I'm a surgeon and a mom of 3. I chose not to delay having kids for my career, which meant making sacrifices.
Ellie Thorne
- Dr. Dhivya Srinivasa is a double-board-certified surgeon who runs a private practice in California.
- Srinivasa had three kids while pursuing her medical career and is glad she didn't delay motherhood.
- She shares how she manages her busy schedule by prioritizing specific events with her kids.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Dr. Dhivya Srinivasa, a California-based breast reconstruction surgeon. Business Insider verified her employment with documentation. The following has been edited for length and clarity.
Some moms are at every PTA meeting, class party, and basketball game. Then, they're cooking dinner when their kids arrive home. You won't find me doing all of that — and it doesn't mean I love my kids any less.
I grew up with a physician as a mom. She had me and my siblings during her residencies. When I was born in India, my dad told my mom she didn't have to give up her career and they would make it work.
I grew up with strong examples of working parents and I hope to pass this on to my children. You can balance a career with parenting and what being an involved parent can look like is evolving.
I often felt misunderstood as a parent in my working environment
When I became pregnant during my fourth year of residency in 2013, I remember not wanting to tell anyone. I was the only female in my class.
I was a hard worker and supervising physicians' favorite, but I felt like things shifted when I got pregnant.
One time during residency, I remember being in a long surgery that was going past the scheduled end time. I let my attending physician know I needed to leave for a prenatal appointment, which was common practice for health-related appointments.
He said, "Sometimes I feel like you book them early on purpose." He had two kids of his own and should have known there weren't ever later appointments.
I had my first child in 2014 while working as a medical resident, and I was back at work four weeks after a difficult c-section, often pushing through 80 to 100-hour workweeks with an infant at home. Luckily, I had a nanny and my in-laws supporting me, and I completed my residency.
I had my second child in 2016 while completing a fellowship in plastic and reconstructive surgery at the University of Michigan from 2015 through 2018.
After having my third child in 2020, I started working on faculty at a hospital in L.A. Some doctors I worked with didn't acknowledge I'd just had a baby. I'd pump in my car as there was no lactation area in the hospital. I felt my colleagues doubted my ability, but I made it clear being a mom only made me a better surgeon.
I'm now a double board-certified plastic surgeon and run my own business for breast reconstruction.
Learning how to succeed at both
I started my private practice in September 2021. Now, I can be a physician and mother on my terms.
I had kids early in my career on purpose. My kids are now five, eight, and 10. I didn't want to wait and compromise my fertility for my career. I knew I could succeed at both, but it meant making sacrifices.
I had to learn where my energy was best directed. I used to prioritize pick-up until realized my kids didn't really care about that. But, I value their education, so I do their homework with them every night.
I've also learned to be proactive when selecting which of my children's events I can attend. When I first started my practice, I didn't block my schedule for certain school events. After my oldest child shared with me that he missed having me at these events, I started proactively blocking out time for my children — even if it meant requesting classroom activities from teachers at the start of the school year.
Now, I always take off Halloween for classroom parties and second-semester field trips. In the office, We've established color codes on my calendar so they're aware when a calendar event is non-negotiable and dedicated to my children.
As my kids get older, I make those decisions with input from my kids about what events are most meaningful to them. I cancel work for one on-campus activity per kid a year. On those days, we go all out. It isn't just a stop by the school for a few minutes, we dress up and plan our activities weeks in advance.
Their excitement, and mine as well, have shown me it isn't the number of events you're at as a parent, but your presence at the ones you can come to.
I've sacrificed at work too. I moved to running my practice versus the world of medical academia. In opening my practice, I had to make the tough decision to stop working with trainees. Though I love teaching, it slows down cases and I had to prioritize my family.
It does take a village — and it makes my kids well-rounded people
My husband Ravi is an interventional radiologist and professor. He is the parent the school calls if a kid needs to be picked up because I'm sometimes in surgery. While he also works full time, he's easier to reach due to set office hours and less time in the operating room.
We also talk to teachers at the beginning of the year about our setup so they know I won't be available at the last minute. I love that they learn that dads might be the first point of contact, not just moms.
My kids spend almost every weekend with their grandparents and sometimes weekday evenings. They are getting a rich education by spending time with their first-generation immigrant grandparents and have learned things I'd never be able to teach them. This assuages any guilt I have about my schedule.
Similarly, I have precious videos of my husband at the park with my kid, which he'd send to me while I was working.
These sweet moments are made sweeter as they show that my kids have so many different people who love them.
