• I knew I didn't want my four kids to graduate from college with student loan debt.
• I started saving for college when my oldest was in the first grade, and it's not enough.
• With three more kids heading to college, I'm overwhelmed financially.

I was with my four kids on the playground one day, talking with the other moms. We were chatting about school, work, and tiptoeing around the subject of finances.

One of the moms mentioned saving for college, and it felt like cold water was poured on me. I had a vague idea about tax-advantaged college savings plans; our diligent financial advisor had surely discussed them in one of our meetings. But the numbers — the 529s, 401ks, and 403bs — all swam together in my head.

However, I was confronted by the fact that someone else with small children was already planning for college. I felt like we had just started saving for retirement, and now I had to start thinking about another future — four of them.

Did I have to start worrying about this already? If I wanted to be anywhere close to ready when they graduated from high school, I did.

That was years ago, and now that college is here, I'm worried we'll never have enough.

We knew college was going to be difficult for my large family

My parents remortgaged their house to pay for my college. While I hope it doesn't come to that, my family is in a difficult situation. My husband and I make too much money for grants. I am a freelance writer, picking up as many gigs as I can, and my husband is a small-business owner.

After the pandemic and online school, all of my kids' grades plummeted while their anxiety skyrocketed, so scholarships are not an option for them.

I also knew that I wanted my kids to leave college without any student loan debt that they'd be paying off for the next 20 years.

That meant college tuition fell on my husband and me. In two years, we'll have two college tuitions to pay. In the next seven years, we will be paying for all four of my kids to go to college.

We started saving years ago, and it's not enough

Shortly after that mom's group, I called my advisor, and we started college savings plans for each kid. We have been saving since my college freshman was in first grade.

We automatically withdraw $100 a month for each kid, which is $400 a month out of the budget. That's no chump change, but it's not even close to enough.

We saved $1,200 a year per kid for nearly 12 years. That's not even enough for one year of tuition, books, and room and board.

My oldest son started school in September. We saved $14,400 for him and used our state's 529 plan, so it was invested and grew to a little over $20,000. He attends an in-state public school, and those savings still weren't enough.

He works in the summer and on breaks to help with costs. For the remaining amount, my husband and I squeeze it out of our budget. We're on a payment plan, so it's broken up — $3,300 a month rather than $13,200 all at once at the beginning of the semester.

Getting a good education is still worth it

Education is a core value in my family. Going to college will afford my kids so many opportunities. Thankfully, my son is thriving at school. Despite the expense, despite my feelings of overwhelm, I still think it's worth going. He's happy, and he's learning a lot — both in his classes and about himself.

The finances aren't his concern right now. My husband's business is doing great, and I'm taking on more writing gigs and a couple of side hustles. There will be vacations closer to home, and the new bathroom that I've wanted for a while won't happen.

We will get through these next 10 years; we will just keep our heads down and pay the bills as they come in.

When the overwhelm starts to kick in again, I check my son's texts. The smiling photos with his college roommates and the video of his rugby club remind me all this is worth it.

• My son found his dream college at California State University Maritime Academy.
• He struggled to make friends on campus in his freshman year, and I tried to help.
• He ultimately realized he didn't fit in with the students on campus and dropped out.

It was like a whirlwind romance: finding the right college, applying, getting accepted, and finally moving in. My son was so happy with his college decision. Everything was magical — until it wasn't.

When my son, Jack, chose California State University Maritime Academy, it seemed like an absolutely perfect fit. He could major in oceanography, take classes aboard ships, and get hands-on experience. There were summer trips to Nicaragua to plant coral. I saw Facebook posts of students in Morocco holding monkeys. It appeared to be the college experience that everyone wanted for their child.

For a while, everything was perfect. Jack would wake up and go to "formation" in uniform at 7 a.m., and then he would take water samples around the bay to examine under microscopes in the lab.

It was a dream come true for Jack. As his mother, It was also a dream come true for me to see him so happy and creating a future for himself.

That was until the phone calls started, and he said he didn't fit in socially at the school.

"I want to come home"

A couple of months in, Jack told me he was having difficulty finding friends. I responded, "You will find your people. Keep trying."

He volunteered, joined clubs, and put himself out there. I mailed him cases of Girl Scout cookies to walk around and hand out; I mean, who doesn't love a free box of Thin Mints? He would leave his door open and offer his vacuum to people if they wanted to borrow it. He was trying at school, and I was trying from home. We are not quitters.

When winter break rolled around, he came home and told me he didn't want to return. I should have listened, but I didn't.

