• Holidays are often difficult for people who are estranged from their families.
• A formerly estranged mother and daughter spent holidays fully alone or with their chosen family.
• It took them four years to reconnect, and they struggled because friends and family "took sides."

A few months after Lindsey Glass went no-contact with her mom in 2014, it was Thanksgiving.

Up until that point, the holiday was one they always spent together. Lindsey's mother, Leslie, remembered them fondly.

"It was a party," Leslie, 79, told Business Insider. They would make the traditional turkey and side dishes with their family and watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. "Lindsey's corn pudding was always a favorite," Leslie said. They would then recreate all the same dishes for Christmas, making it feel like a two-part celebration.

That was until Lindsey decided to break ties with her mom, driven by tensions in their shared media business, Reach Out Recovery, a resource for families dealing with addition.

Suddenly, they became part of the growing number of Americans estranged from a family member. By the time Thanksgiving rolled around, their estrangement still felt "very fresh," Lindsey said.

The first year was isolating

The first Thanksgiving apart was the hardest for both the Glasses.

"It was really, really horrible," Lindsey said. She briefly saw her dad and his then-girlfriend, but otherwise didn't celebrate. "I couldn't leave the cave," she said, referring to her New York City apartment.

Leslie was invited to a friend's Thanksgiving celebration, but never showed up. News of their estrangement spread quickly in their social circles, and she couldn't face talking about it over dinner.

"I was so ashamed," Leslie said. She skipped multiple party invites, sometimes losing friends in the process because of how much she withdrew.

Leslie also struggled to process the pain of losing Lindsey. "I was so upset, but I wasn't able to cry," she said. On some holidays and weekends, she turned on Hallmark movies. "Those movies helped me access my tears," she said, especially the ones that involved dead parents because they reminded her of estrangement.

They hosted holidays with chosen family

Their next Thanksgiving apart was very different.

Leslie started hosting Thanksgiving and other holidays at the family home in New York, celebrating with neighbors and friends who didn't have anywhere to go.

"Thanksgiving has been extremely important in our family, going back a couple of generations," Leslie said. They always invited friends, often immigrants, who didn't have family nearby.

By then, Lindsey had moved to Los Angeles, and was living a parallel life to her mom. She hosted Thanksgiving at her home with five friends from her AA group. "We were all not in touch with our families," Lindsey said.

They didn't have a lot of money as a group. "It was like the most lackluster Thanksgiving you've ever seen," Lindsey said. "But it was fun."

They both felt judged by other people

Leslie and Lindsey found ways to enjoy the holidays apart, be it with friends or cousins.

Still, Lindsey dreaded being asked if she was going home for the holidays; when she told people the truth, their reactions would make her uncomfortable.

"People feel sorry for you — I remember a boyfriend going, 'But are you going to be okay? But are you going to be okay?'" Lindsey said. "While these people are always coming from a good place… not helpful."

They also felt judged by friends and family. "People took sides, it was like a divorce," Leslie said.

Others avoided them entirely. Some family members disinvited them both from holiday celebrations. Both Lindsey and Leslie felt deep shame, especially around holidays like Mother's Day, which would remind them of their estrangement even more than Thanksgiving did.

The holidays brought them back together

In the end, the Glasses reconnected because they missed each other.

Even though Leslie got new Christmas decorations and invited people over, Lindsey's absence was a void in her life. "When I lost that feeling of being connected with Lindsey, it was almost like I was lost with my connection with joy," Leslie said.

"My mom always did wonderful holidays, so I definitely missed Christmas," Lindsey said. Holidays especially made her nostalgic for good times with her mom.

They reconciled four years after becoming estranged. Lindsey's brother talked to them individually and helped them reconnect.

"Our story really points to the fact that you can be deeply estranged, deeply ashamed, have all kinds of differences, and be able to find a way to come together in the end," Leslie said.

And if reconciliation still isn't possible (because it takes two to listen to each other and change), Lindsey said the important thing is to take care of yourself.

"Watch the favorite movie, make the favorite food, call the friend," she said. "Do those little things."

• I used my savings and a $15,000 gift from my mom to travel and temporarily move to Italy in my 30s.
• Living in Italy taught me how to appreciate spontaneity and fulfilled me creatively.
• The experience also showed me that it's OK to ask for help and take more risks.

In 2022, I was working a 9-to-5 job, saving money each month, and living a fairly responsible life.

But by January 2023, I couldn't shake the feeling that my life in San Francisco was no longer serving me. My friends were starting to buy houses or get married, but I wasn't interested in these pursuits.

Instead, I started to think about traveling and taking an "adult gap year" in Italy. I lived there while studying abroad in college and knew I wanted to return.

I'd also saved $30,000 to either invest in a house or put toward something else. So when I turned 30 that year, I used my savings and $15,000 from my mom to travel, take a gap year, and find "La Dolce Vita" in Italy.

I used the money I'd saved and a gift from my mom to travel and start building a life in Italy

At first, my friends and family thought I was wild for putting my job in San Francisco on hold to travel and spend time living in Italy. But gap years are becoming more popular with adults as they seek to reduce stress and travel more.

The only person who didn't question my plans was my mother. She'd always supported my dreams, and she told me she'd help me if I ran out of money.

That year, my mom gave me $5,000 for my birthday. In August 2023, I left the US to begin my adventure.

Using her gift and my savings, I spent a month traveling to five countries, visiting places like Egypt and Greece, before landing in Italy. Eventually, I hunted for an apartment there.

Living in Italy was amazing, but my lifestyle was expensive

When I arrived in Italy, I settled into an apartment in Florence.

My rent was about 1,185 euros, or about $1,250 a month, and I budgeted 50 euros a day for food and other items.

When I realized I could eat out for only 30 euros daily, I took advantage of the extra cash I'd saved and started buying Italian leather goods and other treats, often spending 100 to 300 euros per item.

I had a writing job, but my days were mostly free, so I could travel all week if I wanted to. As I adjusted to life in Italy, I met other adventurous people and started saying yes to spontaneous opportunities, like traveling to Japan and heading to Munich for Oktoberfest.

Eventually, I started running out of money. The four-star hotels I'd stayed in turned into two-star lodging, and I started taking the bus instead of taxis.

By Christmastime, I'd burned through about $20,000.

When I went home for the holidays, my mom helped fund my return to Italy

In December 2023, I came back to the US, hoping to return to Europe in January. However, I didn't know if I had the funds to do so. While home for the holidays, I learned I'd been accepted into a monthlong creative-writing residency in Florence.

I loved the life I'd had in Italy, and I knew I had to finish what I'd started. I didn't know if I could afford it, though, so, I asked my mother for help.

At first, she was hesitant to offer more financial support. Still, she saw the growth I'd been achieving abroad — I was learning to be more spontaneous and felt more creatively fulfilled than I had in a long time. Before I left, she gave me another $10,000 to use in Italy.

On my second trip, I stayed in Florence for six months before returning to the US for good.

Living in Italy was a once-in-a-lifetime experience — and I'm thankful my mom helped me do it

In Italy, I learned how to leave my house without a plan and go with the flow, whether I was getting my third pastry of the day or catching the sunset by the river.

I'm fortunate that my mom saw my personal growth and was able to support me.

My relationship with my mom even became stronger when I returned to the US. After seeing how inspired and full of life I was, she had no regrets about helping me get there.

Finding self-confidence in Italy was a priceless experience, and I'll always cherish the memories from my gap year.