• I bought my kids everything they wanted and gave them a $400 allowance.
• When they started to seem complacent about money, my wife and I decided to cut their allowance.
• They had to get after-school jobs to make extra money, and it showed them the value of hard work.

Growing up in an African household with tough parents meant you had to work to earn your keep. Don't get me wrong, my parents were loving, but they didn't play around when it came to teaching us work ethics and the value of money. My five siblings and I stayed in school, and when school was out in the summer, we got jobs from as early as 12. Around this age, our parents required us to stay proactive and explicitly said that we had to work.

Of course, as a young man, there were things I wanted, like the latest shoes and clothes to keep up with my friends. My parents didn't really have any room in their budget for "extras." If I wanted anything that wasn't a basic need, I had to buy it myself. So I worked hard to afford what I wanted. These experiences shaped my money mindset and helped me become the financially responsible adult I am today.

I used to buy them everything they wanted

I didn't understand at the time why my parents wouldn't just buy me the things I wanted, and it was tough for me to have to work so hard while other friends and classmates of mine had more time to just be kids. I swore my kids would have a different experience. I wanted to provide everything they needed without them having to struggle for it. I chose to over-compensate for the things I lacked growing up.

My son and two daughters, now 11, 13, and 15, got whatever they wanted, and things they didn't even ask for sometimes. They would often ask for new clothes and the latest tech gadgets, which I always bought. I would take them on trips and always purchased school supplies ahead of the new year. True to this, my son and two daughters knew the best life. They never lacked anything, at least not in a material sense.

I also gave each of them a $400 monthly allowance, just in case they needed anything else I wasn't giving them directly. I liked knowing they were well-catered to and didn't have any financial concerns. While I provided for them, I also wanted them to learn positive lessons in life and develop the best values.

I tried to instill in them that hard work was important and promised to give more if they helped with chores around the home or ran errands for my office. I told myself that although I was giving them most things money could buy, they were still learning important lessons along the way. However, all good things come to an end, and their good attitudes did the same, eventually.

Over time, they stopped being grateful

One thing my kids taught me was that when given everything, you become complacent. They no longer had the desire to work harder and achieve things.

My son's grades started slipping, and he told me he wasn't worried because he had everything he needed and knew I would hire him to work for me. That was a very disappointing answer.

Both of my daughters also developed a bad attitude and often put up a fight before helping their mother with chores around the house. They started giving me a hard time about picking up school activities and earning extra credit. Sometimes, we volunteered at our local church, which I thought they enjoyed, but they started turning down these opportunities. Soon, I worried that they would go down the wrong path.

We cut their allowance and they had to start working

After reflecting on our situation and how hard it was for me growing up, I had a change of heart. I sat down with my wife, and we decided to cut our children's allowance from $400 to $100 to help them find the right path and inner motivation. If nothing changed, we would revoke the allowances completely. After all, they say that you never know the value of what you have until you lose it.

This decision was met with a lot of resistance, yelling, and screaming, but we stood our ground. To make up the difference in their allowances, the kids had to find after-school jobs. They had to work if they needed extra shoes, clothes, and necessities. Although this drastic change was unwelcome, it was necessary.

I wanted my kids to learn about financial responsibility, develop a work ethic, and understand the importance of savings. These were critical lessons that would take them through every step of life.

It was hard at first, but our dynamic has shifted

As you can imagine, change is never easy, and my kids didn't appreciate the new rules I was enforcing. Helping them stay on track was challenging, especially while they were finding jobs. It felt harsh, but sometimes tough love is needed. Today, my son and daughters have been working for close to a year. Jobs are the new norm, everyone is earning their keep, just as I did when I was younger.

For the most part. They have a better attitude toward money and are not wasteful because they finally see how much it takes to make it. We cut them some slack at times, though, and get them a few things here and there. We answer all their questions about money and urge them to do better. Financial responsibility is an important topic in our home. The next step is getting our kids savings accounts, as we want them to understand how to save for a rainy day.

• When my kids were little, I never imagined we would bump heads.
• I quickly learned that parenting teenagers is hard.
• It took me years not to take what they said to me personally.

Parenting teenagers is not for the faint-hearted. When my kids were born, I had a picture in my mind of how they would turn into great and loving adults. I didn't see us bumping heads at any point because my heart was full of all the great ways I could nurture them.

However, years went by, and my two daughters are no longer the little kids they once were. They are opinionated adults who are fighting for independence, and no one denies them.

Their teenage years were particularly memorable, especially because it was hard to prepare for the onslaught of emotions that came out of nowhere.

Parenting teenagers is hard

Any parent of a teenager knows the pain of being rejected and pushed away by their child. But these were not the biggest challenges I went through.

The one thing that gets to my soul is this: As my children hit their teens, they were so busy with their schoolwork and friends that I hardly saw them for days. When we connected, it would only be because I cornered them down.

