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I use 'pebbling' to stay connected with my friends. It helps me through the loneliness of parenting.

Brazilian woman and her daughter sitting on the couch, joyfully engaged with a mobile phone in the living room

Riska/Getty Images

  • I wasn't prepared for how lonely motherhood can be.
  • I started using "pebbling" to stay connected throughout the day with other moms.
  • We send each other reels or TikTok videos, and I forget that I'm alone at home.

If there's one aspect of parenthood I don't think I ever saw coming, it's the loneliness. After all, wasn't I embarking on a journey millions of people had traversed before me? If anything, shouldn't I be overwhelmed by others walking the same path and experiencing the same experiences?

But instead of being surrounded by like-minded people overcoming similar challenges, the long road of parenthood often felt shockingly deserted. The promised "village" failed to appear when I needed it most, and living away from all of my relatives meant even family support was limited.

Even when I made other "mom friends," finding time to connect and support each other became increasingly difficult amid the tall task of simply making it through the day.

Then, one simple thing changed how I felt during those lonely days.

I started 'pebbling' with other moms

It's an unfortunate truth that isolation and loneliness seem to have become hallmarks of modern parenthood. While our ancestors boasted the benefits of the community that it apparently requires to raise a child, parents today too often find themselves struggling in a vacuum, unsure if it's just them but nearly certain they're probably doing it wrong.

As a result, most of us can agree that this isn't the parenthood nature intended. So, it should come as no surprise that a simple solution can be borrowed from the natural world: pebbling.

If you haven't heard of it, "pebbling" is a term in psychology that describes the act of sharing small tokens of affection with someone to build a connection. Inspired by the mating behaviors of birds like penguins, who bestow their love interests with small items like rocks and other trinkets. As for the actual "pebble," a tangible gift is in no way required, and most modern examples are usually digital, such as short-form videos, online quotes, and other social media memes.

We share videos and memes

A fellow mother and close friend of mine and I started pebbling each other with reels and TikToks encapsulating some of the more maddening aspects of life and motherhood, firing off a handful of links throughout the day designed to make each other laugh or simply feel validated that it wasn't just us.

Within just a few weeks, I noticed a decisive shift in my feelings throughout the day. When I experienced a particularly challenging day with my kids, all it would take was a ping from my phone and a link from my friend to instantly lift my mood and provide some much-needed perspective on whatever I was dealing with.

It didn't minimize or distract from what I was going through, and it didn't force any toxic positivity β€” it just reminded me that despite literally being in my house with no one to witness my struggles, I was not alone.

It's quick but thoughtful

Pebbling works for a number of reasons. For one, it's quick. Instead of struggling to find a matching gap in our schedules and then making plans for our families so we can escape for an hour over a meal out we probably shouldn't be spending money on right now, connections can happen in a matter of seconds with zero planning or cost ― while we simultaneously wrangle a fussy baby, fold a mountain of laundry, or get dinner on the table.

Despite its quickness, though, the thought behind pebbling is anything but shallow. Whenever we send a link, it says, "I saw this and thought of you." Or, "This seemed like something you would like, and I like making you happy." Or, "This reminded me of that thing you mentioned that one time that I remember because I care about the things you say." Or, "I'm struggling with this and sharing it with you makes it feel a little less heavy."

This leads to another benefit of pebbling: it can help you open up about something you're not sure how to talk about yet. It can be a quiet cry for help or crack the door on a vulnerable topic you don't know how to discuss but need to share with someone. (Also known as sending a TikTok with the caption, "LOL so me right now.")

But, of course, pebbles aren't always about the heavy stuff. Sometimes, it's a funny animal or baby video, a clever time-saving cleaning hack, or Kelly Clarkson crushing her latest cover song. Sometimes, the point of the pebble is simply to share a moment of joy with someone who likes the same things you do.

It doesn't solve the actual problem

The thing about pebbling is that it doesn't solve the problem. We are still drowning under waves of invisible labor, still struggling to connect with our partners over issues unique to our personal trauma and experience, and still feeling overwhelmed with the state of the world and our place in it.

The difference is that now, instead of facing these issues alone, someone is making eye contact with us and letting us know we're not alone in it.

My friends and I might not always be able to make time for in-person connections, but pebbling allows us to send out tiny lifelines throughout the day, reminding each other that she is seen and appreciated by someone who really gets it.

Not bad for a little pebble.

Read the original article on Business Insider

My kids visited the US after moving to Spain. They were surprised at how many people wore their pajama pants in public and how big portions were.

A boy drinks water from a glass
The author's kids (not pictured) were surprised at how much ice people put in their drinks in the US.

