• I am a single mom and allowed my son a lot of independence growing up.
• I was leaving him home alone when he was 7. By his tweens, he was navigating the city on his own.
• My parenting may be unconventional but it worked because of how I raised him at a young age.

I wanted my kid to have many of the same freedoms I had growing up in the '80s in the country — full of tree climbing, go-cart driving, and playing outside until the lights came on. My parents were relatively carefree and let us roam with minimal supervision, as long as our chores were done.

By the time my baby boy was 18 months old, I was a working single mother in the city and his sole provider, which meant my approach to parenting was going to take a different direction than I had imagined.

I didn't have the luxury of a partner for help, so I was constantly on duty. In order to coexist peacefully, I needed my son's cooperation, especially since he had a fierce need for independence at a young age.

I let him problem-solve, which sometimes led to a skinned knee

Cooperation required clear, age-appropriate communication of my expectations for him and his capabilities.

When he was 2, he was one of the youngest in our local park to climb the Jacob's Ladder. When he would get stuck at the top, I would explain to him that if he could get to the top by himself, he had to be able to get down by himself, too.

He soon became aware of his limitations and strengths. He would occasionally fall and skin his knee or the palm of his hand, but this never deterred him from going back for another climbing round.

Just because he got scuffed up a bit didn't mean I wasn't diligent about paying attention to him — I just let him problem-solve on his own through gentle encouragement and minimal interference.

With this approach, I successfully kept him out of the ER despite multiple spills off his skateboard and jumping from the top of the jungle gym.

The day I'll never forget

While I encouraged him to be independent and self-confident, I still felt the need to keep him close when he was a child.

That's why I'll never forget the day when he was 7 and ventured to his friend's home alone without telling me.

He scootered down one of the busiest streets in the city and crossed a huge intersection to get there.

I thought he was in our condo complex riding his scooter. When he called me 30 minutes later to tell me he was at his friend's house, I asked him why he hadn't told me where he was going.

He said it was because he knew I wouldn't have let him go alone. He was right.

Then he added that I'd taught him how to push the crosswalk button and he knew what he was doing. It dawned on me that he was also right about that.

That day, my trust in his abilities grew exponentially. I began letting him stay home while I ran errands.

By his tween years, he was confidently navigating the city bus system and biking across town — activities none of his friends were doing.

Other parents often questioned my free-range parenting approach, but I wasn't concerned. We had a reliable check-in system, and I trusted him completely.

I set clear boundaries and delivered consequences if he broke the rules, like if he didn't call me as soon as he arrived somewhere, he wasn't allowed to go again.

I don't regret how I raised my son

My style might have been unconventional, but now, at 19, he's still marching to the beat of his own drum and we have a strong and trusting relationship.

Watching him fly the coop with the tools and confidence I instilled is one of the greatest achievements of my life, and I can't wait to see where the next 20 years will take him.

• I didn't understand how to set boundaries for myself and my son when he was born.
• He'd make excuses why he couldn't complete age-appropriate tasks, and I'd do them for him.
• When he was nearly 8, I was still unwillingly co-sleeping with him. I felt haggard and resentful.

I grew up on gold stars and participation trophies as an unwitting member of the self-esteem generation. When I entered motherhood in 2011, I took it even further.

My Bay Area enclave of well-to-do hippies was all about attachment parenting, which advocates baby-wearing and bodily closeness, high empathy and responding to baby's cries, and co-sleeping to keep baby nearby.

I don't disagree with these ideas. The problem was that I didn't understand how to honor my boundaries while I went about doing everything for my son.

I didn't know how to disentangle a need from a want, especially in the stressed-out throes of early, unplanned motherhood.

By the time my son was entering grade school, it felt as if he had me wrapped around his little finger. Luckily, I've learned to flex my boundary muscle so I no longer bow to his every whim.

Every moment revolved around my son's satisfaction, and I resented it

When he was nearing 8, I was still cutting up his meat, tying his shoes, and co-sleeping. He was scared to sleep alone, and I couldn't stomach his discomfort.

