California Gov. Gavin Newsom (D) said in a "Meet the Press" interview that the wildfires that have destroyed entire neighborhoods across Los Angeles could be the worst natural disaster in U.S. history "in terms of just the costs associated with it."

• That would mean eclipsing Hurricane Katrina, which devastated New Orleans and the Mississippi coastline in 2005 and caused over $200 billion in damage.

The big picture: The fires, which have now killed at least 16, are not the biggest ever recorded in the state — but they are among the most destructive.

• Thousands of homes and businesses have been razed and tens of thousands of acres have burned.
• Risk experts believe the insured losses from the fires will be greater than $20 billion, surpassing the 2018 Camp Fire's record for the biggest insured wildfire loss ever.

Context: While the LA County fires rank among the most expensive wildfires in U.S. history, they currently fall far behind other disasters.

• Hurricane Katrina killed over 1800 people and remains the most expensive natural disaster to hit the United States.
• Hurricane Harvey caused over $160 billion in damage in 2017. Over 100 people died in the storm across four states, as well as one death in Guyana.

What he's saying: Newsom said he expects there to be "a lot more" deaths counted.

• Eleven of the 16 deaths currently recorded were attributed to the Eaton fire, according to the Los Angeles medical examiner's Saturday evening update. Five were attributed to the Palisades fire.

The catastrophic fires occurred as Los Angeles prepares to play a key role in what experts are calling the U.S.' "mega decade" of sports: In upcoming years, the city will host the Super Bowl in 2027, World Cup games in 2026 and the 2028 Olympics.

• "[T]hat only reinforces the imperative in moving quickly, doing it in the spirit of collaboration and cooperation," Newsom said.
• He said the state is organizing a Marshall Plan to rebuild the region ahead of the events.

Zoom out: Beyond rebuilding communities, Newsom said he wants an independent investigation to answer questions about water supply issues highlighted by the disaster.

• Reports that firefighters found dry fire hydrants while combatting the flames sparked outrage — and an onslaught of political jabs from President-elect Trump, who claimed without evidence that the governor blocked supply to the south of the state because of fish conservation efforts.
• "This is not about finger-pointing," Newsom said. "It's about answering the questions you and everybody want answered," he said.

Go deeper: The psychological toll of California's catastrophic fires

Three of President-elect Trump's most provocative Cabinet picks have reversed key positions ahead of next week's confirmation hearings, softening their edges for an establishment they've been charged with tearing down.

Why it matters: For as powerful as MAGA has become, the Senate's confirmation process remains a significant obstacle — at least nominally — to injecting fringe beliefs directly into the heart of government.

The big picture: In the initial weeks after Trump unveiled his Cabinet picks, some establishment-minded Republicans raised red flags in the records of three picks:

• Tulsi Gabbard, tapped to lead the U.S. intelligence community, was deeply suspicious of the national security apparatus and publicly opposed Section 702 foreign surveillance authorities as a member of Congress.
• Robert F. Kennedy Jr., chosen to be secretary of the Department of Health and Human Services, falsely claimed in 2023 that the polio vaccine caused cancer that killed "many more people than polio ever did."
• Pete Hegseth, an anti-DEI stalwart picked to be defense secretary, bluntly opposed women serving in combat roles in the military.

Flash forward: All three lightning-rod picks have spent weeks meeting with senators on Capitol Hill in an effort to secure 50 votes. The results are head-spinning:

• Gabbard told Punchbowl News on Friday that she now supports the Section 702 surveillance program thanks to updated whistleblower and civil liberty protections. Just days earlier, Sen. James Lankford (R-Okla.) suggested reversing that one policy position could help her get confirmed.
• RFK Jr. told reporters on Capitol Hill last month: "I'm all for the polio vaccine." He also assured conservative senators that he will pursue anti-abortion policies at HHS, despite his past support for reproductive rights.
• Hegseth, after an early clash with Army veteran Sen. Joni Ernst (R-Iowa), said he supports "all women serving in our military today," including in combat roles. Hegseth also promised to stop drinking if confirmed, amid sordid allegations about his history with alcohol.

