• When I got divorced, I was so scared of being alone that I immediately went on the dating sites.
• I jumped into a relationship very quickly without realizing we had different values.
• When that relationship ended, I learned to heal and focus on myself.

It was only six months since my divorce became final that I did something I still regret. I created a Match.com profile.

I was just a week away from turning 40 and newly alone. I was hiding my pain so well that my friend suggested I start online dating. I knew it was a bad idea, but I took her advice anyway.

I quickly got into a relationship with a man when I should have been focusing on myself and my healing post-divorce.

I did not want to face the pain of being alone and divorced

Getting divorced in my early 40s was not in the plan. When it became my reality, I struggled with loneliness. I had been married for almost 16 years and had known my ex-husband for 18 years. The idea of suddenly being alone at night and having no one to share my day with was scary. It also meant having no financial support and having to rely solely on myself for the first time.

Instead of facing it, I buried that pain. I distracted myself by reading the messages from guys on dating apps.

There were too many choices on the apps, and I quickly found out that you don't know a person unless you've gone out with them a few times and learned to ask the right questions. So that's what I did.

I felt I was interviewing and hiring a man to be a boyfriend; it did not feel great. I wanted a more natural way of meeting someone, but with my busy work schedule, long commute, and kids, the apps were the best way to meet someone.

The dating apps were helping to distract me from my pain, but also making me feel even more alone. I knew I needed to get into a relationship and off the apps fast.

I met someone who seemed like the right match

I wanted a nice, kind guy, and I did not care if he was older or younger. I wanted somebody who could be a great friend and show much-needed love and care.

I thought I found someone who fit the bill right after my birthday. He was tall, handsome, and a little bit older.

He portrayed himself as a strong, caring man. He also made me feel safe. He accepted my flaws, weirdness, and sense of humor.

I filled the emptiness in my heart with the occasional dates with him. I felt alive again when I heard his laughter. It was exciting and fun when we spent time together.

But something didn't feel right. We dated for two years, and ultimately, I realized we had different priorities and values. He was not my match; I just started dating him and stayed with him to avoid the cold, empty bed at night after my divorce.

I paid a high price for my wrong move

I made the biggest mistake of looking happy and making my friends believe I was ready for a new relationship after my divorce. The fact is, I was not prepared for a new relationship, not even close.

I was so eager to find a man to walk down the aisle with again, but I made the wrong move. I forgot to find myself first.

It's been 10 years since that relationship ended, and I have since invested money, energy, and time into my spiritual and personal growth. I can now say I am OK with being single as I approach my 50th birthday. I now value the relationship I have with myself.

• When my sons went to college, I became an empty nester.
• Since I was a single mother, I was left all alone in a silent house.
• I confronted the grief I buried after my parents died since I no longer had to care for my kids.

As I drove away from my son's college dorm last summer, tears rolled down my cheeks. I did not care about the mascara smeared on my eyelids.

A few minutes later, I called my son to check how he was doing. He giggled and said, "Mom, I'm OK."

As a single mother, I was not. I was missing his sweet voice. I held onto our last moments at home together and let all my emotions out. I cried like a baby.

My two sons were now out of the house and studying at the University of Tennessee. It was bittersweet to let them go. I was happy for their accomplishments and that they had a new road ahead of them, but I did not know what my road would be.

I was also now an empty nester — and I had to learn to be OK with that.

I struggled with the silence in my empty nest

I was afraid of silence in my house. I would walk through the rooms and realize my kids were gone. I grieved in the silence, turning the music on my phone so I did not feel alone.

Often, I found myself asleep on the sofa with the TV in the background.

I tried to fill my void with work and friends, but I still had to return home to that quiet, empty house.

Being a single empty nester mom is not for the weak. I had to focus on becoming the best version of myself — and allow moments of grief when they hit me.

The feeling of loneliness was familiar

As I sat with my loneliness and explored my identity crisis, I realized these feelings were not new. I felt them when my parents died and never fully processed those emotions.

