• Wendy Osefo is one of the stars of "The Real Housewives of Potomac."
• She and her husband have three kids and want them to be financially set up for success.
• They set up a trust for their kids but haven't told them about it — yet.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Wendy Osefo, one of the stars of Bravo's "The Real Housewives of Potomac." It has been edited for length and clarity.

My husband and I wanted our children to be financially secure if something happened to us unexpectedly or as we got older. So, Eddie and I met with an attorney and created a trust for our family.

We made sure there was an addendum that said they could get additional funds if they achieved certain goals, like learning our native tongue of Igbo or earning a Master's degree. We also included activities and extracurriculars we would like our children to do, such as joining my sorority or my husband's fraternity.

We tried to envision our children growing up and the milestones we wanted them to accomplish. Our attorney told us that if we were no longer here, the people we entrust to look after our children would have a clear plan of how we wanted to raise our children. We really took that to heart, and that's what made us create the addendum.

It took us over a year to finalize the trust, and it's still being edited. It's a very detailed trust. There are provisions for how Eddie and I should be cared for in the event of our passing and for our future grandchildren.

God willing, I'll be here til I'm 90 years old, but my kids, who are 11, 9, and 5, can start accessing the trust once they graduate from college. Before that, they can draw on the trust to buy their first car, pay their college tuition, or start a business.

My children don't know about the trust, and I want to keep it that way for a while

I've told my children, "You have to get a Master's degree if you want some additional funds," but they don't really get the concept of a trust. I think it's something that we'll have future conversations with them about.

I don't want them to know that there's a trust, which is their safety net. I want them to live life and accomplish the things they want.

I feel like the first time I would like them to know about the trust is if one of my children said, "Hey, mom and dad, I want to start a business." And then I can say, "OK, we will take it out of the trust."

Outside that, I don't want them to operate based on navigational signals from the trust. If you achieve those milestones, you get an added bonus; if you don't, then there is no harm or foul.

College is something that Eddie and I want for our children

Growing up with a Nigerian heritage, college was very important and something you had to achieve. I understand that college is not for everyone, but college was not an option when I was raised. It was a matter of "Where are you going to go to college?"

A lot of times, I feel like there's a pervasive narrative pushed on communities of color that you don't have to go to college, and I don't think that's fair because I don't see that same narrative often being pushed on white communities. So, I want to make sure that my children can achieve educational success as well.

I have four degrees, and Eddie has four degrees. It's just something that we value in our household. It's an Osefo thing.

Every family has the right to value different things in their household. It doesn't mean that it makes you less than if you don't value education.

Incentives are part of the trust, but it's not how we parent in daily life

When I was growing up, there were no incentives for school or chores. I was just told what to do. It was more like, "If you are a good child, this is what you do."

Eddie and I are definitely different that way. We are not forcing our children to do the things written in the trust, but if they do them, they get an incentive.

My friends think the trust is a great idea. My mom has a different opinion. She thinks kids should do the right thing and not be rewarded for it.

My kids are only incentivized for what's in the trust. Other than that, I agree with my mom that you make your bed, do the dishes, and take out the trash because that's what you're supposed to do.

We're trying to build generational wealth

It's really important for everyone to have life insurance if they can. Our life insurance rests within our trust, so if and when something happens to us, it gets paid into the trust.

The trust buys life insurance for every person and generation that comes after us, creating generational wealth within our family.

Basically, you have created your own family bank. And when you do that, you can borrow against the family bank if your grandkids ever need a loan.

My kids will be financially taken care of regardless of whether they do anything written in the trust. Still, if they want additional funds, they can do things to get that bonus.

Nandini Maharaj is a freelance writer covering health, wellness, identity, and relationships. She holds a master's degree in counseling and a doctorate in public health.

• Catelynn Baltierra gave her first child up for adoption in 2009.
• She and her boyfriend Tyler had PTSD after the experience.
• Baltierra is opening up about her adoption experience to help others going through the same.

The "Teen Mom" franchise is celebrating its 16th anniversary with the new season of "Teen Mom: The Next Chapter." The docuseries follows Catelynn Baltierra and costars Amber Portwood, Ashley Jones, Briana DeJesus, Cheyenne Davis, Jade Cline, Leah Messer, Maci McKinney, and Mackenzie McKee.

