• My first Christmas as a mom, I spent $150 on gifts for our almost 1-year-old.
• Now things are more expensive than 19 years ago, and we have more kids.
• I create a budget and ask for gift wish lists early in the year to determine my spending limit.

I remember my very first Christmas as a mother. We spent about $150 on our almost year old son. Toys were cheap and purchased in fits and bursts at Target and local toy stores. The rest of our Christmas money went to purchasing family gifts in a sort of Yankee swap.

Nineteen Christmases later, things look much different. The holiday I once loved has become an expensive endeavor. Gone are the days of shopping for others. Christmas is tough, especially with four kids to shop for and rising prices due to inflation.

Working as a special education teacher in Maine roots me firmly in a middle-class income bracket. After almost two decades of shopping for multiple kids and balancing the budget to make sure it is done equitably, I have found several ways to make Christmas work for my family without going into debt or breaking the bank.

I start planning early

Saving and creating a budget is vital when shopping for Christmas. When I was young, the grandmother who raised me put money away each month into the local Christmas Club at the bank. When Christmas came, she was set. For my family, it is tight all year, and every cent matters. I do my best to save, but that isn't always realistic.

Instead of saving, I start early. This means making sure to create Christmas lists in late summer or very early fall. Once I have the Christmas lists, I can work on my budget and figure out how much money I need to try to pull each month, and I can slowly chip away at shopping. Using Google Docs or apps like Wish allows my kids to provide me with links to their Christmas wishes.

I do a lot of research before buying

Another important step in creating a special Christmas is research.

Once I have my lists, I go online and search for the item. This allows me to find the best deals. Sometimes, I have to go in person, and sometimes, I order online. By researching, I am not only saving time but also money. I can organize which stores I have to go to and make lists so I can group gifts by store. This also cuts down on what I spend on gas.

I don't buy useless stocking stuffers

I have given up on buying knick-knack-type stocking stuff for my kids. This filler winds up gathering dust or finding its way to the trash. The things I buy for my kids are things they need and can use. I may buy cute socks or fancy lip gloss, nail polish, or other beauty necessities.

Just because things are useful doesn't mean they can't be fun. Hand warmers were a saving grace for my kids while waiting for the bus in the cold New England winters. Gum is a necessity for one kid who battles anxiety, and fidgets have become a must for another who often loses focus. My older kids get car air fresheners and body spray.

Sometimes, stocking stuffers are things I normally wouldn't buy, like expensive shampoos or soaps. Not only will my kids use them, but they also are bigger items that fill up the extra large stockings my mother-in-law knitted by hand for all four kids several years ago.

I find other ways to make extra cash for Christmas gifts

For me, this means working hard to find freelance writing opportunities. I have also taken seasonal work. Everywhere from Target to the Post Office to FedEx hires seasonal workers and usually at a decent hourly rate. Applying is often done online, and some interviews are held virtually, so picking up a new gig requires little time and effort.

For parents with little ones, some jobs even allow you to work from home, like I do with my writing assignments. This means I can make money from the comfort of my living room after my kids go to bed or even as I sit watching their sports practice. While taking on a second or third job can be tiring, it is just for a short while and helps save me from debt.

As a parent, I have often wished for Christmas to come once every two years. Since I know that isn't a possibility, I've learned to find ways to make filling under the Christmas tree a more affordable and less stressful endeavor. This allows me more time to focus on what is most important: spending the holidays surrounded by family and friends. That's what the season is all about.

• I was sure raising young kids would be harder than raising teens.
• I have four kids ranging from the ages of 19 to 11, and nothing is simpler now.
• I've learned five valuable things as I see my kids get older in front of my eyes.

"Just wait until they are teenagers. It is a new set of worries," my sister-in-law said and laughed. Her children had made the transition to their teen years.

I was sure that raising young kids was harder. We had to pack many different things just to leave the house, and they could never find their shoes. There were the constant bathroom trips and the expense of diapers and day care. "We'll have more money when they get older," I told myself.

Now, as I parent three kids ranging in age from 19 to 11, I realize that nothing about parenting teens is simpler or less expensive. The diapers and day care costs have been traded for braces and electronics. There are arguments and insecurities as they strive to find a balance between putting childish things aside and moving toward independence.

While being a parent to teenagers is a whole new world, it is not without its rewards. After over half a decade of parenting teens, I have learned some valuable lessons about raising them. I wish someone had shared them with me, because not only can parenting teens be difficult, but it can also be shockingly lonely.

Doing and being their best matters most, not grades or looking a certain way

I watched my kids struggle with grades because certain subjects were harder or teachers graded differently. I've stood back and seen them wonder if they were too much of this or not enough of that. Were their clothes just right? What shoes would be best? How should they wear their hair?

Watching them grapple with these insecurities made me realize one thing: nothing truly matters as long as they are doing their best and being the best version of themselves that they can be. If they get a C in math, but they worked for it, it's fine. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. As long as they try their best, they've succeeded.

Teenagers' brains are not fully developed

The brain does not fully develop and mature until your 20s. Teenagers are still trying to figure out who they are and what boundaries they hold. This is not a bad thing, but it does mean sometimes the way we think as parents may not make sense to them and vice versa.

