• Tamara Ponzo Brattoli's retirement plans changed after her son's sudden death in 2018.
• Brattoli took a job at Costco to pay her bills, but she worries about her financial future.
• Many older Americans face financial struggles after losing loved ones, which affects their retirement.

Tamara Ponzo Brattoli, 57, was set on retiring comfortably in her 60s. She raised three children with her husband and worked as a professor at a community college in a Chicago suburb.

However, when her son died suddenly, she said, in addition to the grief, she became much more worried about her retirement.

Her son Anthony was a college student who died after working abroad in the summer before his senior year. His death hit the family hard, and Brattoli struggled to return to work. After taking a leave of absence to grieve and returning for a few semesters, she retired from teaching, took her pension early, and got a job as a warehouse manager at Costco to help her make ends meet.

She's proud of herself for lessening her financial burden and for getting back to work in a role she could handle, even though it was in a completely different industry.

Though she makes enough to live comfortably, she said she's worried her pension won't keep up with inflation, which could make her finances tighter down the line. She wishes she had more resources and guidance to solidify her finances after Anthony's death and had saved more money earlier in life in case tragedy struck.

"I regret not maximizing my options during that awful time," she told Business Insider. "I needed better help to make decisions but did not know where to turn, and I do not feel like my former employer, or my union, or my therapists really knew how to help me."

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Brattoli is one of a few dozen older Americans who told BI through interviews and a voluntary survey in recent months that losing a loved one affected their finances and retirement plans. Some respondents said losing a spouse, a parent, or a child made them panic and make poor financial decisions. Others said they had to quit working or take lower-stress jobs to cope with the pain.

Read a letter Brattoli wrote to her younger self about what she would have done differently or kept the same. Her story continues below.

Raising a family as a college professor

Brattoli grew up in a middle-class family in Sacramento, California, and was the first in her family to graduate from college. She got a master's degree in English and found work teaching at a community college outside Chicago in 1993, where she also ran its study-abroad program.

She and her husband had three children and invested much of their money in them. She taught extra classes to keep their finances stable and fund vacations.

Brattoli supported her children's musical passions, including financially. Anthony played the tuba and enrolled at Brown University. He won the Brown University Orchestra Concerto Competition and had a concentration in English and Slavic studies. In 2018, he got a job in Prague translating Russian legal documents into English.

"I had this job that allowed me to be flexible during the day, but then so I would run around, take the kids to their appointments," Brattoli said. "And then at night, I was up grading papers until really late."

Grieving and working

While in Prague, Anthony suffered a brain hemorrhage and was in a vegetative state for a month. Brattoli traveled there and stayed with Anthony for three weeks, and they flew him back to the US, where he lived the last days of his life. The university's insurance paid for the flight back, though she regretted not investing in good travel insurance as a backup in case Brown didn't cover it in full.

Brattoli went on leave after Anthony's death but returned to work starting in spring 2019 — including remote teaching before and during the pandemic — to pay her bills.

"I was completely incapable of teaching, and I forced myself to get through it for a time, but I could not function," Brattoli said.

She said because of the grief, she did not prioritize long-term financial planning, adding that she didn't know where to turn for help beyond her therapists or employer. She wishes she would have spoken with a financial advisor or sought retirement resources to make her savings go further.

While winding down her teaching career at 54, she took a job at Costco, first as a seasonal clerk packing e-commerce orders, then in an administrative role handling accounts payable and scheduling truck routes. She was promoted to facilities supervisor at a distribution center, which paid about $65,000 annually. She said that she's still financially stable and that her Costco salary allowed her to somewhat comfortably pay her bills.

Her husband, who is a few years older than her, worked after Anthony's death but lost his job during the pandemic. He also pivoted to Costco, working at a warehouse.

Financial pains

Brattoli contributed to her public-school retirement plan, though she said she and her husband didn't save much. She didn't track how much she put into her retirement accounts and said it was cumbersome to increase her contributions. She wishes she had set aside much more of her earnings earlier so interest would compound on them.

In the years after Anthony's death, Brattoli said her grief and lack of direction led to some financial issues. Because she gave up teaching, she cashed out her state pension early and got paid less than if she continued teaching for more years.

Since she has a public pension, a Social Security provision cuts her benefits from her private-sector work.

"I'm now at a penalty, and that'll be for the rest of my life," Brattoli said. "Even though now I'm working for Costco and I'm putting into Social Security, my Social Security is going to be terrible."

She intends to work for Costco until she's 65, when she expects to have enough for retirement, fearing she won't be physically equipped to work there much later. Costco gives her health insurance, and with her children now financially stable adults, she said she could save more for her future, putting much of her earnings into her 401(k). She said her pension would help keep her afloat after retirement.

"I feel uncertain right now because inflation has messed up my pension already," Brattoli said. "I suffered with that because I took my pension, and then inflation jumped up, and it's not like Social Security where it automatically increases based on how much inflation goes up."

Brattoli said despite the pain of the last few years, the decision to work at Costco was the best choice. Her Costco income and pension brought her to about where she'd be if she still taught full-time, and the role helped her rebuild her confidence.

"It gave me a chance to focus on something completely different than teaching," Brattoli wrote in her letter. "Now, I wear steel-toed shoes. I learned how to drive a forklift. I climb into the backs of semi-trailers and onto the roof of the building."

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