"You made a commitment; you need to see the year through," I told him.

Upon returning from break, he found that his roommate had moved out. Jack was given no warning and no reason. My son was crushed, and his self-esteem dipped even lower, but I kept encouraging him. However, he never found his tribe.

It wasn't until I visited the college campus that I realized the problem.

My son didn't fit in with the other students

Jack, who is gay, was at a very conservative college. Who he fundamentally is at his core doesn't seemingly match with the large percentage of conservative young men that attend the school.

The other kids were tackling each other in the halls and having Nerf wars, which Jack would have joined if he had felt welcomed. Instead, Jack was often quietly in his room with a video game. Sadly, it seemed he would never fit in, no matter how hard he tried.

The school itself wasn't bigoted or against LGBTQ+ people. The college had a gay-straight alliance club that Jack attended, along with the other nine kids

At its core, Jack said in his experience, the student body seemingly had different interests.

Jack enrolled in a community college back home

Ultimately, at the end of the year, Jack moved home and now attends a community college, where he is working on his general education requirements. If and when he is ready, we will work on finding a new college for him to transfer to.

I now advise high school students and their parents to look at the entire picture when choosing a college. Looking for the perfect academic program is fantastic, but not the end of the road when finding the right college to attend.

Kids need to examine the majors, the social life on campus, and the vibe of the surrounding city. The school's entire culture needs to be analyzed so students know what they will be in for on campus.

After his experience, Jack is somewhat disillusioned with the college experience. As a mother, I wish I had done more to find a better fit for him. There is nothing wrong with going to a community college, but for most, it's a stepping stone toward a four-year college.

I'm not sure Jack will be making that step, and that's OK — as long as it's what's best for him and he's with his people.

Editor's Note: California State University Maritime Academy declined a request for comment.

• Everyone thought my twins would be close, but growing up, they ran in different circles.
• They decided to go to the same college by chance, and I didn't expect them to be friends.
• But for the first time, they are voluntarily hanging out with each other regularly, and I'm happy.

As the mother of 19-year-old boy/girl twins, I've noticed that people's assumptions about twins are often wrong. To be clear, I'm sure some of the common twin myths apply to others, but so far, not mine.

The biggest misconception about twins? They're best friends who are constantly in each other's orbit, sharing the same brain. People assume that because they share a birthday, they must be alike in every way.

That's not the case with my twins. In fact, they are opposites. During their freshman year of high school, classmates were often shocked to find out they were siblings. My daughter is outgoing and extroverted, while her twin is quiet and introverted. One of their teachers, who had them both in the same class, remembered my daughter but not my son — not because he wasn't there, but because my daughter was so talkative.

But all that changed for the first time when they decided to go to the same college.

My twins didn't plan to go to college together

The latest presumption about them is that they planned to go to the same college. Again, this is a mistake. Their decision to attend the same school wasn't intentional; it just worked out that way.

Before they selected a school, I was sure they would go to different colleges. Their interests are vastly diverse, and they only applied to a few of the same schools, mostly because of the free college application offers.

So, when they committed to the same college, I thought: Maybe they will become the mythical twins I've heard about all these years.

I wondered if someday they might be best friends

While my kids were still gestating within my womb, strangers shared their twin dogmata. I'd hear some variation of, "They'll always have each other." In theory, that's a beautiful sentiment, but would it be true for my twins?

As they grew older, they began to spend more time apart than together, though there were exceptions.

One day, when my daughter was 6, she proudly told me, "We sat together on the bus today."

"Finally!" I said. "You've been taking the bus together for two years and never sat together."

"There were no other seats," she said. Ah, that made more sense.

This exchange pretty much sums up their relationship over the years. They've always been friendly with each other, but there was no magical twin connection. They share the same 50% DNA as any other sibling — the only difference is that they spent nine months living in close quarters. And according to the ultrasounds, that situation wasn't always ideal, with my son's head pressed up against his sister's. Maybe that's why they crave some independence.

I thought they would lead separate lives at the same college

At first, it seemed like their paths would continue separately in college. They chose different college dorms, different majors, and different friends. My daughter's room was decorated with lights, posters, pillows, and plants, while my son's room had little more than a bare concrete wall and a comforter. That, too, summed up their different personalities.

But then something changed. About a month into the semester, my daughter told me they had a plan.

"We decided to meet for dinner once a week," she said, "to try out restaurants in the city."

My children go to college in New York City, and since they're both foodies, this idea made sense. But I couldn't help feeling a small thrill.

