• When Monique Doughty got pregnant, she was excited about being a mom.
• After she realized she would be a single mother, her excitement turned to worry.
• A conversation with another pregnant single mom on a beach in Costa Rica changed her thinking.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Monique Doughty, a registered nurse, influencer, and wellness teacher. It has been edited for length and clarity.

Before moving to Costa Rica in 2021, I was based in Los Angeles. I lived in Hollywood Hills, was fully debt-free, and purchased a brand-new BMW. In many ways, I felt like I'd "made it" there, but I wasn't happy.

I love physical affection, whether that's a hug or snuggling, and the pandemic was tough for me. By 2021, I was done being in the heart of LA during a pandemic alone with no family or partner.

I decided to take a quick trip to Costa Rica and ended up moving

A friend of mine was already living in Costa Rica at the time. We would FaceTime often, and one day, he said, "Just come out here for a few days."

When my friend was driving me to the airport to head to Costa Rica, she asked if I thought there was something deeper between us. I said I was open to it, but things had always been platonic in our three years of friendship.

When we were in Costa Rica together, it was the first time we were single at the same time. It may sound corny, but I remember the first time we hugged each other. It felt like there was a spark and clear connection.

When our friendship turned romantic, we tried to have a baby

I arrived in Costa Rica in January 2021, thinking I would be there for a few days. But after hearing about the capital being stormed on January 6, I felt like the entire US was in chaos. I wanted to stay put for a while.

At the same time, our romantic relationship was progressing fast, and we decided to try to have a baby. At 32, I was ready to become a mom. We were successful pretty quickly. By February, I was pregnant. We planned my son and really wanted him. What followed with the relationship between my child's father and me was not expected, though.

When I was pregnant, and even while we were still friends, I sometimes felt as though he was exhibiting controlling behavior that I didn't like in a partner. We argued often and had a particularly huge fight just three months in that prompted me to end the relationship.

I was devastated, but I didn't want to leave Costa Rica. Despite what I was going through, I felt like my life was more peaceful there than in the US, and I had built a strong community of friends.

A friend shifted my perspective on single motherhood

A few days later, I found myself on Playa Punta Uva beach sobbing and ran into my friend Helen from the UK. I met Helen a few weeks earlier through a mutual friend who knew we were both pregnant and single and felt we could be good friends. We got along, but it wasn't until our second meeting at the beach that we really hit it off.

When I ran into her on the beach, she asked, "How are things?" I told her about my relationship with my child's father.

She said, "Oh, darling. You need to pull it together because your baby is feeling all that." She reminded me that I needed to focus on my health, to have a healthy pregnancy. I'd heard it before, but hearing it from her on the beach was the first time it landed for me because she was also having a similar experience. It also sparked the beginning of our very close friendship.

We were only six weeks apart, and she was also away from family, pregnant, doing it on her own, yet was beautiful and radiant. After that, we really supported each other during our pregnancies. We went to buy comfortable mattresses together, shopped for health insurance in Costa Rica, and even spent Mother's Day together.

After I had my baby, Helen and I co-parented together in Costa Rica. We were in a small town called Puerto Viejo de Talamanca. Anytime we had visitors from the States or the UK, they'd bring all the clothes, toys, particular brands of peanut butter, and other things that were hard to access there.

My relationship with my son's father is still distant now, as we often found ourselves running into the same problems whenever we tried to co-parent. However, I want my son to spend some time with his dad. We're planning to visit him in Costa Rica this March.

I returned to the US and remembered what I learned in Costa Rica

I returned to the US in February of 2023 and moved to Philly, where I'm from. As a Black woman, I felt a lot of societal pressure to choose a partner quickly so my son could have a father figure. I did not want to fall into the stereotype of a Black mom to a son without a present father. I found myself in an ultimately toxic relationship, trying to fill a gap that was not there.

