• I got divorced earlier this year, so I'm choosing to be alone this Thanksgiving.
• I'm excited to do exactly what I want on Thanksgiving, including cooking what I like.
• After a difficult and emotional year, I'm embracing my solitude.

Thanksgiving has always been one of my least favorite holidays. As a formerly homeless youth, the holiday's emphasis on family bonding has never appealed to me. I haven't been part of a big family Thanksgiving since I was a little kid.

For most of my adult life, I spent the day with my ex-partner, having a small but elaborate celebration. It was a great way to take back Thanksgiving for me.

But after 19 years together, we unexpectedly got divorced. That means I'll be spending this Thanksgiving alone, and I'm looking forward to it.

I've turned down invites to attend other people's Thanksgiving plans

When friends and acquaintances hear that I intend to spend Thanksgiving alone, they're surprised. People generally assume I'm sad about being alone or have nowhere to spend the holiday with others.

I have options, but I'm choosing my own company. While the idea of someone being alone on this holiday upsets some, I know I will have a better time doing the day my way.

I had some very dysfunctional Thanksgiving holidays growing up, but the worst I remember happened 22 years ago when I was 18. I got invited to an older friend's house. Being included in other people's traditions for the day didn't feel good; it felt exhausting. I regretted going the minute I arrived and immediately wanted to return to my sparse studio apartment. I politely waited through dinner and dessert before I could excuse myself and head home.

The next year, I was 19 and spent Thanksgiving alone, and I had a much better time. I plan to do the same this year.

My new plan for Thanksgiving is only to do the things I enjoy

I lived in NYC for many years, and one of my favorite Thanksgiving holidays was when I went after work to watch the Macy's balloons be inflated. I love watching the balloons and intend to spend Thanksgiving morning on my couch watching them on TV. I have already decorated my house for Christmas, but I still love watching the parade close with Santa ushering in the holiday season officially.

Other than the parade, my favorite part of Thanksgiving is watching the broadcast of the National Dog Show. This year, I don't have to account for anyone's elaborate cooking schedule or timing preferences for the holiday. I'm looking forward to watching the dog show without feeling guilty like I should be in the kitchen helping cook a meal I'm not even invested in eating.

My dogs and I will then go for a walk and complete our American Kennel Club Turkey Trot walk, which benefits junior handlers. I also grew up showing dogs, so this is a small way to give back to a community that represents the happy memories I have from my childhood.

The only other thing I plan to do on Thanksgiving is make pawprint turkey crafts with my dogs.

I'm embracing being alone this Thanksgiving

I've told some close-chosen family members they are welcome to stop by if they want to watch balloons or the dog show with me, but I'm fine if they don't.

Fancy and elaborate meals aren't important to me, so I won't make one. I intend to eat Tofurkey, boxed mac and cheese, and maybe some stuffing. While I eat, I plan to send messages to all my favorite people, making sure they know how grateful I am for them and how much I love them.

This was not an easy year for me; it started with being blindsided by divorce and having to pick up the pieces of my life. That said, the year has, much to my surprise, been pretty great. I love the new life that I am building. My new life is filled with people near and far who see and appreciate me for who I am.

I have so much to be grateful for this year, and one of those things is learning just how much I like my own company.

• I was used to casual touch and missed it when my 19-year relationship ended, and we divorced.
• Platonic touch between my friends and me became important when I was touch-starved.
• My dogs also help me feel less physically alone.

I was in a relationship and married for 19 years. During that time, I got very used to having someone physically around.

Something that surprised me when we unexpectedly divorced this year was how much I missed being touched. Humans need physical touch, and the sudden loss of it can be jarring, as I have recently experienced.

Many of us started thinking about touch starvation during the pandemic lockdown, which mandated social distancing. But this year has been especially difficult for me, and now I'm craving physical touch.

Almost nobody touched me after my partner left

As an adult, I hadn't considered myself to be an especially touchy person, but in the early days of my divorce, I felt a skin-crawling desperation for touch. I missed hugs, cuddles, and casually leaning against someone while talking or walking.

Shortly after I found out I was getting divorced, two acquaintances gave me casual side hugs. Then, I had my six-month dental cleaning. The hygienist took one look at me, realized something was wrong, and gave me a hug. Then, the next week, an old friend came over to my house and hung out for hours just talking. That was the first real hug I'd had in weeks. I sank into his arms for a long time.

It was terrifying to wake up every day and realize I had no idea when I might be touched again by another person.

I've remembered how much I love touching my friends

When I was a homeless queer teenager, I spent a lot of time in cuddle puddles with my friends. We would pile onto old couches in punk houses. We watched movies or curled up in bed together to talk for hours. This close platonic touch was a big part of how we bonded and survived.

Over the years, those friendships drifted away, and my new friends all touched less. We might exchange a hug when greeting, but we didn't exist with the level of platonic physical intimacy that seemed so natural in my late teens and early 20s.

Since my divorce, I've remembered how healing a platonic touch between friends can be. I find myself now seeking connections and deepening friendships with people who want to build platonically intimate friendships.

The people in my life now don't think twice about cuddling with me while we watch movies or just sit and talk. We never pass up the opportunity to hug each other close.

Most days, I don't touch anyone, but at least a few days a week, I know I'll see some close friends and get much-needed platonic physical contact.

It has been fun to rediscover myself as a sexual person

Sex was never the glue that kept my ex-partner and me together. Our lack of sexual compatibility was no secret and was something I was at peace with. However, with my marriage over, I felt ready and excited to pursue the kind of sexual compatibility I had been missing.

Since separating, it has been nice to discover that other people find me as attractive as I find them. Sometimes, that attraction manifests in physical touch, and sometimes, it's just the warm glow of connection with long-distance friends.

Recognizing that touch could exist if we were in the same physical location is surprisingly satisfying. I'm often still touch-starved, especially with intimate touch, but I've found the mutual desire for touch to satiate that hunger most days.

My dogs are always ready to cuddle

When I learned I was getting divorced, my top priority was getting custody of my dog Sirius. After my ex-partner moved out, Sirius became significantly cuddlier. Now, it's rare for me to wake up without her sleeping on my bed. I think she knew I was touch-starved and needed the extra physical interaction I wasn't getting anywhere else.

This summer, after my divorce was finalized, I brought a new puppy home to join Sirius and me, making us a little household of three. This puppy would literally crawl into my skin if she could. While not the same as a hug from a friend, this level of enthusiastic, consistent physical interaction has been a game changer. Having dogs that are always cuddling up against me as I work or read has helped me feel less physically isolated day-to-day.