• I felt anxious about my social life, and some of my friendships were toxic.
• I decided to end those toxic friendships by cutting out people I couldn't trust.
• Some of them I ghosted, and others I had a talk with, but I'm much happier now.

When I decided to improve my life and eliminate all the toxic relationships around me, I started with the usual suspects: lovers, food, work, and alcohol. It wasn't easy, but life became much simpler. Yet, something still felt off when it came to my social life — a lingering feeling of anxiety.

With the help of my therapist, I discovered there were still some toxic friendships in my life that I hadn't been aware of until I gained clarity.

I was shocked to realize that some people who had been in my life for years or had shown me genuine love were, in some way, now causing harm — even if unintentionally. The reasons varied: carrying unresolved emotional baggage, offering one-sided support, or radiating negativity.

The weight of it all was overwhelming, and I had to make the difficult decision to end some of these friendships. It's one of the smartest choices I've ever made.

I had to separate my friends from my acquaintances

My first step was to categorize the people in my life to truly understand who deserved the title of "friend" and what that word actually meant to me.

As someone who has moved around the world and lived in bustling cities, I've naturally made a ton of connections. But the lines between acquaintances and friendships blurred over the years.

I had to first understand what made a friend a friend and an acquaintance and an acquaintance. For me, a friendship requires both trust and emotional support.

Those became my parameters for evaluating my friendships.

I then tested my friendships

The next step was figuring out which friendships were worth keeping in my life. After some difficult weeks, I realized it wasn't about the drama I was willing to tolerate, the amount of time we spent together, or how often we saw each other.

It was about what they genuinely added to my life. It was about who I could trust and who offered emotional support.

So, I evaluated every aspect of each friendship. If the overall result was positive and they brought something meaningful to my life, they were keepers. If the result was negative and they consistently took something away, it was clear they needed to be let go.

With that in mind, it was just a matter of deciding how to break up each friendship.

There were a few approaches I took to ending friendships

I had no experience whatsoever with breaking up with friends. The idea itself felt strange — even in my head. No one ever talks about it, but I was ready to move forward.

While these relationships were ultimately toxic for me, I approached them with empathy and kindness as a starting point. In the end, though, it was about prioritizing what I needed and how I felt.

Some breakups were passive, involving a gradual reduction in interactions or "quiet ghosting." Others required explanations — a thoughtful message, a phone call, or even an in-person conversation. In the most extreme cases, I had to abruptly cut ties, blocking them on social media and offering no explanations.

Navigating these situations was challenging, especially within groups where mutual friends started asking questions.

But after a few breakups, I began to feel something I hadn't in a long time: happiness and freedom.

I now have a new approach to friendships

I have normalized this process in my life and now apply it to all my relationships, including those with family. Life is too short and precious to spend it with the wrong people.

Today, I enjoy a simpler social life that allows me to focus my love and energy on those who truly and deeply care about me. The anxiety and unnecessary people are gone, but the good memories will always remain.

• Jess Evans founded Bored Of Dating Apps after being constantly disappointed by dating apps.
• Her events offer an alternative to meeting someone online, focusing on real-life connections.
• There's one very important rule: no ghosting each other.

When Jess Evans was going through a horrible breakup a few years ago, she did what many people do in that situation: downloaded some dating apps.

"What I found there was just your usual string of disappointing experiences," Evans, 33, told Business Insider. "It was just one disheartening experience after the next."

Vowing to ditch the apps for good, Evans thought about other ways to meet someone. Uninspired by the options, she called up a friend and told her she was going to put on her own one-off dating night.

As a journalist with no events experience, Evans worried it would be a flop. But it wasn't. More than 200 singletons looking for love showed up.

That was in February 2022, and Evans hasn't looked back. Bored Of Dating Apps events now take place in London and Manchester in the UK, and launched in New York last year.

It's been so successful that BODA is now Evans' full-time job. She also met her now-fiancee at one of the events, so she swears by how effective they can be.

"Even if they haven't met someone romantically, people go home feeling so much better," she said. "They're like, oh my goodness, I can't believe how many amazing single people there are. It's just about getting off the apps and actually getting people in the same space."