I returned to what Helen showed me was possible on the beach in Costa Rica. My mindset shifted to understanding that if I rush to pick the wrong partner, it impacts how I will show up as a mom to my son. I'm on a journey of de-centering men and focusing on my relationship with my child and myself. Many women feel robbed of their motherhood experience because they're single moms, and I really want to change that narrative. Single motherhood can still be joyous and fun.

• Amy Speace became a mom for the first time one month shy of her 50th birthday.
• The musician underwent IVF and used donor eggs.
• She does yoga and meditates daily as part of her regime to be a patient, hands-on mom.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Amy Speace, 56, a singer-songwriter from Nashville. It has been edited for length and clarity.

When I was younger, I never wanted to have children. My career as a singer-songwriter meant everything to me. At 30, I got signed to a record label and became ambitious, touring all over the country.

Then, as I got older, my attitude to motherhood changed. "I'm so busy doing this and that," I thought. "What if I forget to have kids?" Then, at 46, I met my second husband, Jamey, now 50.

We tried for a baby the minute we were together. But we didn't conceive. We looked into adoption, but the cost was prohibitive. Also, it might have taken years.

Luckily, Jamey's company health insurance covered about 85% of fertility treatments. So we decided to try IVF. The doctors said my eggs were too old to be viable at 49, and we should choose a donor.

First, I had a full exam to check whether my body could carry a baby. I had surgery to remove some polyps from my uterus. Then, we picked a donor who had a similar profile to mine.

Her eggs were fertilized by Jamey's sperm, and I was placed on the hormones to get ready for the transfer. It took two attempts, but we were lucky enough to get pregnant in July 2017.

I took a year off touring after my son was born

The pregnancy was super easy. I did yoga throughout. We hoped for a natural birth, and my doctor said that would be fine. She said that I was healthier than many 20-year-olds.

However, the baby had other ideas. I was induced due to back labor but was told it could take 36 hours for me to be dilated enough to deliver. We opted for a C-section because I didn't want to go through all that and end up needing an emergency one.

Our son, Huck, was born healthy. I fell in love with him the moment he was placed in my arms.

We went through the usual thing of sleepless nights for four months when you can't see straight. But things got better. I played a festival when I brought him along with support from my mother-in-law. It was hard because I was nursing and pumping. I realized I would just be home with him and took a year off touring.

I was tired, but I don't think I got more tired than younger moms did. I remained active and meditated daily. My spirituality has made me more patient and calm. It's helped me deal with the reality that I'll be almost 70 when Huck graduates high school. I'll never see him when he reaches my age.

I also practice gratitude. I was not ready to have a baby until I was 49. Then, a miracle happened. It was the way my life was supposed to be.

Jamey and I went through a hard time during the pandemic, and we separated and divorced. We shielded Huck and our relationship is very amicable as we co-parent him.

I laugh about bringing up a 6-year-old during menopause

It took a while for me to find my group of similar-minded moms. I'd go to the playground, and it would be full of 20-somethings watching their kids. But I made a good friend through Huck after he started playing with her 5-year-old. I've also established a network of older moms who read my blog.

We often discuss the funny side, such as raising a little kid during menopause. Huck, now 6, has his own room, but he sometimes brings his blankie and crawls into bed with me.

I have unbelievable night sweats. Sometimes I have to change three times a night. I'll put my son back in his bed and he'll say, "Mommy, you're all wet."

Laughter is part of being in the moment. Whatever the future brings, we'll live our lives that way.

Do you have an interesting story to share with Business Insider about being a new parent in later life? Please send details to [email protected]

• Keira Knightley says she had to step back from her career because she chose to have kids.
• "I've been really surprised in the past few years about what I've said no to," Knightley told The Times.
• Working women across industries are often forced to choose between their careers and having children.

Keira Knightley, 39, chose to prioritize motherhood over her career.

In an interview with The Times published on Saturday, Knightley spoke about her decision to have children and the impact it had on her career decisions.

"I couldn't go job to job [abroad] now. It wouldn't be in any way fair on them, and I wouldn't want to," Knightley told The Times. "I've chosen to have children, I want to bring them up, so I've had to take a major step back."