He'd make excuses for why he couldn't complete age-appropriate tasks like opening water bottles (it hurt his hands) or washing the dishes (the dirty sink gave him the ick). So, I'd open the bottle for him and remove dishwashing from his agenda.

Every moment revolved around keeping him satisfied to avoid arousing my own motherly anxiety at his displeasure and emotional pain.

Meanwhile, I felt haggard and resentful. I finally decided things needed to change, recognizing that if my son didn't learn how to cope now, he wouldn't be able to do it as an adult without me.

I turned things around for me and my son

When my son was 8, I started the slow, but essential, process of making him sleep alone in his room.

We started with extra goodnight hugs and keeping his bedroom lights on and progressed to a quick cuddle and single nightlight.

After months of trial and error, he was finally putting himself to bed and not creeping into my room in the middle of the night to wake me for comfort.

As I started to set more boundaries, I also learned to love the sound of my own voice saying "No." It's a slow process, though.

My son is now 12, and he still asks me to do the simplest things for him like refill his water bottle or bring him pants first thing in the morning while he stays in bed. My answer is no.

We're now working on repairing my son's sense of self

As a preteen, my son has little self-agency. We're working to repair his sense of self, his confidence in his own decision-making, and his ability to persevere.

I've learned that baby steps are key to breaking harmful patterns. I teach him to break down each task into digestible chunks that don't feel daunting or overwhelming. In the past, I'd take it off his agenda completely, but not anymore.

I've found this strategy is essential for me, too. It helps me pace myself while keeping a mostly harmonious household.

We celebrate the little wins like learning to make the school bus on time each morning with some well-placed praise, a hot chocolate, or a sushi dinner.

I frame our work as a cooperative venture that's preparing him for adulthood, and he understands — though often begrudgingly — that we're on the same team.

We used to operate under the false idea that permission equals love. I've rewritten our script to emphasize that boundaries and expectations equal love.

I now respect my son and myself. I know he's capable, and my behavior reflects this back to him so he can believe it, too.

• I'm a very different parent to my youngest, who is 13, than I was to my eldest at that age.
• Some of that change is due to technology, but I also understand child development better now.
• I monitor all online activity for my teen but have learned to relinquish control where it matters.

I gave birth to my first three children between 1998 and 2000. When they were growing up, I knew enough about the internet to remind them never to share their personal information online, but that was the extent of it.

Then, I gave birth to my fourth child in 2011 and quickly realized how much had changed over a short time. I had to adjust my approach to parenting in the digital age.

I'm more strict with monitoring online activity. However, I've learned to relinquish control in other instances where I never would have before.

Parental controls these days are much better

When my eldest three were growing up in the 2000s, parental online control tools were limited.

I also worked outside the home, and so was was unable to monitor everything they did on the family desktop computer, which I strategically placed in a common area. I just had to trust they were being honest about their online activities.

In contrast, my 13-year-old's access to the internet is significantly limited.

I'm chronically online because I now work remotely, and this has helped raise my awareness of online threats and in turn drastically changed the way I parent my youngest.

His personal laptop — like the desktop his older siblings used — stays in a common area. However, I no longer have to rely on the honor system because of improved parental control options.

I now have an app that alerts me of any seemingly suspicious activity. It looks for certain keywords that could align with self-harm, bullying, violence, and anything else inappropriate.

I also limit his cell phone access to texts from his father and siblings and a few select friends, and it too is monitored by parental controls. Apart from that, the phone remains in my possession.

This helps me breathe a little easier, but I know I can't protect him from everything. I also try to give him resources so he can protect himself when I can't.

For example, I keep our home library stocked with books and workbooks for teens on perspective, bias, and how to properly wade through disinformation.

The shift in my parenting style goes beyond technology.

I wish I gave my eldest the same freedom my youngest has

Twenty years ago, I never would have considered placing a bow and arrow in the hands of my 4-year-old, let alone a carving knife.

With age comes wisdom, though, and since becoming a work-from-home parent I've had more time to read parenting books and seek advice from experts in child education and development, which has broadened my perspective.

