• I met my partner when I was seven years sober.
• Although I was far into my sobriety journey, some of his drinking habits triggered me.
• I told him my concerns, and we built a relationship on open communication.

I met my husband a few days after my seventh sobriety anniversary. I don't even remember when I first told him that I no longer drank because it simply wasn't a big deal for me by that point.

I'd lost any lingering embarrassment over being someone in recovery. My now-husband must've taken the news in stride; otherwise, I'm sure I would recall that first sobriety conversation better.

But as we got more serious, I realized we needed to have harder discussions. Some of those are more memorable because I had to be more vulnerable, and his response, if negative, could have ended our relationship.

My then-boyfriend started to trigger my addiction

Because of my history with addiction, I am aware of my boundaries to avoid relapse. For example, in the first year of sobriety, I couldn't live in a home with alcohol. It was too early for me and too scary to have temptation that close.

With time, things got easier. A year into sobriety, I was less easily triggered and moved in with a friend who kept bottles of wine in the house. I didn't ask her to remove them; I had enough discipline and trust in myself at that point.

When I met my husband, I could handle most bars and parties without being tempted. Having a partner who drank wasn't a dealbreaker for me, but I still needed boundaries within the relationship to protect my sobriety.

I realized some situations were triggering me as our relationship developed. It wasn't easy to share that a situation tempted me after all that time without drinking. But my sobriety had been too hard-won to risk skating over the issue.

I shared how going out to dinner was difficult because he ordered cocktails every time, and the frequency was too much for me. I also let him know I was uncomfortable seeing him tipsy and that it made me feel unsafe even though I knew he was safe. And later, when we bought our home, we went shopping for a liquor cabinet for him. It's not hard to have alcohol in the house, but bottles visible on the counter for long periods are more difficult for me.

In some cases, we struggled through these conversations. I couldn't even tell him why some things were more triggering than others. It took some back-and-forth to get to a place of understanding. He asked questions and did his best to listen and take action. This new territory was uncomfortable for both of us. But with every hard talk, we got a little better at it. And we always reached an agreement that felt like a step forward.

We now have a relationship built on open communication

Looking back, I can honestly see how helpful my sobriety has been in fostering our communication, forcing us to have some serious conversations early on. I had to be shamelessly vulnerable. My partner had to respond with empathy and action. I'm grateful he took me seriously.

We were also forced to dig deep and state our feelings clearly, including why some things rubbed me the wrong way. It was one of the best things that happened in building our relationship.

Here we are, four years later, married, and my 11th year of sobriety just celebrated.

No one should risk their sobriety for a relationship

I don't share my boundaries for anyone to compare their own. Everyone in sobriety has their personal level of need when it comes to distance or safety from substances. I've had weaker and stronger seasons, and my boundaries are mine. There's no shame in requiring an alcohol-free home.

If you've worked hard to get sober, don't risk something so precious to meet anyone else's standard. Ask for what you need to be healthy in your relationships.

My husband and I have discussed that if I go through a season of feeling more triggered, we would remove any alcohol from our home, and he would abstain completely. The level of support is there, no matter if the needle on the gauge changes. Some hard things can surprise you and turn into an advantage. It worked that way for us.

Jason Wahler's wife Ashley explained during a podcast appearance why she stayed in their relationship. Wahler has been sober for 5 years this month

“I just feel very disappointed with myself," Mary said after learning her son had been using substances since he was 16

"Mocktails or non-alcoholic beer options make a big difference,” said the rapper, who just celebrated 4 years sober

McBryde opened up to PEOPLE about the achievement in her sobriety journey at the 2024 CMA Awards

💾

• Denzel Washington is approaching 70, and he's taking steps to ensure that he ages well.
• For instance, he's almost 10 years sober and has started working out with a trainer, he told Esquire.
• "This is the last chapter — if I get another 30, what do I want to do?" Washington said.

Denzel Washington, 69, knows he's not getting any younger, so he's choosing to prioritize his health.

In an interview with Esquire, the actor — who turns 70 next month — spoke about aging and the steps he's taken to change his lifestyle for the better.

For one, he's approaching a decade of sobriety after having an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.

"I've done a lot of damage to the body. We'll see. I've been clean. Be 10 years this December. I stopped at 60 and I haven't had a thimble's worth since," Washington told Esquire.

Wine had been his vice, partially because he had a 10,000-bottle wine cellar added to his house during construction in 1999, he said.

"I never got strung out on heroin. Never got strung out on coke. Never got strung out on hard drugs. I shot dope just like they shot dope, but I never got strung out. And I never got strung out on liquor. I had this ideal idea of wine tastings and all that — which is what it was at first," Washington said. "And 15 years into it: Send me two bottles, and make it good stuff, but just two. And I'd drink them both over the course of the day."

However, he never drank when he was working, he said.

Washington eventually kicked the habit once he realized that it was getting out of hand because he would wake up disoriented, "not knowing what happened."

Apart from giving up alcohol, the "Equalizer" actor is focusing on getting fit and building strength.

His friend, Lenny Kravitz, introduced him to a fitness trainer whom Washington has been working with since February last year.

"He makes the meals for me and we're training, and I'm now 190-something pounds on my way to 185," Washington said. "I was looking at pictures of myself and Pauletta at the Academy Awards for 'Macbeth,' and I'm just looking fat, with this dyed hair, and I said, Those days are over, man. I feel like I'm getting strong. Strong is important."

Part of his desire to adopt a healthier lifestyle is because he wants to live better in his golden years, he said.

"Things are opening up for me now — like being 70. It's real. And it's okay. This is the last chapter — if I get another 30, what do I want to do? My mother made it to 97," Washington said.

In the US, the average life expectancy for males is 74.8 years and 80.2 years for females, per the CDC.

While immortality is still science fiction, there's been a growing interest in longevity and the idea of reversing one's "biological age." Antiaging trends such as IV treatments and red-light therapy are also gaining popularity.

Earlier this year, Alyson van Raalte, a demographer who researches why some people live longer than others, told Business Insider that the length of a person's life is mostly determined by their genes, life circumstances, and things we can't predict.

However, she said that adopting simple habits — including not smoking, exercising regularly, and having a strong social network — can lead to a longer life.

A representative for Washington did not immediately respond to a request for comment sent by Business Insider outside regular hours.

The Tennessee Highway Patrol confirmed with PEOPLE that the country star was arrested on Sunday, Nov. 17

The Tennessee Highway Patrol confirmed with PEOPLE that the country star was arrested on Sunday, Nov. 17