• I knew I didn't want my four kids to graduate from college with student loan debt.
• I started saving for college when my oldest was in the first grade, and it's not enough.
• With three more kids heading to college, I'm overwhelmed financially.

I was with my four kids on the playground one day, talking with the other moms. We were chatting about school, work, and tiptoeing around the subject of finances.

One of the moms mentioned saving for college, and it felt like cold water was poured on me. I had a vague idea about tax-advantaged college savings plans; our diligent financial advisor had surely discussed them in one of our meetings. But the numbers — the 529s, 401ks, and 403bs — all swam together in my head.

However, I was confronted by the fact that someone else with small children was already planning for college. I felt like we had just started saving for retirement, and now I had to start thinking about another future — four of them.

Did I have to start worrying about this already? If I wanted to be anywhere close to ready when they graduated from high school, I did.

That was years ago, and now that college is here, I'm worried we'll never have enough.

We knew college was going to be difficult for my large family

My parents remortgaged their house to pay for my college. While I hope it doesn't come to that, my family is in a difficult situation. My husband and I make too much money for grants. I am a freelance writer, picking up as many gigs as I can, and my husband is a small-business owner.

After the pandemic and online school, all of my kids' grades plummeted while their anxiety skyrocketed, so scholarships are not an option for them.

I also knew that I wanted my kids to leave college without any student loan debt that they'd be paying off for the next 20 years.

That meant college tuition fell on my husband and me. In two years, we'll have two college tuitions to pay. In the next seven years, we will be paying for all four of my kids to go to college.

We started saving years ago, and it's not enough

Shortly after that mom's group, I called my advisor, and we started college savings plans for each kid. We have been saving since my college freshman was in first grade.

We automatically withdraw $100 a month for each kid, which is $400 a month out of the budget. That's no chump change, but it's not even close to enough.

We saved $1,200 a year per kid for nearly 12 years. That's not even enough for one year of tuition, books, and room and board.

My oldest son started school in September. We saved $14,400 for him and used our state's 529 plan, so it was invested and grew to a little over $20,000. He attends an in-state public school, and those savings still weren't enough.

He works in the summer and on breaks to help with costs. For the remaining amount, my husband and I squeeze it out of our budget. We're on a payment plan, so it's broken up — $3,300 a month rather than $13,200 all at once at the beginning of the semester.

Getting a good education is still worth it

Education is a core value in my family. Going to college will afford my kids so many opportunities. Thankfully, my son is thriving at school. Despite the expense, despite my feelings of overwhelm, I still think it's worth going. He's happy, and he's learning a lot — both in his classes and about himself.

The finances aren't his concern right now. My husband's business is doing great, and I'm taking on more writing gigs and a couple of side hustles. There will be vacations closer to home, and the new bathroom that I've wanted for a while won't happen.

We will get through these next 10 years; we will just keep our heads down and pay the bills as they come in.

When the overwhelm starts to kick in again, I check my son's texts. The smiling photos with his college roommates and the video of his rugby club remind me all this is worth it.

• Since I don't have children, I opened college savings accounts for my two nieces and one nephew.
• It's a college savings account, but I won't force them into college; they can do what they want.
• I hope the kids understand the true cost of college tuition.

I love sharing quality time and new experiences with people I love. Naturally, when I became an aunt, my new experiences included my two nieces and one nephew.

When my nephew expressed interest in football, I took him to a field where we practiced kicking field goals. When my niece wanted to make her Halloween costume, I spent an evening taking her store to store, finding the supplies she needed.

As an aunt, I see it as my mission to support their parents. The parents had already spent a full week feeding the kids, ensuring they were clean and properly dressed for school, and going to endless soccer practices. Their parents don't also need to spend their Saturday teaching a kid how to hold a tennis racket.

To further support their parents, I opened college savings accounts eight years ago for my nieces and nephew. My goal is to pay for one-third of their expenses — based on the cost of tuition and a dorm at the University of Minnesota.

My husband and I have two incomes and no kids. We have some extra money to tuck aside and help our nieces and nephew.

It took me 15 years to pay off my own student loans

I was lucky to have parents who helped and a low student loan interest rate. I also went to Western Washington University, a school frequently called a good value — and it was.

I graduated with less than $30,000 in student loans, which took me 15 years to pay off. It wasn't debilitating, but a monthly payment stung each month.

I hear horror stories from people whose loan balances are increasing despite making payments.

I don't want that for anyone — especially my nephew and nieces.

I want them to know they can go to school — if they want to

My nephew, the oldest, is 12, but he's already aware that the cost of a college education can be prohibitive. I don't want him to worry that he won't be able to go, but I don't want to force him, either. The money I saved for him will be his regardless of his higher education endeavors.

Admittedly, I haven't formulated how they will get the money out of their accounts if they don't use it for school. They might want the money to start a business, buy a home, or raise children. Withdrawing it for those reasons would come with a tax bill and penalty, which would come off the amount they receive.