Over the next several months, they explored Asian, Mexican, and Italian restaurants. But aside from their weekly dinner meetups, they rarely saw one another. As their shared birthday approached, I found myself wondering: Would they spend it together or apart?

"For our birthday," my daughter told me, "I booked a reservation at an Asian restaurant for us and some of our friends."

I was stunned into silence. It was hard to imagine that my babies, who used to run in opposite directions as toddlers, would now be planning something like this.

They are still on their separate paths but found a way to connect

Despite their differences, my twins have carved out a space for each other in their lives, even if it's not in the way people expect.

While I'm trying to taper my giddiness, I'm simply comforted, knowing that — despite the miles between us — they have each other.

• My twin sons have just graduated from high school and are choosing their college majors.
• One son switched from wanting to study law to pursuing philosophy.
• Other parents told me it was a huge mistake, but my own college experience taught me otherwise.

My twin 18-year-old sons have just graduated from high school, and we've spent months navigating the college application process.

We live in Australia, and majors are chosen as part of the application process here, so there is a lot of pressure to make the right decision from the outset. They have attended college open days, and their school has run information sessions throughout the last few years to assist in decision-making.

While Thomas has been set on his choice for a long time, his twin, Charlie, has been more indecisive and unsure.

Charlie's journey started in a law firm but took an unexpected turn

In 10th grade, he interned at a friend's law practice and seemed destined for law school. His experience there was positive, and he spoke enthusiastically about pursuing a legal career.

We were shocked when, a few months ago, he told us he wanted to pursue a philosophy major instead. I was disappointed and very concerned that Charlie was limiting his future job opportunities, and we had many discussions asking him to reassess this choice.

My parents were particularly dismayed by this pivot and actively tried to dissuade him from making this choice.

My wife reminded me of my own college regrets

I had always wanted to be a writer, but my parents convinced me to enroll in an accounting and economics major as there were more opportunities in that industry. I hated those subjects and unsurprisingly failed — subsequently wasting a year of college.

Eventually, I switched to a marketing major, which I enjoyed, and my marks and experience improved accordingly.

Reflecting on that experience, I didn't want to push Charlie into a decision that would make him miserable at college, so we encouraged him to apply for whatever he was passionate about.

The reaction from other parents was swift and critical

Last month, at their high school graduation ceremony, I discussed Charlie's situation with other parents. While a few parents agreed with allowing Charlie to choose, most parents were shocked by our permissive approach.

We received lots of advice and were urged to ask Charlie to change his application. I was surprised at how worried other parents were. They were adamant that switching from law to another degree was a huge mistake.

It raised some doubts in my mind, but I knew we had to ignore them and stick with what we believed was best for Charlie.

Charlie is becoming nimble and adaptable

Reassured by the support of my wife and me, Charlie has switched majors — not to law but to sports management. I think he has visions of becoming Jerry Maguire.

When I updated other parents on this switch, they still said it was a mistake not to pursue law and that sports management is too niche of a field. I felt a little sorry for their children, who may be forced down a path they don't wish to undertake.

Reflecting on my own experience, I know what it's like to study a course you are not interested in.

Looking at Charlie's journey from law to philosophy to sports management might seem concerning to some parents. However, this exploration of different fields shows he's thinking about his future and aligning this with his interests.

The ability to adapt and pivot is increasingly valuable in today's workplace. Each of Charlie's shifts builds different skills that could serve him well in any future career.

My journey from failed accounting student to marketing professional to full-time writer proves that careers are adaptable. I spent 20 years in marketing before finally pursuing my passion for writing full-time.

What matters most isn't the major you choose at 18 but developing critical thinking skills, adaptability, and a passion for what you do.

Charlie has our full support, regardless of where his path leads

Whether he becomes a sports agent, a philosophy teacher, returns to law, or discovers an entirely different passion, supporting his choices now will lead to better outcomes than forcing him down a path he doesn't want to pursue.

We hope he is happy and loves his future job as much as I love mine now.

• My son is in his first semester of college, and we never talked about a communication schedule.
• I don't want to reach out to him often because I want to give him space, so I wait for him to call.
• As an empty nester, I wish we could talk more, but I'm glad he's becoming independent.

Dropping my son off at college this fall was tough. Despite my best efforts, it was the most inelegant of farewells. I kept my sunglasses on, tried not to crumple completely, and waved goodbye as he set off for meetings on campus.

Then, I promptly found the nearest bench for a proper sob before catching the train back to the airport. Like I said, inelegant.

