❌

Reading view

There are new articles available, click to refresh the page.

Family gatherings can trigger an 'emotional hangover.' Here's how you can recover.

Photo of man from behind sitting on couch and holding back of head in pain.
We may be left with an emotional hangover after an intense or stressful situation.

Kseniya Ovchinnikova/Getty Images

  • Getting together with family over the holidays can be stressful.
  • Afterward, you may feel similar to how you feel when hungover β€” even if you didn't drink.
  • Here's how to deal with the effects of an "emotional hangover."

Whether you're disagreeing over politics or dodging questions about why you've gained or lost weight, getting through a family gathering can feel like you're dealing with a powder keg of emotions. Then you wake up the next day with nausea or a pounding headache.

All signs point to a hangover β€” except you didn't drink alcohol. Instead, your unpleasant symptoms might be due to an "emotional hangover," which refers to the "feeling of physical and emotional exhaustion that follows an intense emotional situation," Charlynn Ruan, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and founder of Thrive Psychology Group, told Business Insider.

When you have a conflict or negative interaction with someone, "your nervous system is flooded with adrenaline and cortisol, and you may enter a state of fight, flight, or freeze, which helps you navigate threats and challenges," she added. Following an intense emotional experience, you may develop symptoms like exhaustion, headaches, and brain fog.

Although an emotional hangover isn't a clinical diagnosis, the nausea and fatigue can resemble the effects of consuming alcohol. Below, two psychologists explain what makes you vulnerable to an emotional hangover and how to recover after a tense family gathering.

What situations can trigger an emotional hangover?

Strong emotions like fear and anger can elicit the body's natural stress response. "Once the stress subsides, the body may experience a 'crash,' leading to fatigue, nausea, headaches, irritability, and muscle soreness," Harris Stratyner, Ph.D., a New York City-based psychologist, told Business Insider.

Ruan explained that any situation that triggers the fight, flight, or freeze response can lead to an emotional hangover. For instance, you might feel drained or disoriented after having a heated argument with your partner, mediating conflict between relatives, or returning to a home or town that reminds you of traumatic childhood events.

Accordingly, emotional hangover triggers may be connected to unresolved childhood traumas or present-day conflicts, Ruan said. "If you did something you regret, guilt can linger and create a sense of emotional depletion," Stratyner said.

Other reasons you might experience an emotional hangover include failing in front of others, receiving upsetting news, taking on too much responsibility at work or home, or ending a relationship, Stratyner said. The more you're invested in a relationship, the greater your emotional distress can be.

Besides uncomfortable family dynamics, noise, large crowds, and travel can heighten your distress. The holidays also carry additional pressures like overextending yourself financially or being around family members you might otherwise choose to avoid during the year.

What makes you vulnerable to an emotional hangover?

Certain tendencies and personality traits can make you susceptible to an emotional hangover. "People who are high on the personality trait of agreeableness may have difficulty saying no to activities that are draining or experience cortisol spikes, even if a conflict is between other people and doesn't concern them," Ruan said.

Stratyner said that being high in neuroticism can make you more reactive to emotional stressors, which makes it more difficult to recover from stressful experiences. The same goes for low self-esteem since you're more likely to internalize criticism and struggle with feeling inadequate.

Stratyner said people who describe themselves as introverted or highly sensitive may also experience deeper emotional fatigue after taxing social interactions. They might also be more prone to ruminating about past events and dwelling on negative feelings.

"People-pleasers often suppress their emotions to avoid conflict and keep others happy," Stratyner said. When you can't please everyone or need to be assertive, you might feel conflicted and drained, leading to an emotional hangover.

Like people-pleasers, perfectionists may experience disappointment or shame if they fail to meet their high standards. Additionally, "those with an anxious attachment style are more likely to agonize over social interactions and perceive threats to your relationships even when there aren't any," Ruan said.

How do you recover from an emotional hangover?

One way to prevent an emotional hangover is to engage in soothing activities. For example, you can write down what you're grateful for, spend time outdoors, or take a break from the news or social media, Stratyner said.

Before attending a family gathering that could be triggering or overwhelming, Ruan suggested making time to see friends, booking a session with your therapist, going for a run, or engaging in a relaxing hobby. She also recommended reaching out to supportive family members and discussing how you can help each other or intervene in case you get caught in a stressful conversation.

If you do get an emotional hangover, there are ways to speed up the recovery process. Since your nervous system is depleted, it's important to recharge by resting, catching up on sleep, having a bath, or listening to music.