While experimentation at this age is scary, especially to parents, it is necessary and normal. While I don't always agree with my kids' decisions, I do try to view them without judgment and through their eyes. I think back to when I was a teenager. By remembering my teen years and some of the decisions I made, I am reminded not only of what it feels like to be in their shoes but also of how some of those decisions taught me valuable lessons about becoming an adult.

I have the power to build up or tear down

The things I say to my teens and the way I respond to them can help them build confidence or foster insecurities. My choices and words impact them. Modeling by showing them how we react and respond in situations is one of our most vital responsibilities. As parents, we show our kids how to behave and interact with people. What we say and do matters, especially to them.

Teaching them how to be an 'adult' begins when they are young

Skills like cooking, cleaning up after themselves, showing kindness toward others, and being a contributing and vital member of a family and a community are a parent's responsibility. For me, it meant instilling these values and teaching these skills to my kids when they were young. Chores are important because we are a family. We each have responsibilities that we have to handle so we can do the things we need to do, like working, going to school, and playing sports.

This phase will pass quickly, enjoy it

Whether you have teens or toddlers, parenting is hard. It is also amazing, and our time with our kids is limited. My aunt once told me that each phase of parenthood offered something new and was a part of the journey. As the parent to babies who became toddlers who became teens headed toward adulthood, I agree.

Teenagers are pretty awesome as long as we remember who they are and work toward helping them discover who they want to be.

• A mother uses holiday traditions to connect her children with their family history.
• She shares stories, photos, and heirlooms to keep memories of past generations alive.
• Family gatherings, food, and music help bridge the gap between past and present.

The holidays have always been important to me and my family. Growing up, my grandparents and foster mother made sure that November and December were filled with parties and events that both exhausted our family and filled us with joy. I still think fondly of these times and draw on them for inspiration as I'm working to create new memories with my kids, ages 19, 18, 13, and 11.

In addition to being fun, passing along old traditions and sharing memories has helped me as I've grieved the shrinking of the family I grew up with. Telling cherished stories helps keep memories alive.

For example, my foster mother, Esther, and her three biological children, who I came to know as my sisters and brother, had a fake cardboard fireplace we'd line with stockings every year. I now relay this story to my kids in front of our real fireplace as we decorate our tree. It helps them to get to know a bit about my humble beginnings and about the creativity of a woman they never had the chance to meet.

Here are other ways I help keep holiday traditions and the spirit of the past alive each year.

Curating a home full of history

I decorate our home with many holiday items my grandmother passed down to me. There are the marshmallow-white snowball people, a favorite of hers, that I now display on my bookshelf. My Christmas tree is covered with ornaments from the 1960s through today. When my children and I unwrap these mementos each year, I recall moments from when I was a kid and share those stories with them.

Now, I buy each of my children their own special ornament each year to remind them of our family and this time we're spending together. One day, they will have their own collection of ornaments and stories to pass down.

Photos help keep memories top-of-mind

The holidays have always been about family. But many of the people who made my holiday celebrations so magical are gone now. To remember them, I share pictures with my kids. I have five albums filled with memories of Christmases past, and we look at them every year.

One favorite snapshot shows our family singing along with Mitch Miller, the famous composer we listened to every Christmas on the old record player. This annual gathering was organized by my aunt, who dressed in silly holiday hats and sweaters. Another image shows one of the last Christmases we'd celebrate with Gram and Gramps. There are also pictures of me visiting Santa at the mall.

I share these images to connect my children to people they knew briefly or not at all. These people are a part of who I am and are woven into the fabric of who my children will become.

Coming together over food is a favorite pastime

My Italian family treasured food, and the time we shared creating meals — especially around the holidays. I fondly recall my aunts and grandmother gathered in the kitchen and exchanging stories, while preparing our favorite dishes.

For big holidays, we now set the dining room table, which I inherited from my grandparents, with the Noritake china my grandmother also passed down to me. The delicate flowers dancing along the dishes' edges remind me of holiday dinners with her. Even more of her cherished trinkets decorate the dining room, helping to make it feel like she is there with us as we eat our Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners.

In the kitchen on Christmas Eve, we have a tradition of baking Italian cookies like the ones my great-grandmother used to make. They never taste exactly like Grams. But what they lack in authenticity, they make up for with the memories they bring.

A party brings it all together

For years we have hosted our own Christmas party, a homage to the parties of my youth. Now, they have become a tradition I've created with and for my family. We invite friends and family — sometimes as many as 100 people. We cook too much food and have even welcomed special visitors like Santa through the years. I play music by Elvis, Frank Sinatra, Burl Ives, Bing Crosby, and Johnny Mathis, making sure my kids know these classic carols were my grandmother's favorites.

Sharing these traditions allows me to give my kids a glimpse of my past. I have transitioned from one family to another, but I still remember where I came from and make sure my kids will do the same one day. I have fostered relationships that would have otherwise disappeared, making the holidays a time we look forward to each year and reminding my kids that the true meaning of these special days is family.