• Drinking used to help Bella Falk, 46, get through bad dates.
• She decided to quit both booze and dating apps.
• She's happier making the most of what she has rather than worrying about what she doesn't.

When my ex-partner moved out, among his parting words were: "You're amazing. You'll meet someone else in no time."

But as anyone who's braved the world of dating apps will know, meeting someone you really like, who likes you back enough to show up reliably and not ghost you after a couple of months, is soul-crushingly hard. At least, it has been for me.

Getting matches wasn't a problem, but surviving the tedious small talk without dying of boredom or the conversation fizzling out before we'd arranged to meet seemed next to impossible.

But if by some miracle we did make it to an in-person date, what did we do? Of course, we went for a drink.

Relying on a drink or two

Going for a drink was the default first date. It's cheaper than a meal, quick, and low-pressure, and avoids the potential torture of enduring a three-course dinner with someone who turns out to be duller than a six-hour delay at an airport.

I would grab a casual wine after work, and if there was no spark or the guy turned out to be 10 years older than his profile pictures (yes, this happened), I would make my excuses after a glass or two.

Not only was drinking helpful, but it was often expected. While there is talk that the younger generation is less interested in alcohol, many of my peers still see teetotallers as boring and no fun, hardly the impression you want to give when you're just getting to know someone.

First dates are hard. I relied on booze to make them easier. If there was no spark, wine made me chattier and able to fill the awkward silences. If the guy was a bit creepy, it made me brave enough to face the awkward goodbye and leave early.

On the rare occasions when I did meet someone I fancied, having alcohol in my system gave me the courage I needed to flirt, instead of blushing and running away like a nervous teenager.

Ditching dating apps and booze

But as years passed by, the whole routine became a Sisyphean cycle of hope and disappointment. I would wake up with a mild hangover and another story to amuse my coupled-up friends.

I tried coffee dates, but the concept didn't really work in London, where I live. Many people live out of town, so it makes sense to grab a drink at the end of the working day. And I had no desire to do full hair and makeup and drag myself downtown on a Saturday.

So, a year and a half ago, I quit. Not just the booze, but the dating apps too.

Life is better

Searching for "The One" had become a full-time job. Hours of swiping and tedious chitchat, for it to either fizzle out or end in an excruciating evening wishing I was back home watching Netflix in my PJs. It was an emotional roller coaster, especially when I met someone I liked, allowed myself to get my hopes up, and then ended up dumped or ghosted.

I realized it wasn't being single that made me miserable. It was the constant effort of trying not to be single. The apps were taking up so much of my time — I must have spent days of my life chatting to people I never even met.

The number of words I'd typed into Bumble, I could have written a novel — and then at least I'd have had something to show for it all, apart from RSI in my thumbs.

Without the apps and the booze, I'm sleeping better, I'm healthier, and most importantly, my mental health has improved. I haven't cried in over a year (it used to be a fairly regular occurrence — always caused by a man). When I think about downloading the apps again, I feel that sick dread in my stomach, usually only reserved for my triennial smear test.

Now I focus on enjoying life and making the best of what I do have, instead of worrying about what I don't. I'm a travel writer and photographer, so I'm abroad a lot, exploring the world and having incredible experiences. When I'm home, I go out with friends, attend networking events, or pitch for my next trip.

If I do meet someone, it'll be because we've met through shared interests and have already decided we like each other before we go on an actual date. Maybe I'll even agree to dinner.

• Single women in the US are outpacing men in homebuying, the National Association of Realtors found.
• In 2024, single women represent 20% of all homebuyers, compared to 8% for single men.
• Three single women shared with BI their motivations for buying a home without a partner or a spouse.

Karla Cobreiro, 33, lived with her parents for nearly a decade after college, diligently saving to buy her own home.

"I didn't want to be house-poor or struggle financially," Cobreiro, a publicist, told Business Insider. "I waited for the right moment — when I had a higher-paying job, had saved up a large down payment, and had built a solid emergency fund.

In 2022, she purchased a 900-square-foot condo in Downtown Doral, a Miami suburb, for around $400,000. She was 31 and single.

"I didn't have a partner at the time, but I didn't think that should stop me," Cobreiro said. "So I went for it."