Chatchai Tuppavasu/Getty Images

  • My family moved from South Carolina to Madrid.
  • We recently visited the US, and my 12 and 9-year-olds were surprised at how different life is.
  • The amount of ice in drinks and people in mobility scooters surprised them.

Just over a year ago, my family moved from South Carolina to Madrid. There are so many cultural differences between the two countries, but what has surprised us most is what our kids notice when we return to visit the US.

Things that used to be normal to us feel foreign to our 12- and 9-year-old boys, making them point out and bring attention to these things when they see them.

One of the best things about living abroad for our family is an introduction to a new culture and a new way of doing things. We always remind our boys that there is not one correct way to do something and to embrace the beauty that comes with different cultures. For our elementary-aged kids, sometimes differences may be a reason to tease or make fun of others doing something differently. Instead, we've learned to celebrate them.

They were surprised at how much ice people put in drinks

When we ate out with family in a restaurant in the US on this trip, our boys couldn't believe the portion sizes on the plates served to us. When we ordered a cheesesteak and fries, it filled the entire plate and was enough food for both of my boys to share. Having lived now in the tapas culture, our family prefers small plates or appetizers to share over large, huge meals. The portion sizes are much smaller in Spain, and the main meal of the day for us now is actually a late afternoon lunch instead of a big evening dinner meal.

When looking for salad dressing for my sister, our boys were shocked by the number of salad dressing options at the Wegmans grocery store. They could not believe that there were 50 varieties. They were equally shocked at the types of lettuce available. When grocery shopping in Spain, it is not uncommon to find one, maybe two, types of salad dressing available for sale. Spain is focused on healthy, additive-free foods, so it's more common for us to eat a salad with a splash of olive oil instead of a spoonful of Ranch dressing.

Another surprising, although small, difference that our boys noticed in the US compared to Spain was people's dependency on ice in their drinks. Our American family always reached into the freezer, adding cold ice to their huge Yeti and Stanley cups. In Spain, water is not commonly served at restaurants unless you ask for it, and when it is served, it is given room temperature. Additionally, the drinking water culture in Spain is much different, with no one walking around with water bottles to have nonstop access to water. Our boys have started to drink their drinks without ice while living in Spain, so they thought it was funny that our family needed ice for their drinks so frequently.

They weren't expecting people in mobility scooters

When we walked the aisles of a local supermarket in the US this fall, our boys couldn't help notice the number of mobility scooters that the older people used to get around. In fact, they couldn't remember the last time that they saw one of these scooters in Spain.

One of the biggest reverse culture shocks for our youngest son happened during a trip to Target. As we walked into the store, he noticed several people shopping in their pajama pants. Although it was a cold fall day, he still couldn't believe that they would leave their house in their clothes meant for sleeping. In Spain, when we leave our home for pretty much any reason, we are more formally dressed. It is very common to ensure you and your family in Spain are put together in appearance, even when grocery shopping or running errands.

In fact, one of the major adjustments for me was only wearing yoga pants in public after an actual workout. I now have learned to favor dressing up and focusing more on my appearance.

Read the original article on Business Insider

β€œ7 Little Johnstons”' Amber and Trent Tearfully Recall Son Jonah's Premature Birth and the 6 Weeks He Spent on Life Support (Exclusive)

"In that moment there, we were literally minute by minute on if we were going to leave a hospital with a baby or without a baby," Amber says in PEOPLE's exclusive look at the new season of the TLC show, which returns Jan. 7

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The longrunning reality show returns Jan. 7 on TLC

I retired at 41 to focus on myself. Then, my toddler was diagnosed with cancer, and now I manage his treatment.

Toddler is sick in PICU with RSV and has IV and Oxygen
The author's son (not pictured) was diagnosed with cancer at age 3.

Jill Lehmann Photography/Getty Images

  • I had always been interested in retiring early.
  • I left my job in 2023, years after having my son and publishing my first book.
  • Then, at age 3, my son was diagnosed with cancer.

As an elder millennial, I graduated into the 2008 job market armed with a master's degree in creative writing and $20,000+ in student debt. It was a formative experience β€” that's putting it mildly.

Though I was able to find a job in copywriting, I was laid off within six months, and for better or for worse, the fear induced by that layoff has stayed with me ever since. It also gave me a lasting interest in money and economics.

I also knew I wanted to retire early, and I worked toward that goal. In 2023, at the age of 41, I retired. And then, my son was diagnosed with cancer, which changed all my plans.

Writing about stocks taught me a lot

By 2010, I'd joined an online financial services company, where I wrote about stock market trends. Soon after joining the company, I grew interested in investing, at least enough to begin buying "FAANG" stocks in a regular brokerage account β€” small amounts at first, then larger ones as I learned the ropes and grew more comfortable.