For a few moments, we would talk about their days and their challenges, and they would entertain my advice. But these phases were short-lived and overshadowed by screaming and yelling because they didn't like their curfew, new house rules, or the fact that they had to do a few chores.

Of course, these things led to misunderstandings, which led the kids to say things like "I hate you," "You're the worst dad ever," and "I never want to talk to you again." They often wondered why I couldn't be as "cool as the other dads."

These words cut to the core, and I remember never feeling appreciated for my efforts as a father. It always seemed like my teenagers had a pattern; if they were belligerent, something was going on with their friends, and I let them get away with a little bit more.

If they were obedient, I knew they were guilty of something, and I would tighten the reins. The constant "catch me if you can" game made parenting feel personal. I had many moments of self-doubt when I wondered whether I was really doing a good job.

My wife and I would constantly remind each other that we were indeed doing our best, especially when we wanted to connect with the kids, but they built walls we couldn't reach.

One painful memory comes to mind, when my daughters required being dropped off a block away from school. They made it clear that they did not want anyone seeing their dad because I embarrassed them.

It was especially disappointing because I cherished the drive to school. I thought it was one of the best ways to connect, but they didn't see it that way.

I had to learn not to take things personally

It took me years to stop taking what my kids say personally. Some comments cut to the core, but parenting brings the good with the challenging, and it took a lot of inner work to choose to forget them.

Adolescents want things on their terms; that's the nature of their interactions. I would approach situations with this fact in mind.

I found it better to leave them alone when they were not in a delightful mood to talk or answer questions. There's no point in having meaningless conversations. Giving them space encourages them to eventually come to you.

Often, when my teenagers told me they were adults, I affirmed it and said they could do whatever they wanted when they were living independently, but under my house, they would have to follow our rules.

The most important lesson I've learned is patience. Being patient with your teenagers means understanding their temper tantrums and mood swings. It's also about reassuring them through their entire journey.

As growing adults, my children apologize for things they said out of anger. Maybe they are starting to slowly get the concept of time and how it passes by quickly for all of us or gain an appreciation for their parents. My love for them has never faltered despite all the trying times.

• My parents never gave me a proper sex talk, so I vowed to do better for my kids.
• But my kids asked me more complicated questions about abortion and same-sex relationships.
• I struggled to answer them, but I took the time to step away and come back with better answers.

What I remember about the birds and the bees conversation during my childhood is foggy at best. My parents never really took the time to explain the ins and outs of having sex, and most of what I knew I learned from other people.

My conservative family didn't put an emphasis on conversations like that. When I started asking where babies come from, my mother told me that a woman has a seed in her that a man waters, and then babies are made.

The talk lasted about five seconds, and we were on to the next thing. Thinking about that experience made me want to be a better parent for my kids. In important conversations like that, I decided I would go above and beyond to explain things to their satisfaction.

The sex talk didn't go how I had planned

As a parent, I've always worked hard to make information accessible to my children. I spent a lot of time researching how to have sex conversations as a father, and I was ready for the questions when they came.

The sex talk may be a one-time conversation for most people, but I wanted to have it as many times as my kids saw fit. After all, it was an opportunity to talk about anatomy, safety, conception, pleasure, consent, contraception, intimacy, and more.

Despite all the preparation, when the time came — when they were around 12 — to have the talk with my kids, I struggled. They were asking about sex changes and my stance on sensitive topics like abortion. They wondered about Planned Parenthood, same-sex encounters, and much more.

Their questions were miles away from what I expected. I wasn't ready for what they knew and felt like some of my opinions were too strong to share with my kids.

I struggled to give the answers that my kids wanted to hear and had to really think about what I wanted to say.

I took a step away, and that helped

Instead of answering my kids' surprise, tough questions on the spot, I told them I needed to think and would get back to them.

When I stepped away, I thought about my parents and how they were not able to have the sex talk in a satisfactory way. Most of my anxiety resulted from how I grew up and the conversations I had with my parents, and I didn't want my kids to feel the way I did. I want them to grow up into independent, well-informed adults. The only way to do this is to educate them on the things that matter.

So, I decided to be honest and tell my kids the truth.

After a couple of days of reflecting, my wife and I sat our kids down and answered what we could. We had these conversations many times, addressing everything that the kids wanted to know and guiding them in the way we felt best.

Taking time to consider my answers really helped

In having the sex talk(s) with my kids, I realized it's important for both parents to show up — if possible. My wife saved the day when I was ill-prepared with some answers, and she shared experiences I never had.

I also found that having conversations about consent and respect was most important. In that way, my son understood why boundaries are important with the opposite sex, and my daughters learned to give or deny consent before anything happens.

Finally, I didn't have all the answers at the moment, and it's perfectly OK to think about what you want to say before you say it. Taking time helped me address issues from my kids' point of view rather than a general perspective.

