They'll also talk to me when we're all hanging out on the couch. I don't know if their defenses go down as it gets later or if we're just all relaxed and comfy. But when I ask them how their day was after school, I get a grunt or a sigh. It's not until we're all chilling out at night on the couch that I hear about worries over classes, friend troubles, or what they're thinking as college decisions loom.

If we buy things that align with our values, they can be just as important as experiences

I'm still mostly an experience-loving person. But really, that's what the couch is about. Our TV-watching experiences might not be as exciting as trips or concerts, but warm memories of evenings together are just as good. I want to be the place where all my kids' friends hang out, and this couch helped get us there.

We still take vacations, although, with six of us, they're cheaper road trips instead of big resort trips.

But I'll spend good money on things for our home that reinforce our values any day: instruments, board games, and pizza for a rowdy group of teens hanging out on my new couch. I'd buy anything that encourages people to be together in my house.

They may just be things, but they're giving us some great memories.

• When my kids were little, I never imagined we would bump heads.
• I quickly learned that parenting teenagers is hard.
• It took me years not to take what they said to me personally.

Parenting teenagers is not for the faint-hearted. When my kids were born, I had a picture in my mind of how they would turn into great and loving adults. I didn't see us bumping heads at any point because my heart was full of all the great ways I could nurture them.

However, years went by, and my two daughters are no longer the little kids they once were. They are opinionated adults who are fighting for independence, and no one denies them.

Their teenage years were particularly memorable, especially because it was hard to prepare for the onslaught of emotions that came out of nowhere.

Parenting teenagers is hard

Any parent of a teenager knows the pain of being rejected and pushed away by their child. But these were not the biggest challenges I went through.

The one thing that gets to my soul is this: As my children hit their teens, they were so busy with their schoolwork and friends that I hardly saw them for days. When we connected, it would only be because I cornered them down.

For a few moments, we would talk about their days and their challenges, and they would entertain my advice. But these phases were short-lived and overshadowed by screaming and yelling because they didn't like their curfew, new house rules, or the fact that they had to do a few chores.

Of course, these things led to misunderstandings, which led the kids to say things like "I hate you," "You're the worst dad ever," and "I never want to talk to you again." They often wondered why I couldn't be as "cool as the other dads."

These words cut to the core, and I remember never feeling appreciated for my efforts as a father. It always seemed like my teenagers had a pattern; if they were belligerent, something was going on with their friends, and I let them get away with a little bit more.

If they were obedient, I knew they were guilty of something, and I would tighten the reins. The constant "catch me if you can" game made parenting feel personal. I had many moments of self-doubt when I wondered whether I was really doing a good job.

My wife and I would constantly remind each other that we were indeed doing our best, especially when we wanted to connect with the kids, but they built walls we couldn't reach.

One painful memory comes to mind, when my daughters required being dropped off a block away from school. They made it clear that they did not want anyone seeing their dad because I embarrassed them.

It was especially disappointing because I cherished the drive to school. I thought it was one of the best ways to connect, but they didn't see it that way.

I had to learn not to take things personally

It took me years to stop taking what my kids say personally. Some comments cut to the core, but parenting brings the good with the challenging, and it took a lot of inner work to choose to forget them.

Adolescents want things on their terms; that's the nature of their interactions. I would approach situations with this fact in mind.

I found it better to leave them alone when they were not in a delightful mood to talk or answer questions. There's no point in having meaningless conversations. Giving them space encourages them to eventually come to you.

Often, when my teenagers told me they were adults, I affirmed it and said they could do whatever they wanted when they were living independently, but under my house, they would have to follow our rules.

The most important lesson I've learned is patience. Being patient with your teenagers means understanding their temper tantrums and mood swings. It's also about reassuring them through their entire journey.

As growing adults, my children apologize for things they said out of anger. Maybe they are starting to slowly get the concept of time and how it passes by quickly for all of us or gain an appreciation for their parents. My love for them has never faltered despite all the trying times.