The "Pride and Prejudice" actor has two daughters — Edie, 9, and Delilah, 5 — with her husband, musician James Righton.

Not only does Knightley now prefer roles that will allow her daughters to stay settled in school, but she's also looking for roles that aren't too emotionally taxing.

"I've been really surprised in the past few years about what I've said no to. I've wanted it to be more pure entertainment and maybe that's because I've needed that," she said. "I keep being offered things about children dying or about mothers dying. Can't do it."

Even though the "Pirates of the Caribbean" movies made her a household name, Knightley says she doesn't want to appear in a franchise again.

"The hours are insane. It's years of your life, you have no control over where you're filming, how long you're filming, what you're filming," she said.

Knightley says she's also open to producing or directing a film, or even switching industries, although it won't happen while her daughters are still young.

"The world is an interesting place and there are other things in it I'd like to discover. I'm aware I've been doing the same thing for a very, very long time," she said.

The actor was 16 when she starred in "Bend It Like Beckham."

Knightley isn't the only celebrity who has spoken up about juggling motherhood and their careers.

In August, Blake Lively said she experiences mom guilt whenever she has to choose work over her family.

"When you're working, sometimes you feel guilty for, you know, not being in your personal life in those hours you're at work," Lively said. "And then when you're at work, you feel guilty by being distracted by wishing that you were at your personal life."

In March, Whoopi Goldberg explained on an episode of "The View" why she prioritized her career over her child.

"My kid came before my career, and I chose my career because I knew this would never happen again," Goldberg said. "She didn't always like it, but that is the process of being a parent. They're not supposed to like everything you do."

However, Hollywood moms are not the only ones who face this dilemma; working women across industries are often forced to choose between their careers and having children.

Part of it is due to the "motherhood penalty" — the pay gap that women experience when they become mothers, according to Claudia Goldin, a Nobel Prize-winning Harvard professor.

Her 16-year-long study found that female MBA graduates who have children are more likely to have less job experience, more interruptions to their careers, and earnings decline — something that their male counterparts do not experience.

A representative for Knightley did not immediately respond to a request for comment sent outside regular business hours.

• A new study found that postpartum depression rates doubled over the past decade.
• Mothers interviewed by Business Insider shared a range of symptoms, including anxiety and OCD.
• Researchers say early intervention is key, but some are scared to share their symptoms.

When Bri Ramos was pregnant with her second child, she was already worried about the symptoms she experienced with her first. The lack of motivation or excitement. The severe anxiety that, up until having her first child, she never dealt with before.

Then, she started having panic attacks in her second pregnancy.

"I was like, 'Oh, here it goes again,'" Ramos, 36, told Business Insider. Her doctor saw Ramos "walking right into some bad postpartum" and took a proactive approach: prescribing Ramos Zoloft shortly after she gave birth.

Ramos is one of the many mothers diagnosed with postpartum depression. A new study from JAMA found that postpartum depression diagnoses have doubled in the last decade.

Dr. Nehaa Khadka, a maternal and child health epidemiologist at Kaiser Permanente Southern California and lead researcher on the study, told Business Insider her team was surprised by how high the rise was.

While it could be partly due to increased awareness and screening, there seems to be more at play.

Rates of depression and loneliness are on the rise, and were turbocharged during the pandemic. Emerging cultural pressures to return to work quickly or to be the perfect parent can play a role too, therapists say.

Behind the research, many mothers with PPD say they still feel misunderstood, left in the dark, and lacking resources.

Working mothers are forced to slow down

Ramos, the founder and creative director of an ad agency, said one of the hardest postpartum adjustments for her was accepting a "new season" of her life.

"So many women go through an identity crisis because it's like, 'I've been this high-achieving career woman, and now I am at home for the next six or 12 months taking care of a child,'" she said. She had to take time to figure out who she was as a mother, separate from her usual work routine.