It's OK to be nervous, and trusting my ability to communicate with my kids on complicated issues is key. Honest, compassionate, and shame-free conversations will always get you far with the young ones.

I'm giving myself grace as a parent

The world as we know it has changed, and kids are growing up faster than we care to admit. Finding teachable moments for a parent is the best thing we can do for our young ones.

I now realize that it's a journey; there's no handbook to it. I'm bound to make mistakes along the way.

The sex talk is probably one of the most significant conversations that I'll have with my kids. I may not have done so great with it in the beginning, but I hope they will still come to me whenever they need answers.

• I saved a college fund for my daughter but decided not to give it to her.
• Instead, I'm having her apply for student loans so that she can learn financial independence.
• I hope this financial responsibility will help her become a better adult.

College was one of the biggest challenges when parenting my daughter.

High school was easy because we were a small, tight-knit family that followed a schedule.

My wife and I would do school drop-off every morning and then go to work. In the evenings, we would all meet back at home and talk about the highs and lows of our days. Weekends were rather adventurous. We would go out to explore new places, or our daughter would spend time with her friends. Everything was rather predictable.

Unpredictability set in just when my daughter was about to go to college. There were so many decisions to be made, and we were not all in agreement with them. My daughter wanted one thing; my wife and I wanted another, and it was a constant cycle of trying to figure things out.

Paying for college was our biggest hurdle to face as a family.

We saved for my daughter's college but then had second thoughts

One thing we were prepared for was the financial aspect of higher education. We knew the transition would be expensive, so we had set aside a college fund years ago to ensure we would all be comfortable.

However, I started reflecting on my life and the hardships that I had to go through as I grew up. For me, going to school was a privilege because I came from a middle-class family where my parents tried their best to give us everything we needed.

As one of six siblings, things were never easy. My parents provided my education by constantly applying for loans. This gave me a burning desire to work harder and reach my goals because there was no fallback plan.

Along the way, I learned significant money lessons that I've carried into adulthood — lessons I wish my children would equally learn.

Of course, the goal is always to provide a better life for your children so they don't have to know the difficult life experiences you went through but sometimes we have to make decisions they will be grateful for later.

Therefore, despite having a college fund, I encouraged my daughter to apply for student loans.

I hope she can learn financial responsibility

Apart from emphasizing savings and keeping piggy banks when she was younger, I never had real-life opportunities to teach my daughter about money management. Her journey to college was the best place to start. After all, she would be independent in a couple of years.

By encouraging her to apply for student loans, I was hoping to teach her to make important financial decisions in the long run and understand debt management.

As education is important, paying back the student loans will be equally important to her because the loans provide long-term educational value. Learning how to budget and manage debt repayments is a critical life skill for anyone.

To ensure our daughter was on board with the idea, my wife and I had an open discussion with her regarding this huge financial step. We also set realistic expectations on the loan repayment terms and exchanged ideas on how to manage finances post-graduation.

We agreed that she will look for jobs during semester breaks and will be able to save a little of what she will earn in a "loan payment" account that she will eventually have.

She was surprised and had to process it for a couple of days. But after many discussions, she understood and now does the loan applications herself — now that she's in her second year of college.

Owning a personal bank account and a loan repayment account will help her split the money she gets into two and make do with what she can.

Now, she'll be better prepared for adulthood

Considering that we can afford to pay for college, this may seem like an extreme measure, but it's one that we feel is needed. My biggest fear is raising kids who will not be financially independent when the time comes.

By taking these little steps, we hope our daughter will understand the importance of managing her finances properly, even if we won't be there to guide her. Life is unpredictable, and you don't want your kids to feel incapable of handling the challenges that may come their way.

What she doesn't know is that her college fund will remain untouched for her to receive in the future and that we will be a safety net if things get tough. But we didn't offer that upfront because we wanted to help her find her way and give her a start in this cold world.

• Raising my daughters as teenagers has been the hardest time of my life as a parent.
• They were sneaking out, skipping school, and eventually ended up in jail.
• When I got the call from jail, I wanted to rescue them but decided not to. It was the right move.

Having my two daughters was the best decision I ever made.

When they were kids, all the moments we had were special. However, kids don't remain kids forever, and their teenage years have been the hardest.

My girls hated school and struggled to keep their grades consistent. When they were 13 and 15, I got a call from their class teacher, who hadn't seen them in school for two weeks straight.

Still, I didn't enforce any hard rules or punishments because I felt that talking to them would have more of an impact than grounding them or revoking privileges. I was wrong.

We tried having open conversations with our kids about their poor behavior

My daughters weren't motivated to get an education because they never knew hardship growing up.

On the other hand, I grew up believing that a good education was the only way to a good job and a better life for myself and my family.

As any parent might, I tried to make them see why education matters and why going to school was the way to a brighter future, but they didn't see it my way.

