• Tori Dunlap is a multimillionaire while her partner made $60,000 in 2024.
• The couple, who talked about money on their first date, prioritize transparency and communication.
• They discussed prenups and splitting expenses equitably, avoiding traditional gender roles.

This as-told-to essay is based on conversations with Tori Dunlap, a 30-year-old Seattle-based financial educator, and her partner. They both asked that his identity be kept concealed for privacy reasons.

Dunlap is the founder of Her First 100K, a financial education company geared toward Gen Z and millennial women. She is also a multimillionaire, New York Times best-selling author, and podcast host.

Her partner has a graduate degree in athletics and works multiple jobs within the athletics and education space. He supplements his income with side gigs such as dog-sitting and private training and made around $60,000 in 2024.

The couple has been together for over two and a half years. They spoke with Business Insider to share how they manage and discuss money in their relationship. The following has been edited for length and clarity.

Dunlap: We started talking about money on our first date. By then, he knew feminism was a huge part of my work and values.

When the bill came, I could tell there was some sort of internal conflict. He said, "I would really like to pay, but I don't want to offend you. Can I pay?"

Partner: I wasn't sure what the expectation was in terms of who pays or splitting the bill, so that was my way of saying that I'd like to pay for the bill. The meal was something like $100, which wasn't as much to Tori, but was quite a bit for me at the time.

Dunlap: It was really sweet. For me, that was an immediate green flag that ended up being a good sign for our financial conversations and the rest of our relationship. It's sometimes hard to have these conversations, but they prevent you from feeling resentment and souring your relationship, so I think they're 100% necessary.

We know almost all of each other's finances. I know how much he has in his Roth IRA, he knows how much I have in my brokerage account. We've known each other's salaries since very early on.

And because we know how much each other makes, I'm not going to put him in a position where he feels like he has to spend way more money than I know he's willing to spend just to please me.

My success doesn't intimidate him

Partner: When we met, she and I were in such different positions in terms of finances and careers. It felt like I had two options: I could be intimidated and feel threatened by her, or I could see it as her life and what she's built.

When looking at somebody like Tori, who's incredibly successful, it could be easy to worry about how she might view me. I remember thinking about how we don't roll in the same circles and live in very different worlds.

Dunlap: I remember around three months into our relationship, I'd bought us lunch at a teriyaki restaurant. He was very vulnerable and sweet and said to me, "I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I feel sometimes that I'm not doing enough or providing enough as a man. I want this to be an equal relationship, and I'm worried sometimes it doesn't feel that way for you."

Partner: But she was incredibly understanding and supportive, and so even from an early stage, I realized that I could come to her, and she would be willing to listen.

Dunlap: I thought it was so brave of him to be so vulnerable in this conversation. I've realized how much patriarchy and gender roles seep in — the mindset that men are supposed to be providers, make more money, take their girlfriends out on dates all the time, and pay for everything.

I don't feel that way, especially since I make more.

We split expenses based on equity, not equality

Dunlap: I told him that, regarding money, I'm not looking for equality; I'm looking for equity. I don't need him to split things 50-50 with me because that's not fair or equitable.

Partner: In my previous relationships, it was mostly 50-50; if somebody covered drinks, the other person got the meals. For Tori and me, that doesn't make any sense. We typically try to split about 30-70, which feels pretty fair.

Dunlap: I also have a more expensive lifestyle than he does. If I'm interested in going out to dinner someplace that I know is out of his budget, I'll pay for it because I was the one who wanted to go, and it feels unfair for me to make that decision but still ask him to pay for his meal.

As for housing, I rent a three-bedroom, two-bath townhouse for $3,250 a month. I've lived alone since 2018 and, frankly, love it.

Partner: I live with three of my friends and pay $975 a month. Since Tori and I don't live together, we don't have to split those costs, but we've had conversations about what it would look like.

Dunlap: If we did move in together and the rent was $3,000, I wouldn't ask him to pay $1,500 because that is not commensurate with how much we each make.

We also set expectations ahead of time. We went to Europe the past two summers, and before we left, we had a conversation about who was covering which costs. I covered the flight there and most of the accommodations, much of it using points, and he covered the shorter flights between locations while on the trip.

It's not about how much you make — it's what you do with it

Dunlap: One of my favorite things in the world is that I outearn almost any man I talk to. I don't need a man to spend his money on me to remind me that I'm worth it, but I do need him to be there when my parents get sick someday, and I'm not doing well, and I'm going to be there for him.

