• I spent so much time, money, and vacation days attending friends' weddings throughout my 30s.
• I was perennially single, and being a solo wedding guest made me feel extra lonely and broke.
• Now in my 40s, I don't get to see friends as much, and I wish I'd appreciated these gatherings more.

There was a point in my early 30s when it felt like I was going to a wedding every other weekend.

If not a wedding, a hen do (what we call bachelorette parties in the UK), or a meeting to organize one.

Having been a bridesmaid four times, I planned and attended increasingly elaborate ones. I was finding places to stay, booking activities, making quiz questions and treasure hunts, and once, even constructing a beautiful papier-mâché penis piñata.

Then, there's arranging and paying for travel and accommodations for the wedding itself. So many of my vacation days were used on other people's nuptials and events leading up to them.

Plus, I had to find and buy outfits. I wanted to look good in photos that could be on someone's wall for years, and sometimes the shapewear cost even more than the dress.

Couples didn't make it easy when they hosted weddings in the Outer Hebrides and set the dress code as "beach formal," either.

Eventually, I started to resent how many weddings I had to attend and how much time and money it was costing me.

Doing all of this while perennially single only made it worse

Even worse, I did all of the above without a partner. Being single made everything extra expensive — no one to split gifts or hotel rooms with — and more depressing.

I'd watch two people get married only to end my night climbing into a cold hotel bed alone, wondering if I'd ever meet someone I'd love that much.

Eventually, I also gained a reputation for crying during speeches. At one wedding, my friends kept tossing napkins over to the table of single people and great aunts I was seated at so I could dab my eyes.

Although I was crying at how touching the father-of-the-bride's speech was, the tears were also for myself. I was crying because I was lonely and didn't have the Great Love I saw others committing to — and I'd checked my bank balance just before we headed into the reception.

Now, I miss having reasons for all of us to get together

Looking back on all of the weddings and hen dos, I regret how petty and bitter I felt. I wish I'd appreciated how special it was to gather and celebrate with friends before life continued to get in the way.

I'm in my 40s now, and I see my friends much less. The people in our group who were going to get married have already done it.

There are no more big shindigs on the calendar. These days, my friends get too busy with work or children to bother with throwing any kind of party at all. Even just getting together casually can be difficult to coordinate.

Now, I long for the free roast chicken and warm prosecco. I miss the speeches, the excuse to dress up, and even sitting at the singles' table with eccentric aunts.

Most of all, I miss dancing to "Mr. Brightside" and celebrating with my friends for the thousandth time. It cost me a lot, but now I know it was all worth it.

• As a wedding planner, I've seen guests commit many faux pas at ceremonies and receptions.
• Sit by the front if there are empty seats, and don't walk down the aisle as the wedding is starting.
• Believe that couples know what they want and don't assume they'll be following old traditions.

As a professional wedding planner, I've seen a wide range of guest behavior, from the bad to the brilliant.

Luckily, being a good wedding guest doesn't always have to be difficult.

From double-checking information you've received about the nuptials to asking how you can help, here are eight ways to be a great wedding guest.

Before you ask the couple a question, make sure you don't already have the answer

With resources like wedding websites and multipage invites, many modern couples provide a lot of information to their guests.

Be sure to check those resources before you contact the couple to ask something, especially if it's less than two weeks before the wedding. Your answer might already be out there.

Ask yourself, 'Is this for me, or is it for the people getting married?'

Weddings bring up a lot of different feelings, so it can be easy to lose yourself along the way. Before you make a request, ask yourself, "Am I asking for something that benefits me or the couple?"

It's OK if the answer is, "This is for me." Use it as an opportunity to share context with the couple on why a particular request is so important to you.

Sit close to the front during the ceremony

Although the first two rows on either side at a wedding are typically reserved for VIPs, rows three and four are usually open — I recommend sitting there.

Even better, if you see some empty spots and you've been sitting for a while, move up. Sitting toward the front will help make the space look fuller before the wedding party enters.

If the ceremony is about to begin, don't go down the aisle

You'd think avoiding walking down the aisle would be obvious, but I've seen guests coming back from the restroom do this as the wedding begins.

Rather than work their way around the side of the ceremony space or wait at the back until the processional ended, they'll cut in front of the wedding party and walk down the aisle.

Please don't do this.

Remember, nobody can read your mind

It's difficult to remember the respective needs of every single wedding guest while planning, whether someone is allergic to a particular food or is unable to safely climb stairs

If you feel comfortable doing so, tell the couple what you need, ideally no later than 60 days before the wedding. With your consent, they can then pass that information along to the members of the vendor team who can best assist on the wedding day.

If you want to help, offer a specific way to do so

Typically, the most useful ways to help a couple are to assist with setup or clean up on the wedding day.

Helping with setup often means arriving two to three hours before any pre-ceremony photos or events. Assisting with clean up means remaining sober enough to put items away at the end of the day.

If neither of those tasks works for your situation but you still want to help, ask the couple what their No. 1 wedding challenge is.

Use that answer to figure out how your specific skill set and schedule can help alleviate some of that wedding stress.

Don't assume anything

Not assuming anything is a guiding principle in my work as a planner, and it's one you can use too.

When it comes to modern nuptials, don't assume the couple will carry on traditions that meant everything 30 years ago or use old-school gendered language in their ceremony.