• Once I got the hang of parenting little kids, my kids turned into teens.
• It's a confusing time for parents of teens and teens themselves.
• Things constantly change, and sometimes I'm a parent, and sometimes I'm a friend.

"Be their parent and not their friend." This has been an ongoing debate about parenting teens that I've heard since my oldest, who is now almost 20, hit the tween years. Parenting stirs strong emotions and even stronger opinions, especially when kids get old enough to make their own decisions.

The teen years bring a fierce battle for them between holding onto childhood and letting go of childish things. They want independence, but not all the time. It's a confusing time for kids. It's also a confusing time to be a parent.

I felt like I'd finally mastered parenting, but then the teen years hit, and I realized that the whole game had changed. Who was I supposed to be to them? Yes, I needed to be the rule maker, the wise mother figure giving advice and lessons. But could I also be their friend?

I was raised with the idea that parents could not be friends

This is what my grandparents had been when they raised me. We did not become friends until I was an adult. Of course, my grandparents and most of my friend's parents came from a time when kids were meant to be seen and not heard. Parents were never friends. They knew their role; I knew mine.

While I understood the sentiment behind the clearly defined boundaries dividing parenthood and friendship, I realized I wanted something different when I raised my kids. I wanted to be both a friend and a parent.

It wasn't easy at first to figure out how to be both. I had no blueprint to refer to. A good friend's qualities differ from those of a good parent. Friends don't make rules and teach you important life lessons like managing money and getting and keeping a job. They don't send you to your room to do homework or make sure you say thank you to relatives who sent you birthday presents. How could two unique roles live harmoniously?

Things constantly change in parenthood

I learned quickly that there is little that lives harmoniously in parenthood. Things are constantly changing. I discovered the best way to be both a friend and a parent was to figure out who my kids needed me to be in the moment. I became a chameleon who could morph into either a parent or friend when the situation called for it.

Were they struggling with a breakup or fighting with a friend? That was the time when I went into friend mode. Some retail therapy, a movie night, and a non-judgemental ear helped my kids understand that I got what they were going through. I was not just their mom but a person who had gone through breakups and heartache. I used this experience to help me help them. I have discovered that being both a parent and friend has allowed us to form a deeper bond and trust.

I remember taking my son to therapy, and the social worker commented, "You guys have a great relationship." I am convinced this is because I've been both a parent and friend and can navigate what my teens need at specific times.

Sometimes I'm a parent; other times I'm a friend

Sometimes, I have to be the parent, setting boundaries and guiding them. In dangerous situations, the parenting mode instinctually takes over. They must check in before a certain time at night. I need to know the names of friends and their parents. These are the rules, and I enforce them. I am the mother. I think because I've been a parent and a friend, they understand the variability of my roles in their lives.

I've also found there are times when I play both roles, like when I taught my son to cook. As his mother, it was an important skill to pass along. As a friend, we used it as an opportunity to hang out. We listened to music, bonding over our shared love of Pearl Jam, The Smashing Pumpkins, and Nirvana. He introduced me to bands I'd never heard of. I sat down with my teenage kids each evening and watched a show. They weren't doing me a favor by hanging out with me. In those moments, we were friends who enjoyed each other's company. They were magical times that I still hold onto now as they morph into adults. Luckily, I have two more following behind them, an 11 and a 13-year-old.

I'm glad I've had the opportunity to be both my kids' parents and friends. It was never an either-or situation for me. Being both has been a gift that has enriched and deepened my relationship with all four of my kids.

• It may be difficult to take your teenager's breakup seriously.
• Journalist Lisa Phillips wrote a book to show parents how to help their heartbroken teens.
• She said you need to validate their feelings and ensure they aren't withdrawing.

When Lisa Phillips' 13-year-old daughter started dating another person, the author and journalist became distressed. She wondered how this relationship — and eventual breakup — would affect her only daughter.

This led Phillips to write the book, "First Love: Guiding Teens Through Relationships and Heartbreak." It's aimed to help parents — like herself — navigate these new treacherous waters.