My partner shows me he loves me in a million different ways, some of which involve money and most of which don't.

One of the things that I love about him is that even though he doesn't make a ton of money, he maxes out his Roth IRA every year. I was honestly kind of shocked that he was managing to do that.

It's not how much money you make, it's about what you do with it.

Partner: My parents didn't make a whole lot growing up, and they talked to my sister and me about money from a pretty early age.

When I was in middle school, if we did all of our chores for the week, we got $6 to spend, $3 to save, and $1 to share. I've always been a saver. Even from an early age, I usually took my "spend" money and put it into my savings.

When I was in high school and college, my parents helped me put some money away to get the ball rolling, and they always told me to max out my Roth IRA. I also watched a lot of YouTube videos from financial channels to understand more.

Dunlap: It's all about habits and behavior. I truly think, especially in a relationship, money is not everything, but how somebody uses money is a good sign of how responsible they are.

Learning to move past a scarcity mindset is important

Partner: I had a scarcity mindset for quite a few years. Back in 2022, I had four different jobs, coached in multiple organizations, and wasn't paid very well. I budgeted a lot, down to the cent. I was very cognizant of how much I made and where the money was sitting.

Dunlap: It was really difficult for him to believe he was worth spending his own money on, or that eating at a slightly nicer place wasn't a waste of money, or that he could invest in enjoying his hobbies even if he wasn't making money from them.

Partner: I think the biggest thing I've learned from Tori is that it's OK to spend money on yourself and splurge from time to time.

Dunlap: I celebrated my past two birthdays while we were in Europe, and both times, we went to Michelin-star restaurants that he paid for as a birthday gift.

Prenups and thinking about the future

Dunlap: I think by the third month of dating, I brought up the word "prenup."

Partner: I was surprised and taken aback at first. None of my friends and their partners are in a situation like ours, so that's never been a thing. My parents didn't have a prenup, and none of my family members have prenups.

Dunlap: I think hearing the word prenup has a lot of emotional weight for most people. But every single person who gets married has a "prenup" — it's just usually already decided by the state. At least we can decide if the government-assigned "prenup" is actually what we want.

And I always say that going through the prenup process largely prevents you from ever having to use it because you're being so transparent about money and what you each care about.

Partner: The more we talked and the more I thought about it, it didn't really phase me. I completely understand that she's worked really hard to get to where she is, and she wants to make sure that she protects herself.

Dunlap: I strongly believe each person in a relationship should have some of their own money and then a joint bank account, so we wouldn't ever completely combine our finances.

Ultimately, who you choose as a partner is a financial decision that will impact you for the rest of your life.

I wouldn't go into business with somebody without understanding how they managed money or what their goals were. It's the same thing with partners, but love is involved, so people think it's not a business decision. But it actually is.

If you and your partner have a unique way of managing money and would like to share your story, email Jane Zhang at [email protected].

• I spent a year teaching English in Japan. The experience was thrilling and a total culture shock.
• Living in Japan as an American is a 24-hour immersive learning experience.
• I returned to the US for my career, but feel like life in Japan is probably better.

Having grown up and lived in the US my entire life, my first night in Tokyo as a fresh college graduate was a full-on culture shock.

I couldn't read the restaurant menu, so I had to point at pictures and hope for the best.

I walked past crowded shops and nightclubs where employees tried to entice people to come in. I couldn't understand what they were saying, but I smiled, nodded, and drifted along in a daze.

I felt like the only American for thousands of miles. One gangly blond guy from Iowa plunked down in the middle of the world's most populous city. It wasn't lonely or scary — it was thrilling.

I moved to Japan after college in 2001

My first job out of college was teaching English in Japan as part of the Japan Exchange and Teaching (JET) Program.

I'd made friends from Japan while volunteering as an English conversation partner for English language learners at my college. I became fascinated with Japanese history and culture.

So, when I learned that the JET Program offered a steady paycheck and helped to find an apartment, it was a no-brainer.

I felt like part of a community in Japan

My everyday work life was in a quiet suburb of Tokyo called Hidaka. I made a comfortable, mostly tax-free, salary of about $2,500 a month (300,000 yen), teaching English at local middle and elementary schools and working with Japanese teachers and students.

Though I couldn't speak the language very well, I quickly made friends with my Japanese colleagues — the teachers would host monthly enkai ("drinking parties") with dinner, beers, and karaoke.