Reality check: Their maximalist impulses may have been tamed, but that doesn't mean Gabbard, Kennedy and Hegseth won't be able to radically transform their agencies in the way MAGA envisions.

• There's also been no indication yet that Trump's most controversial choice, Kash Patel for FBI director, will walk away from his incendiary promises to exact revenge on the president-elect's enemies.

Between the lines: Today's Republican coalition is diverse and unwieldy, and Trump's Cabinet reflects that reality.

• While some have been playing nice with senators to win confirmation, others have had to harmonize with Trump himself.
• Secretary of State pick Marco Rubio, for example, has long been a fierce critic of TikTok — but now appears to be deferring to Trump's interest in preserving the Chinese-owned app, according to Punchbowl.
• Treasury Secretary pick Scott Bessent — a former George Soros adviser who warned against the inflationary effects of tariffs just last year — will now be a key member of the economic team tasked with carrying out Trump's protectionist agenda.

What to watch: Senate Democrats are salivating at the chance to create fireworks and exploit divisions at the blockbuster confirmation hearings, which begin with Hegseth on Jan. 14.

Entire neighborhoods in Southern California have been destroyed by deadly wildfires, displacing communities that don't know what — if anything — they'll have to return to.

The big picture: Researchers have linked wildfires to long-lasting anxiety, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder in survivors, in addition to the well-documented physical toll.

• Both the loss and uncertainty surrounding wildfires are traumatic, Jeff Katzman, a Connecticut-based psychiatrist who grew up in Pacific Palisades, California, told Axios.
• "There is the lingering, not knowing status of what happened," he said. "There's the experience of loss of an entire community that has generations of meaning."

Between the lines: Like other modern tragedies, destruction in California is being shared immediately on social media.

• "There's something potentially positive about it that people who have suffered together or are in this together can connect and can share resources and can share experiences," Katzman said.
• On another level, he added, it can be "difficult to integrate" seeing so much relatable, devastating information, leading to a sense of helplessness.

Context: Research published last year found a link between wildfires and worsened mental health by analyzing psychotropic prescription data on 7 million people over an eight-year period following 25 large fires on the West Coast.

• People exposed to California's deadliest wildfire, the 2018 Camp Fire, showed greater chronic symptoms of PTSD, anxiety and depression, according to research published in 2023.
• "These findings dovetail with significant psychological impacts noted after extreme climate events," researchers wrote. "Warming temperatures have been further linked to greater suicide rates."
• Another study from last year found that wildfires are associated with increased emergency room visits for anxiety disorders in the western U.S.

State of play: Sometimes pragmatism comes before grief during a disaster like the urban wildfires, Katzman said. People might first prioritize figuring out what a return to work or school will could like, before processing the loss.

• "Like when we lose our loved ones, there's stuff to do that often shields or distracts us from the underlying experience of loss," he said. "That can be a really tender experience."
• Surviving can help people rationalize their situation, too, he said. Material objects might become secondary, but memories and all existing notions of the future are still tainted.

Zoom out: Survivors in California could even grapple with feelings that they have to move out of their home state to stay protected from future extreme weather events — which could bring upon loneliness and further instability.

• "Solastalgia" has been used to describe the chronic distress of seeing negative environmental change in one's home environment.
• "With this increase in the pace of these events, which one would imagine will keep growing, anxiety and all mental health issues will increase," Katzman said. "Mental health issues following a single event are nothing compared to an exposure to multiple events."

Case in point: Los Angeles families calling into Parents Anonymous, a nonprofit helpline, have been expressing extreme overwhelm this week, said CEO Lisa Pion-Berlin, CEO of Parents Anonymous.

• For those whose houses were destroyed, "it's not just the things in the building you lost, you lost a home," she said. "And that's a safe place where you're raising a family, where you go to relax, where you go to cry, where you go to celebrate, where you have birthday parties."
• "A home is much more than a building, a home is part of your heart, and that's been totally cut out."

