• I'm a college admissions coach and have read thousands of applications.
• Successful students have proven adaptability, intellectual vitality, and executive functioning.
• These soft skills aren't easily listed on an application.

After working in college admissions for decades, one thing has become clear to me: The students who stand out are not necessarily those with the most polished résumés or perfect grades.

I've worked on Ivy League admissions committees and as a consultant, so I've reviewed thousands of applications. The strongest candidates almost always have three soft skills: adaptability, intellectual vitality, and executive functioning.

These traits are not always the most visible on paper, but they show up in the choices students make and the stories they tell. When I consider any college application, I look for these three traits to see how the students would adapt to college life and the real world later on.

In my book "Get Real and Get In," I focused on individuals who demonstrated these skills and got into their dream schools. Let's look at how past students exemplified these traits, even before their careers took off.

Adaptability: Turning a "no" into a "yes"

For my book, I spoke with Aaron Kirman, who is now one of the top real estate agents in the country.

He struggled with learning disabilities and a speech impediment throughout his school years. He was held back in first grade and often felt like an outsider academically and socially. He was rejected from every single school he applied to, including the University of Southern California.

But Kirman didn't give up. Fueled by what he described as "a mix of anger, disappointment, and desperation," he wrote a heartfelt letter to USC explaining his challenges and his determination to succeed. That letter made the difference. USC reconsidered and admitted him through a support program for students with learning differences.

As a former Ivy League admissions officer, I would have taken note of this kind of self-advocacy immediately. We looked for students who showed adaptability, resilience, and resourcefulness.

Of course, not every student will have the opportunity to transform rejection into acceptance. But the most compelling stories often emerge when students adapt to everyday challenges — maintaining focus during academic struggles, demonstrating meaningful growth over time, or navigating personal obstacles with grace and purpose.

Intellectual vitality: Asking the bigger questions

Raya Bidshahri, founder of multiple educational platforms, is known today as a futurist and science communicator. But her journey began with a deep, sustained curiosity about the world.

In her Dubai high school, Bidshahri demonstrated remarkable intellectual vitality through several initiatives, most notably, co-founding Intelligent Optimism with her mentor Rohan Roberts. This social network centered a rational, evidence-based, and positive outlook on human progress. The network expanded internationally, eventually growing to hundreds of thousands of followers.

This curiosity and initiative beyond the norm of expectation is what admissions officers call "intellectual vitality." That mindset is gold in admissions.

Bidshahri's entrepreneurial and education-driven projects played a major role in her admission to Boston University. Her application stood out because it reflected an authentic pursuit of knowledge and impact that extended far beyond the comforts of her own mind and community.

Executive functioning: Turning vision into impact

Katlyn Grasso began college thinking she would do both business and pre-med, but she quickly realized her true passion was entrepreneurship.

In high school, Grasso transformed her leadership roles into vehicles for real impact. She co-founded two nonprofits to earn her Girl Scouts Silver and Gold Awards, served as class president, and captained the softball team. What truly distinguished Katlyn wasn't the titles but the substance behind them. Her ability to organize thoughtfully, lead authentically, and follow through relentlessly set her apart.

Whether launching a community program or rallying her teammates during a tough game, she demonstrated a rare combination of strategic vision and execution skills. She lived her values and turned her commitments into meaningful action. In her applications, she was intentional about highlighting her core passions: leadership, business, and learning.

She then framed her activities through that lens, proving executive functioning. It helped her gain admission to Wharton.

As someone who's reviewed thousands of applications, I can say that executive functioning often gets overlooked. But it's a hidden driver of success.

These stories show that getting into college isn't just about what's on your transcript; it's about how you think, adapt, and follow through. For students looking to stand out, cultivating these traits is one of the most powerful ways to show colleges who you are and what you're capable of becoming.

• I work in college admissions, and one of my students used ChaptGPT to write his essay.
• I was angry, but then I saw all the ways AI can help students during the admissions process.
• Students can use AI as an idea generator to help organize all their essentials.

When ChatGPT first entered the scene, I rolled my eyes.

As a college admissions coach and author of "Get Real and Get In," I've always believed in the power of deep reflection and authentic storytelling. The idea of using AI felt like a shortcut that stripped away the most valuable part of the process: helping students discover their unique voices.

Everything changed with one student.

He was bright, but his early drafts were choppy, unfocused, and thin. He struggled to get his ideas on paper, and deadlines loomed. Then, suddenly, polished essays appeared in my inbox. They were formulaic but well-structured. An AI detector confirmed my suspicions: 100% AI-generated.

I was furious — not just at the student, but at the idea that AI might undermine the very foundation of my work. I emailed him a stern warning that we would not be able to support his work unless he stopped using AI.

To his credit, he listened. He scrapped the AI-generated drafts and worked harder to infuse his personality into his writing. He wound up producing essays that showcased his intellectual depth and unique perspective. And guess what? He got into his dream school — an Ivy League.

That experience forced me to rethink my stance. I wondered: Was I resisting AI because it threatened my role — or because I hadn't learned how to guide students on how to use it?

After experimenting with Generative AI in my own workflow—using it for email responses and project timelines — I saw its potential to streamline processes. This inspired me to integrate AI to make the admissions process feel less overwhelming.

AI could be a stress reliever for students applying to college

As someone who works closely with high school students, I know firsthand how stressful the college admissions process can be. I've seen students stress out and sometimes opt out of the process altogether because it's just too much.

College admissions should not precipitate a mental health nightmare, although I know all too well that it can. When I applied to college, I got stress-induced pneumonia due to the pressure.

While AI won't change the stakes of college admissions, I've realized it can help reduce stress and overwhelm by handling repetitive, time-consuming tasks, allowing students to focus on the deeper, more meaningful parts of their applications.

Some schools and professors outright ban AI, fearing it will lead to plagiarism. But let's be real: AI isn't going anywhere.

Instead of treating AI like a forbidden shortcut, we need to teach students how to use it ethically.

AI will not write your essay, but it can help brainstorm, refine ideas, and suggest edits. AI will not replace human mentorship, but it can free up time for deeper conversations.

How AI can help students with the admissions process

Students have to answer a lot of prompts when applying to colleges. Many students can get stuck generating interesting, unique ideas to write about. That's when they can turn to AI.

Here's what students can type into ChaptGPT: "Help me generate outlines for three unique essay topics based on my experience with [insert key event, passion, or challenge]."

Additionally, some of my students struggle with executive function. Executive function is what Harvard researchers liken to an "air traffic control system" for the brain. These struggles — often linked to PTSD, anxiety, ADHD, or depression — make it harder to stay organized.

AI can serve as a life-changing accessibility tool for these — and all — students.

For example, Fyxer provides a structured pre-loaded response to emails so students stay on track with admissions and school correspondence.

Voice-to-text AI through Google Docs allows students to dictate their thoughts before organizing them into an essay.

Additionally, generative AI creates bullet-point responses to common interview questions. Students can use their own voice and style to practice the points aloud.

We need to integrate AI with human connection

AI hasn't replaced human connection in my coaching; it has deepened it.

By reducing logistical overwhelm, students can focus on intellectual depth.

By offering adaptive support, students with learning differences and mental health challenges can engage in ways that work for them.

By streamlining tedious tasks, I can dedicate more time to meaningful mentorship.

The future of education isn't AI vs. human connection; it's both.

For students, this means less stress and more creativity. For educators, it means focusing on what really matters: supporting students to self-discovery and to build real-world, future-ready skills.

The college admissions process doesn't have to be a mental marathon. AI — used wisely — can refocus students on the journey of self-discovery, intellectual curiosity, and confidence — exactly what admissions officers want to see.