People at the grocery stores and restaurants were exceptionally kind and patient with me, and a random middle-aged mom in the neighborhood even pulled over in her car and gave me a ride to school a few times. I felt like I was connected to a larger community.

I learned how to conduct myself appropriately. Whether it's taking off your shoes upon entering the house, knowing how to use chopsticks, or communicating in a softer, more indirect, and polite style in the workplace, living in Japan as an American is a 24-hour immersive learning experience.

My college connections hooked me up in Tokyo

Some of my fondest memories were outside of Hidaka, in Tokyo.

One of my friends from Japan, who I met in college, introduced me to his circle of college peers in the city.

Through those connections, I was able to experience a whole other side of Japanese culture.

I went to a weekend retreat at a hot springs spa resort. And I ate sushi at a tiny hole-in-the-wall restaurant near Tokyo's largest fish market, where the tuna get dragged in fresh off the boat every morning.

Why I moved back to the US

After a year in Japan, I moved back to the US for a job opportunity to become a speechwriter for the Governor of Iowa.

While teaching English in Japan was fun and liberating, it didn't feel like the best long-term career choice for me.

I could have easily stayed in Japan and kept teaching English for another year, or two, or three.

In the end, though, I felt I'd have better career opportunities in my own native country and native language.

After working in politics, I've gone on to have a varied career, working in marketing, banking, technology, and for most of the past 15 years I've supported my family as a full-time freelance writer. I'm grateful for all of it and have probably made a lot more money in America than I would have as an American expat in Japan, with more career flexibility and autonomy.

However, all these years later, I still have fond feelings for Japan and keep in touch with my college friends there. My family and I visit them, and they come and visit us. My children were the ring bearers for one of my friends' wedding ceremonies.

Compared to Japan, America's individualist culture sometimes feels too stressful, selfish, and competitive. I'm grateful for my life here in the US, but often feel that life in Japan is probably better — a little more peaceful, generous, and gentle.

• The late investor Charlie Munger gave Costco some advice while a member of its board for over 25 years.
• Costco chairman Hamilton James recently said Munger advised to "stick to our knitting."
• Munger said the warehouse store chain should keep doing "what we've always been doing."

How does a warehouse club giant like Costco sustain business success? The late investor Charlie Munger had some simple advice: stick to your "knitting."

Costco chairman Hamilton "Tony" James, who has sat on the company's board since 1988, talked about Munger's advice for the company in an interview with Chief Executive magazine published Thursday.

Munger was a prominent investor, business partner of Warren Buffett, and vice chairman of Berkshire Hathaway from 1978 until his death in 2023. He was on Costco's board for more than a quarter of a century.

"For a giant company like Costco with huge pressures, understanding what's going on can be complex and confusing, but not for Charlie, who had an unerring compass to see through it all to stay on the right path," James said. "That made him an extremely valuable board member."

Munger's advice to Costco as a board member was to "stick to our knitting, our values and our principles," James said.

"Charlie understood we didn't have to do anything different than that," James added. "His voice was very strong and clear on the matter. He'd remind us, 'The right thing for the long term is what we've always been doing, so let's not get confused.'"

As for Munger's interactions with Costco's board and leadership, and vice versa, James said they never put him on a pedestal.

They would debate and always felt free to disagree or even ignore Munger's advice — something James said that "you did that at your peril."

A self-proclaimed "total addict" of the store, Munger once said he loves "everything about Costco."

"I'm never going to sell a share," he added at the time.

Munger was one of Costco's largest individual shareholders. In November 2022, he owned more than 187,000 shares in Costco.

The company has in many ways followed Munger's advice in doing what it's always done.

Perhaps the most famous example: The company has charged $1.50 for its food court hot dog and soda combo since 1985.

When Costco's former CEO, Craig Jelinek, once approached Sinegal, who was then still CEO, about raising the price, Sinegal told him, "If you raise the [price of the] effing hot dog, I will kill you. Figure it out."

Also in the interview, James talked about Costco's approach to generating business from wealthier members.

"Affluent people love a good deal," he said.

"Since the beginning, we've always known we could move anything in volume if the quality was good and the price was great — Rolex watches, Dom Perignon, 10-karat diamonds," he told Chief Executive magazine. "A Porsche dealer in Seattle put their cars on the floor of a Costco, and they sold out in a week."

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• I'm hosting a dinner party and thrifted vintage china to add a stylish touch to the event.
• I paid $65 at a secondhand store for 11 dinner plates, 12 salad plates, teacups, and more.
• I later figured out the pieces were from a discontinued collection and valued at nearly $1,000.

