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• Esther Perel says couples should talk about money, know their finances, and see value beyond income.
• The psychotherapist said wealth is a fundamental aspect of every relationship.
• Earning an income is just one of many ways to contribute to a relationship, Perel says.

Couples should talk openly about money, regularly review their finances, and recognize that earning an income is just one of many ways to contribute to a relationship, Esther Perel says.

The famed psychotherapist is known for speaking nine languages, hosting the "Where Should We Begin" podcast, and writing "Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence."

She spoke to Emily Luk, the cofounder and CEO of Plenty, a financial management platform for couples, in an episode of the "Love & other assets" podcast released Thursday.

Perel laid out how money shapes everything from people's values and identities to the power dynamics in their relationships. It can be "one of the biggest stressors" in any relationship, she said, but couples who manage financial issues well can escape that pain.

Here are the three big takeaways from her conversation.

1. Talk things over

Couples should openly discuss money matters from the outset, Perel said.

"Money is an inherent piece of what the making of a relationship will involve," she said. "It's important, but it doesn't have to be precious, hidden, taboo, queasy. Like any other topic, if you start from the beginning, then it's integrated in the system."

Perel underscored that relationships are both romantic and practical, encompassing love and trust as well as partnership and economic support. Money is a core part of that and financial decisions are inevitable, she said.

"This is about the present, the past, the future, the legacy, what people left behind, what they never left behind, what they had, what they lost," she said. "It's not just how much do you make and what do you want to do with it. "

Money can shape the power dynamic in a couple, but Perel said that's "not a dirty word for me" as all relationships have one. Couples with a healthy attitude toward money can "bring it up and talk about it" without becoming defensive and throwing blame around, she said.

Just as you might ask a prospective partner if they want kids, you should ask them about their feelings around money too, the relationship guru said.

She recommended asking them how important it is to them to earn money, what the money culture was in their family, how much money they ultimately want to make, and how they've navigated any major financial shifts in their lives.

2. Check in regularly

Even when one partner trusts the other to manage their money, that partner should still occasionally check in on their joint finances, Perel said.

Once a year, they should "sit down and have a sense of what's what," she said. "I've met too many people who, when things became problematic, didn't have a clue and it didn't bode well for them. Don't put yourself in that kind of vulnerable position."

Many couples divide roles, but "it's good to not be completely ignorant on some things that have such a direct effect on you," she added.

The psychotherapist and author gave another reason for an annual check-in: a couple's financial situation changes over time, whether a costly health issue crops up, inheritance is paid out, or shares in a company vest.

"Money is not a static thing, and the relationship needs to be flexible around that," Perel said, adding that "the conversation around money needs to evolve as the relationship evolves."

Just as a couple might plan home improvements and vacations, "once a year you should sit with your finances and say, 'Where are we at?" Perel said. "And not, 'what do we have?' but, 'how are we managing relationally? What would you like to change in the way we've been managing the money?' Why, just asking that question to your partner will go a long way."

3. Recognize value in all forms

Perel told Luk about the moment her thinking completely changed around what it means to provide and contribute to a relationship.

An artist told her they'd renovated their home by themselves, raising the property's value and the couple's quality of life by improving the room layout. It would have cost a year's salary to get the project completed externally, Perel said.

The episode made her appreciate the myriad ways that members of a couple can generate value in a relationship besides a paycheck, ranging from DIY to raising children.

"Money is not a thing around which people talk with subtlety," she said about opening client's eyes to non-monetary contributions. "So I had to find other ways to suddenly shift and say, 'Have you ever looked at it this way,' and do a whole reframe."

"So this idea that there's a single household provider — that whole language I began to dismantle so that we could really talk about the power dynamic and the money and what they can afford and who decides and who is really bringing in and providing is a totally different story than just income bracket."

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• Lindsey C. Gibson, a psychologist, coined the term "emotionally immature parents."
• She said there are 4 types, from reactive and critical to passive and emotionally absent.
• Most parents fall into one type, and all types can negatively impact kids in the long term.