"Sometimes parents get caught up in what kind of relationship it was, saying, 'Oh, it was just a crush,' or 'Oh, this was just this weird situation. You never really said that you were an official couple. So it's probably good you can move on now,'" Phillips told Business Insider.

While that will be most parents' gut reaction, it isn't the best one. It can be difficult to manage your teen's feelings through this difficult time, but it's not impossible. Here's how.

First, validate your child's feelings

"If the heartbreak is happening, you want to validate it," Philips said, emphasizing that validation is the most important thing a parent can do.

Teens need to hear from their parents that their grief matters and their breakup matters — even if it may seem trivial to you.

Dr. Maria Ashford, a psychologist who has years of experience working with teens, said she sees heartbreak as one of many factors that may be leading to an increase in anxiety and stress.

"Teens, in general, are more hesitant to share these types of vulnerabilities, but especially in an environment where they may be unsure of whether their feelings will be validated or what kind of response they get," Ashford told Business Insider.

By validating their feelings, you're showing your teen you want to be there for them and help them move on with their lives.

Help them take the next steps toward healing

Some heartbroken teens might want to talk about the breakup all the time. Phillips said it's important that your teen doesn't ruminate or stay stuck in negative thoughts about the breakup. Instead, they need the right guidance to get out of this loop.

Phillips recommended saying: "Alright, we've really talked about this a lot. I am worried your brain is getting worn out. Let's think of one problem you can fix now."

You can also ask them if there are other concrete ways to support them. For example, Philips said, helping them deal with how they're going to work at their after-school job if that person is going to be there and coming up with strategies for them to talk to their boss to arrange different shifts.

What if your teen is hesitant to discuss their feelings with you?

Ashford said that if your adolescent isn't talking to you about their feelings, you need to watch for behaviors like avoiding certain activities or social engagements. This may be a sign that they're depressed.

Ashford said to check in with your reticent adolescent and suggested saying: "I know that you just went through something really tough, and when we go through these periods, it's helpful to talk to someone about how we feel. I also know sometimes it can be hard to do that with parents, so I just want to make sure you feel you have someone you trust who you can talk to about these things."

She also suggested you work together to find a therapist if they refuse to talk.

Remember, this is not about you

If you were close to your child's ex, you may have feelings of loss and grief, but you have to find ways of dealing with that on your own.

Phillips also added that this is not the time to discuss your own breakup or your past romantic disappointments.

"Do not bring up your divorce — especially if it's that child's parent," Phillips said. "That's just really not OK. That stirs up all kinds of issues of loyalty."

It's most important to focus on your child at this time and what they need to get through the breakup.

"In this moment, your child needs to feel heard on the [issues] they're dealing with in their life," Phillips added.

• My twins are teenagers, and they still love going on family vacations.
• We recently went to Saint Martin, and they loved every moment of it.
• I hope they continue to love our family trips as they grow up.

When I was pregnant with twins, people would say, "You're not going to be able to travel anymore." But I proved them all wrong.

My twins are now 19 years old, and we have been going on yearly family vacations since they were born. When my younger daughter came along 16 years ago, we kept traveling.

Most people assume that once your kids turn 18, they won't want to travel with you anymore, but that hasn't been the case with my children. I hope it stays that way.

Our most recent summer adventure was to Saint Martin

This summer, we visited the Caribbean Island of Sint Maarten/Saint Martin. The reason there are two similar names listed with different spellings is that it's actually one island with two countries that have open borders. The Dutch side is called Sint Maarten, while the French side is Saint Martin.

One of my kid's favorite aspects of our family vacation was that they had their own room. Every night, they bonded by watching YouTube videos — everything from cats being groomed to gamers playing Observation Duty.

While I didn't relate to their late-night entertainment choices, I loved hearing them recap the videos over breakfast each morning, laughing about the details. Even now, six months later, they still talk about how much fun they had watching YouTube videos together.

One of our favorite activities during the trip was a nighttime swim in the hotel pool — something we've done on other vacations, too. The pool, usually crowded during the day, was completely ours at night. Swimming after sunset meant that we didn't need to worry about sunscreen or sunburns. My daughter used to be on the swim team, but we all love our time in the pool. It's definitely a memorable bonding experience and a cherished family tradition.