"Be around friends and family who feel safe and loving, so your nervous system will stop releasing cortisol and adrenaline and start producing oxytocin and serotonin, which help regulate your mood," Ruan said. Additionally, Stratyner recommends small gestures like sending a thoughtful message or volunteering, which can make you feel a sense of purpose or positivity.

"If you feel antsy or agitated, you may need to engage in a high-energy activity to burn off built-up hormones and signal to your body that the threat is over," Ruan said. Activities like boxing, running, and weightlifting can provide a healthy outlet for releasing stress and help you recover from an emotional hangover.

Read the original article on Business Insider

My family didn't look like everyone else's growing up. My fourth-grade teacher made me feel included.

Group of Diversity school children learning acrylic art together in art class.
The author (not pictured) felt included by her fourth grade teacher.

VeeStudio89/Getty Images

  • My fourth-grade teacher showed up to school with painting materials one day.
  • She told me she wanted me to paint something for her and my mom for the holidays.
  • My teacher made me feel seen and included, and I still remember her.

There's a moment when you receive a compliment, and you shrug it off immediately as though an insect had just landed on your shoulder. That happened to me when I was sitting on the floor of my fourth-grade classroom, painting a poster for a school project.

The poster-maker job fell into my lap after I lost a game of "Not it." Truthfully, I was happy to sit quietly and draw instead of fussing with my classmates about how to do our book report.

When my teacher came over to check on our progress, she leaned in and told me how much she liked my painting. I felt a mix of embarrassment and disbelief at being singled out for such praise.

I was even more surprised when Miss J, as we called her, showed up at school one day with a large shopping bag. Inside were paint brushes, watercolor paints, and two sheets of paper rolled up and held together with an elastic.

She said she wanted me to paint her something and that the second canvas was meant for my mom so I could make her a Christmas present.

Deciding what to paint

A blank canvas can be anything you want. It's a scary thought for someone like me who overthinks everything, but that's precisely what Miss J wanted me to do: paint anything of my choice.

At 9 years old, I had dozens of paintings under my belt, but never this size and not on paper that didn't buckle and warp as soon as you touched it with a wet paintbrush. The paints seemed too nice and new to use on something other than a school project.

I thought of the books my mom would read to me and decided to paint something from "Winnie the Pooh." I chose the original version of the character for my teacher and the Disney version for my mom since she had a certain fondness for the Pooh Bear look, as you can tell from baby photos of me wearing a top with no bottoms.

Painting of Winnie the Pooh
The author painted something for her mom and her teacher.

Courtesy of the author

I had a VHS tape of a Winnie the Pooh movie and set out to recreate the cover for my mom's painting. I sketched the design in pencil first.

Then, I began the daunting task of trying to fill this oversized canvas using my once pristine tubes of paint, now squished and dented.

What my teacher's gift meant to me

When you're from a different cultural background, sometimes people overlook what you have in common. For example, a colleague asked me whatΒ my familyΒ does this time of year despite encouraging everyone else to share theirΒ Christmas plans. Remarks like these single you out, and not in the caring way of a teacher who pays you a genuine compliment.

As one of a few kids in my fourth-grade class from an immigrant family and a single-parent household, everywhere I looked, there was someone whose life looked different from mine. But instead of assuming I didn't celebrate Christmas, which I did, my teacher just wanted me to feel included.

Her generous gift showed me I had a talent worth buying and actually using quality art supplies. She even had my painting professionally framed like my mom did.

I saw it once when we drove by her house in the sixth grade. It was, just as she said, right in the middle of her living room, surrounded by custom matting.

Memories fade, but colors endure

The teacher I saw every day, who introduced me to Maya Angelou and Jane Goodall, took a leave of absence when she found out she was having a baby. I moved on, too, starting high school a year early.

As an undergraduate student, I bumped into Miss J one evening. She was sitting in her car like she was waiting for someone, and I felt hesitant to approach her.

Maybe she wouldn't recognize me until she pointed at me and smiled. Her son came out of a nearby building, and she pointed at me a second time and told him, "That's the girl who painted the Winnie the Pooh picture in your room."

In grade six, I gave her a second painting as a baby gift. Thirty years later, I can't remember exactly what these paintings look like.

I just know that I wanted to capture the feeling of playing in the Hundred Acre Wood, the fictional place where Pooh Bear and his friends would gather.

My teacher's gift reminds me of something we all want: someone to acknowledge and remember us. I'll never forget her.

Read the original article on Business Insider

❌