Relationships with parents or caregivers can be strained for many reasons. If you feel like you can't connect with your parent or like you're walking on eggshells around them, it's possible they're emotionally immature.

Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson, a clinical psychologist, coined the term in her bestselling book, "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents."

While these parents are sometimes labeled as "narcissists," Gibson previously told Business Insider that she finds the label too broad and unhelpful.

Instead, she told BI that emotionally immature parents generally "show problems with being egocentric" and deal with conflict by "denying, dismissing, or distorting anything they find unpleasant." They also struggle with self-reflection and empathy, which makes it hard for them to really bond with their kids.

These relationships can be confusing because these parents are often not all bad, she said. They can meet your physical needs, such as taking care of you when you're sick or offering lots of financial support. But emotionally, they fall short.

Gibson said there are four types of emotionally immature parents. While a parent can be more than one type, she said that most tend to fall into one category. She defines each type by the parent's "unique methods of coping with emotion and stress."

She shared the four types as well as the effects emotionally immature parents have on their kids.

1. Reactive parents

Reactive parents struggle to regulate their emotions. They can appear volatile and erratic, getting angry or upset over issues you wouldn't expect them to. Gibson refers to reactive parents as "emotional parents" because they behave like they're ruled by their feelings.

"They make life so unpleasant when they get upset that people start involuntarily automatically thinking twice before they speak or do something," Gibson said.

Kids of parents like these often grow up to be people-pleasers, always on the lookout for potential conflict that they might need to stamp out. They may also have a hard time setting boundaries or even disentangling their feelings from their parents'.

2. Highly critical parents

Highly critical parents are perfectionists who nitpick at everything their child does. Gibson also calls them "driven" parents, because "they're always going after something."

In childhood, they may pick apart your grades or gymnastics performance. In adulthood, it can evolve into judging your job, lifestyle, or appearance.

"They can be very pushy and very controlling," Gibson said, not caring about the impact their words have on you. "It's coming from a belief that in order to be anybody or accomplish anything, you've got to really have that drive and keep on trying to be perfect, otherwise you're likely to be a total failure."

Kids of these parents can end up burning out or choosing careers they don't like, simply because their parents would disapprove of their passions.

3. Passive parents

Passive parents are often the more "fun" parents. In fact, they tend to be the most emotionally present out of all four types, Gibson said. They're at their best when they're playing a game with you or taking you to an amusement park.

"The problem is that they are just kind of passive in their role as a parent," Gibson said. When faced with more challenging aspects of parenthood, like pushing back if their spouse screams at their child, they step back. They might literally leave the room as abuse happens.

"They don't seem to feel that protective need to step in to help the child," Gibson said.

When their child exhibits any uncomfortable emotions, such as anger or fear, the passive parent doesn't comfort or even acknowledge them. They might even deny a child's abuse allegations because it would complicate the family dynamic to confront the other parent or another relative.

It makes it hard for their kids to have healthy relationships later in life. They learn to hide their feelings and receive no guidance on how to resolve conflict effectively, Gibson said.

4. Emotionally absent parents

Emotionally absent parents act like their child doesn't exist. Gibson calls them "rejecting" parents because they're unable to respond to their child's emotional needs or bids for attention.

"That child feels not important enough to command the parent's attention," she said. It can cause issues in a child's self-esteem.

Because these children are so frequently ignored, she said they can later date narcissistic people who finally give them the focus they've always craved. They're so used to accepting the bare minimum from people that they might not have high standards for their partners or friends.

Dealing with emotionally immature parents

If you recognize your parent in any of these, there are a few things you can do to become less enmeshed.

You can set boundaries with a parent by slowing down your speech and calmly restating your needs. If you have the kind of parent who always criticizes you, you can practice the "gray rock method," giving unemotional, neutral responses to keep drama at bay.

If those tactics are too challenging or you feel unsafe around your parent, you can consider lowering your contact or completely cutting ties.

Even if it's tough at first, it's always possible to break the cycle by standing your ground and focusing on healthier relationships in your life.