I support them using the money for purposes like those — but they'll have to get their use approved since I control the accounts.

I'll probably require an age requirement for cash distributions because I know if I were given thousands of dollars at 18, I would have spent it on something frivolous.

I want them to understand the true cost of higher education

I believe that kids should contribute to their own higher education so they value it and the opportunities it offers.

It's really easy to spend someone else's money. But I want to invest in them and their futures, not sponsor their playtime. Sure, study abroad if you can. Take a few fun classes. But I want them to progress toward that degree because auntie's money won't last forever.

I also want them to know that different schools have different price tags. The kids will know their money will go further if they take advanced placement classes in high school or earn credits at a community college, but it won't go as far at a private university.

The choice is theirs to make, and I'll be there to support them every step of the way.

• Some parents fear their kids will waste money, sink into debt, and never move out.
• Teaching personal finance lessons to young children can set them up for success, Mark Berg says.
• The financial planner tells parents to foster independence in their kids even if it's uncomfortable.

Many parents worry their children will grow up to be bad with money, wind up in debt, and end up moving back home.

Mark Berg, who founded Timothy Financial Counsel in 2000, says there are steps parents can take to avoid that fate.

Here are five of Berg's top tips for setting kids up for financial success which he outlined on a recent episode of Morningstar's "The Long View" podcast.

1. Start with the basics

Parents can start teaching their children about personal finance when they're as young as six or seven, Berg said. They can explain how money works, give their kids an allowance and pocket change for doing chores and odd jobs, then encourage them to save up for a special purchase as a lesson in the rewards of working and delayed gratification, he said.

Limiting spending money also teaches kids about opportunity cost, reinforcing the idea that money is scarce and there are constraints on what they can afford.

Berg said that using physical currency helps kids grasp the concept of money. It's visual, and they can hold it in their hands and hand it over, the veteran financial planner said.

"It really helps them understand the true cost and trade-off" with money, he said, "whether it's buying ice cream or going to the store to buy a toy."

"It's also healthy to say no," Berg added. Families should "not just always give, even if you have the means to do it, because that's not reality."

2. Build good money habits

Once their child receives their first paycheck, parents can explain how much has gone toward paying taxes, and help them budget the rest between buying things they want and saving for college and retirement.

Berg advised opening a checking account for children early on, then getting a credit card as soon as possible to establish a credit history. That can give them earlier access to the bank funding they'll likely need for a big purchase like a first home.

He emphasized that kids should pay off their credit cards as they use them to avoid carrying a balance and paying interest or late fees.

3. No coddling

Parents should aim to turn their grown children into self-reliant adults without delay, Berg said.

"They need to be independent of their parents' lifestyle and creature comforts, and need to work through those hard decisions from an early age of the trade-offs of spending versus saving," he said.

Berg advised parents to stop paying for things like their kids' cell plans and car insurance as soon as possible. He recalled a client whose kids moved back home after college, and they only offered them six months of rent-free living before charging $400 a month for the next six months, then double that for the next six months, and so on. Parents can even give all the rent payments back as a lump sum when their child moves out, he added.

The veteran financial planner suggested parents be up front with their kids about how much they can contribute to their college funds. That can help guide their decisions about what schools they apply to and what financial aid they seek.

Similarly, if parents are paying for a wedding, they should set a clear budget even if it forces their child to compromise between the perfect dress and the ideal venue, Berg said. If they loan the money to their kid to buy a house, they need to be strict in getting repaid, he added.

Letting your teenagers work can help foster independence and good saving habits, teach them to manage their time better and be more efficient with their schoolwork, strengthen their character, and better appreciate their lifestyle as they're partly paying for it, Berg said.

He made an exception to his tough-love approach when it comes to family holidays and similar occasions. "I really think that family time, especially with aging parents and even grandparents, if they're still living, is really a great investment in the family dynamics — I think there's a lot of health to that."

4. Do no harm

Berg underscored that parents should never put their children in a tough financial position.

"I'd say the No. 1 principle is don't create a circumstance where your help creates a hurt," he said.

Berg gave the example of buying a home for a child who can't afford the maintenance and property taxes, and said those kinds of purchases "really lose the joy."

5. Pass wealth down early and carefully

"Start in the shallow end and work toward the deep end with your kids," Berg said, encouraging parents to give small amounts to their children over time instead of a lump sum after they die.

Parents could match the money their child makes from a summer job and put that amount in a savings account for them, he said. They could give money each year but earmark it for education or retirement to avoid lifestyle bloat or removing the incentive to work. They might even give a larger one-off amount as a test.

"It really gives you a snapshot, a small example of what their decision thinking will be like when they eventually potentially receive that much, much larger number of an inheritance down the road," Berg said.

"And it gives an opportunity not for the parent to micromanage, but the parent to observe the decisions that they make, be available to have conversations, really help guide and be there on the journey, on the path to help them make good financial decisions."