In the weeks since, I've adjusted fairly well to my empty nest. I've started redecorating my son's bedroom and am generally getting used to not having him under our roof. It's a transition, to be sure.

While his dad and I had a lot of talks with him in the lead-up to drop-off, one thing we didn't discuss was communication. So, I've been plagued with one question in his absence: How much is too much when it comes to keeping tabs on your college kid? Here's what I've learned.

I'm trying not to spam him

I didn't hear from my son at all that first long weekend. There were zero calls, FaceTime chats, or even texts. I was tempted to reach out but realized my discomfort wasn't worth spamming him.

I wanted my son to have fun, get used to his new college campus, hang out with his roommates, and not worry about how I was doing back home.

When he finally called me several days later, I was overjoyed. I could tell by the tone of his voice he was thriving and thrilled to be in his new home. I felt great, but once I hung up, I was uneasy and unsure when I'd hear from him again.

I put the ball in his court, so he's reaching out first

Many of my friends set aside a specific day or two during the week for a family FaceTime or call with their college kids. They were far smarter than me.

Because we never really formalized a comms plan, I still find myself hesitating when it comes to contacting my son. Don't get me wrong: When he calls, I immediately answer. When he sends a text, it often becomes an extended conversation. But almost always, he's the one initiating.

He knows his dad and I are always here and available, but we want him to become independent. That means respecting his boundaries and putting the communication ball in his court.

It's one of the hardest things to get used to as our relationship evolves, but it's a necessary shift.

There are other ways to connect

While we no longer speak every day, I've kept in touch with my son in other ways. I'll send occasional care packages or order an Instacart delivery to his dorm if he's running short on snacks.

I had a blast attending his parent's weekend a few weeks ago, especially when he showed me around his new campus. His father and I also dropped him the occasional card or letter via good old snail mail.

The bottom line is that he knows I'm thinking of him, even if we don't connect daily.

I remind myself that it's not personal

When I start feeling sad or overly nostalgic, I immediately snap back, knowing my kid is studying, writing, and growing into the person he's meant to be. He's busy, as he should be in his first year away.

I also remind myself about my own relationship with my parents; I certainly don't check in with either of them every day. This doesn't mean I don't love them or vice versa. It means I've long been an actualized adult, no longer dependent on them.

That's what he's becoming, too. In his case, he's made it clear he doesn't need constant parental contact getting in the way. I understand that, and I know it's not personal or meant to be hurtful. It's all part of the normal transition process from child to adult, making me all the prouder of him.

Even if I wish he'd call me a bit more often.

• Since I don't have children, I opened college savings accounts for my two nieces and one nephew.
• It's a college savings account, but I won't force them into college; they can do what they want.
• I hope the kids understand the true cost of college tuition.

I love sharing quality time and new experiences with people I love. Naturally, when I became an aunt, my new experiences included my two nieces and one nephew.

When my nephew expressed interest in football, I took him to a field where we practiced kicking field goals. When my niece wanted to make her Halloween costume, I spent an evening taking her store to store, finding the supplies she needed.

As an aunt, I see it as my mission to support their parents. The parents had already spent a full week feeding the kids, ensuring they were clean and properly dressed for school, and going to endless soccer practices. Their parents don't also need to spend their Saturday teaching a kid how to hold a tennis racket.

To further support their parents, I opened college savings accounts eight years ago for my nieces and nephew. My goal is to pay for one-third of their expenses — based on the cost of tuition and a dorm at the University of Minnesota.

My husband and I have two incomes and no kids. We have some extra money to tuck aside and help our nieces and nephew.

It took me 15 years to pay off my own student loans

I was lucky to have parents who helped and a low student loan interest rate. I also went to Western Washington University, a school frequently called a good value — and it was.

I graduated with less than $30,000 in student loans, which took me 15 years to pay off. It wasn't debilitating, but a monthly payment stung each month.

I hear horror stories from people whose loan balances are increasing despite making payments.

I don't want that for anyone — especially my nephew and nieces.

I want them to know they can go to school — if they want to

My nephew, the oldest, is 12, but he's already aware that the cost of a college education can be prohibitive. I don't want him to worry that he won't be able to go, but I don't want to force him, either. The money I saved for him will be his regardless of his higher education endeavors.

Admittedly, I haven't formulated how they will get the money out of their accounts if they don't use it for school. They might want the money to start a business, buy a home, or raise children. Withdrawing it for those reasons would come with a tax bill and penalty, which would come off the amount they receive.

I support them using the money for purposes like those — but they'll have to get their use approved since I control the accounts.