People crave real-life connections

Many agree that dating apps aren't fun anymore, with Gen Zers in particular rejecting them. A Forbes Health survey of 1,000 Americans last year found that 79% of Gen Z respondents said they were experiencing dating app burnout.

This trend has left some apps struggling. Shares in Match Group, which owns Tinder, Hinge, and Match.com, have fallen 64% over the past five years as the number of paying users dips. Match also announced layoffs last July.

Evans has also noticed people fighting back against the surface-level dating culture that apps promote.

Rather than judging someone on a few photos and a list of vague interests, you get to take them in as a full person. After all, a profile cannot tell you whether you will have chemistry in person.

When she was on the apps, Evans said she felt like she was constantly battling against the perfect idea of a woman. The curse of dating apps is that they encourage you to think the grass is always greener, rather than see all of the good traits of the person you're seeing. Some call this the paradox of choice.

"There's always someone hotter or taller or thinner or someone with a better job, or someone who holds their pen in a particular way so you don't get the ick," Evans said. "As long as we were only ever hooking up, the apps would always have you back in their pocket again."

One of the biggest lessons Evans has learned is for people to embrace dating outside their "type."

"When we look at exactly what that type is, it's often quite an outdated tick list of ours," Evans said. "Someone that we think we ought to like layered over time with our 14-year-old teen crush on an American show doubled with a familiar face of an ex-boyfriend in university that it didn't work with."

Dating apps have led people to shut out people who they could have had a "beautiful relationship with," Evans said, simply because they didn't look exactly right on the surface.

"Because they haven't fitted their rigid, on-paper litmus test, they haven't given it a go," she said. "We've been judging people so much on just a few words on a page."

Finding love and a community

There's one golden rule anyone attending a BODA event must follow: ghosting is strictly prohibited.

"We want everyone to look after each other," Evans said. "So if you meet someone tonight and go on a date with them, please don't ghost them after."

Evans said this basic rule of social interaction has been lost along the way, largely because of dating app culture.

Ghosting and standing people up have become the norm, with little consideration for someone's feelings.

This cycle is particularly frustrating for people in their 30s who may have friendship groups full of people settling down, getting married, and having children.

Evans felt this way herself. She felt isolated as her friends became more occupied with their own families, and spare cash once devoted to nights out with the girls was set aside for family holidays and living expenses.

BODA gave Evans the opportunity to socialize and find people in the same situation, and it has become a community as well as a place to find love.

"It felt amazing to have those friendships where we could have loads of fun together and go out on a night out together and wing woman for each other," she said.

The art of the spontaneous flirt

BODA events include socials where singles can mingle and "meet-cutes" in bookshops, which mimic the old ways of flirting and meeting a potential match in the wild as depicted in romcoms.

"So many people, both men and women, have just really, really wanted to lean into the element of that romance," Evans said. "People are really, really craving romance right now."

Other past BODA events include hikes, supper clubs, painting evenings, and yoga, where people can practice the art of what Evans called "the spontaneous flirt."

The goal is for people to find deeper connections — and that's working for some. Evans told BI there have been 15 engagements and a "BODA baby" since the events started.

That's what makes all the hard work worth it, she said. "I'm such a hopeless romantic. I love that I get to watch people fall in love."

• My best friend and I met in New York, and then we moved to Denver.
• Once we moved, our friendship changed, and he suddenly ghosted me.
• I tried to understand what I did wrong, but I'll never truly know.

I recently endured my first friendship breakup — one that caught me off guard and ended without explanation.

Seven years ago, I was living in New York when a mutual friend introduced me to a guy with similar interests and personality traits. We even identified with the same sports teams. We made each other cackle by reciting foreign accents or comedy bits while also melting into couches while spinning Pink Floyd vinyl.

As we spent more time together, we grew side-by-side, investing in each other's personal growth.

During the pandemic, I moved to Denver, and after two years of staying in touch, he followed me because he wanted easier access to nature. But not insignificantly, he moved knowing I'd be there for him.