Cobreiro is one of many single women in the US who haven't let the absence of a relationship or marriage stop them from buying a home — an achievement long seen as a key milestone of wealth building and the American dream.

An analysis of data from the National Association of Realtors (NAR) shows that single women have consistently outpaced single men in homebuying since the organization began tracking data in 1981.

The chart below shows that since 2020, the share of single women homebuyers has continued to increase steadily, while the share of single men has declined.

By 2024, the gap has reached its widest, with single women representing 20% of all homebuyers, compared to 8% for single men.

Single women find independence in homeownership

So why are single women statistically more likely to purchase homes than single men?

Brandi Snowden, NAR's director of member and consumer survey research, told BI that it largely comes down to lifestyle choices and women's unique societal roles.

Snowden explained that many single women purchase homes because they desire independence, have experienced divorce, and are responsible for raising children.

NAR found that female buyers are typically older than their male counterparts, with the median age for single women at 60, compared to 58 for single men.

"These buyers may be recently divorced or purchasing a home not just for themselves but also for their children and parents," Snowden said.

"It's just me and this mortgage."

Cobreiro said that buying a home without a spouse has its own challenges, such as settling for a smaller condo since she's not part of a DINK household — an acronym for "dual income, no kids."

Data from the Federal Reserve's Survey of Consumer Finances shows that DINKs have a median net worth of over $200,000. This financial advantage enables them to more easily afford housing or spend their disposable income on luxuries like boats and expensive cars.

Despite the financial benefits of a two-income household, many women have chosen to live independently in an era of increasing financial and social autonomy.

Cobreiro is responsible for a 30-year mortgage, which includes $2,500 in monthly payments and an additional $1,000 in HOA fees — all of which fall entirely on her.

"Though I live comfortably, If I get laid off, break a leg, or face an emergency, I'm on my own, she said. "I always joke to my friends, "It's just me and this mortgage."

Still, she believes the benefits of sole home ownership outweigh the risks of waiting to purchase with a boyfriend.

"I'm glad I didn't wait until I was in a relationship or married to buy a home," she said. "Owning a home with someone you're not committed to can get tricky, especially if you break up. There's no prenup; if you disagree about selling, that can get messy."

Some women say no prenup, no co-owning

New Yorker Jessica Chestler, 33, shares a similar perspective to Cobreiro.

In 2022, Chestler, a real-estate agent with Douglas Elliman and a business owner, purchased a three-bedroom condo in Williamsburg for $3.25 million.

She told BI that she viewed homeownership as an investment in her future, one she wasn't willing to risk with someone she wasn't fully committed to.

"When you're buying a home with someone else, there's obviously a lot more to consider, especially if you're not married," Chestler said. "There's always that uncertainty: What happens if you break up — how do you divide the assets?"

Chestler, who also renovated her home, said the greatest benefit of owning solo is the ability to rely on herself and the freedom to live on her own terms.

"I only had to consider myself," she said. "I didn't have to worry about anyone else's opinion. I loved the apartment, knew my numbers, and was confident I could make it work — That sense of comfort was really important to me."

Women say they don't need a knight in shining armor

Some single women who buy homes may have boyfriends but aren't waiting for a ring to start building wealth through home equity.

Take real-estate agent Ayriel Von Schert, who, in February, purchased a 2,280-square-foot townhouse for $365,000 in Mesa, Arizona, without a cosigner.

Although Von Schert, 30, is in a long-term committed relationship, she wanted to take control of her financial future.

"I think many women feel the same way: Why wait for someone else to help you achieve your goals?" she told BI.

Her decision to buy alone could pay off in the long run. Another unit in Von Schert's complex is on the market for $410,000. If it sells for that price, her home will have appreciated by about $35,000 in one year.

"In a few years, I might sell this place or keep it and rent it out while buying another property," she said. "My long-term goal is to build a real estate portfolio and earn residual income, and I feel like I'm definitely on the right path."

For now, she and her boyfriend are living like roommates, equally splitting the bills for the home, including utilities and the mortgage.

She said it's a win-win situation for both of them.

"I don't think he minds because we no longer have a landlord telling us what we can or can't do," she said.

Are you a single or unmarried woman who purchased a home? Contact this reporter at [email protected].