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You’ve lived in a red state all your life. Is it wrong to pick up and move to a blue state now?

I’ve lived in a red state my whole life, and as a lesbian with a wonderful trans wife, it is hard.

✦ Extractive summary — built from the sources' own reporting•From 1 source•1 min read•Updated November 9, 2026, 8:55 PM UTC
Key points
  • Given the assault on trans rights in recent years, I’d be really skeptical of anyone who tries to argue that you and your wife have a moral obligation to stay put and “fight the good fight” if she’d be happier and safer elsewhere.
  • Mind you, I also want to caution you to consider all the factors that go into making a happy life before you come….
  • Utilitarianism says you have to consider everyone’s well-being equally, with no special treatment for your own family members — but to Williams, that’s just an absurd demand.

When you got together with your wife, you made a commitment to ensuring her well-being, over and above your general wish for all people everywhere to be well.

Here’s this week’s question from a reader, condensed and edited for clarity: I’m considering moving my family from a red state to a blue state.

Additional details
  • This perspective has become so influential in the past century that it’s probably shaping your thinking here, even if you’re not explicitly aware of it.
  • Moving to a blue state could give my wife and I better nondiscrimination protections, better worker protections, and better access to health care.
  • Besides, even though living an ethical life does sometimes involve being willing to sacrifice some of our own well-being, it’s important to recognize that everybody exists at a different vulnerability level.
  • Your Mileage May Vary is an advice column offering you a unique framework for thinking through your moral dilemmas.
  • I am well aware of how the red state exodus and the red state brain drain are already affecting our community.

How this summary was made: extractive summary — built from the sources' own reporting. It is drawn only from the reporting of the sources listed below — read the originals for full detail. How we summarize →

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VoxNovember 9, 2026, 8:55 PM UTC →

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