I try to include my teens in the planning process

During our trips, I'm usually the one who plans and researches everything. But I always provide options or ask for feedback from my teens and husband.

One experience in St. Maarten (the Dutch side) that kept popping up in my internet searches was a zipline course. I was hesitant to mention it due to safety concerns and the steep price, but when I did, my adventurous teens immediately wanted to go. They justified the cost by suggesting it could be an early Christmas present. Since it was hard to know what to buy them, and it did seem like a unique experience, I gave in and let them go.

It turned out to be a highlight of the trip. My kids said it was one of the best experiences on any of our vacations.

I hope that by including them in the planning of our family vacations, they will stay interested in traveling with me.

We are already planning our next trip

My three teens loved Sint Maarten/Saint Martin and said it was the best family vacation and their favorite travel destination. Whether it's swimming under the stars, laughing over YouTube videos, or braving a zipline, it's the shared moments that matter most.

My daughter plans to study abroad in Italy next year. We've already begun researching where we can stay when we visit her. I hope that even when they graduate from college, they will still want to travel with us.

Who knows? Maybe one day, they'll invite me along when they have their own families. Of course, I'll join as long as they agree that I can have my own hotel room so I can watch weird YouTube videos, too. A mom can dream.

• In May 2023, Jennifer Kusch relocated to Dubai for a job opportunity.
• Her teen sons were initially against the move and said she was "ruining" their lives.
• But she says the experience of living abroad has brought them closer together.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Jennifer Kusch, 47, who works in talent acquisition. Kusch moved from Idaho to Dubai with her kids in 2023. The following has been edited for length and clarity.

Early last year, my company approached me about a job opportunity in Dubai.

At first, I said no. I had just bought a house in Idaho, where I was raising three kids. As a single mom, moving to the Middle East sounded hard, so I declined. But my boss at the time encouraged me to apply, and I thought, "Fine, why not?"

I got the job and was set to start in 30 days. My daughter was 18 then, and my sons were 15 and 13. When they came home from school, I read them the book "Oh, the Places You'll Go!" by Dr. Seuss and then said, "Guys, we're moving to Dubai."

My daughter was about to graduate from high school but was excited about an adventure. My 15-year-old, on the other hand, said, "You're ruining my life. My people are here. This is where I belong." And my 13-year-old echoed his brother.

The job commitment was for two years. I said, "We're going to go for two years. We're going to see what happens."

I remember crying in my bedroom after thinking, "Oh my gosh, I'm doing this selfishly. I want to do this for my career. Am I ruining my kids' lives?"

But then I thought about how many other teenagers must have said the same thing to their parents.

And so I had another discussion with my children a week later and said, "I hope that you can look at this as an adventure."

It was a big move for all of us

I had traveled outside the US but never lived abroad or been to Dubai. I traveled to the city alone last April while my kids were finishing the academic year.

When I arrived in Dubai, I tested out the public transportation so I could teach my kids how to ride the bus, hop on the metro, or take a taxi.

I found a townhouse-style villa away from downtown Dubai and spent six weeks furnishing the place so that all the kids would have to do was unpack their suitcases. My company provided an allowance to "settle in." While it didn't cover rent, it helped me set up a home for my family. They also covered the flights and most of my kids' school fees.

When I was done, I flew back for my daughter's graduation. I decided to sell everything I owned — apart from my house — as I didn't want to have to pay loads of money for storage.

Although my initial commitment was for two years, I was on a local contract and could stay in Dubai as long as I had a job. It was a calculated risk, selling everything and anticipating my love for living abroad.

In May 2023, I flew with my kids to Dubai. We arrived at the beginning of summer when many expats tend to leave the city because of the heat. The high temperatures in Dubai between May and August range from around 100 to 105 °F.

That summer, my kids didn't have any friends. However, they had one another. I was grateful for that.