Go deeper:

• L.A. infernos pose added health dangers
• How to help victims of the Los Angeles fires
• Los Angeles County fires' destruction shown in before and after images

• 22-year-old Tabitha Snavely evacuated her apartment ahead of the Palisades wildfire.
• Snavely, who works multiple jobs, said many in her building were blue-collar workers or older people.
• She evacuated to her parents' house and told BI she needs to find a new place to live that is closer to work.

This as-told-to essay is based on interviews with Tabitha Snavely, a 22-year-old living in the Palisades. Her identity and employment has been verified by Business Insider. This story has been edited for length and clarity.

I'm 22 years old, and I live alone in a rented medium-sized apartment building in the Palisades. I've lived in California my whole life so this isn't my first time dealing with a fire.

On Tuesday night, I woke up to the alert of an evacuation. I had about 45 minutes to pack and feed my dog really quickly because I didn't know when we'd be in a safe area. As I was packing up, I started smelling smoke in my unit. As soon as I started smelling the smoke, I was like, "OK, I need to leave now."

I threw some clothes in a suitcase, grabbed my dog, loaded up my car, and started driving. I grabbed everything that I had the instinct to get out in an emergency, like my phone, laptop, some clothes.

When I pulled out of the parking garage, I could see so much smoke and then hundreds of cars trying to get out. Luckily, I am closer to the Pacific Coast Highway, so I was able to get out pretty quick.

I evacuated to San Diego. My family thought it was a better idea for me to evacuate here with them than to go to a friend's in Santa Monica or Hollywood because as the fire keeps growing, more people seem to keep getting evacuated.

The aftermath

I saw on the Watch Duty app on Wednesday that my apartment building was in a bright red zone — indicating it was in the path of the fire. My unit specifically is tucked away on the inside of the building, so I was hoping that not everything in my unit was demolished.

I planned to check on it over the weekend. Now, I've seen news footage showing my street and buildings that burned, including my apartment building.

Everything I left behind may now be gone: photos, books, my college diploma. I had my great-grandmother's quilt that she made for me before she passed away. I also had a set of plates and mugs that my grandma gave to me when she died. A lot of my things are thrifted or are hand-me-downs so they're not easily replaceable.

At the same time, my parents are selling their house, so the place I could stay for evacuation, although it isn't close to my job, is very temporary. I feel like a floater with nowhere to go because I don't want to impose on my friends too long without a secure plan for where to go.

A lot of my friends live in Santa Monica, Brentwood, or Malibu, and they have been starting to get evacuated now, but some of them have been able to return to their homes.

I'm close with a lot of the older people who have lived in the Palisades for decades. I would hang out with them at the coffee shops for hours. I don't know how any of them are doing because many of them only have home phones and not cellphones.

I have a hard time feeling at home, but this apartment finally felt like home. I loved everything about it.

It's not only wealthy people living in the Palisades

I know also that a lot of people think that the Palisades is very wealthy, but I don't feel rich. I have multiple jobs. A lot of the people in my building are blue-collar workers, and there are a lot of older people in the Palisades.

I work at a coconut water company, which allowed me to work remotely for the next week before returning in person. I also am a personal assistant for someone who owns a film production company, which also gave me the week off.

Luckily, I have renter's insurance, but I don't know where I will be living. Airbnb has offered a free week to people who have lost their homes, but I filled out the form and haven't heard anything back yet.

I have friends who have offered their couches for me to sleep on while I figure out what to do next, but I still do not have a definitive plan because I've been so scatterbrained since the fire evacuation alert woke me up.

I think we need to keep more compassion alive at this time because online, I've been seeing a lot of people say that the Palisades is very rich and they can all just afford to rebuild.

No one deserves to lose their home.

Climate change — particularly whiplash between two wet winters followed by a bone-dry, unusually hot spring, summer and fall — set the stage for Los Angeles' deadly and devastating fires, scientists say.