I almost gave up on celebrating my birthday this year.

Then, while doom-scrolling through Instagram, I saw a video from Toronto-based influencer Isabelle Heikens, who hosts a multi-course dinner at her home each month. Heikens — who has more than 300,000 followers — prepped for her "winter citrus-themed" dinner party by making basil-infused olive oil, gutting grapefruits, whisking eggs, and setting her table with elegant plates.

In a separate video, her guests enjoy cocktails while Heikens puts the final touches on the meal. They all sit around the table, devouring the food, as Heikens beams with pride.

I was sold. For my birthday in March, I've decided to host a three-course dinner at home, inviting my closest friends. I'll be the chef, and my husband will be the sous chef.

To set the mood, I needed place settings — but I was on a budget. I ended up thrifting a 61-piece set that I later figured out was worth close to $1,000. Here's how it happened.

I was on the hunt for the perfect dinnerware

Fine china is a must to make my vision come true.

However, with half a dozen guests to feed, I couldn't splurge on high-end dinnerware. I decided to visit Thrift Giant, a secondhand store in the Dallas-Fort Worth area, hoping to find affordable pieces that would work beautifully together.

Thrift Giant was overflowing with pre-loved clothing, furniture, and electronics. Dishware made up the smallest section of the store, so I wasn't expecting much. To my surprise, I hit the jackpot.

On a dusty bottom shelf, I found two bundles with 61 pieces of porcelain bone china, each stamped with "Oxford" on the bottom. Each bundle was $29.92.

The collection included 11 dinner plates, 12 salad plates, 12 bread and butter plates, 12 teacups with saucers, and a vegetable bowl with an attached underplate. The total cost at checkout was just $64.78 after tax.

I later learned that Oxford was a division of the Lenox Corporation, which produced fine china from the late 1920s to the early 1990s.

I found pieces with my exact pattern, called Spring, on Replacements, Ltd., a North Carolina-based online marketplace for fine china, crystal, silverware, and collectibles, both still in production and retired.

On Replacements, each dinner plate was $24, salad plates $14, bread and butter plates $10, teacups with saucers $10, the vegetable bowl $80, and the gravy boat with an underplate $190. Overall, my thrifted set seemed to be valued at about $950.

What's more, the items I saw on Replacements were discounted by 25% due to imperfections — so it appears the set may actually be worth even more.

I'm not the only millennial into thrifting and dinner parties

Let my millennial friends and I be the first to tell you: The dinner party is making a comeback — and I'm not talking about potlucks.

Instagram and TikTok are filled with pictures and videos of everyday people and content creators — including Heikens and another influencer, Olivia McDowell, who has nearly 200,000 followers —sharing their chic culinary soirées and offering tips on hosting a flawless event.

The interest in entertaining has, in turn, revived interest in fine china, which was once reserved for the upper class but is now more accessible thanks to thrift stores, estate sales, and vintage shops. It coincides with a broader cultural shift toward nostalgia and secondhand shopping as Gen Z and millennials move away from fast fashion and overconsumption in favor of a more sustainable, timeless style.

May Eason, founder of the Facebook group Beautiful Table Settings, with over 263,000 followers, told food and drink publication Eater in 2022 that the affection for vintage china is also simply about the love of sharing beautiful things.

"You're doing this for your family and your friends, so you want to make your table presentable and pretty," Eason said. "And it's fun to play with it. I think younger people are finally realizing you can change it up."

I completely agree.

I want the evening to be exquisite

While I've hosted dinners before, I've never put together an evening as curated as the ones Heikens throws.

I've spent hours researching ideas on social media, screenshotting everything that catches my eye — from overflowing tablescapes filled with serving platters and colorful drinks to the perfect playlist.

My husband and I only have a couple of chairs, so I'll rent extras. I'll visit Home Goods or Anthropologie to find tablecloths and napkins.

To further enhance the evening's vibe, I also purchased stylish drinking glasses from another thrift shop.

I found Poco Grande glasses, martini glasses, grappa glasses, coupe glasses, café au lait glasses, milkshake glasses, and more, all priced between $0.95 and $2.99. I also scored a cake stand, serving platters, and bowls — each under $10. I walked away with a total of 30 pieces for just $100.

Altogether, including the china set, I've spent only $168 on dinnerware for my party, far less than I expected. That leaves plenty of room in my budget of under $800 for groceries and decorations — and maybe a new outfit, too.

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