Not every working mom has the ability to take time off and transition into motherhood. There is no national paid maternity leave in the US; full-time working moms have to rely on their employers' individual policies. This puts mothers in a precarious position: if they can't take more time off to recover, their depressive symptoms can impact their productivity, putting their jobs on the line.

When Stephanie Fornaro had her second child at 33, she had "just an overwhelming feeling of doom and sadness." She also felt resentment toward her husband when he went to work, leaving her fully in charge of their son.

Because her symptoms were physically debilitating, she quit her software sales job for two years. Not working contributed to her depression, too.

"When you're accustomed to a demanding job and 'performing' and then you go to a slower pace, and solitude, it's a major adjustment that I think many underestimate," Fornaro, 39, said.

Plowing ahead, potentially ignoring postpartum depression symptoms, can lead to quicker burnout — and leaving a career entirely.

Justine Sterling Converse runs a women-owned event strategy and management company in Texas. She remembers many of her close friends in the industry jumping back into full-time work after taking three months of maternity leave. They all quit shortly after, unable to balance motherhood with working long hours and weekends.

Once she started having children of her own, Converse realized how hard it was to return to full-time work so soon. "12 weeks is just when you're starting to have a routine with your baby," Converse, 40, and a mother of four, told BI.

It was harder with postpartum symptoms. Converse was diagnosed with postpartum OCD, something she hadn't heard of before. In her office of 10 full-time workers, she said about 75% of them have experienced postpartum depression, anxiety, or OCD.

It's partly why her company policy includes 16 weeks of maternity leave and a 50% "transition" month for mothers to ease back into working full-time. Converse, who recently gave birth, is in a transition month herself and said it's been a huge help.

"I willed myself to not go through postpartum again," Converse said. "And I still did."

Postpartum depression can be hard to identify

Symptoms of postpartum depression range from intense mood swings to thoughts of harming your baby. While it's common to feel "baby blues" when you first give birth, PPD is much more severe and can last for weeks or months.

Still, it's one thing to know about postpartum depression. It's another thing to identify it in yourself when you experience new symptoms.

"As a new mom, you're in survival mode," Fornaro said. She knew something was off, but didn't have the space and time to take stock of it all and see it for what it was. "Now, I can reflect and go, 'Wow, I really was struggling.'"

Fear of judgment has kept some new parents from reporting their PPD, said Dr. Clayton Shuman, who led a 2022 study on how the pandemic influenced a rise in postpartum depression rates. He said patients might hold back on sharing their symptoms like being unable to bond with their baby, "to avoid the stigma and guilt."

Ramos believes more openness around the subject is helping.

Out of her tight-knit friend group, four out of five women have had kids. All of them have had postpartum depression or anxiety, and openly discuss their symptoms. While Ramos experienced a lack of joy, a friend had intrusive thoughts about her newborn's health.

In contrast, when Ramos' older sisters experienced PPD nearly two decades ago, one of them "just sat in her closet and cried." She thought her depressive symptoms were normal and, at the time, told no one.

In other countries, maternity leave is different

Postpartum symptoms can last for years, much longer than the three to four months of maternity leave many US full-time employees get.

In contrast, European countries like Greece and Iceland offer 26 weeks of leave or more. Some, like North Macedonia, allow parents to take additional leave if they need to, without fearing for their job security.

For American mothers without as many federal safety nets, extra help makes all the difference. Fornaro's husband worried about her postpartum depression and offered to pay for a nanny, which she initially refused. "It took a lot of convincing and setting aside my pride," she said.

Looking back, she said hiring extra help was the "best decision" for her family. Her nanny not only made every day more manageable, she offered crucial emotional support and helped Fornaro bounce back.

In Ramos' experience, even the smallest interventions can radically change postpartum symptoms. She said she is grateful her doctor was so quick to diagnose her and prescribe medication; it made for a much smoother experience with her second child.

"I'm just so thankful that I got to enjoy him being a baby and having fun with him," she said, remembering how overwhelmed she was when she had her daughter four years earlier. "I was just in a completely different state of mind."