When my son was little, his father and I went through a custody trial and agreed on a holiday-sharing schedule. It outlined that if my son spent a holiday with me, the following year, he would spend that same holiday with his dad. So if I got Christmas Eve and Day with him one year, the next, his father would spend those days with him.

Initially, my son's father and I stuck to the original holiday-sharing schedule. I observed that while my son never had a preference for who he spent the holidays with, he did miss the parent he didn't get to see. After a few years of splitting holidays up, I was compelled to work with his father on a better arrangement. While it doesn't always work out perfectly, we have found that it's best for our son to spend time with each of his parents on any given holiday.

We do our best to come up with a plan that works for the whole family

Our new arrangement is informal, and I think we each try to work with each other based on what's going on with our respective families that year and how we divided up the holidays the year prior. While initially we had every holiday divided up until my son turns 18, I think the way we work with each other now is far more realistic.

One downside to co-parenting around the holidays is that I always have to tell other people that I need to talk to my son's father before we make any definite plans. Sometimes, I've wished I could just book a vacation over the winter break. However, I've realized that not only does his father deserve to spend time with his son on the holiday as much as I do, I know our son prefers it that way, too.

My immediate family understands that I may not have my son for certain traditions, so they factor this in when they're making their plans. They will ask me ahead of time on which days or times I'll have my son; not only are his father and I working together to make sure my son gets to see most of his extended family, but our families do their best to work with us, too.

It doesn't always work perfectly, so there have been exceptions

There are certain holidays where the division is an easy decision, such as Thanksgiving. Growing up, I always liked watching the parade in the morning. Every year, I had an aunt who would suggest we just eat our pie for breakfast, but no one ever went through with it.

When I had my son, I had the opportunity to make our own traditions. So now, he and I make pumpkin and apple pies the night before Thanksgiving and then have some for breakfast the next morning while we watch the parade. Since his father's family has a big dinner in the afternoon, we usually just split the day in half so that my son is with me in the morning and with his dad in the afternoon.

It might not be a perfect system, as my son is missed at our family's dinner on Thanksgiving, but after co-parenting for a decade, I've come to accept that his father and I always need to work together to come up with a plan that works best for our son, even if that means dividing up every holiday. Sometimes it doesn't work out, so we've learned to address every holiday individually.

Last year, my son's father wanted to take him up to New England to spend a week with his family that lives up there, and I was hesitant. My son and I had never spent a Thanksgiving apart before. When I asked my son if he wanted to go, he was excited. Not only does he rarely get to visit with those family members, but we live in Florida, so he had never seen snow before. I made sure he understood that he and I would spend Thanksgiving apart, and while he was sad about that part, we agreed that because it was a special opportunity for him, he should go.

Our new agreement feels right

This year, his father asked for Christmas Eve since I had my son for Christmas Eve last year. Then, my son will come home Christmas morning and spend the rest of the holiday with me, which is what he did with his dad last year. While I love to have my son on Christmas Eve, it's nice when I have him on Christmas Day, too. After spending alternate years without him on either of those days, I think our way of dividing up the holidays works out so much better.

Not only do we each get to share our traditions with our son every year instead of every other year, but my son can count on spending the holidays with both of his parents. It's always a little sad for him when he is separated from one of us, and that emotion is amplified on holidays. But I think it comforts him to know that his father and I will always work together to make sure he doesn't have to spend the holidays without seeing one of his parents.

• Sheri Atwood was proud that she managed to divorce amicably for just $500.
• However, navigating co-parenting expenses with her ex eventually led to animosity.
• Atwood invented a system where she could upload receipts for her ex and keep detailed records.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Sheri Atwood, founder and CEO of SupportPay. It has been edited for length and clarity.

I was five when my parents got divorced, but their separation was so tumultuous that it shaped my whole childhood. The money they spent fighting us could have bought a mansion, but my siblings and I were barely fed and living in a one-bedroom apartment. I lived in 24 different places before I was 18 as they battled for custody.

I was determined not to continue that kind of life. I was the only one of my siblings to go to college. While there, I met a marine in Tijuana and married him at just 19. Our marriage was OK at first, mostly because my job in corporate cyber security meant I traveled constantly.

We had a baby when I was 25, and almost instantly, I realized I wanted a divorce, and my ex was fully on board. Our relationship wasn't healthy, and I didn't want my daughter to grow up with that. I did all the paperwork and paid $500 for the divorce. I felt we had dodged a bullet by having a cheap, amicable divorce despite having significant assets, including multiple homes and a boat. I was proud that we were both focused on what was best for our daughter.

After the divorce, we started fighting about money

After the divorce, I felt like we were constantly discussing — or arguing over — money. He would pay $20 to register our daughter for soccer, and I'd pay $40 for gymnastics, so we were always figuring out who owed whom. I would spend $100 on shoes, and he'd say there was no way shoes cost that much, so I'd have to send him a receipt.

We had the same issue with our shared custody calendar. I'd put my frequent work trips on the calendar, and he would lose the link and ask me to resend it.

I wasted a huge amount of time and energy managing our co-parenting. It was incredibly stressful. Soon, the friendly feelings from my divorce were out the window. My ex and I had a lot of animosity because we had different values around money and challenges communicating about it.

I realized everyone talks about an amicable divorce, but no one talks about what comes after that.

Automating payments allowed me to let go of frustration

When my daughter was seven, she needed emergency brain surgery. That was a wake-up call for me. Until then, I was spending so much time working while nannies took care of her. I realized that if I were going to work that many hours, I wanted to do something more personally meaningful. To me, that meant ensuring my family and others had a better way to manage the mundane tasks of co-parenting, like handling payments and the calendar.

I used my tech background to create a platform to manage payments, schedules, and communication between co-parents. Back then, a text from my ex could distract me from work and disrupt my focus, so I also put communication in the app, which would send me a notification that I could deal with when I was ready.

By the time my daughter was 9, the app was live, and my ex and I began to use it. Having everything in one place allowed me to let go of so much frustration and the time I spent talking to my ex about money. That way, I could focus on what was important: our daughter. My ex even started using it with another ex-partner he also has a child with.

I had let go of my negative feelings, too

Time and time in my life, I've had arguments over money. It's not just with my ex. It also happened with my siblings when we were caring for our mother, and again after she died and we needed to settle her estate.

Having a platform to handle modern family finances takes some of the emotion out of these transactions. Of course, that requires a shift in mindset too. For example, I realized if I wanted to get paid, I had to show my ex receipts for my expenses. He wasn't asking out of spite. He just genuinely didn't realize how much things cost — like those $100 shoes! Being able to upload a receipt kept things cordial and helped me get my money.

Most parents want to support their kids, and they realize kids aren't free. But they don't always understand the costs, and tempers can quickly flare around money. Sharing receipts can be a neutral way to show those costs and avoid emotion.

When you have a child with someone, you're tied to them for life. My daughter is now 22, and my ex and I are still sharing college expenses. I've also had people use the app to split wedding expenses or the cost of taking care of a senior loved one. The last thing anyone wants is to make or receive a phone call asking for money. When you can avoid that, you have more time to focus on what really matters: family.