• It's getting harder to continue some of our family holiday traditions as my kids get older.
• As my children move out of the house, I know they will have different priorities.
• I'm trying to accept this change while also allowing myself to be sad.

My family has cut down our Christmas tree in the mountains for many years now. But this year, I wasn't sure if we'd all make it.

My oldest is in college. He has a job, plans with friends, and other events going on. I'm grateful that he arranged his schedule around our family tradition for this year, but I'm not sure how long that will continue.

Another of my teens decided the night before that she didn't want to go, and I get it. The Rocky Mountains are cold; we walk through deep drifts of snow, trying to find our tree. There's a lot of tromping up hills. We have to cut down the tree. We then have to carry it back down those hills, slipping and sliding our way to the car.

She complained about all these things after our Thanksgiving dinner when we were all very warm and sleepy. Spending the next day in the frigid outdoors wasn't appealing.

I'll admit it: I guilted her into going. I said sadly that I wasn't sure how many more years we'd all be together to do this. I bribed her with Starbucks. I pleaded a little. To her credit, she came along, and she was a delight. There was no complaining about being cold or the lack of bathrooms in the forest. We had cocoa and snacks. We picked the perfect tree. The views were breathtaking, even if we were freezing as we admired them. We had a wonderful time, the six of us.

But I don't know if this will happen next year.

Our traditions have been changing for a few years now

I noticed a few years ago that the pile of Christmas picture books I always bring out went unread. With two of my children graduated from high school, we have fewer holiday choir concerts and piano recitals. I don't have photos of my kids in big, poufy Christmas dresses and festive sweaters, posing in front of our tree anymore.

Even Christmas morning is different now that we don't have eager kids jumping on us at 6 a.m. to get up. Our kids are happy to open presents and grateful for what they receive, but the unhinged enthusiasm of toddlers and preschoolers is long gone. I'm now the one jumping on beds to wake people up on Christmas morning.

I know things will change more in the future

As my kids get older, it might be harder to get everyone together for holiday activities. Our house was chaos when we had four little kids running around, but I was in charge. They did what I planned. Now, they're making their own plans.

My college kid is graduating next year, and we don't yet know where he'll be at the end of 2025. There's no guarantee he'll be home on Tree Weekend. Last year, we were missing my older daughter who traveled to her grandparents' house in California for Thanksgiving.

I won't be the deciding force in my kids' lives in the coming years, and that's how it's supposed to be. I want them to have jobs they enjoy and partners they love. I want them to live in a place that makes them happy. But each of those things has a pull on them that means they might not be home when I want them here.

I'm trying to focus on what matters most

In the end, how we get a Christmas tree isn't what's most important to me. I don't even need to eat our Thanksgiving meal on actual Thanksgiving. If we give up some of our other holiday traditions, I can be OK with that, too.

What I really care about is everyone being together.

I moved 1,100 miles from my own parent, and we don't often get to spend the holidays together. But we visit in the summer for longer than we'd be able to spend at Christmas. I'd rather have that extra time, even if it's not during the holidays. I know I'm going to have to remind myself of this as my kids move out. I'll focus on the time we have together, whenever that is.

I won't give up all of our traditions, either. I'll keep doing them with whoever is around and wants to participate. It might just be me and my husband some years, but I'm not going to stop doing things I enjoy because not everyone can be there.

I'm also giving myself permission to be sad. I didn't expect everything to stay the same as when my kids were little. But I'm going to miss those days with everyone under my roof for the entire season. I can be happy for them, sad about things changing, and excited for everyone's future all at once.

Meanwhile, I'm going to soak up all the time that I have with these guys this year. I'm going to savor every Christmas memory we make, even if I have to shamelessly guilt some of them into participating.

• My teenage son got his driver's license.
• I refuse to track him because I know I'll just get even more anxious.
• I trust my son and want to give him the freedom he deserves.

My son just got his driver's license and loves his newfound freedom. Even though he's going to the same places he always has — school, lunch, and errands — he's much happier driving himself than having me do it.

His older brother was the same. It didn't matter to either of my boys where they were going. It mattered that they could get there on their own — without their parents.

When my oldest got his driver's license, I learned that some of his friends' parents installed apps so they could track their kids, but I refused to follow suit.

I understand why people track their kids

Most people track their children for one of two reasons: to ensure their safety or to ensure they're going where they said they were.

I understand both of those ideas. I'm a very anxious parent, and it doesn't take long for me to imagine all kinds of awful situations my children could find themselves in.

It is, frankly, terrifying for me to let them go anywhere at all. Letting them pilot a 4,000-pound hunk of metal down a busy freeway? If I think about it too long, I'll lock everyone inside the house with me forever.

But I'm certain a tracking app won't solve my problem.

Tracking has only made my anxiety worse

This generation of kids and teens has grown up in a much more monitored world than I did. My parents got two or three report cards a year from me, while I can check my kids' grades and get updates on their school behavior daily — sometimes hourly. I did that for a while. But I noticed that tracking them was affecting us all — not in a good way.

When I signed on to the apps and websites that monitored them, I began constantly checking for updates. A nice note from a teacher at 10 a.m. put me in a great mood. A negative update half an hour later sent me plummeting. I checked grades daily, interrogating kids about missing assignments or low scores.