"FAANG" refers to Facebook, Apple, Amazon, Netflix, and Google. Like most people, I already knew those businesses. I used Facebook, owned Apple products, shopped on Amazon.com, subscribed to Netflix, and continually navigated to Google for research, so it seemed natural to buy shares. My investment thesis wasn't sophisticated: they were rapidly growing companies in monopoly-adjacent positions. What's not to like?

As their share prices rose, I kept buying more. ("Add to your winners" is an old saying in investing.) I also paid off my student debt. My parents had generously paid for my undergrad, but I'd borrowed around $20,000 for my master's. The interest rate was low, yet I still wanted that obligation gone.

Around 2012, a colleague forwarded me an article about the FIRE β€” Financial Independence, Retire Early β€” movement. Suddenly, I had a name for what I was pursuing. I wasn't interested in the extreme frugality of Mr. Money Mustache β€” a major figure in FIRE circles β€” I simply wanted to get to a place where downturns wouldn't sink me, and my career fears were more emotional and existential than financial.

I wrote a book and had a baby

At the same time, I was writing creatively on the side, and my first book was published in 2021. By then, I had a full-time job, a baby boy, and a book to promote. The grind was endless, and burnout was inevitable. The enforced isolation of the pandemic didn't help. I felt joyless, used up, and the opposite of creative.

When the opportunity came to leave my job in 2023, I took it. I planned to spend more time with my son, especially since our longtime nanny was leaving, and finally drill down on my second book. But just a year into my "retirement," life took a devastating turn. At age 3, right out of the blue, my little boy was diagnosed with a gravely serious form of cancer.

Now, instead of pursuing my passions, I help manage his treatment β€” a grueling, yearlong regimen of chemotherapy that requires frequent hospitalizations. His immune system is severely compromised, so preschool and playdates are out of the question. Finding childcare is essentially impossible.

I'm basically on unpaid medical leave

Ironically, my early retirement has become a long, unpaid medical leave. I've barely cracked my second book. The days are a whirlwind of crises and appointments. I hate living this way myself, and there's nothing I wouldn't give to change it for my son. Now 4 years old, he should be running around a playground, perching on Santa's knee, and playing with his cousins β€” not sitting through yet another painful, hourslong chemo infusion. If the treatment weren't necessary to save his life, I'd bust us both out of the hospital, Bonnie and Clyde-style.

Of course, I never saw this coming, but I am deeply grateful to my younger self for planning on FIRE. Without that, I couldn't focus on my son's health now. It's an incredible privilege, one I don't take for granted. Far too many families are worrying about rent and groceries. At the same time, they're caring for gravely ill children. It's not right. I can confidently say that the stress is fully bad enough without money coming into it.

Perhaps even more ironically, I now dream of returning to work someday β€” to a "normal" life where I have the time and space to write again, and my son is healthy and happy.

Read the original article on Business Insider

The Pinwheel Watch is a kid-safe Apple Watch Ultra lookalike to placate your tween

The Pinwheel Watch doesn’t scream β€œthis is a kids’ device.” The new smartwatch, unveiled at Pepcom during CES 2025, doesn’t have a chunky, brightly colored casing or super-thick bezels. It’s actually pretty sleek, with a build like a slightly larger Apple Watch β€” plus a little camera bump β€” and swappable straps of different styles. To tech-aware kids who have begun bugging their parents for a smartwatch just like they have, it would easily pass as an analogue for an adult wearable. But it’s also packed with safety features meant to offer only the amount of connectedness that parents feel comfortable with. And an AI chatbot, because, of course.

Pinwheel already has a smartphone platform that allows for parent-approved communications, but the watch is a standalone 4G LTE cellular device with its own mobile plan (about $15 according to the company) and the ability to make calls, send texts and, down the line, do video chats. Parents can determine the level of intervention they think is appropriate for their kids, and change these settings in the Pinwheel app as they see fit.Β 

Three Pinwheel Watches on display at Pepcom
Cheyenne MacDonald for Engadget

For a younger kid, they might set it so all contacts need to be approved, while a 14-year-old can be granted the freedom to add whatever friends they want without approval. Parents can remotely monitor text and call history, and turn off certain features β€” like image sending β€” individually for contacts. It also offers GPS location tracking so parents can keep tabs on their kids’ whereabouts.

Beyond basic communication, there are a bunch of features that are just meant for fun. There are built-in games, like a helicopter game I really enjoyed playing that involves tapping the screen at the right time to collect gems and keep it in the air, and a kid-friendly version of ChatGPT called PinwheelGPT. The company says the chatbot has been tested for all the common workarounds used to trick these things into doing what they shouldn’t, so it won’t produce inappropriate responses when prompted to. And parents can see these chats, including deleted ones. β€œYou can certainly ask it whatever, but it won't answer,” said Pinwheel co-founder Dane Witbeck. β€œIt quickly backs out and says, β€˜hey, that's something you should talk to a trusted adult about.’” The abysmal hotel-casino Wi-Fi at the crowded event prevented me from actually putting that to the test, though.