Before I went to work, I said, "While I'm gone, I want you guys to make your bucket list of things you would like to do in Dubai."

When I got home, our wall was full of sticky notes with things to do. We planned fun outings, like visiting Warner Bros. World in Abu Dhabi and having an Emirati dinner. When we were done, we would move the sticky notes on the wall from "to do" to "done."

So, instead of sulking and being sad inside, we were excited about what we could discover.

My kids have benefited from living in Dubai

My sons now attend a school with an American curriculum, but they are the only American students. It has allowed them to meet people from all over the world.

They also have independence here that they never had in the US. My 14-year-old son will get in a taxi and go wherever he wants. There's freedom and safety that they have not experienced before.

This has all contributed to why they now love Dubai. On Thanksgiving last year, my older son said, "I'm so grateful that you moved us here." That was music to my ears because I've watched them grow up a lot.

Nothing is the same here. But they've navigated it with resilience, agility, and grace.

The experience brought us closer together

It can be lonely to be an expat in a new place.

But having to rely on each other and experiencing new things together have made us closer. My kids enjoy my company, and I am so grateful for that.

I miss my family and friends, and I know they would like us to come home. At this point, however, I love Dubai and our quality of life here.

My daughter has since returned to the US for work, and my sons will soon leave the nest as well.

I don't know what the future holds, but for now, Dubai is home.

• Paul Chai is an Australian dad with two teenage sons — one is 18, and the other is 14.
• Chai says his younger son doesn't make friends quickly and Snapchat has helped.
• He's not convinced that a social media ban on young teenagers is what Australian parents want.

My 14-year-old son often rolls his eyes when I talk politics, but he has taken a keen interest in the topic lately, since Australia's government has decided to ban everyone in the country from accessing social media until they turn 16.

He got his own phone and started using social media earlier than I would have liked. It was 2021, he was 12, and Melbourne had been in lockdown for over six months. Melbourne's lockdown during the pandemic added up to 262 days, the longest cumulative lockdown in the world.

At the time, my wife and I decided that giving our son a phone seemed less harmful than months of isolation. Looking back, he has become quite attached to his device.

I recognize that social media can harm children. It can do the same to adults, to reputations, and to democracy. But what concerns me about my country's new policy, which was announced on November 21, is the lack of nuance and public discussion.

Losing the good with the bad

With his parents' help and guidance, my son now has what I consider a pretty healthy relationship with social media. He is online, but he also loves travel, gets out a lot with friends, runs in Parkrun, and plays drums in a couple of bands.

Online, he uses TikTok to discover new music, Snapchat to keep up with friends who live far away, and Signal to communicate with his grandparents who live abroad. He and I share a love of movies, and I enjoy how he is almost always ahead of me when it comes to the latest releases and entertainment news that he finds online.

We have a family group chat on WhatsApp that helps us manage our daily lives and allows us to share memes with each other.

My son is worried the ban will cut him off from far-flung friends. He has also talked about wanting to get his first job as soon as he turns 15 and wonders if he will face barriers to work communications. His older brother, who just turned 18, has been receiving his work shifts via social media chats for a few years.

Australia's government has said the social media ban will apply to Facebook, Snapchat, Reddit, Instagram, and X. Certain chat-based social media, including Messenger Kids, WhatsApp, Kids Helpline, Google Classroom, and YouTube, will not be banned. A decision on other messaging apps — like Signal, Discord, and Google Chat — has not yet been made.

"We know social media is doing social harm," Prime Minister Anthony Albanese said in the November media release. "This is a landmark reform. We know some kids will find workarounds, but we're sending a message to social media companies to clean up their act," he continued.

The government has announced that tech companies have one year to stop minors from logging into their social media platforms or risk up to 49,500,000 Australian dollars, or $32,000,000, in fines.

Albanese also said that neither underage users nor their parents will face punishment for violations.

But what I worry about is that the ban will sweep away all the positives of my son's online life in an attempt to tackle the negatives.

