Neither of my kids has won the Student of the Month award this year. I shouldn't care, but I do.
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- I'm more bothered than my children that they haven't won Student of the Month yet.
- I want them to win because it would validate that I'm raising exemplary students.
- Their best attributes aren't the ones on display in public but in the safety of our home.
I sat in the back of the school assembly, watching an old acquaintance slip into the center aisle, camera-ready as her son's name was called for the Student of the Month award. I was happy for her β I really was.
But when my daughter's teacher stood to offer her class their monthly awards, I saw my daughter sitting crisscross applesauce with her first-grade classmates, and my stomach knotted. I knew her name wouldn't be called. Clearly, the parents were notified ahead of time. Sure enough, her teacher announced another student's name. My daughter clapped and cheered, seemingly unbothered.
This year, neither my daughter nor her older brother have won Student of the Month. And neither has expressed disappointment. So, why do I care so much?
I started to question why I wanted them to win the award so much
Maybe it's because my husband is a teacher and school administrator, and most of his colleagues' children have already won the award this year. On his behalf, I feel the tiniest hint of professional pressure, as if their children's success reflects on them.
Or maybe it's because, with their class sizes β18 kids in my daughter's class and 22 in my son's β nearly half of the school will receive the award by the end of the school year, making it feel almost as if those who don't are being singled out in some way. Or maybe it's my own history; I won it every year as a child, and perhaps I've unknowingly placed that expectation on my children. Yet, in the end, what does it matter? I don't have my own awards framed in my office or the accomplishments on my rΓ©sumΓ©.
Are these awards public validations that we must be doing good jobs as parents and that our children are exemplary students? Or, do I simply covet that bumper sticker that signals, "This car is full of winners" because humans are competitive by nature?
As the mother of award-less children, I wonder if the Student of the Month award simply creates unnecessary competition. How much of a child's β or parent's β self-worth hinges on praise?
I just want to raise good children β and I am
My children aren't troublemakers, but they are introverted and sometimes standoffish to those outside their inner circles. Neither are natural leaders, rule followers, or people-pleasers. Still, I hoped they'd be noticed for their better qualities.
I wonder if their best attributes aren't the ones they put on display in public, but rather, most often viewed in the safety of our home. This weekend, they spent two hours assembling a Little Tikes Cozy Coupe car for their toddler brother and couldn't wait to show it to him in the morning. My daughter did all of the dinner dishes to surprise me, and my son grabbed groceries from my hands with a, "Here, Mom, let me get those for you."
These moments give me hope for the adults they'll become.
Still, I'll admit as the school year comes to a close, it's hard not to feel a twinge of disappointment when I realize my children are among the students who won't stand up at the school assembly to receive their Student of the Month award.
I have this lingering question of whether their teachers ever get to see their best sides, but maybe that's the point here β that it doesn't matter. They don't need to stand out among dozens of kids or be awarded on a stage because I recognize them every day in the small moments. I recognize how fortunate I am that my children don't need a piece of paper to feel validated β now it's my turn to do the same.