Some cast members are raising children who are the same age they were when the show began in 2009, with the usual milestones like getting a driver's license and having safe sex conversations. The journey to this landmark season has been anything but predictable for Baltierra ever since she and her husband Tyler placed their eldest daughter Carly for adoption.

Baltierra, who was 16 years old at the time, thought that an "open adoption" meant they would stay in touch with Carly through phone calls and face-to-face visits and be able to send gifts and receive updates about her life.

But that hasn't been the case, especially now that Carly's adoptive parents ceased communication with the couple in 2024. Baltierra sat down with Business Insider to talk about her adoption experience, how she educated herself, and what parents should know about the trauma experienced by adoptees.

Losing contact with Carly and her adoptive parents

"I know for a fact when it all happened, it definitely threw me and Tyler into PTSD for sure," Baltierra said. "I've been diagnosed with PTSD, and I definitely felt a lot of that for a very long time, lots of anxiety, sadness, living in the what-ifs, all of that."

She and Tyler have dealt with this loss by leaning on each other. They've also found comfort in speaking to other birth parents who have been in their shoes.

"Their kids are in their 30s and stuff now, so people way ahead of it than where I'm at," she said. "And then also really diving deep into the adoptee world and learning more about them and what they go through and reaching out for support when I feel like I need it."

How their three younger daughters are coping

"I think Vaeda and Rya are still too young to really even get the concept of what adoption is," Baltierra said. Five-year-old Vaeda understands that Carly is her sister.

"Nova, she's 10, so she really understands it," she said. "And she's just kind of in a space of well, that's kind of dumb, like we should be able to see Carly and talk to her."

Baltierra and Tyler are honest with Nova whenever she asks questions about Carly. They listen to how she feels, try to answer her authentically and help her deal with whatever emotions she's experiencing.

"Nova doesn't really know that the adoption is closed," Baltierra explained. "That hasn't been brought up and I don't think that would be right for me to just drop it in her lap."

What Baltierra wishes she would have known 16 years ago

"I was never told a single thing about what adopted children go through as they get older," she said. Since then, she's learned that adoptees face a range of mental health challenges, from feeling abandoned to dealing with addiction and suicidal ideation.

Her advice for birth parents who are contemplating an open adoption is to educate themselves about adoptees. She recommended speaking with a lawyer and having legal representation throughout the adoption process.

"Have a support system that is going to ask questions and truthfully explain to you what you're signing," she said. As a teenager, Baltierra didn't have adults helping her through this and advising her about the ramifications of agreeing to an open adoption.

Now, as a 32-year-old, she emphasized that she would never let her children sign any paperwork without her knowledge and consent. "So, there's a lot of stuff that I wish I could change, but I try not to live in my what-ifs because that doesn't do anything good for me," she said.

Sharing advice for adoptive parents

"I think the No. 1 thing that all adoptive parents or even prospective adoptive parents need to be is trauma-informed," she said. "It needs to be a regulation, like after every year, you need to take another class to learn about it because adoptees go through a lot mentally."

When adoptive parents are trauma-informed, they're more alert to triggers in their child's life. In addition, they're better equipped to support their child in dealing with difficult emotions and memories.

"Also, it is way better for an adoptee to have a full open adoption," she said. "That way, they can ask any questions they have and get real answers, and it's just healthier for them. I think closed adoption should be totally extinct."

She explained that adoption is supposed to be child-centered. "And if we're going to make it child-centered, then everybody needs to be informed," she added.

Her hopes for Carly and the future of their relationship

When asked about the possibility of reconciliation, Baltierra is clear about her wishes. "Honestly, I just want whatever Carly wants, whether that is a relationship with me or not or whether she only wants to have a relationship with her siblings," she said.

She and Tyler have considered the possibility that Carly may decide not to have a relationship with them in the future. "Whether she wants to have nothing at all and whatever she needs to be a healthy and solid person, that's what I want," she said.

Nandini Maharaj is a freelance writer covering health, wellness, identity, and relationships. She holds a master's degree in counseling and a doctorate in public health.