In June, just a few months before the social media ban was passed, Australia's eSafety commissioner, Julie Inman Grant, suggested that a ban on social media for kids may not be a cure-all. "Social media may also provide a range of opportunities that are protective of mental health, such as inclusion, social connection and belonging," the commissioner said, per The Guardian.

Grant's statement reminded me of my own son using social media to build friendships. It also made me think of the under-16 LGBTQ+ Australians and rural communities who have formed friendships and found acceptance online.

Is this what parents want?

While I have read a lot about Australian parents supporting this ban, it was only recently that I came across someone who agreed with it.

A father I spoke to, who was in favor of the ban, has a teenage daughter. He told me that she's obsessed with her phone and has even threatened to self-harm if it were taken away from her. He said that a nationwide ban will help him wean her off her online addiction.

Within my community, most parents I've discussed this with have said they don't want the government to control their parenting any more than they do their bodies.

My son doesn't make friends quickly, and many of his current friendships have grown stronger online. I don't see it as a replacement for their IRL get-togethers but as a complement.

Many of us who grew up without social media tend to romanticize our childhoods. While I did a fair bit of running around the neighborhood with mates as a kid, I also remember spending hours on the phone talking to girlfriends when I was a teenager.

I also had pen pals in America with whom I would spend hours corresponding; in-person communication is not the only way to form strong bonds.

• Mark Cuban learns about new technologies and trends through his teenage kids.
• Knowing about social media also allows the billionaire to connect with them.
• Cuban recently left "Shark Tank" to spend more time with his kids.

Social media may feel like unchartered territory to some parents — but Mark Cuban is leaning in.

In an interview with People posted on Thursday, the entrepreneur shared eight rules that he follows in life — including this one parenting tip.

"Number one, follow the scroll," Cuban, 66, said. "Oh my goodness, I learned so much from my kids. I learned what 'skibidi' is," he said, referring to the Gen Alpha lingo. "Skibidi Toilet" is an animated YouTube series about singing and dancing toiletlike creatures that want to take over the world.

Social media is an integral part of their lives, he added. "I keep on learning from them because they are exposed to all these new technologies."

Referring to himself as a "tech guy," Cuban said he tries to understand how social media algorithms influence his kids' lives.

Knowing about social media also helps him connect with them.

"They're in the car, and I'm driving my son. I can look over at a stoplight and see him scrolling through his Instagram or TikTok and know exactly what he's interested in," he said.

"Trying to be able to connect to him, which, like for any parent, could be almost impossible, but it's just informative," he added.

Cuban has three kids, who are 14, 17, and 21.

In May 2020, he posted a video on Instagram of him dancing with his daughters. "Teaching me to dance 😂😂😂," he wrote in the caption.

Last November, Cuban announced that he would leave "Shark Tank" after Season 16, which premiered in October on ABC.

"I'm leaving just to spend more time with my kids — they're teenagers now," he told The Wrap in October. "We shoot in June and September, and just getting the opportunity now when they're getting out of school to be able to spend time directly with them, that's important. I'm tired of missing that."

Cuban is not alone in using social media as a tool of connection.

Nina McCollum recently wrote for Business Insider that she uses TikTok and Instagram to communicate with her teenage son. They watch social media content together and have discussions about them.

"Politics, religion, science, life choices, and risk-taking are just some of the discussions social content has sparked," she wrote. "None of this connection would be happening if we didn't communicate through these videos."

A few celebrity parents have resorted to other means of connection.

"Modern Family" actor, Julie Bowen, said she hangs out around the house so her three teen sons know where to find her if they need her.

"If you just kind of park it, make fake cookies in the kitchen no one's ever going to eat, they start coming in and out. You start having conversations with teenagers," Bowen said in an October episode of "The Three Questions with Andy Richter" podcast.

Molly Shannon, a "Saturday Night Live" alum, advised parents of teens to change their attitudes about parenting in an interview on "Today with Hoda and Jenn." She added that they should have empathy when interacting with their teens.

"Most of the time, they just want to be heard. I try to think of that," she said.

Cuban did not immediately respond to a request for comment from Business Insider sent outside regular business hours.