"Dad, stay out of our business!" was their constant one-liner.

To add insult to injury, they would sneak out in the middle of the night and return early in the morning, thinking we didn't notice. It broke my heart many times.

My wife always wanted to take the harder approach, but I would talk her out of it for fear of pushing them even further away. In those situations, my wife and I did our best to sit down with our daughters to have open conversations.

After they were suspended from school, I got a call from jail

A month passed after that first call from their teacher. The second call came from the school principal, who said that both my daughters had been suspended for the rest of the term for poor attendance and causing trouble in school.

I considered going down and attempting to offer an explanation to the school but decided not to. I knew a suspension record on my daughters' school reports would affect their chances of college acceptance, but they had to learn.

They took the news as I expected, with a carefree attitude. They even said they were done with school.

A few weeks later, they got into trouble for drug possession. Granted, the drugs were found in their friend's car, but that did not save them from the law.

When I got that call from jail, I immediately wanted to go to their rescue and post their bail, but my wife and I decided it was best to let them take responsibility for their actions.

After spending some time in jail, my two daughters were sent to a court-appointed drug program for six months. We hoped the time apart would help all of us reflect, which it thankfully did.

That horrific experience caused my daughters to reconsider their actions. Change didn't happen overnight, though. It was a journey.

I'm finally enjoying parenting again

First, we had to forgive each other for the disappointment, the hurtful actions, and the things that were said in anger.

Over time, my daughters also had to make amends with their school and stay on track with their education.

Getting arrested was enough to inspire them to change their ways.

Now they're in college, and my daughters look back and see their experiences as a stepping stone to a better future.

Slowly but surely, they are turning into responsible adults and I'm enjoying parenting again after that dark phase.

• I loved being a high school English teacher because of my students.
• After a medical issue, I was out of the classroom for months and not motivated.
• I decided to quit and become a freelance writer instead.

When I decided to be a high school English teacher, I thought it was something I would do until my glory days. But then I started wondering if I should quit my career.

I enjoyed interacting with my students and seeing the excitement in their faces when we made new discoveries in class. Watching them progress and get better every day was a worthwhile journey. But somewhere along the line, I lost my passion and fulfillment, and I figured I'd be happy doing something else.

I was out of the classroom for 2 months

At the beginning of 2022, I faced a health scare that put me out of my classroom for two months. I had a ruptured appendix that led to a stomach infection.

The experience helped me put many things in perspective. I realized that as much as I loved my students and didn't want to walk away from them, I didn't enjoy teaching as much.

I had to spend a lot of time on my feet, and even prepping for lessons started feeling like more of a chore.

I was no longer motivated. However, I had to push my feelings to the side because my wife stayed home with the kids and we relied on my income to get by. I went back to teaching after recovery, but it was easy for those around me to notice that I was no longer "the same."

I hit my breaking point over a year and a half later. After a long teaching session, the school principal summoned me to his office to discuss a foreign teacher program where I was chosen to represent the school in Canada, which meant I would be away from my family for six to 12 months.

I decided to become a freelance writer

I remember going home feeling hopeless and defeated. I was already working long hours, and I couldn't handle any more on my plate. I shared my disappointment with my wife who told me to follow my heart and do what made me happy.

I had heard about freelance writing but never knew how to turn it into a profitable opportunity. I stayed up all night researching and reading stories on how other writers were making a living writing.

I realized it was possible to write profitably, but I needed to find a starting point. First, I had to pick a niche,e which was easy to do as I enjoyed writing about technology.

Many publications were accepting tech articles, and I got busy writing my first 10 articles on different topics. It took me a bit of time to complete them, but I enjoyed writing so much that it didn't feel like a hard task.

I uploaded the articles to an article-selling site and sold seven of them over time. I then reached out to technology publications with article ideas; some were accepted, and others were rejected. Still, it was the fuel I needed to stay on course.

As soon as I got my foot in the door, I talked to my students and handed in my resignation. It was heartbreaking to leave them behind, but I had to accept that teaching was no longer for me. Walking away made me feel like I could breathe again. I was unburdened.

We had to make sacrifices

For a couple of months, we survived on the savings I had accumulated throughout my teaching career. We didn't have a lot of debt, only a car mortgage, so it wasn't as difficult to get by.

We had to make plenty of adjustments, like switching to more affordable schools for our children and cooking at home instead of eating out, but life has been good to me.

I've also faced a number of challenges, like maxing out our savings, receiving late payments, and having unpaid bills, but I'm learning to manage our finances better as I go.

Saving for rainy days is an essential part of the program. Freelance writing gives me the kind of time freedom I only dreamt of. I'm now doing what I love and getting paid to do it.

I envisioned this path for me for years before I had the courage to walk away from my teaching job, and I would choose freelance writing again in a heartbeat.