• Getting together with family over the holidays can be stressful.
• Afterward, you may feel similar to how you feel when hungover — even if you didn't drink.
• Here's how to deal with the effects of an "emotional hangover."

Whether you're disagreeing over politics or dodging questions about why you've gained or lost weight, getting through a family gathering can feel like you're dealing with a powder keg of emotions. Then you wake up the next day with nausea or a pounding headache.

All signs point to a hangover — except you didn't drink alcohol. Instead, your unpleasant symptoms might be due to an "emotional hangover," which refers to the "feeling of physical and emotional exhaustion that follows an intense emotional situation," Charlynn Ruan, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and founder of Thrive Psychology Group, told Business Insider.

When you have a conflict or negative interaction with someone, "your nervous system is flooded with adrenaline and cortisol, and you may enter a state of fight, flight, or freeze, which helps you navigate threats and challenges," she added. Following an intense emotional experience, you may develop symptoms like exhaustion, headaches, and brain fog.

Although an emotional hangover isn't a clinical diagnosis, the nausea and fatigue can resemble the effects of consuming alcohol. Below, two psychologists explain what makes you vulnerable to an emotional hangover and how to recover after a tense family gathering.

What situations can trigger an emotional hangover?

Strong emotions like fear and anger can elicit the body's natural stress response. "Once the stress subsides, the body may experience a 'crash,' leading to fatigue, nausea, headaches, irritability, and muscle soreness," Harris Stratyner, Ph.D., a New York City-based psychologist, told Business Insider.

Ruan explained that any situation that triggers the fight, flight, or freeze response can lead to an emotional hangover. For instance, you might feel drained or disoriented after having a heated argument with your partner, mediating conflict between relatives, or returning to a home or town that reminds you of traumatic childhood events.

Accordingly, emotional hangover triggers may be connected to unresolved childhood traumas or present-day conflicts, Ruan said. "If you did something you regret, guilt can linger and create a sense of emotional depletion," Stratyner said.

Other reasons you might experience an emotional hangover include failing in front of others, receiving upsetting news, taking on too much responsibility at work or home, or ending a relationship, Stratyner said. The more you're invested in a relationship, the greater your emotional distress can be.

Besides uncomfortable family dynamics, noise, large crowds, and travel can heighten your distress. The holidays also carry additional pressures like overextending yourself financially or being around family members you might otherwise choose to avoid during the year.

What makes you vulnerable to an emotional hangover?

Certain tendencies and personality traits can make you susceptible to an emotional hangover. "People who are high on the personality trait of agreeableness may have difficulty saying no to activities that are draining or experience cortisol spikes, even if a conflict is between other people and doesn't concern them," Ruan said.

Stratyner said that being high in neuroticism can make you more reactive to emotional stressors, which makes it more difficult to recover from stressful experiences. The same goes for low self-esteem since you're more likely to internalize criticism and struggle with feeling inadequate.

Stratyner said people who describe themselves as introverted or highly sensitive may also experience deeper emotional fatigue after taxing social interactions. They might also be more prone to ruminating about past events and dwelling on negative feelings.

"People-pleasers often suppress their emotions to avoid conflict and keep others happy," Stratyner said. When you can't please everyone or need to be assertive, you might feel conflicted and drained, leading to an emotional hangover.

Like people-pleasers, perfectionists may experience disappointment or shame if they fail to meet their high standards. Additionally, "those with an anxious attachment style are more likely to agonize over social interactions and perceive threats to your relationships even when there aren't any," Ruan said.

How do you recover from an emotional hangover?

One way to prevent an emotional hangover is to engage in soothing activities. For example, you can write down what you're grateful for, spend time outdoors, or take a break from the news or social media, Stratyner said.

Before attending a family gathering that could be triggering or overwhelming, Ruan suggested making time to see friends, booking a session with your therapist, going for a run, or engaging in a relaxing hobby. She also recommended reaching out to supportive family members and discussing how you can help each other or intervene in case you get caught in a stressful conversation.