• The firestorm was the product of what climate researchers refer to as "hydroclimate whiplash."
• Other factors include one of the worst Santa Ana wind events of the past two decades; land use patterns; and sparks set off by power lines, car engines, suspected arsonists and other potential ignition sources.

Why it matters: Whatever the source, it's clear a changing climate made the fires more ferocious, long-lasting and destructive, as has been the trend across the West in recent decades.

Threat level: Though winds are no longer as strong, the overall conditions that led to the extraordinary rates of fire spread haven't abated.

• That may only come with significant rainfall, which currently isn't in sight.

Zoom in: Hydroclimate whiplash occurs when one extreme precipitation regime is replaced by another.

• In this case, extremely wet conditions are followed almost immediately by parched weather patterns, typically accompanied by above average temperatures.
• This leads to a green up of vegetation that then dries out through evaporation, leading to ample "fuels" for a blaze to burn.
• The strong winds — which reached 99 mph in some locations — acted as an "atmospheric blow dryer" on trees and other vegetation, further drying out the landscape and ensuring any fire wouldn't stay small for long, UCLA climate scientist Daniel Swain said in an online video briefing.

Stunning stat: In downtown Los Angeles, just 0.16 inches of rain has fallen since May 6, compared to the average of greater than 4 inches, per the National Weather Service.

• This is the city's second-driest May 6 to Dec 31 period on record, according to the National Weather Service's Los Angeles forecast office.
• No rain is in the forecast through early next week, with one Santa Ana event diminishing this morning, and another potentially strong one forecast for early in the coming week.

Zoom out: The see-saw pattern between wet and dry periods isn't new for Californians. But these swings are becoming acute — and not just in the Golden State.

• A new study published last week shows these swings are becoming more of a trigger for wildfires, floods and drought globally.
• In the study, scientists refer to an increasingly "expanding atmospheric sponge," since the atmosphere is able to evaporate, absorb and release 7% more water vapor for every 1°C (1.8°F) that the temperature increases.

In other words, the atmosphere gets more thirsty as the climate warms, drawing more moisture from plants, and leading to more days with extreme fire weather conditions.

• This analogy captures the atmosphere's ability to absorb a larger and larger amount of water vapor as temperatures increase, and wring out more and more water due to such temperature changes.
• Data shows this whiplash effect has increased by between 31% to 66% globally since the mid-20th century, and that the rate of increase is speeding up.

Between the lines: If global average temperatures increase by about 3°C (5.4°F) — which is currently likely — then the whiplash effect will more than double in its intensity.

• "Increasing hydroclimate whiplash may turn out to be one of the more universal global changes on a warming Earth," Swain said in a statement.
• Though the rare, powerful winds are fanning the blazes, it's the whiplash-driven lack of rain that has trapped Southern California in a seemingly never-ending fire season.
• In addition to the increased thirstiness of the atmosphere and see-sawing from floods to droughts and back again, studies show that climate change is increasing the odds that windy periods occurring deeper into the traditional "rainy season" will overlap with extreme dryness.
• This overlap is another crucial tie between the ongoing California fires and long-term, human-caused climate change.

The intrigue: Land management, the use of prescribed burns and expanding building in fire-prone areas have also contributed to this wildfire nightmare. But climate change is a large, and growing factor.

• "Whether we like it or not, the nature of wildfire in Southern California is changing and we must adapt accordingly," said UCLA climate scientist Alex Hall in a statement.
• "That will involve some frank conversations about the tradeoffs involved in improving our strategies to reduce ignitions, improve stewardship of our unique chaparral landscapes to reduce impacts, and protect human life and property."

The bottom line: Climate change didn't provide the spark that caused each of these catastrophic fires in LA County. But it's making such fires worse.

• China has been busy lately showcasing its military might and hybrid warfare tactics.
• The moves come ahead of Trump's return to the White House this month.
• Its activities highlight China's ambitions and intentions and the challenge it poses.

Since the 2024 US presidential election, China has been surprisingly busy with overt and covert displays of might that represent a challenge for the US, both the current and incoming administrations.