For example, I made sure my youngest spent his earliest years taking part in a forest school. Afternoons meant nature walks in the woods, identifying insects, and practicing archery with a real bow and arrow.

He was carving wooden creatures with a whittling knife and building fires before he could read or write his full name.

Now, as he enters his teen years, I continue to encourage him to unplug, engage with nature, and explore his creative interests independently.

My eldest kids didn't have that freedom. The activities they participated in were adult-led and centered around indoor, structured playgroups, leaving little room for free play and independence.

Looking back, I wish I would have let them take the lead and hovered a bit less. Today, they're all independent and successful adults, but I sometimes sense they're hesitant to try new things. I can't help but attribute that to my former parenting style.

I hope that by allowing my youngest more freedom to explore the world around him, he'll gain confidence and trust in himself and his abilities that carry him through to adulthood.

Parenting is an ever-evolving journey. If there's one thing my kids have taught me, it's that learning and growing alongside them is essential to maintaining a strong relationship.

• My teens are constantly asking for the latest viral item on social media like $50 mascara.
• I'm fine with letting them buy it themselves but refuse to help out with stuff like that.
• They're learning that some items are not worth the hefty price tag, which is exactly what I want.

If you had asked me what kind of parent I would be a few decades ago, I would have said I'll rule with an iron fist. In reality, I've found that parenting two teenage girls, ages 13 and 15, is far from cut and dry.

The world's much different now than the one I grew up in, and getting older and wiser has helped me recognize the gray areas of spending.

There are so many more ways for kids to waste money these days, from DoorDash, Starbucks, and Sephora to all the products marketed to them on social media.

I can't tell you how many times my teens have asked for a $50 tube of mascara or some other "viral" product only because an influencer shared it on social media. Of course, my answer is almost always "No."

However, as they've grown older I've started to allow my kids to spend their money how they want. It's helping them grow in ways I hadn't expected.

There are certain things I refuse to buy my children

As a parent, I am willing to pay for my children's basic needs including food, shelter, clothing, typical hygiene items, and anything they need for school.

On the flip side, I am unwilling to pay for splurges like high-end makeup or $100 leggings.

My partner and I rarely buy flashy items or brand-name products for ourselves. We live a debt-free lifestyle, pay for our cars in cash, and hardly ever order food delivery or dine out.

I want my children to become the same responsible, thoughtful consumers we are. That's why I pay for their needs and they pay for their wants with the money they earn from babysitting and, in the case of my 15-year-old, a part-time job.

This approach teaches them the difference between essential and nonessential items and has led them to realize that there are many nonessentials out there that they don't want badly enough to pay for themselves.

Case in point: My 15-year-old recently said she would love to order DoorDash at work like some other people do, but doing so would mean forfeiting at least half of her pay for a four-hour shift, which she was unwilling to do.

Tracking their earnings and spending is teaching them the value of money

My teens also see first-hand how quickly their money disappears when they choose instant gratification over savings, which happens all the time.

They have a MONEY Teen Checking account and use the issuer's mobile app, which lets them see all their purchases in real-time and how much money is in their account.

This led my eldest to ask for a separate savings account in her name, which I helped set up. She frequently transfers money to that account and has a small nest egg to show for it, which I'm proud of.

Some lessons have to be learned the hard way, though, and my 13-year-old has had a bank balance below $10 for several months now.

She loathes the feeling of being broke as well as the limited options that come with it.

For example, she found our annual Black Friday shopping trip "boring" this year since she didn't have any fun money to throw around. I may or may not have been willing to lend her any money, but the truth is she didn't ask.

We're setting a good example

My husband and I both work part-time and are on track to retire completely before age 50.

We also live in a nice home with lots of space for everyone, and my kids go on several family vacations every year.

Despite their young age, they have been to more than 40 different countries.

Ultimately, this means they know we can afford to buy the best items and products but choose not to.

In the end, I can only hope that, when they're adults, working hard jobs and trying to raise a family, they'll choose a life of saving over a lifetime of waste and regret.