That move would ultimately cause the end of the friendship, leaving me hurt and confused.

We no longer fit together in Denver

The early reconnection was joyful chaos. We'd golf on gorgeous mountain courses, hit the bars to watch soccer, and, most importantly, continue laughing.

As he settled in, I tried expanding his social circle by introducing him to my friends. Unfortunately, this wasn't as seamless as I hoped.

I then spent more time traveling than staying put in Denver last summer. When I returned in the fall, I reached out to hang out, but uncharacteristically, he didn't respond.

After a few more texts, I still hadn't heard from him. By the fifth unanswered text, I was no longer in denial. One of my favorite people was ghosting me.

I tried calling him. After no response, I texted to express if I had done something wrong, I wanted to apologize.

My desire to right the ship ended up in capsizing

My friend took two weeks to respond — a gestation period to draft three paragraphs.

In his mini-essay, he shared that he didn't want to be friends anymore and asked me not to contact him. The friendship was over.

I'd like to believe my lack of response was due to acceptance, but it was likely because I was speechless.

A few months prior, he and I were flexing the bounds of our connection, from quoting the crudest moments of "South Park" crudest moments to having an articulate, heart-to-heart chat. Now, he wouldn't even acknowledge my presence.

I tried to figure out what exactly went wrong

As this was my first overt friendship breakup, I tried to figure out where I went wrong.

My initial reaction was to recreate scenarios between us and analyze everything. Was it something I said? Could I have done something differently? Could I have hung out with him more?

Those questions were all dead ends. After enduring weeks of rumination, I uncovered a harsh reality.

When a friendship ends, you're not entitled to know anything

At work, a sudden termination is often followed by answers explaining exactly what you did wrong in the role. A divorce needs reasons to influence legal and financial implications. But with this friendship breakup, there was no need for explanations.

My nebulous misdeeds were no longer the point. I just had to accept that whether he was my friend for a reason or a season, he wouldn't be for a lifetime.

Fortunately, I found the silver lining.

Losing one best friend made me wake up and double down on appreciating my current close friends. That doesn't just require being present for the good times; it's about being there through it all. It also means communicating any discontent so that I won't be blindsided again.

• About a fifth of recruitment ads in 2024 were "ghost jobs," a Greenhouse report found.
• Ghost jobs frustrate candidates and erode trust, but hiring managers continue to see the benefits.
• Greenhouse and LinkedIn now offer verification features to help identify potential ghost jobs.

Everyone has a story about a role they thought they were perfect for, only to hear nothing back or be ghosted later on.

You may have even been love-bombed during an interview and told you were the ideal candidate, only for it to be crickets afterward.

Greenhouse may have an explanation. It found that between 18% and 22% of jobs listed with it in 2024 were appeals for new workers that never actually got filled.

The hiring platform surveyed 2,500 workers across the US, UK, and Germany, finding that three in five candidates suspected they had encountered a "ghost job."

In analyzing the data, Greenhouse found that about a fifth of the jobs posted on its platform could be classified this way — jobs that go up on boards but don't actually exist.

"The data highlights a troubling reality — the job market has become more soul-crushing than ever," Jon Stross, Greenhouse's president and cofounder, said in a statement.

Spotting a fake job ad

Ghost jobs are not a new phenomenon. Business Insider reported in 2022 on a survey of 1,000 hiring managers conducted by the lending firm Clarify Capital. Half of managers said they kept job postings live even when they weren't actively recruiting because they were "always open to new people."

A Resume Builder survey last May found that seven in 10 hiring managers also think it's "morally acceptable" to post ghost jobs, while three in 10 companies have posted fake listings.

Other reasons for putting up these ads include giving the impression of company growth, placating frustrated staff members, or holding out hope for the perfect "unicorn" candidate.

While hiring managers may see the benefit, in reality, ghost jobs frustrate candidates and erode trust in the process, BI's Tim Paradis reported last year.

The Wall Street Journal reported that in response to persisting ghost jobs, Greenhouse and LinkedIn now have a verification feature to help candidates weed out ads that may be a waste of time.