If you do get an emotional hangover, there are ways to speed up the recovery process. Since your nervous system is depleted, it's important to recharge by resting, catching up on sleep, having a bath, or listening to music.

"Be around friends and family who feel safe and loving, so your nervous system will stop releasing cortisol and adrenaline and start producing oxytocin and serotonin, which help regulate your mood," Ruan said. Additionally, Stratyner recommends small gestures like sending a thoughtful message or volunteering, which can make you feel a sense of purpose or positivity.

"If you feel antsy or agitated, you may need to engage in a high-energy activity to burn off built-up hormones and signal to your body that the threat is over," Ruan said. Activities like boxing, running, and weightlifting can provide a healthy outlet for releasing stress and help you recover from an emotional hangover.

• My fourth-grade teacher showed up to school with painting materials one day.
• She told me she wanted me to paint something for her and my mom for the holidays.
• My teacher made me feel seen and included, and I still remember her.

There's a moment when you receive a compliment, and you shrug it off immediately as though an insect had just landed on your shoulder. That happened to me when I was sitting on the floor of my fourth-grade classroom, painting a poster for a school project.

The poster-maker job fell into my lap after I lost a game of "Not it." Truthfully, I was happy to sit quietly and draw instead of fussing with my classmates about how to do our book report.

When my teacher came over to check on our progress, she leaned in and told me how much she liked my painting. I felt a mix of embarrassment and disbelief at being singled out for such praise.

I was even more surprised when Miss J, as we called her, showed up at school one day with a large shopping bag. Inside were paint brushes, watercolor paints, and two sheets of paper rolled up and held together with an elastic.

She said she wanted me to paint her something and that the second canvas was meant for my mom so I could make her a Christmas present.

Deciding what to paint

A blank canvas can be anything you want. It's a scary thought for someone like me who overthinks everything, but that's precisely what Miss J wanted me to do: paint anything of my choice.

At 9 years old, I had dozens of paintings under my belt, but never this size and not on paper that didn't buckle and warp as soon as you touched it with a wet paintbrush. The paints seemed too nice and new to use on something other than a school project.

I thought of the books my mom would read to me and decided to paint something from "Winnie the Pooh." I chose the original version of the character for my teacher and the Disney version for my mom since she had a certain fondness for the Pooh Bear look, as you can tell from baby photos of me wearing a top with no bottoms.

I had a VHS tape of a Winnie the Pooh movie and set out to recreate the cover for my mom's painting. I sketched the design in pencil first.

Then, I began the daunting task of trying to fill this oversized canvas using my once pristine tubes of paint, now squished and dented.

What my teacher's gift meant to me

When you're from a different cultural background, sometimes people overlook what you have in common. For example, a colleague asked me what my family does this time of year despite encouraging everyone else to share their Christmas plans. Remarks like these single you out, and not in the caring way of a teacher who pays you a genuine compliment.

As one of a few kids in my fourth-grade class from an immigrant family and a single-parent household, everywhere I looked, there was someone whose life looked different from mine. But instead of assuming I didn't celebrate Christmas, which I did, my teacher just wanted me to feel included.

Her generous gift showed me I had a talent worth buying and actually using quality art supplies. She even had my painting professionally framed like my mom did.

I saw it once when we drove by her house in the sixth grade. It was, just as she said, right in the middle of her living room, surrounded by custom matting.

Memories fade, but colors endure

The teacher I saw every day, who introduced me to Maya Angelou and Jane Goodall, took a leave of absence when she found out she was having a baby. I moved on, too, starting high school a year early.

As an undergraduate student, I bumped into Miss J one evening. She was sitting in her car like she was waiting for someone, and I felt hesitant to approach her.

Maybe she wouldn't recognize me until she pointed at me and smiled. Her son came out of a nearby building, and she pointed at me a second time and told him, "That's the girl who painted the Winnie the Pooh picture in your room."

In grade six, I gave her a second painting as a baby gift. Thirty years later, I can't remember exactly what these paintings look like.

I just know that I wanted to capture the feeling of playing in the Hundred Acre Wood, the fictional place where Pooh Bear and his friends would gather.

My teacher's gift reminds me of something we all want: someone to acknowledge and remember us. I'll never forget her.