The Pinwheel Watch will go on sale later this year for $160 (plus the monthly cellular subscription). It’s rated IP67, so it should be pretty durable against spills, dirt and other kid messes. For parents interested in a safer way to let their children start using smart devices to talk to their friends and family, Pinwheel's watch could be a pretty decent option, especially for kids in tween territory that may not want an extremely limited, immature-looking wearable.

This article originally appeared on Engadget at https://www.engadget.com/wearables/the-pinwheel-watch-is-a-kid-safe-apple-watch-ultra-lookalike-to-placate-your-tween-123005235.html?src=rss

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Β© Cheyenne MacDonald for Engadget

The Pinwheel Watch's chatbot showing two questions in its history

I had a 'nesting party' before my 2nd child. It was so much more helpful than a baby shower.

Pregnant woman and her friend in a nursery, talking and standing by a crib
Amanda Driscoll (not pictured) threw a nesting party before giving birth to her second baby.

Getty Images

  • Amanda Driscoll, 26, is a mom of two living in Florida.
  • She was inspired to prepare for her second child with a "nesting party" after seeing a TikTok about one.
  • Family and friends helped with tasks like putting together a crib and making freezer meals.

This as-told-to essay is based on an interview with Amanda Driscoll. It has been edited for length and clarity.

I didn't originally plan to have a nesting party. I held a typical baby shower in June of last year with 30 of my family and friends. I have a huge family, and they're really fun to hang out with. Then, a month later, I saw a TikTok about a nesting party, where people help you clean your house and set up the nursery, and I was super inspired. By that point, I was already 38 weeks pregnant, and it had just dawned on me that I still had so much to do to prepare for the new baby.

I already had a toddler and was still working as a pet sitter for my mom's pet-sitting business at the time. I decided that having a nesting party would relieve me of organizing all those tasks I'd whirling around in my head.

When I gave birth to my first son in 2021, my sister-in-law, mom, and godmother helped me assemble furniture and fold the baby clothes, but it wasn't as involved as a nesting party.

I started by sending a group text to my closest friends to say, "Hey, I'm having a nesting party." I admit I was nervous to ask them to come and help me, but I needn't have worried. All my friends said yes.

I looked to TikTok for advice on throwing my nesting party

A nesting party feels so much more intimate than a baby shower. I invited five of my closest friends, my mom, and my godmother. At a baby shower, there are usually more people and activities. My nesting party was smaller, and I spent more one-on-one time with everyone.

I took tips from TikTok on what to do during my nesting party. I started by making a list of the tasks I needed help with in my notes app. The tasks were separated into rooms on the checklist, and I shared the list with my friends so they could choose which task they wanted to do before they arrived. It was a shared list, so they could check off tasks when they'd finished them to avoid miscommunication.

When my friends arrived at my house, we socialized first. My mom brought a rotisserie chicken and some sides for everyone to eat, and I bought wine and soft drinks. My husband Christian took our toddler to the park to keep him occupied for about 90 minutes, then when they got back, he started cooking meals we could put in the freezer. My friends also brought postpartum meals with them. One friend brought a stir-fry, another a lasagna, and one of my friends, who says she's not a cook, gave me a restaurant gift card, which was lovely.

My friends and family helped me get crucial tasks done before I had my baby

One friend washed and sterilized the baby bottles, another put up the crib, and another folded the baby clothes I received at the baby shower and put them in the drawers of the new changing table. They also placed a caddy in the nursery filled with wipes and diapers, snacks, and supplements. One task that was a huge help was when my friend got my car cleaned and then installed the infant car seat for me. As I live in Florida and had a summer pregnancy, I was dreading doing this in the heat.

While there were more people in the house than usual, it wasn't stressful at all, because I knew they were there to help me. My friends stayed until everything was done, for over three hours.

Though I had both, a nesting party would be a perfect substitute for a baby shower, if you have to choose one. I don't know what I would have done without all that help. From that moment until after I'd given birth, I was able to relax. Going into my postpartum period, I didn't have to worry as I knew that everything was clean, and I didn't have to worry about where things were as every item had been stored neatly and was within my reach.

Being pregnant can feel really isolating. I urge mothers to reach out to friends or family because they want to be a part of these important times. If you don't live close to your family or friends, I'd recommend contacting mom groups on Facebook to see if other moms would be willing to come to your nesting party. Community in parenting is important, and it's never too early to get started building one.

Read the original article on Business Insider

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