• Over the last 25 years, I've been on over a dozen multigenerational family vacations.
• I've learned planning early and keeping the limits and interests of those going in mind helps.
• It can also be helpful to book separate accommodations if possible.

My Roman holiday taught me that pillows are not just for sleeping. They're my coping method of choice, excellent at muffling frustrated screams while locked in the bathroom on a three-week family trip in the Italian capital.

I've done over a dozen multigenerational trips, from large reunions to birthday cruises and seaside anniversaries. Planning to avoid such moments — when you, the adult child, turn back into a sobbing five-year-old thanks to a triggering argument with your mother — is key to a successful family holiday.

Making golden holiday memories with the ones you love most requires someone to be the adult in the room, armed with strategies to avoid the pitfalls — about money, the itinerary, past grievances — and ensure that great experiences are created, instead of ones that belong in Dante's circle of hell.

A multigenerational vacation usually includes three (or more) generations of family members, but there are no hard and fast rules on inclusion. When you've got a large group with wide-ranging ages (anywhere from newborns to 80+), differing physical abilities, financial resources, and interests, trip organization can become an overwhelming and stressful juggling act. Planning and patience are key to surviving a multigenerational trip and ensuring it goes as smoothly as possible.

Plan in advance, and think about who is going

Our most recent multigenerational trip involved celebrating my parents-in-law's 60th wedding anniversary in the Belgian seaside town where they were married. We started planning the date one year in advance and worked backward on booking accommodation and flights, invitations, catering, the party venue, etc.

The organizational heavy lifting can be a group endeavor, but it's best to appoint some lead planners or go outside the family circle entirely and hire a travel agent to handle the booking complexities. "Going pro" can ease the load and save time and stress.

It's important to remember trip participants' ages, interests, and limitations. Our Belgian adventure included teenagers and octogenarians, blind uncles, and frail aunts. We planned day trips and activities to do together and apart, and this made the trip better for everyone.

Separate accommodations are helpful, if possible

I chalk that success up to experience. My first multigenerational trip with my parents and kids was to Honolulu, Hawaii nearly 25 years ago. Two kitchen-equipped apartments within easy walking access to the beach meant carefree time with our then-toddlers, who were solely interested in sandcastles, ice cream, and little else.

The separate accommodations allowed us space and independence so we could plan activities (naps, couple time) separately or together with ease.

Patience — with yourself and each other — is key

It's taken me a bit longer to figure out how to pack my patience — that key accessory so vital when traveling with others, when even the best relationships are tested by jet lag and ancient grievances.

Knowing the touchpoints that can trigger strong emotions and finding the patience and coping mechanisms — screaming into cushions, taking a walk — are necessary to cool situations that can ruin both vacations and family ties.

Talk about money before the trip

Conflict about money is one of the most contentious aspects of multigenerational trip planning. Unless you have a grandma or uncle with deep pockets, no one party is going to cover the entire cost of the trip. Honest conversations about who will pay for what — well ahead of the departure date — will help reduce arguments down the line.

Traveling with family is worth it. At its best, a multigenerational trip is an unforgettable opportunity to spend time with the people you love the most; for littles to enjoy priceless moments with grandparents; and for adult children to savor and foster relationships across generations. Just remember the pillow.

• My group of 20 went on a multigenerational trip to Austria and stayed in a castle for a week.
• Our stay cost about $151 per person per night, which felt surprisingly affordable for all we got.
• We had a great time and especially enjoyed exploring the spacious grounds and castle amenities.

The average price of a hotel in Austria tends to be over $200 a night — even higher if you want a five-star experience.

But if you get a group of 20 together and everyone chips in, you'll each pay around $151 a night to stay in a castle for a week.

That's about what my family did last summer when our large group booked a stay in Castle Wasserburg, a 12th-century marvel in Austria.

As expected, our multigenerational family vacation in a European castle ended up being pretty wonderful.

We were after the castle life, and we got it

To be clear, castles are not palaces.

Castles were traditionally built to defend people and places, whereas palaces were built as symbols of extreme wealth. Still, castles tend to be large and impressive, often with incredible grounds.

The castle we rented sleeps up to 20, with 10 bedrooms and seven bathrooms. The rental comes with a staff member who does basic cleanup and prepares a breakfast every morning for guests.

Redesigned in baroque style, Wasserburg's ground floor opens to a small entrance hall, a great hall with an open fireplace, a small salon, a sauna, and an elevator.

On the first floor there's a large, gilded salon we nicknamed "the WiFi room" because it had the best cellular reception.

There was also a library with a fireplace where the older generations liked to gather, and a secret back room adjacent to the library that my son discovered one afternoon.

Most memorably, the castle has an enormous dining room with a table that seats 24, a vast balcony overlooking the grounds, and a kitchen with an external dumb-waiter that lowers down to the grill area.

The dumbwaiter proved to be an invaluable tool so we could avoid running up and down narrow stairways with heaving platters of dishes. Even the youngest members of our clan had fun operating it.

Otherwise, we spent most of our time in the kitchen playing cards, creating nightly feasts, sampling too many local libations, and oversharing.

But our time enjoying the grounds was arguably the most memorable part of our trip.

The castle is situated on a large park with a moat, pond, private swimming pool, tennis court set in a rock garden, small forest, horse stables, and gravel-lined walking paths throughout.

There was a lot of charm and fun to be found nearby, too

Although we could've spent days around the grounds, the castle's prime location in St. Pölten meant we were within driving distance of some exciting spots.

One of our favorite excursions was to the Wachau wine region less than an hour from the castle. There, we explored vineyards producing full-bodied, fruit-forward but razor-sharp riesling and Grüner Veltliner.

Austria's capital city, Vienna, is also less than an hour away and worth visiting for at least a full day. We also visited Salzburg and Bratislava, both a few hours' drive from the castle.

I'll never forget our incredible stay

We would've had fun no matter where we stayed, but our time in the castle still resonates with me.

The castle was the destination and it's one of my favorite spaces we've rented as a clan over the years.

Staying in such a fascinating place helped us embrace the history of the region we were visiting — its culture, traditions, food, and drinks.

Living, cooking, traveling, and laughing together, even just for a week, reminded all of us of our shared history and traditions and gave us hope and energy to face a future united despite everything that may distract and divide us.