I wanted to be strong for my kids and myself. I held my grief in for a long time so that I could care for my sons. But when they left for college, I realized I had stored the pain of my parents' loss. My kids were almost like a shield protecting me from that pain.

Once they left, I had to face the grief. When I was alone, grief came like a wave. I suddenly remembered my mom's words. She was the woman who taught me English.

Becoming an empty nester helped me own my feelings and rebuild my identity after losing my parents.

I've learned to enjoy the freedom of being me

To further work through my emotions, I decided to allow new experiences in my life. I traveled and connected with new and old friends. I started to write again. I focused on daily self-care — like evening walks, meditation, journaling, and working on my mindset.

I was removing the layers of my soul and digging deep to discover who I was and what I was hiding from everyone. I was returning to the original me. For the first time, I was deciding what was best for me — not just my children.

I learned that as you let go of your children, your happiness is up to you, and you can create anything. That is a part of grieving and healing.

I have gained the freedom to fly and explore new possibilities. I am still discovering what makes me happy, and I refuse to rush the process.

• I moved from Russia to the US as a teen for college and loved Southern culture.
• When I became a mother, I mixed my Russian culture with Southern ideals.
• It wasn't until I became a single mother that I saw how great the South truly is.

It was the summer of 1994. I was only 19 and leaving Russia to start college in America. I grew up in the most amazing family that loved art, culture, and cooking.

Sunday brunches, fun Friday dinners with cousins, and dance parties at my grandmother's house after a big meal were always a big hit. My family has been there for me at every school event, dance recital, theater production, and math competition. They threw me a big surprise party and invited my friends and family to send me to America.

A few days later, I began my journey to the US. After almost 10 hours of travel, I landed in New York. My next stop was Nashville, a land of country music, the best church potluck meals in the South, and high humidity.

It did not take long to dive into the charming southern culture. The little town in western Tennessee — Henderson — where I went to college was everything I thought it would be.

The people I met there shaped me into the mother I am today, with old-fashioned values and a pantry room full of southern cooking recipe books — but I never forgot my Russian roots.

My parenting became a mix of Russian culture and Southern ideals

Like many girls in the 90s, I married young at the age of 21 in a small church outside Nashville. By the time I turned 30, I was a mom of two amazing sons.

My life was more than baking cornbread and biscuits and serving sweet tea for Sunday lunches. I embraced my upbringing and was quite excited to introduce my Russian traditions, which had been passed from my grandparents to my parents.

Being a Russian mom to me meant staying home and raising my kids. It meant throwing big birthday parties and inviting all your adult Russian friends and their kids. Being a Russian parent was about teaching my kids about my home country's cuisine and accepting that they might not like it. It meant teaching my kids everything about Russian art, music, and books — just how my mom raised me.

Even though I left my parents and everything I knew to start a new life in America, I took a piece of my heart with me to America.

Still, I wanted to be a perfect Southern Mom. After 20 years of living in the US, I learned to speak English with a little drawl, make cornbread and chili for potluck meals, and bake homemade cookies. I eventually mastered the art of Southern hospitality, kids' sleepovers, and pizza nights.

I still took my kids to church because everyone in the South seemingly went to church on Sunday.

Sometimes, I felt like a Russian soul operating in the body of an American Southern mother.

Going through a divorce showed me a new side of the South

Just before Christmas in 2014, I became a single divorced mom and started my life over again in Nashville. I was overwhelmed. I had to adjust my lifestyle, thinking, and career choices.

I had to become the most fearless mother. I also had to figure out how to continue living my life as if nothing had changed so my kids could weather the storm.

Thankfully, the community I built in Tennessee helped me along the way. That's when I learned the Southern way of welcoming people was more than an accent and sharing a recipe. Some people truly opened their hearts to me and helped me care for my children independently. They were there for me. They helped my family and me through a challenging time.

That's when I saw the real soul of the South.

After 20 years of living in America, I proudly carry the title of a perfect Southern Mom, but when I became a single mother, I finally learned what it meant to be a true Southerner.