China, long identified as the Pentagon's "pacing challenge," has flexed new military capabilities, increased pressure on US allies and partners, and engaged in hybrid warfare in cyberspace.

Over the past couple of months, suspected next-generation Chinese combat aircraft have appeared, China's navy has launched new warships, the Chinese military simulated a naval blockade of Japan for the first time and carried out massive drills near Taiwan, the US has blamed Chinese hackers for major hacks of the Treasury Department and telecommunications firms, and concerns have been raised about China's involvement in damage to critical undersea infrastructure.

Some of Beijing's recent actions might be "part of a long-term strategy to shape a new (or returning) administration's approach to China and deter external support for Taiwan," Matthew Funaiole, a senior fellow with the China Power Project at the Center for Strategic and International Studies, told Business Insider.

China has been flexing its military muscles in a big way

China deployed around 90 of its navy and coast guard vessels around Taiwan, as well as southern Japanese islands, for a large-scale exercise, Taiwan said in December. Beijing didn't announce anything ahead of time and hasn't acknowledged it as a military drill.

Taiwan recorded over 60 incursions into its air defense identification zone and said Chinese forces were simulating attacks on foreign ships and disrupting the navigation of others.

The exercise was China's largest since the 1996 Taiwan Strait Crisis. It followed Taiwanese President Lai Ching-te's visit to several Pacific partners, which Beijing condemned, and came ahead of Trump's return to the White House. China routinely ramps up demonstrations of military power at symbolically important times for both international and domestic audiences.

Giselle Donnelly, a senior fellow in defense and national security policy at the American Enterprise Institute, said that the timing of these exercises "is more than coincidence," not unlike Russian President Vladimir Putin's efforts over the last few months to put pressure on Ukraine before Trump takes office and US aid to Kyiv faces an uncertain future.

Chinese leadership may see exercises like this as a way to "get an early read" on the incoming Trump administration's approach to US-Chinese politics, she added.

In December, China also held military exercises resembling a naval blockade in the Miyako Strait between Japan's main island and Miyako Island, Japanese officials told The Yomiuri Shimbun, which reported the news earlier this month.

And just before ringing in 2025, China announced its air and naval forces were conducting combat readiness patrols around the Scarborough Shoal, a disputed area in the South China Sea near the Philippines that was the site of heightened and repeated confrontations between Beijing and Manila last year. Chinese vessels were accused of harassing Philippine ships, in some cases ramming them and blasting crews with water.

China has unveiled new capabilities

In November, China unveiled advanced aircraft at its Zhuhai Airshow, including the J-35A land-based stealth fighter. The Chinese developer hailed the fifth-gen jet's stealth, informationization, and networking capabilities, calling it a "point guard" for Chinese airpower — similar to how the F-35 stealth fighter has been referred to as a "quarterback" by Lockheed Martin and the US military.

The next month, however, China surprised Chinese aviation watchers with what observers suspect are prototypes of next-generation aircraft. The Pentagon said in its latest Chinese military power report that Beijing is developing new medium- and long-range stealth bombers to strike regional and global targets." It's unclear if the aircraft, which were flown in broad daylight, are part of those efforts.

China also launched the warship CNS Sichuan, China's first Type 076, and the world's largest amphibious assault vessel — an upgrade from China's Type 075 warship. The large ship features an electromagnetic catapult system for launching and retrieving fixed-wing and unmanned aircraft.

For several years now, the US Department of Defense has noted China's growing navy, already the world's largest, and shipbuilding prowess, as the industrial juggernaut churns out new vessels.

China has been called out for dangerous cyber activity

Washington has accused Chinese actors of engaging in major hacks lately.

Just before the new year, the Treasury revealed that suspected Chinese state-sponsored hackers had breached its systems and were able to "access certain unclassified documents" from department workstations. The department said it was working "fully characterize the incident and determine its overall impact."