I'll probably require an age requirement for cash distributions because I know if I were given thousands of dollars at 18, I would have spent it on something frivolous.

I want them to understand the true cost of higher education

I believe that kids should contribute to their own higher education so they value it and the opportunities it offers.

It's really easy to spend someone else's money. But I want to invest in them and their futures, not sponsor their playtime. Sure, study abroad if you can. Take a few fun classes. But I want them to progress toward that degree because auntie's money won't last forever.

I also want them to know that different schools have different price tags. The kids will know their money will go further if they take advanced placement classes in high school or earn credits at a community college, but it won't go as far at a private university.

The choice is theirs to make, and I'll be there to support them every step of the way.

• I first went to law school in Mexico, where people were more open to friendships.
• I moved to the US and enrolled in Columbia's law school, which was more expensive.
• The students were more focused on the work at Columbia, and the classes were harder.

Ever since I decided to become a lawyer, a question has lingered in my mind: Should I go to law school in my native Mexico, or should I do it in the neighboring US?

Hard work and a bit of student loan debt allowed me to experience both worlds — first in Mexico and then in the US.

I picked top-of-the-class law schools at private universities in both countries: Universidad Iberoamericana in Mexico and Columbia University in the US.

When I finished my law degree in Mexico and worked for a few years, I wanted to expand my career. The natural path to doing so as a corporate lawyer was to work in the US, which is why I decided to enroll in a US law school, fulfilling a longtime dream.

When I enrolled in the US, I was interested to see how different and how similar the experience would be to my law school in Mexico.

My law school in Mexico was cheaper

It's no secret that private education in both countries is expensive. However, in proportion, my law school in Mexico was cheaper as the cost of four years was equivalent to the cost of one year in the US.

The structural differences didn't end there. The admissions process and obtaining the degree were more challenging in the US than in Mexico. There was more paperwork, requirements, and university bureaucracy.

But these things are compensated by the higher salaries offered in the US to lawyers compared to Mexico.

Law students I met in the US generally weren't interested in making friends

Most of the best universities in Mexico are private, drastically limiting opportunities for many because of costs. But those who did get into the law school were practically guaranteed a job upon graduation, due to the elite nature of the schools.

Since we all knew we had jobs after school, my classmates had a flourishing sense of camaraderie and cooperation — rather than cutthroat competition. People were generally friendly and open because they knew their jobs after college were mostly secure.

Meanwhile, pedigree is important in the US. The type of law school you went to and how well you performed affected the type of job you scored after graduation, making my classmates in the US more competitive.

This competitive environment had a downside: It was harder to forge meaningful connections. The relentless pursuit of academic and professional success overshadowed social interactions among students. Sure, I made a lot of acquaintances and met interesting professionals, but I struggled to grab a casual lunch or have a personal conversation with someone.

People were there to be the best students and become better lawyers — not to make friends.

My classes were more engaging in the US, making them more stressful for me

Civil law is the world's most common legal system — used in most of Europe, Asia, South America, and much of Africa. However, the top three global financial hubs (New York, London, and Singapore) belong to common law countries. I won't bore you with legal explanations, but this difference is key to understanding how distinct the law school experiences were.

Mexico has a civil law system, meaning that laws are codified and structured. It's all written down. All laws and regulations were physically handed out to us to be read and memorized.

Professors gave long lectures. I had classes in which the students wouldn't even engage at all. We were there to listen, take notes, and sometimes ask questions. Most of the time, studying came only after classes and for the purpose of passing exams. There was no room for critical thinking and practical application.

The US has a common law system, meaning that laws come from uncodified case law resulting from court decisions. Due to this case-based approach, we were required to delve into a vast body of legal precedents to understand the underlying concepts and principles.

Professors used the "Socratic method," where students were called upon to discuss and analyze cases in class. We were expected to know the entire content of the class before attending it. It was quite scary and challenging, as we had to study daily, but it fostered our critical thinking and problem-solving skills.

Both law schools taught me the power of being a lawyer

If the experiences had something in common, it was the profound sense of the lawyer's role in society.

Law schools in Mexico take a more theoretical approach, while law schools in the US focus on the practical side. However, both aim to produce responsible and dedicated professionals capable of contributing positively to their respective communities. In my case, both law schools made sure we acknowledged this in order to understand how useful we can be.

Attending law school in Mexico and the US was a unique and enriching experience. If you're wondering if it's worth studying law in various countries with different legal systems, be prepared to spend time, money, and energy. But I assure you that you will be better prepared for the rat race.