Instead, if you're curious about how the planning is going, ask open-ended questions. For example, "What's been the most surprising thing about planning the wedding so far?" or, "What part have you each liked best?"

Believe the couple knows what they want

It never fails to surprise me how much gaslighting is present in modern wedding planning. Even though two adults who have typically spent multiple years and many life struggles together have chosen to get married, there's usually someone who thinks they don't know what they want.

Of course, there are some exceptions to this rule, but you should almost always believe the couple when they tell you what they want.

Whether they're putting cash on their registry, will not wear white, or choose to forgo cake, they've likely made these choices consciously and because they bring value to their relationship. 

If you're in doubt, don't pummel with opinion. Instead, try asking, "Are you in a place where you'd like to receive advice on this topic?"

This story was originally published on October 22, 2022, and most recently updated on May 5, 2025.

• I'm a professional wedding planner, and I've seen a lot of bad guest behavior at events. 
• It's your responsibility to RSVP, show up on time, and keep track of your belongings at a wedding. 
• Don't be rude to the event vendors or ask the couple questions they already answered on their site.

In my many years as a professional wedding planner, I've learned a thing or two about the people who attend my events.

Here are the most common mistakes I see wedding guests make, and how to avoid them.

Waiting until the last minute to RSVP or not doing so at all

A wedding isn't like a normal party where you can see how you feel in the morning and decide then if you'll attend or not.

Whether it's a backyard potluck or a formal dinner, the event often involves catering, and whoever's providing the food must know how many people to plan for. 

When you refuse to RSVP, you force the couple to track down the information when they're already busy trying to plan their wedding. 

Acting like you know the couple better than they know themselves

Believe people getting married when they tell you what they do or don't want, especially when it comes to registries and gifts.

If the couple asks for cash, donations to nonprofits, or non-physical presents like gift cards or experiences, please don't tell them they're wrong and buy them a vase.

The best gift you can give as a guest is respecting their wishes.

Leaving favors behind at the venue

I know none of us need more monogrammed knickknacks, but just grab the darn coozie, OK?

You can toss it or, ideally, recycle it as soon as you get home, but if you leave it at the wedding, you're just giving the couple more to clean up.

And a tip for couples: If you give favors, try to make them something that won't end up in a landfill.

Not speaking up about something that's making you nervous to attend the wedding

In some situations, wedding guests need certain things to feel safe while celebrating.

They may need information about a venue's accessibility, confirmation that the food won't cause an allergic reaction and/or violate a religious belief, or space to breastfeed, to name a few. 

In an ideal world, the couple will proactively provide this information, but some things fall through the cracks.

If you need something from the couple, please tell them with kindness, empathy, and notice. They want you to enjoy yourself as much as possible — that's why they invited you in the first place.

Asking the couple questions before reading the materials they've sent you

As a guest, you've likely received at least some correspondence from the couple. Often it's a save-the-date or an invite, but sometimes it's a wedding website, Facebook group, or long text thread.

Whatever the medium, please do the reading. 

Those messages contain vital information about the wedding — most critically, they should detail when the ceremony starts. Don't be the guest who asks the couple for this information the night before the wedding.

Not keeping track of your personal belongings

It never fails to amaze me what a wedding guest will leave out for anyone to grab — purses, phones, credit cards. I've seen it all sprawled out on tables as the guests dance the night away.

This advice isn't to scare you into thinking someone will steal your stuff — just try to remember where you put it. Ideally, keep your belongings at your seat.

It's much easier to locate these items (or, as often happens, have a sober vendor help you find them) if we can narrow down where you've been.

Being unprepared to get a little hungry

The biggest complaint I hear from guests is that they're hungry.

Although I agree that the best parties have plenty of good food, sometimes a couple literally can't afford to give you the five-course meal of your dreams. Or, you might have to wait longer than expected to chow down.

So, pack a few backup snacks in your bag or glove compartment in case you need them to avoid being hangry all day.

Acting rude toward vendors

Wedding vendors build their businesses on serving others, but that doesn't mean you should take advantage of them.

Guests can forget this, particularly after a few trips to the bar, but don't make a fool of yourself by snapping your fingers at the caterer or telling the florist how to do their job.

Treat the vendors like you would want to be treated.

Bringing a big or heavy gift to the wedding

I love the statement you're trying to make with that giant, 50-pound present. However, what's the couple supposed to do with it at the end of the night?

In nearly all situations, anything brought to a wedding must be removed the same day. That means your love token just became the problem of whichever VIP guest was tasked with clean-up.

Please make it easy for everyone and have big gifts mailed to the couple directly. If you feel odd arriving empty-handed to a wedding, bring a card and use it to tell the couple what you sent them. 

Arriving late to the ceremony because you didn't factor in travel and parking time

Please show up to the ceremony on time.

As a guest, factor in your travel time, possible traffic, and how long it could take to park so you don't arrive late.

A lot of this information may be readily accessible on the invitation. If it's not, you have Google. Use it.

Forgetting that, as a guest, the wedding isn't about you

The purpose of a wedding isn't to spend the most money, wear the nicest clothes, or eat the best food. 

The goal of a wedding is to celebrate the start of a marriage, so challenge yourself to center the couple in your thoughts throughout the big day and planning process.

Ask yourself if your complaint helps the couple accomplish their goal. If not, try to keep it to yourself. 

This story was originally published on February 2, 2022, and most recently updated on April 28, 2025.