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I quit my high-paying job and left London for a small seaside town. I first struggled with the pace, but it was the best decision.

15 December 2024 at 04:14
a man walking through London next to a seaside town in the UK
The author (not pictured) moved out of London and to a small seaside town.

AzmanJaka & Dave Curtis/Getty Images

  • After years of being a lawyer, I suddenly became burned out and lonely.
  • I decided to quit my job, leave London, and move to a small town in the UK.
  • At first, the change was difficult, but now I know I'm in the right place.

I never understood the concept of burnout at work. For me, the key to success in the rat race was simple: If you're hungry enough, you will endure; you can't possibly get tired of doing your job if you are tough enough.

Well, that was the case until I burned out.

Twelve years of studying law and working as an attorney in Mexico, the US, and the UK had taken their toll. After years of working in London in a fast-paced environment at a law firm, I reached my limit and broke down.

When I reached rock bottom, I decided to make a drastic change and move out of London.

I quit to prioritize mental health over money and glory

One day, I woke up feeling lonely, exhausted, anxious, and lost โ€” with my life solely defined by my career.

I knew it was time to do something about it, so I left my high-power law firm. The hardest part of quitting wasn't the uncertainty of what the future held but saying goodbye to a high-paying job โ€” especially in a city like London, where the cost of living is high. But at a certain point, money wasn't enough to keep me there.

I started therapy and a rigorous exercise regimen. I needed to make myself stronger and healthier. It wasn't easy, but in the end, those things empowered me and gave me the clarity I needed to end the toxic relationship I had with my job and finally have a fresh start somewhere else.

I had to leave the big city

Staying in London was never an option; it was too expensive to sustain myself financially and too chaotic to clear my head and find peace. I needed nature to reconnect with myself.

After some research, I discovered the perfect place: Eastbourne. It's a small seaside town connected to London by direct train, next to a couple of hiking trails, with more sun than the rest of the UK, and with enough coffee shops to keep me caffeinated.

I moved as soon as I could. The first weeks were rough as I learned the main difference between a big city and a small town: Life is slowโ€” in every possible way. At first, I was desperate and annoyed, but after a couple of days, I understood there was no need to do things quickly. Things are better enjoyed when you take the time to acknowledge them.

One of the best things about small-town life is the sense of community. Everyone in Eastbourne knows each other and welcomes you as if you were family. Inspired by this sense of community, I decided to immerse myself fully. I joined the local rowing club and a volunteer group.

On the professional side of things, I struck a balance between my work and personal life. I took the necessary number of deals and clients to earn a living and also have a moment for myself every day. The balance is what keeps me happy and healthy.

I'm happy for the time being

I know that nothing is permanent, so I'm not sure how long I'll last in this small resort town.

I just know that I have never felt better physically, mentally, and spiritually. I found peace and also some time to embrace my artistic side. I don't miss the old days at all.

But this tranquil existence in Eastbourne may not endure indefinitely. I reckon that at some point, I will need to take more action in my daily life, but for the time being, it has been the best decision I've ever made.

Read the original article on Business Insider

I always ran back to the same ex, calling her my backup plan. She's now engaged to someone else, and I learned how toxic I am.

7 December 2024 at 04:44
a man comforting his distraught girlfriend
The author (not pictured) kept running back to his ex.

Witthaya Prasongsin/Getty Images

  • When I was 19, I started dating a girl who felt too perfect for me.
  • Every time I broke up with someone, I would return to that woman, using her to avoid loneliness.
  • She's now engaged, and I've learned how awful and toxic I was to her.

There are many ways to describe that relationship we always run back to โ€” the fallback option, the backburner relationship, or the Plan B.

As insulting as that sounds, I am guilty of using a woman as my backup option. Every time I ended a relationship, I would return to her, hoping this time would be different. Frankly, I used her as I waited for something better to come along. Nothing ever did because she was great, and I was the toxic one.

I knew the day would come when she would finally see me for who I really was โ€” the guy who played games. That's why I wasn't too surprised when I recently learned she is now engaged, and she's had enough of me and my toxic traits.

As much as it hurts, I'm happy for her and glad I learned my lesson.

She was perfect, and I panicked

We'd been playing this game since 2011. I still remember our first kiss, to the sounds of a young Avicii playing "Levels." I was 19, and she was 17.

She was too sweet. She loved me too much. She was too available. Everything was too perfect, and that always left me wondering if something was wrong or missing. I had idealized love to an unrealistic and absurd level, so I found countless reasons not to pursue anything serious with her.

While dating her, I used my lawyer skills to walk the fine line of what was "allowed" so I wouldn't be liable for my actions. But there are no legalities when it comes to love and relationships. The truth is, I was spending time with her, creating a special kind of bond โ€” one that, even to this day, would never be topped. But it was also a textbook example of a toxic relationship.

The real problems began when I left her and jumped into a relationship with someone else. But I still found a way to remain "friends," knowing she would wait for me. When I broke off my other relationship, I went back to her arms โ€” just to jump into another relationship, leaving her behind again.

This happened four times. I never took her seriously. I was selfish and blinded by my idealization of love. But ultimately, the joke would be on me.

She's now engaged

Understandably, after every episode of our toxic love story, she grew further away from me. Each time I missed the chance to make things official, she slowly distanced herself from me. But the opposite happened to me: I grew closer to her and the idea of being with her โ€” finally, and ideally, forever.