Eventually, I had to back off, delete the apps from my phone, and work out a plan to check these sites less often with my kids. We were all much happier and less stressed after that. Surprisingly, behaviors and grades improved when the kids knew they weren't going to be cross-examined about every little thing.

I can see myself getting equally attached to a tracking app. I'd watch my phone when my teen is in the car. I won't relax until they've gotten to their destination. If they get stuck in traffic, I'll assume they're stopped because they've crashed. If they want to grab food while out, I'll wonder why they've deviated from our agreed-upon route. I will worry, and I will assume the worst-case scenario every time.

Weirdly, it's less stressful to send them off and tell them to call when they get there than to be able to monitor their every move in the car.

Giving kids some freedom is part of growing up

As for checking on where they're going, so far, my kids haven't given me any reason to think they're lying about things. It doesn't seem fair to start out by distrusting them.

Like building trust, teaching independence is something we start when our kids are small. We might let them walk ahead of us on the way to school, building up to letting them walk with friends and eventually alone. We start homework by sitting down with them to help and hopefully transitioning to them managing it independently.

I don't think there's a feeling quite like that freedom teens feel when they get their license. It's good for them. It's the next step in learning to be an adult. They don't need me hovering over their shoulder, watching their every move.

I'm not saying I have no idea where my children are when they're out driving. We discuss their plans. If my son is stopping for food after a school event, he texts to let me know. I call if he's driving across town to ensure he arrives safely. But that extra step feels like we're communicating and respecting each other, rather than me stealthily watching him on my phone.

It's not easy for me to watch these teens, who seemed like tiny babies just yesterday, get behind the wheel of a car. But it's one more way they're growing up; I'm trying to grow up and let go as well.

• When my son came home from college, he spent the night at a friend's house without telling me.
• We learned that communication is the most important — even though he is more independent now.
• We are still learning the balance between friend time and family time.

My son went to college about an hour and a half away, which was far enough away that he needed to live on campus. But it was close enough that he could pop home for a weekend. I was thrilled.

One of the first times he returned home over the holidays, he visited a high school friend in the evening. When I woke up in the morning, his bed was empty. I knew, logically, that he was probably still at his friend's. But as his mother, I was worried.

When he came home later that morning, we talked. He said they'd stayed up late chatting. It was snowing. He decided to stay over but didn't want to text at 2 a.m. and wake me up. These were all very reasonable decisions.

I told him I knew he didn't have to tell anyone if he went to a friend's on-campus dorm or apartment and ended up crashing for the night. But when he's home, his parents worry. I'd much rather be woken up by a 2 a.m. text than wake up to the chilling realization that he wasn't there in the morning.

It was a simple misunderstanding. It was also the first time I realized that he was a full-fledged adult and things wouldn't be the same. Here are a few tips that helped us navigate this new phase of life.

I understand he's becoming more independent

I know my son is much more independent now than when he lived at home. He's doing all the stereotypical college kid tasks like laundry and grocery shopping. He's responsible for registering for classes, buying his books and materials, and handling the logistics of being in school.

With those extra responsibilities, he also gets extra freedom at school. I don't know where he is unless I call or text him, and he chooses to tell me. He makes hundreds of small decisions year-round that I don't even know about.

When he's home with us, he doesn't have a curfew, which has been a weird adjustment for me. But he does let us know if he's planning to go out and if there's a chance he might spend the night at a friend's. I don't think of it as checking up on him. I think of it as all of us being considerate of each other. It helps us to plan for dinner and to know whether to include him in any family activities that day.

We learned to juggle family time and friend time

It can hurt to admit it, but we're not the only people my son wants to see when he comes home. Holidays mean his high school friends are also back in town.

He's part of a tight-knit group, and despite going their separate ways for college, they're still close. I'm glad. I want him to have healthy friendships. But it means we have to work out when he'll be with us as a family and when he'll see his friends.

I let him know if we're planning something where I would like everyone together. Holiday meals are important to us. But we also drive to the mountains the day after Thanksgiving to cut down our Christmas tree, and I love having the whole family there.

He and I both try to be flexible. I don't care which day we cut down a tree, so we can switch if he has plans. He's also willing to rearrange outings with friends. If we talk things out and compromise, no one person's feelings are always ignored.

I want my son to build good relationships with his friends, but I appreciate that he values what's important to us as a family as well. I also want him to look forward to coming home. If we constantly make him feel guilty for spending time with others, this won't be an inviting place.

There can be challenges with younger siblings

I'll admit that it took me a while to realize how self-sufficient my son has become. It was also hard for his younger siblings.

For example, our kids can have a soda on the weekends but not during the week. When my college kid came home and reached for a soda on a Wednesday, his siblings lost their minds.

We explained that they would be allowed to make more independent decisions about what was good for them as they got older. While I didn't ask my older son to stop drinking soda during the week, I did ask if he could be a little less obvious about it.

It can be tricky when you send your kid off to college, only to have him return as more of an adult the next time you see them. But that is the point. My job is to teach my kids to be more independent so that, eventually, they can take care of themselves.