The hack followed the discovery of a yearslong breach by China of US telecommunications companies. Top targets of the hack included Trump, his pick for vice president, J.D. Vance, and current VP Kamala Harris. Washington linked this hack to an incident involving Microsoft last summer. Lawmakers have expressed concern that encrypted calls and texts may no longer be secure.

White House Deputy national security advisor Anne Neuberger said that data belonging to millions of Americans was likely compromised by the hack and noted the US doesn't believe these hackers have been "fully removed" from targeted systems. 

Chinese actors are also believed to have accessed the Justice Department's list of wiretapped phone numbers related to potential espionage crimes. There have long been concerns about China's hybrid warfare and its potential for systems destruction warfare in a crisis situation.

China has also been accused of sabotaging undersea cables near Taiwan and been linked to an incident in the Baltic Sea. Experts and officials have assessed the efforts are in line with the larger hybrid warfare tactics employed by Beijing.

Over the past two months, China has showcased capabilities and engaged in actions that represent potential challenges for the US and its allies and partners. These are issues the incoming Trump administration will continue to face.

And it isn't China alone. US and other Western officials have increasingly expressed alarm at cooperation between China, Russia, Iran, and North Korea, all of which have been stepping up their efforts to confront the US-led world order.

• I get manicures every month, and I prefer structured nails when I don't do extensions.
• I spent $110 on a structured Gel-X set, which included soft builder gel, nail art, and cuticle oil.
• I liked the low maintenance of this manicure, and it lasted four weeks.

For most of 2024, I tested several different types of manicures, from Japanese and Russian to intricately painted press-ons and at-home gel. By the end of the year, I was thrilled to be going back to basics with my go-to Chicago nail tech.

For this appointment, I opted for a $110 structured Gel-X manicure with some added artistic flair.

A structured manicure is similar to a regular gel set, except there's an extra layer of soft or hard gel to build up your natural nail before applying the polish. This layer creates an apex, making for a stronger foundation that lessens the likelihood of breakage.

With nail health and manicure longevity at the top of my priorities list, here's how it went.

It was nice to return to my usual nail artists.

After months of experimental manicures, I went back to my usual licensed nail tech, Teresa "Tere" Rodriguez, a Chicago-based artist who specializes in gel extensions and structured manicures.

I get manicures once a month, which can really put a gamble on my nail health. I adore long, heavily decorated nails, but those tend to be more damaging — especially when I break one.

Whenever I'm looking for a break from extensions, I opt for structured manicures to (hopefully) better protect my nail health.

Plus, I like that they typically last three to four weeks as opposed to the standard two to three.

The manicure prep followed a pretty simple process.

Based on Rodriguez's website options, I booked a "Tier 3 Extra Intermediate" appointment for 6:30 p.m. That level included charms, textures, and nail art.

Rodriguez started the appointment by prepping my nails and conducting cuticle care like any standard manicure.

Next came the builder gel.

Once the nails were prepped, Rodriguez followed up by applying a slip layer, which is a thin layer of builder gel. They then added a thicker layer of soft builder gel, which created a solid apex.

After the builder came a base layer of black gel polish.

I opted for a flashy gold design.

I sent Rodriguez inspiration images for my manicure a week before my appointment. The main theme was gold glamor with lots of gemstones.

Since I'm only working with the size of my actual nail beds (as opposed to longer extensions), I had to be picky about the size, shape, and color I wanted the gemstones to be.

Rodriguez got to work adding 3D effects and rubbing gold chrome on top of the black gel on each nail. They then hand-placed a gemstone on nearly every open spot and secured them by curing the gel under the lamp.

Before curing each nail, the tech made sure I was happy with the design, which I really appreciated.

The set took about two hours in total.

With prep work, builder gel, curing, and designing, I knew I was in for the long haul.

Rodriguez and I usually chat to pass the time during the appointment, but they also offer silent appointment options, where clients can listen to a podcast or watch a show instead of talking.

I like to be involved in the design process of each nail, which can be time-consuming, so I wasn't surprised when my phone read 8:30 p.m. as Rodriguez applied cuticle oil to my finished nails.