Life had other plans. She started dating someone else, and we stopped talking. After the last episode of my narcissistic game, she'd had enough and cut me off for good. Losing contact with her gave me the space I needed to reflect on my love life and the true meaning of loneliness. For the first time in my life, I felt alone. I didn't have my Plan B anymore. It was scary.

But it also helped me realize I wasn't OK with being alone. I realized I had convinced myself it was OK to use her.

I tried reaching out to test the waters, but she didn't want to talk. A couple of months later, I discovered her boyfriend had proposed. It wasn't easy. Even though I knew it was coming, I was devastated. Not because she was marrying another guy but because she seemed to be truly happy with him.

I've learned my lesson

I missed my chance with her. It breaks my heart to lose one of the best human beings I've ever met, but I guess that's the price I need to pay for playing games. All this time, I thought she wasn't good enough for me when, in reality, I didn't deserve her.

I've learned a valuable lesson that I've been implementing in all aspects of my life ever since: appreciate opportunities and don't miss chances. It's better to regret taking a chance than to wonder, "What if?"

Thanks to my ex, I now value prospects, possibilities, and opportunities.

Read the original article on Business Insider

I went to law school in Mexico and an Ivy League in the US. It was cheaper and easier to make friends in Mexico.

20 November 2024 at 07:18
a student smiling and standing on a university campus
The author, not pictured, went to law school in the US and Mexico.

Frazao Studio Latino/Getty Images

  • I first went to law school in Mexico, where people were more open to friendships.
  • I moved to the US and enrolled in Columbia's law school, which was more expensive.
  • The students were more focused on the work at Columbia, and the classes were harder.

Ever since I decided to become a lawyer, a question has lingered in my mind: Should I go to law school in my native Mexico, or should I do it in the neighboring US?

Hard work and a bit of student loan debt allowed me to experience both worlds โ€” first in Mexico and then in the US.

I picked top-of-the-class law schools at private universities in both countries: Universidad Iberoamericana in Mexico and Columbia University in the US.

When I finished my law degree in Mexico and worked for a few years, I wanted to expand my career. The natural path to doing so as a corporate lawyer was to work in the US, which is why I decided to enroll in a US law school, fulfilling a longtime dream.

When I enrolled in the US, I was interested to see how different and how similar the experience would be to my law school in Mexico.

My law school in Mexico was cheaper

It's no secret that private education in both countries is expensive. However, in proportion, my law school in Mexico was cheaper as the cost of four years was equivalent to the cost of one year in the US.

The structural differences didn't end there. The admissions process and obtaining the degree were more challenging in the US than in Mexico. There was more paperwork, requirements, and university bureaucracy.

But these things are compensated by the higher salaries offered in the US to lawyers compared to Mexico.

Law students I met in the US generally weren't interested in making friends

Most of the best universities in Mexico are private, drastically limiting opportunities for many because of costs. But those who did get into the law school were practically guaranteed a job upon graduation, due to the elite nature of the schools.

Since we all knew we had jobs after school, my classmates had a flourishing sense of camaraderie and cooperation โ€” rather than cutthroat competition. People were generally friendly and open because they knew their jobs after college were mostly secure.

Meanwhile, pedigree is important in the US. The type of law school you went to and how well you performed affected the type of job you scored after graduation, making my classmates in the US more competitive.

This competitive environment had a downside: It was harder to forge meaningful connections. The relentless pursuit of academic and professional success overshadowed social interactions among students. Sure, I made a lot of acquaintances and met interesting professionals, but I struggled to grab a casual lunch or have a personal conversation with someone.

People were there to be the best students and become better lawyers โ€” not to make friends.

My classes were more engaging in the US, making them more stressful for me

Civil law is the world's most common legal system โ€” used in most of Europe, Asia, South America, and much of Africa. However, the top three global financial hubs (New York, London, and Singapore) belong to common law countries. I won't bore you with legal explanations, but this difference is key to understanding how distinct the law school experiences were.

Mexico has a civil law system, meaning that laws are codified and structured. It's all written down. All laws and regulations were physically handed out to us to be read and memorized.

Professors gave long lectures. I had classes in which the students wouldn't even engage at all. We were there to listen, take notes, and sometimes ask questions. Most of the time, studying came only after classes and for the purpose of passing exams. There was no room for critical thinking and practical application.

The US has a common law system, meaning that laws come from uncodified case law resulting from court decisions. Due to this case-based approach, we were required to delve into a vast body of legal precedents to understand the underlying concepts and principles.

Professors used the "Socratic method," where students were called upon to discuss and analyze cases in class. We were expected to know the entire content of the class before attending it. It was quite scary and challenging, as we had to study daily, but it fostered our critical thinking and problem-solving skills.

Both law schools taught me the power of being a lawyer

If the experiences had something in common, it was the profound sense of the lawyer's role in society.

Law schools in Mexico take a more theoretical approach, while law schools in the US focus on the practical side. However, both aim to produce responsible and dedicated professionals capable of contributing positively to their respective communities. In my case, both law schools made sure we acknowledged this in order to understand how useful we can be.

Attending law school in Mexico and the US was a unique and enriching experience. If you're wondering if it's worth studying law in various countries with different legal systems, be prepared to spend time, money, and energy. But I assure you that you will be better prepared for the rat race.

Read the original article on Business Insider

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