Some ways to identify a ghost job, BI previously reported, include it being up for 30 days or more, can no longer be found on the company's website, or a vague description of the role and its requirements.

• Job seekers may face 'love-bombing' from hiring managers during interviews.
• Love-bombing involves excessive praise to keep candidates interested without real intent.
• Experts advise setting expectations and keeping options open to avoid being manipulated.

If a hiring manager is excessively complimenting you and telling you you're the top candidate during an interview, you may be being "love-bombed."

The term originated as a way to describe the manipulative tactics some toxic people employ in romantic relationships to hook in their victims, showering them with affection, gifts, and promises for the future, only to later flip the script and show their real selves.

But the same pattern may apply to the workplace, too. Many job seekers complain of inconsistent behavior from hiring managers, CNBC reported, being flattered and praised one minute and ghosted the next.

"Love-bombing during job interviews happens all too often when recruiters or hiring managers want to keep you interested in them while they figure things out behind the scenes," Renee Barber, the global director of recruiting for TYR Talent Solutions who has over 20 years of experience in the recruitment industry, told Business Insider.

"They may overhype your chances to keep you interested," Barber said. "Especially if they're not ready to make a decision or they need to buy time without being direct about the actual situation."

Janine Chidlow, the managing director of EMEA at the global talent firm Wilson, told BI that love-bombing not only disrupts a candidate's career expectations "but also raises questions about organizational integrity and employer branding."

"This phenomenon isn't new," she said. "But its frequency and impact have surged."

How to recognize love-bombing

It's looking like the job market may see a boost next year. But white-collar hiring is still in a slump, with tech jobs being hit the hardest.

Love-bombing may serve as a "morale-booster" for both candidates and interviewers, Chidlow said.

Amanda Fischer, an executive leadership and career coach who is the founder of AMF Coaching & Consulting, said that some recruiters and hiring managers want everyone they are interviewing to feel optimistic about the role so they don't lose out on the best candidates.

They may also want to create a strong connection so the candidate to make them less likely to negotiate further.

"In this particular instance, that is a highly manipulative move," Fischer said.

It may not always be a scheme, though, and some recruiters and hiring managers may be love-bombing without realizing it.

"They could genuinely be excited about a candidate and might not see how the excessive compliments could backfire," Barber said.

There are plenty of ways to recognize love-bombing during the interview stages.

According to Barber, some signs are excessive compliments, like being told you're exactly what the company is looking for, or that you're the best candidate being interviewed, or being given unrealistic promises, such as if they talk about you "being a great fit for the team" or "starting soon" before they've actually made a decision.

Fischer told BI that pressure for a quick decision is also "a huge red flag."

"From my perspective, there are very few circumstances where you should accept a role the moment it's offered," Fischer said.

Barber agreed, adding that if there is a long delay or no communication after the interview, "it's a sign that the praise might have just been a way to keep you interested before they made their decision."

What to do about it

Love-bombing during the interview process is symptomatic of deeper issues in recruitment, Chidlow said.

"While it may yield short-term gains in market perception, the long-term costs — disillusioned candidates, damaged reputations, and high turnover — far outweigh the benefits," she said.

"By prioritizing transparency and respect, organizations can foster genuine connections with candidates, ensuring a healthier, more productive recruitment process."

If you think the person on the other end of the interview desk is love-bombing you, it's good to set expectations early, Barber said.

"Before you wrap up the interview, feel free to ask when you can expect to hear back and what the next steps are," she said. "This can help you keep track of the process and avoid getting strung along."

Barber also recommended following up after the interview, sending a thank-you email, and asking for feedback.

"This allows you to gauge whether the praise was sincere and whether the company is genuinely interested," she said.

"If something feels off, trust your instincts," Barber added. "If it all felt too polished or disconnected from your experience, be cautious."

Keeping your options open is also a good move because being in a stronger position yourself makes you less likely to fall for manipulative tricks.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket," Barber said. "Otherwise, you could be waiting around for a response that might never come."