After four weeks, I thought my nails still looked pretty decent.

Overall, I enjoyed how low-maintenance this set was. Although I feel more confident with long nails, I took comfort in the fact that I didn't have to worry much about breakage.

After four weeks, my manicure was still holding up — with the exception of a few wayward gemstones, which can be chalked up to my hands-on lifestyle. Because of the gold base, the missing gems didn't put much of a dent in the overall aesthetic.

Luckily, I didn't think the grow-out was too bad, which ultimately saved me money because I could skip a mid-month appointment. However, I was really interested in the health of my nails under the gel.

When I got the set removed, my nails looked a little thin but not as flimsy as I anticipated.

I wouldn't use a structured gel manicure as a way to grow out my natural nails, but I think it's great for low-maintenance upkeep.

• My daughter graduated from college and moved by herself.
• Still, as her mom, I can only think of the worst-case scenarios.
• As an empty nester, I feel a bit pushed to the side by her, and at the same time, I get it.

This past year, my now 22-year-old daughter graduated from college, moved out, and (in not so many words) told me she was fine on her own; thank you very much.

Of course, we all want our kids to fly the nest. We pray that they are strong, independent, and self-sufficient. Mine is all of the above and more; I marvel at her strength, determination, and resiliency — not to mention her ability to navigate the New York City subway system.

Still, my worry when she was a child and prone to skinned knees is nothing compared to how much I worry today.

I jump to worst-case scenarios

My mind imagines only the worst-case scenarios whenever she fails to answer a call or text. I send her cautionary news on Instagram and cringe when she and her boyfriend fly at odd hours into odd airports, seemingly to save money but also to give me a bleeding ulcer.

As she outlines their trip to Iceland, I bite my tongue and zone out somewhere between "climbing glaciers" and "exploring ice caves." For her 21st birthday, she went skydiving. I called my therapist, begging for her to prescribe me Valium. Instead, we agreed it was OK if I simply did some day drinking until I heard that she was back on solid ground. Did I mention she also recently scaled the side of a skyscraper and went axe-throwing?

I know my born-and-bred New York offspring has street smarts and can balance her own checkbook. Another bit of reassurance I have is that her boyfriend is skilled in martial arts and would hurl himself in front of a Marvel villain to protect her.

I just need to trust that she will Google what she doesn't know if she won't ask me. But resisting the urge to interfere takes nerves of steel. I freak out or offer advice a bit too emphatically: "No! You can't eat week-old salmon! No! You can't microwave tin foil! Yes! You need to wash your sheets once a week!" I weigh in when not asked for my viewpoint — it's a force of habit.

I have to let her grow

I know her better than she knows herself. I know what items she would order on a menu, what shoes would go with that dress, and what Netflix shows she would love. I want to spare her the pain of making mistakes and missing out, but I realize that will not allow her to grow.

So, instead, I resort to sending my suggestions in texts or DMs — that way, she can ignore them if she chooses. But I secretly rejoice every time she responds or "hearts" one. I feel appreciated and acknowledged as a member of her inner circle, though I am clearly on the outside looking in. To be left "unopened" is brutal, a crushing blow to my mom heart. But I know I need to get over it — or at least pretend not to be hurt.

My husband is much more hands-off, saying things like, "If she misses her flight because she leaves only an hour to get to the airport, she'll learn." But will she? Will she actually self-correct without me there to whisper in her ear? When, of course, she does, part of me wants to jump for joy, while the other part is a little sad. Does that mean I'm no longer needed?

As empty nesters, this next part of parenthood is tricky and treacherous. I feel a little bit like nearly-expired milk pushed to the back of the supermarket shelf. But I know this is how it's supposed to go. You raise them to let them go.

All of this is new and scary and fraught with emotion (and often, tears), not unlike her baby and toddler years. Sometimes, my heart aches like someone has torn a piece out of it. But I have adjusted these past 12 months, trying to give my daughter space and grace and myself the same. Like my now all-grown-up child, I will find my strength and balance — one small baby step at a time.